Just A Little Bumbed

lace&lemons

Back story,

We've been dating ten months. We've gone ring shopping so he can get an idea of what I want. At every store he picked the ring I fell in love with so I have no worries about him picking it. He says it'll be next year but I told him I don't want to know exactly when. There's a "plan" that some friends are in on but I said I want to know nothing and be surprised when it happens. 

We've started planning the wedding but only a handful of people are involved so that we can still have our surprise. Since we want to get married next October we had to go ahead and book a venue. All the venues in my area that we were interested in (ie big enough) have already booked all their Saturdays in October so we had to book a Sunday.

Lately,

I think he's been getting excited it's so soon. He's been dropping hints even though I've asked him not to. I think after our talk last night he'll stop. I'm just bummed that I already know so much.

He randomly hinted two months ago that when he shaves his beard, that will be the day. So I guessed it would be New Years since we're getting all dressed up and going to dinner. But apparently he was texting with my best friend about the plan and I read really fast. It was an accident but I saw the message say it won't be on New Year's "anymore." So that means I was right.

Well I guess my best friend told him I was getting flustered trying not to get excited and plan everything because last night he tried to reassure me. But instead upset me more by telling me more of the plan. I now know it will be after New Year's and before our anniversary on Feb 8th.

I KNOW that I should just be excited. And I really am. I can't wait to see the ring he picked out and finally tell EVERYONE that I'm marrying the sweetest man in the world. So I'm just venting. I'll wallow for a minute and then wait in anticipation everyday leading to Feb 8th. But for right now, I'm just a little bummed.

mrscaty

Even if you know when it will be, it will still be wonderful. I knew my proposal was coming, and I just went with it. It was so special because he worked really hard to make it that way. Tell him you don't want to know any more about it, but don't feel bummed about what you already know. You have no idea what he's going to say and how it's going to be done. Just try to relax and enjoy the excitement.

porkchops926

I get that you have this idea of a proposal that you want to be a surprise, and I get that you're bummed because of him filling you in so much, so I'm sorry you're bummed. But the fact that you're already planning the wedding before the actual proposal kinda takes the surprise out of it no matter when it happens. 

Still, I think you need to concentrate on the fact that you will be getting engaged to the guy you love, and who obviously cares the most about you. He's probably filling you in because he can't contain himself. Which is sweet. 

My proposal wasn't that much of a surprise, I knew he was shopping, I knew when he bought it even though he didn't mean for me to, because a receipt was mailed to the house. I fantasized about a perfect proposal that was a grand affair where I looked great and we were out in public and I would be shocked and awed at the surprise. So what happened? He proposed on the couch, in our pajamas watching TV after I had made him a sausage egg and cheese. But you know what? I don't care. It wasn't a surprise, it wasn't a crazy movie story, but it's out proposal story and it is special because of that. 

Don't be too sad. You're getting engaged to an awesome guy. Who cares how it happens or when?

lace&lemons

That really helps actually. I sometimes forget that he's just like me. We can't resist telling each other EVERYTHING.

AddieCake

I don't get this. You have picked out rings. You have started planning the wedding. You know the "proposal" is coming, so there is no real reason, in my opinion, to be bummed that you think you're finding out too much and too soon about the "proposal" you know is coming. And I say "proposal" b/c once you've started planning a wedding, which you have done, you're already engaged.  I know I'm being a downer, but I just never understand the need for these "surprise proposals" AFTER you have started planning a wedding. 

ohmrs2014

If your already planning a wedding and booked a venue, then I say (as would most of Knotties) your already engaged so congrats and welcome!!!

I understand that most girls have the idea of the perfect proposal in their heads (thank you pinterest), but life doesn't always play out like that.  Just enjoy the moment, regardless of how it plays out and happy planning! 

bethsmiles

If it was so super important that the proposal be a surprise maybe you shouldn't have already booked a venue and started planning a wedding. Just a thought.

lyndausvi

You have already booked a venue.  You are engaged.  Congrats.

My DH told me in February on a dirt smelly work loading dock he asked off for the time off in July to met my parents and get engaged.   

Umm, okay?  Then I started designing my own ring with a diamond his mom (who I had not met yet either) sent to him..  So by the time July came around I considered myself engaged even though I didn't have the ring on yet.  

 I did a lot of eye rolling because my DH insisted on meeting my parents first.  Which made no sense, because it's not like we wouldn't still be getting married if they didn't like him, but it was really important to him so I just went with it.

  My point is even thought I considered myself engaged, knew about the ring and exactly when I was going to finally get to wear the ring it was still a special day.     I say just go with the flow.

Weesh

My husband and I talked about getting married and told our immediate families.  I knew my husband had purchased a ring, but by the time he bought it, we had already selected a venue and hired several vendors.  We had a specific date in mind that was a year and a half out, but we wanted to ensure that we had our venue and the date.  We checked with our VIPs about the date and I considered myself engaged, but I kept it very quiet.  I really enjoyed that time with my then-fiance and my family, and he gave me the ring a month later.

I decided to keep it quiet because I didn't want a million questions, and honestly, my husband wasn't ready to share the news until I was wearing a ring.  It wasn't necessarily the material value of the ring, but he knew that people would ask questions as to why I wasn't wearing something.  He wanted to do things on his and our terms.  I enjoyed the time with him before we shared the news and our planning was out in the open, but there were a few moments where I felt similarly-and wondered what he was waiting for.  In the end and looking back, it didn't matter and I feel silly for being upset about it.  

Don't beat yourself up--enjoy the time with your fiance and planning together.  My husband's "proposal" with the ring was still a surprise and very special, even though we had made plans.  

climbingsingle

I really don't get this. You picked out a ring and are planning a wedding. You're engaged. What do you need to be surprised about?

wandajune6

I don't understand it either.

We picked out my ring together. We paid for it together. Asking was a formality- we already decided. It seems like you're already engaged.

mikenberger

Lol you really need to lay off watching the jewelry commercials. Your expectation level is ridiculous and unnecessary.

phira

Yeah, I'm also confused as to how you're booking vendors if you don't consider yourself engaged.

My engagement wasn't a surprise. We picked a day, put on our rings, went out to dinner, and had some fun "ENGAGED YAY" sex when we got home. It was amazing.

ohannabelle

I think this is not worth getting upset about. Not even the smallest tiniest bit.

kaitlynmichelle

I knew when my H was going to propose, he still caught me off guard on the day but I knew it was about to happen. Didn't ruin it at all.

Also if you have a date and vendors... really, you're planning a wedding so you are engaged. You don't need a ring to be engaged, and you don't need an over the top proposal. If he still wants to make a gesture with it, cool. But this isn't worth the stress!

CMGragain

You want a surprise proposal?  Why?
I had a REALsurprise proposal.  DH and I had known each other for 9 years, and had dated in high school.  He moved 1100 miles away for his job.  He was visiting his parents and came to see me.  We were together for two days.  He sent me an airplane ticket to fly and visit him for another four days.  On the second day of my visit, he proposed, without a ring.  I had no clue that he was that serious.  It was a bolt out of the blue.
His proposal was practical, not really romantic, but very sincere.  I was mature enough not to fret over romantic nonsense, and appreciate his sense of commitment, integrity and sincerity.  We have been married 38 years.

mrscomposer

I understand being bummed, but this is adult-ing, not Disney.

We decided we were going to get married in May - but J hadn't met my family yet, so he didn't "propose" and give me a ring.  We were planning our wedding when we went to visit my family at the beginning of July.

After we got back, we were only going to get to see each other on the Thursday of that week, since I was working nights.  I knew it was going to be that day, and by George, I was right.  While I knew it was coming, I didn't know how it was going to happen, and that was surprise enough for me. 

It'll be just fine.

sophhabobopha

I didn't get a 'proposal'. Fi and I decided to be engaged, and ordered a ring off of Etsy. Boom, done.

I don't understand wanting to be surprised with a major life decision.

novella1186

The most important thing to you seems to be booking the venue for the date you wanted, which you already have, and that trumped the importance of the surprise proposal. So good, you got the thing you wanted most.

Thinking you need this huge romantic show where you gasp and are all "omg I didn't see this coming!" is just not necessary, and doesn't work for everyone, and is now unrealistic of you to expect, because your wedding plans are quite solidly in the works already.

I didn't get the proposal I thought I would get. In fact, my FI had made several big romantic plans which would have been pretty epic but I inadvertently ruined them all because I didn't get it. Finally out of desperation he proposed in the car parked outside of a restaurant. I was so caught off guard that I thought he was joking, so I jokingly said no. It wasn't the reaction I imagined myself having and I'm sure it's not the reaction he was expecting. There was no photographer to capture it all, or a crying cheering crowd of our friends and family, or a huge show, or any of the dramatic bs you see in the movies. But it was sweet and memorable and wonderful for us, in our own way, and I love telling the story.

It's still special, even if it's not the classic Hallmark moment. Just do you. 

ETF: words

charlottesmom0626

I feel like my own story is very similar to PPs.

 Let's state facts here: 

You picked out rings 

You booked (paid for?) things for your wedding 

You picked a wedding date 

 So you knew you wanted to marry this person and he wants to marry you. That's amazing, and important. 

Why on earth would you not want to be sure of that? You really wanted to be like "oh my god I had no idea this was coming I'm completely surprised because we haven't talked about this or planned for it at all" 

I personally feel no one should be surprised. Everyone should have a talk with their significant other to discuss a future marriage. Then logistics and real life kick in. 

Sure in the movies these people have no conversations about if they could make a marriage work: and yet he picks the perfect ring and she's so happy she says yes. 

Honestly if someone proposed to me and we hadn't planned it, I would be shocked and probably not happy about it or ready to make a lifetime commitment. 

Be happy in whatever he plans to do for you, because it will be a special moment.

Edit: paragraphs

lyndausvi

I don't think it's inherently wrong  wanting to be surprised, I just think it pretty silly to book a venue and then thing you should still be surprised.     

 The being surprised ship passed as soon as you picked the date and booked the venue.

lace&lemons

I really don't think most of you understood what I said at all. That's ok though. A couple of people did and their responses really helped me better understand why I'm feeling this way. So thank you and Merry Christmas everyone!

afox007

lyndausvi said:

You have already booked a venue.  You are engaged.  Congrats.

My DH told me in February on a dirt smelly work loading dock he asked off for the time off in July to met my parents and get engaged.   

Umm, okay?  Then I started designing my own ring with a diamond his mom (who I had not met yet either) sent to him..  So by the time July came around I considered myself engaged even though I didn't have the ring on yet.  

 I did a lot of eye rolling because my DH insisted on meeting my parents first.  Which made no sense, because it's not like we wouldn't still be getting married if they didn't like him, but it was really important to him so I just went with it.

  My point is even thought I considered myself engaged, knew about the ring and exactly when I was going to finally get to wear the ring it was still a special day.     I say just go with the flow.

This is basically us. FI and I had decided to get married and were starting to plan about a year ago. There was never any proposal, he got me a promise ring as a place holder until he finally got "the real" ring.

When I first came here I realized very quickly even without te big proposal I was still very much engaged. FI still wants to officially ask with a ring, but I've told him well be just as married at the end whether he does it or not.

theartistformerlyknownas

Surprise proposals are great when they're really surprises. But I think you're being really selfish in your micromanaging of the surprise - what about how your BF feels? Isn't he allowed to just express what he's feeling without worrying that his excitement will "ruin it" for you? Or plan his proposal on his terms without this build up you've created? You've created so much pressure over something that DOESN'T MATTER because you already know you're getting married.

hellohkb

I kept reading this as "Just a little bombed". I think you may actually need a drink to decompress and think this over. You already started planning a wedding and looked at rings. Be happy that you have that, because it's an exciting time in your life!. I barely remember my proposal because FH woke me up early in the morning because he was "excited" to propose and I am not a morning person. I got over it because, YAY I am engaged to the love of my life. As long as you have your FI by your side, that's all that matters.

raissyrais

It doesn't sound much of a surprise proposal to me since you already know you're about to be proposed to. So...

lc07

I watched this cool thing somewhere on the webisphere yesterday about a girl who is 24 and has a business making winter coats that turn into sleeping bags and then back into coats for homeless people. Bum beds. (I don't think all homeless people are bums for the record. I watched that video, too.)

fwtx5815

My proposal was technically supposed to be a surprise but I saw it coming a mile away. We had already looked at rings and he told me approximately when he'd actually have it in his hands. He planned a super romantic night in the middle of the summer (we don't have any birthdays/celebrations/milestones in the summer - dead giveaway) and you know what? I was still so overcome with emotion that I had to excuse myself to the ladies' room after he proposed so I could calm down and get some tissues.

Whether or not you know it's coming is so insignificant (as long as you're on the same page about marriage). Just try to appreciate the fact that you've found your person

novella1186

lace&lemons said:

I really don't think most of you understood what I said at all. That's ok though. A couple of people did and their responses really helped me better understand why I'm feeling this way. So thank you and Merry Christmas everyone!

Yes because every time we say anything other than what the OP wants to hear, we just don't get it. 

ETF: words. 

ashley8918

novella1186 said:

lace&lemons said:

I really don't think most of you understood what I said at all. That's ok though. A couple of people did and their responses really helped me better understand why I'm feeling this way. So thank you and Merry Christmas everyone!

Yes because every time we say anything other than what the OP wants to her, we just don't get it. 

Clearly, the majority of us lack reading comprehension skills.

princessleia22

You are already planning the wedding and have a venue booked... you are already engaged, even if you don't have the ring yet.  And how can you have a "surprise proposal" when you already know it's coming? You need to focus on what you do have (an awesome guy that is trying hard to accommodate your silly, big surprise proposal desire, which is probably super stressful on him) and not get all worked up over how or when it happens. 

No matter how or when he "proposes", it will be awesome and meaningful.  My DH proposed to me in the parking lot at Disney World... he had planned on doing it in front of the castle, or during the fireworks, in some big romantic gesture, but something happened each time to screw it up... so while we were waiting for the shuttle to our hotel, he decided to just do it... and it was perfect.  Did I always imagine my dream proposal to be in a parking lot? No. But, it was still awesome and perfect.

Just forget about it and let it happen.  And remember that if you have the right person, the proposal will be perfect no matter how it happens.