Wedding Etiquette Forum

Etiquette for "celebration of marriage" parties??

Hello! We're having a wedding ceremony and reception in a relatively accessible place for where our family members/friends live. In fact, we're probably going to have 85-90 people out of the 125 we invited, which is quite a bit for DW I think! We decided to have a destination wedding because we wanted a smaller wedding, which we sort of got. Anyways, so my fiances parents invited about 16 of their friends (all of which are coming, and this actually led to me and my fiance having to cut some of ours due to venue size, but that's a different story!) Now my fiances parents are talking about having another party when we get back (they live in a different city) for their friends that were NOT invited to the wedding. I feel like this is kind of rude to a) their friends who will feel like b-listers and b) my parents, who are throwing us a lovely wedding. Obviously, I would never argue about this with FMIL and would put on a smile and attend, but I can't help but feel like this is a tiered reception and uncomfortable with the whole thing. Is this improper etiquette to have a party like this?? 

Re: Etiquette for "celebration of marriage" parties??

  • Their actually is a long standing tradition of a groom's family holding a second reception. when the wedding and initial reception were held a great distance away. Until fairly recently most people did not travel great distances for a 1day event, so when bride and groom came from different areas often only the groom's immediate family, or just parents wo go to the bride's hometown ceremony.

    A reception for family, friends and neighbors to celebrate your marriage is perfectly okay.

    Many people still have a bride's family engagement dinner or party and another with grooms family, and a shower held by MOG for family and friends in their locale in addition to any wedding party or bride's family showers.

    The only time I have ever heard such a groom's family hosted second reception considered in bad taste is if there is no distance issue.

    Then it comes off as 2 families who are not civil enough to work together on one, when they live close together.
  • You are right. This would be very rude to your FILs' friends. Since it's not merely your discomfort and your MIL's comfort we're talking about, you can't just acquiesce - tell her you will be unable to participate. Explain why if need be or if you think that'll go over okay.
  • This should not be considered a second wedding reception for the uninvited, with gifts and wedding cake and fancy wedding clothes.

    It is a presentation of an already married couple.

    The term reception is not just for weddings. It is a social term for a planned gathering, whether for a president or political person, the new college president, to show off a newly built building, for people who have lived abroad for a couple of years and now have returned, OR to present a couple married some distance away.
    It is not in any way any part of the wedding. That is over with.
  • tra17722 said:
    Hello! We're having a wedding ceremony and reception in a relatively accessible place for where our family members/friends live. In fact, we're probably going to have 85-90 people out of the 125 we invited, which is quite a bit for DW I think! We decided to have a destination wedding because we wanted a smaller wedding, which we sort of got. Anyways, so my fiances parents invited about 16 of their friends (all of which are coming, and this actually led to me and my fiance having to cut some of ours due to venue size, but that's a different story!) Now my fiances parents are talking about having another party when we get back (they live in a different city) for their friends that were NOT invited to the wedding. I feel like this is kind of rude to a) their friends who will feel like b-listers and b) my parents, who are throwing us a lovely wedding. Obviously, I would never argue about this with FMIL and would put on a smile and attend, but I can't help but feel like this is a tiered reception and uncomfortable with the whole thing. Is this improper etiquette to have a party like this?? 

    MobKaz said:
    It is absolutely improper to invite uninvited guests to something like this. Please do not "put on a smile" and attend. Simply explain to her that you are unable to find the time to attend such an event, or be truthful and explain why you would be uncomfortable. Perhaps this summer she can have a casual, non wedding related BBQ for her friends to meet the newlyweds.
    I'm with @MobKaz  
  • I think having a celebration or reception is fine, as long as it isn't the re-enactment of the wedding. No vows, introducing the Bride and Groom, wearing of a wedding dress, or having "firsts" of anything- you can have cake and dance all you want, but it's not the "first" for these things. 
  • I think if it's a "Hey, come meet our new daughter-in-law" party, you're fine.  But if they think of it as a wedding reception, you have to have a conversation with someone.
  • It's always ok to have a party, but I would still feel like this was a consolation prize for people who didn't make the guest list. People who aren't invited to the wedding shouldn't be invited to wedding related events, and I don't see how this is anything but a wedding event.

    I'd tell MIL I was not comfortable with this and decline the party. If you do accept, insist that she not try to make it a wedding do over. 
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