virtual hugs, please?

lyndausvi

Back in 1999 my parents sent out a letter.     They went on about how my sister and SIL each had a son  days apart.  About how my sister's, SIL1's and SIL2's daughters (all born within 2 months of each other) are doing great.    How the oldest grandchild was doing. How sister moved into a new house, brothers did something great too.  How my parents moving somewhere or buying their beach house.  

Anyway, then it said "and Lynda is still in the islands."

Sadly I feel like it's a rite of passage of kids who have parents who send out these kids of updates.   

Chin up.  You will get top billing at some point.  I eventually did.   Or sort-of, really DH got top billing.  It's amazing how much they love him. 

novella1186

ShesSoCold said:

novella1186 said:

ShesSoCold said:

holyguacamole79 said:

I received my parents' Xmas card in the mail today. It was cute, but it had a note that really hurt. They said that it has been a banner year for them, and the high points of the year were my sister's wedding and the news that she is pregnant with their first grandchild. That's great ... and there are still two other "kids"in this family who didn't even get a shout out. I'm thrilled for my sister and her great year. I just feel like my brother and I got left off because we didn't do anything good enough. (I married last year, and my brother married the year before. Neither one of us got this attention). I know it wasn't deliberate, and my mom apologized at first. She then came back and said that I'm just hormonal. Hugs? Funny gifs? Soothing mom noises?

Maybe they weren't that excited about you getting married.

I don't know what you meant by this comment, but it seems a bit mean to me, and unnecessarily so. Kicking someone when they're down isn't very cool. 

I don't know OP's family, it was just a thought. Just a possibility. I do know just a little about OP and I believe she overreacts and enjoys hearing people say nice things to her. I wanted to offer another response. 

Ok I get that you have your point of view, but in a thread where -- in the title-- she's asking for hugs because she's feeling sad about it, I don't see a point in throwing in a jab like that ya know? It would be different if she had asked for our thoughts or opinions on the message in the card, but she's just looking for some support here. I think it's ok to want to hear nice things from people. When you're feeling bad, for whatever reason, it can make all the difference. 

You knotties have helped pick me up when I was sad about 80 times now, and that's one of the things I love most about this place, is how kind and supportive everyone can be and how we rally around each other!  

holyguacamole79

SmileDamnit said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

holyguacamole79 said:

@anjemon, it wasn't really a "letter".  It was 4 sentences.  "2014 has been a banner year for the X family.  Our family continues to grow with the marriage of our youngest dauter, Jill, to Jack.  It is with great expectation that we await our first grandchild in May 2015.  We wish the very best for you, our family and friends."

Mom and Dad X

My mom is pretty well in tuned with what I do ... and I know it wasn't intentional.  It just hurt last night when I opened it.  I'm doing better today.

Are you maybe just being a bit sensitive and projecting some of your own things onto the card?

It doesn't say whom is expecting the 1st grandchild.

What did the previous two cards say that followed your marriage and your brothers?

I wonder this, too. Your OP said the card noted the "high points of the year" when in reality it simply stated "our family continues to grow" (...by way of a marriage & soon-to-be grand kid). Perhaps you're focusing on you & your brother being excluded when you could be focusing on your BIL and new niece/nephew being included. I honestly don't see a slight having been made by your mother, or any reference at all to you "not being good enough" or "exciting" enough to make mention in the card. Sounds like it could be past issues/hurt feelings on your part resurfacing...

Yeah, I see what you're saying.  I had some feelings of being left out when I found out that both my brother's gf and my sister are expecting mixed in with my own fertility issues.  

SmileDamnit said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

holyguacamole79 said:

@anjemon, it wasn't really a "letter".  It was 4 sentences.  "2014 has been a banner year for the X family.  Our family continues to grow with the marriage of our youngest dauter, Jill, to Jack.  It is with great expectation that we await our first grandchild in May 2015.  We wish the very best for you, our family and friends."

Mom and Dad X

My mom is pretty well in tuned with what I do ... and I know it wasn't intentional.  It just hurt last night when I opened it.  I'm doing better today.

Are you maybe just being a bit sensitive and projecting some of your own things onto the card?

It doesn't say whom is expecting the 1st grandchild.

What did the previous two cards say that followed your marriage and your brothers?

I wonder this, too. Your OP said the card noted the "high points of the year" when in reality it simply stated "our family continues to grow" (...by way of a marriage & soon-to-be grand kid). Perhaps you're focusing on you & your brother being excluded when you could be focusing on your BIL and new niece/nephew being included. I honestly don't see a slight having been made by your mother, or any reference at all to you "not being good enough" or "exciting" enough to make mention in the card. Sounds like it could be past issues/hurt feelings on your part resurfacing...

Yeah, I see what you're saying.  There had been a lot going on for me this year with my own fertility struggles, and while it's not worth putting on a Christmas card (obviously), it stings when there is a lot of (deserved) attention on those expecting while my husband & I are in the midst of our own struggle.  It felt like a slight to me, and my mom now sees where I'm coming from.  I hope you and your baby are doing well!

TKzilla

novella1186 said:

TKzilla said:

What did you do this year worthy of a mention on a Christmas card? Besides talk trash about your family on The Knot under multiple usernames, I mean.

Oh are personal attacks trendy now? Nope. Nope nope nope. If you come to a thread just to be mean and nasty, that fucking sucks. And it's lame. Move along. 

Yeah, they started when darling TXKristan aka Guac aka 4 other TK names told another woman that her marriage wasn't as good as HER marriage and wasn't VALID because she was married to another woman. Oh, and that time she told me my Christmas celebrations weren't as good as hers because I'm an atheist even though we celebrate the same way with the difference being I don't go to church. Or how about that time she posted ALL OVER TK about how hateful her sister was because she looked at a bridesmaid dress that TXK didn't like? Or when she bragged about destroying the handmade ice cream bowls her sister made for her in anger?

So fucking trendy. Unless you know what the fuck you're talking about, best be movin' on.

TKzilla

And PS: nothing in that was a personal attack, but go on and report it princess.

novella1186

TKzilla said:

novella1186 said:

TKzilla said:

What did you do this year worthy of a mention on a Christmas card? Besides talk trash about your family on The Knot under multiple usernames, I mean.

Oh are personal attacks trendy now? Nope. Nope nope nope. If you come to a thread just to be mean and nasty, that fucking sucks. And it's lame. Move along. 

Yeah, they started when darling TXKristan aka Guac aka 4 other TK names told another woman that her marriage wasn't as good as HER marriage and wasn't VALID because she was married to another woman. Oh, and that time she told me my Christmas celebrations weren't as good as hers because I'm an atheist even though we celebrate the same way with the difference being I don't go to church. Or how about that time she posted ALL OVER TK about how hateful her sister was because she looked at a bridesmaid dress that TXK didn't like? Or when she bragged about destroying the handmade ice cream bowls her sister made for her in anger?

So fucking trendy. Unless you know what the fuck you're talking about, best be movin' on.

You're right, I don't know about any of that stuff, but I don't really care because it doesn't involve me or affect me. And none of that has anything to do with this thread. If you don't like the OP for whatever reason, wouldn't it be way easier to just ignore her? I don't get the point of showing up in someone's thread just to drop some drama that happened in the past, when the current thread is about a Christmas card. And calling me princess? Really? That's very mature. 

holyguacamole79

Thanks, @drunkenwitch‌ ! My sister and I look a lot alike, so she's beautiful, too!

drunkenwitch

BF and I have a thing when I'm feeling needy:

Me:*sigh* Wash, tell me I'm pretty

BF: We were not at *insert wherever we happen to be* I would take you in a manly fashion

Me: Cuz I'm pretty

BF: Cuz you're pretty

ashley8918

I am sorry that you are having fertility issues; I can't imagine how hard that must be. But I agree with some PPs that you are maybe being a little too sensitive about the card. It doesn't sound like an intentional slight to me at all.

And honestly, you are an adult. Do you really want to be on your parent's Christmas card? My mom isn't the christmas card sending type, but I sure wouldn't. I'm an adult, I live on my own, and I have my own family. Bein on her card would be super weird to me.

holyguacamole79

ashley8918 said:

I am sorry that you are having fertility issues; I can't imagine how hard that must be. But I agree with some PPs that you are maybe being a little too sensitive about the card. It doesn't sound like an intentional slight to me at all.

And honestly, you are an adult. Do you really want to be on your parent's Christmas card? My mom isn't the christmas card sending type, but I sure wouldn't. I'm an adult, I live on my own, and I have my own family. Bein on her card would be super weird to me.

They have always done a family card, which normally includes pictures of all of us and is signed by all of us. I guess the fact that they singled out one of us is what kind of stung.

TKzilla

novella1186 said:

TKzilla said:

novella1186 said:

TKzilla said:

What did you do this year worthy of a mention on a Christmas card? Besides talk trash about your family on The Knot under multiple usernames, I mean.

Oh are personal attacks trendy now? Nope. Nope nope nope. If you come to a thread just to be mean and nasty, that fucking sucks. And it's lame. Move along. 

Yeah, they started when darling TXKristan aka Guac aka 4 other TK names told another woman that her marriage wasn't as good as HER marriage and wasn't VALID because she was married to another woman. Oh, and that time she told me my Christmas celebrations weren't as good as hers because I'm an atheist even though we celebrate the same way with the difference being I don't go to church. Or how about that time she posted ALL OVER TK about how hateful her sister was because she looked at a bridesmaid dress that TXK didn't like? Or when she bragged about destroying the handmade ice cream bowls her sister made for her in anger?

So fucking trendy. Unless you know what the fuck you're talking about, best be movin' on.

You're right, I don't know about any of that stuff, but I don't really care because it doesn't involve me or affect me. And none of that has anything to do with this thread. If you don't like the OP for whatever reason, wouldn't it be way easier to just ignore her? I don't get the point of showing up in someone's thread just to drop some drama that happened in the past, when the current thread is about a Christmas card. And calling me princess? Really? That's very mature. 

You're so right. I don't know what you posted anything other than the bolded though...

steph861

That's really shitty. Sorry I can't gif, since I'm on mobile, but I'm sending you lots of virtual hugs.

Please know that you're very appreciated here!

CMGragain

OP, I do think that you are being a little bit over sensitive, but your feelings are valid, nevertheless.

My late mother used to go on and on about her perfect grandchild - my sister's boy.  According to her, the kid walked on water.  He was brilliant and loving, and everything a grandmother could want.
Hello?  I have two children.  What about them?
Fast forward 30 years.  My daughter has a master's degree, and is taking time out from her teaching career to be at home with my first grandson.  My son is single, and makes a huge salary as a computer software engineer.  Both kids own their own homes in the Washington, DC, area.  I have always been proud of both of them, even if my mother was not.
Mr. Perfect, my nephew, spent a lot of time in juvenile detention.  He dropped out of school, and fled the state to go to California and farm pot.  I can't believe anything I hear about him anymore.  He was high at his grandmother's funeral.  He has never paid a dime in taxes or social security.  He has no bank account.  My sister hesitates to talk about him.  He is her only child by a previous marriage.
God Bless the Child Who Got His Own.  Don't worry about what other people say about your life.  Just live it with pride and integrity.  It will pay off.  Hugs.  I hope next year brings wonderful things for you.

Liatris2010

CMGragain said:

OP, I do think that you are being a little bit over sensitive, but your feelings are valid, nevertheless.

My late mother used to go on and on about her perfect grandchild - my sister's boy.  According to her, the kid walked on water.  He was brilliant and loving, and everything a grandmother could want.
Hello?  I have two children.  What about them?
Fast forward 30 years.  My daughter has a master's degree, and is taking time out from her teaching career to be at home with my first grandson.  My son is single, and makes a huge salary as a computer software engineer.  Both kids own their own homes in the Washington, DC, area.  I have always been proud of both of them, even if my mother was not.
Mr. Perfect, my nephew, spent a lot of time in juvenile detention.  He dropped out of school, and fled the state to go to California and farm pot.  I can't believe anything I hear about him anymore.  He was high at his grandmother's funeral.  He has never paid a dime in taxes or social security.  He has no bank account.  My sister hesitates to talk about him.  He is her only child by a previous marriage.
God Bless the Child Who Got His Own.  Don't worry about what other people say about your life.  Just live it with pride and integrity.  It will pay off.  Hugs.  I hope next year brings wonderful things for you.

Seriously? You're happy to see your nephew do poorly in life because he was the favorite grandchild?

mikenberger

Liatris2010 said:

OP, I do think that you are being a little bit over sensitive, but your feelings are valid, nevertheless.

My late mother used to go on and on about her perfect grandchild - my sister's boy.  According to her, the kid walked on water.  He was brilliant and loving, and everything a grandmother could want.
Hello?  I have two children.  What about them?
Fast forward 30 years.  My daughter has a master's degree, and is taking time out from her teaching career to be at home with my first grandson.  My son is single, and makes a huge salary as a computer software engineer.  Both kids own their own homes in the Washington, DC, area.  I have always been proud of both of them, even if my mother was not.
Mr. Perfect, my nephew, spent a lot of time in juvenile detention.  He dropped out of school, and fled the state to go to California and farm pot.  I can't believe anything I hear about him anymore.  He was high at his grandmother's funeral.  He has never paid a dime in taxes or social security.  He has no bank account.  My sister hesitates to talk about him.  He is her only child by a previous marriage.
God Bless the Child Who Got His Own.  Don't worry about what other people say about your life.  Just live it with pride and integrity.  It will pay off.  Hugs.  I hope next year brings wonderful things for you.

Seriously? You're happy to see your nephew do poorly in life because he was the favorite grandchild?

Yeah! That kid totally got what he deserved! Little spoiled brat. Justice!

MegEn1

mikenberger said:

Liatris2010 said:

OP, I do think that you are being a little bit over sensitive, but your feelings are valid, nevertheless.

My late mother used to go on and on about her perfect grandchild - my sister's boy.  According to her, the kid walked on water.  He was brilliant and loving, and everything a grandmother could want.
Hello?  I have two children.  What about them?
Fast forward 30 years.  My daughter has a master's degree, and is taking time out from her teaching career to be at home with my first grandson.  My son is single, and makes a huge salary as a computer software engineer.  Both kids own their own homes in the Washington, DC, area.  I have always been proud of both of them, even if my mother was not.
Mr. Perfect, my nephew, spent a lot of time in juvenile detention.  He dropped out of school, and fled the state to go to California and farm pot.  I can't believe anything I hear about him anymore.  He was high at his grandmother's funeral.  He has never paid a dime in taxes or social security.  He has no bank account.  My sister hesitates to talk about him.  He is her only child by a previous marriage.
God Bless the Child Who Got His Own.  Don't worry about what other people say about your life.  Just live it with pride and integrity.  It will pay off.  Hugs.  I hope next year brings wonderful things for you.

Seriously? You're happy to see your nephew do poorly in life because he was the favorite grandchild?

Yeah! That kid totally got what he deserved! Little spoiled brat. Justice!

I think she meant to say that just because grandmama doesn't have as high opinion of other children as she did nephew, it goes to show that the other children aren't lesser because of it.

But, you know. Go ahead and take the most inappropriate interpretation and run with it if that makes you feel good.

mikenberger

MegEn1 said:

mikenberger said:

Liatris2010 said:

OP, I do think that you are being a little bit over sensitive, but your feelings are valid, nevertheless.

My late mother used to go on and on about her perfect grandchild - my sister's boy.  According to her, the kid walked on water.  He was brilliant and loving, and everything a grandmother could want.
Hello?  I have two children.  What about them?
Fast forward 30 years.  My daughter has a master's degree, and is taking time out from her teaching career to be at home with my first grandson.  My son is single, and makes a huge salary as a computer software engineer.  Both kids own their own homes in the Washington, DC, area.  I have always been proud of both of them, even if my mother was not.
Mr. Perfect, my nephew, spent a lot of time in juvenile detention.  He dropped out of school, and fled the state to go to California and farm pot.  I can't believe anything I hear about him anymore.  He was high at his grandmother's funeral.  He has never paid a dime in taxes or social security.  He has no bank account.  My sister hesitates to talk about him.  He is her only child by a previous marriage.
God Bless the Child Who Got His Own.  Don't worry about what other people say about your life.  Just live it with pride and integrity.  It will pay off.  Hugs.  I hope next year brings wonderful things for you.

Seriously? You're happy to see your nephew do poorly in life because he was the favorite grandchild?

Yeah! That kid totally got what he deserved! Little spoiled brat. Justice!

I think she meant to say that just because grandmama doesn't have as high opinion of other children as she did nephew, it goes to show that the other children aren't lesser because of it.

But, you know. Go ahead and take the most inappropriate interpretation and run with it if that makes you feel good.

So throwing your family under the bus to make someone else feel better because said family member totally failed at life is perfectly acceptable?

I'll remember that lesson for next time. I understand the sentiment, but it's misplaced by telling her how awful the golden grandchild turned out to be.

climbingsingle

CMGragain said:

OP, I do think that you are being a little bit over sensitive, but your feelings are valid, nevertheless.

My late mother used to go on and on about her perfect grandchild - my sister's boy.  According to her, the kid walked on water.  He was brilliant and loving, and everything a grandmother could want.
Hello?  I have two children.  What about them?
Fast forward 30 years.  My daughter has a master's degree, and is taking time out from her teaching career to be at home with my first grandson.  My son is single, and makes a huge salary as a computer software engineer.  Both kids own their own homes in the Washington, DC, area.  I have always been proud of both of them, even if my mother was not.
Mr. Perfect, my nephew, spent a lot of time in juvenile detention.  He dropped out of school, and fled the state to go to California and farm pot.  I can't believe anything I hear about him anymore.  He was high at his grandmother's funeral.  He has never paid a dime in taxes or social security.  He has no bank account.  My sister hesitates to talk about him.  He is her only child by a previous marriage.
God Bless the Child Who Got His Own.  Don't worry about what other people say about your life.  Just live it with pride and integrity.  It will pay off.  Hugs.  I hope next year brings wonderful things for you.

He went to farm pot?! What a criminal! 

Oh wait. It's legal. 

MegEn1

mikenberger said:

MegEn1 said:

mikenberger said:

Liatris2010 said:

OP, I do think that you are being a little bit over sensitive, but your feelings are valid, nevertheless.

My late mother used to go on and on about her perfect grandchild - my sister's boy.  According to her, the kid walked on water.  He was brilliant and loving, and everything a grandmother could want.
Hello?  I have two children.  What about them?
Fast forward 30 years.  My daughter has a master's degree, and is taking time out from her teaching career to be at home with my first grandson.  My son is single, and makes a huge salary as a computer software engineer.  Both kids own their own homes in the Washington, DC, area.  I have always been proud of both of them, even if my mother was not.
Mr. Perfect, my nephew, spent a lot of time in juvenile detention.  He dropped out of school, and fled the state to go to California and farm pot.  I can't believe anything I hear about him anymore.  He was high at his grandmother's funeral.  He has never paid a dime in taxes or social security.  He has no bank account.  My sister hesitates to talk about him.  He is her only child by a previous marriage.
God Bless the Child Who Got His Own.  Don't worry about what other people say about your life.  Just live it with pride and integrity.  It will pay off.  Hugs.  I hope next year brings wonderful things for you.

Seriously? You're happy to see your nephew do poorly in life because he was the favorite grandchild?

Yeah! That kid totally got what he deserved! Little spoiled brat. Justice!

I think she meant to say that just because grandmama doesn't have as high opinion of other children as she did nephew, it goes to show that the other children aren't lesser because of it.

But, you know. Go ahead and take the most inappropriate interpretation and run with it if that makes you feel good.

So throwing your family under the bus to make someone else feel better because said family member totally failed at life is perfectly acceptable?

I'll remember that lesson for next time. I understand the sentiment, but it's misplaced by telling her how awful the golden grandchild turned out to be.

She's making a point, giving background for us who don't necessarily know the whole story. Sorry, I don't mean to cause a whole thing. But I didn't think she deserved to be jumped on for providing context.

plainjane0415

CMGragain said:

OP, I do think that you are being a little bit over sensitive, but your feelings are valid, nevertheless.

My late mother used to go on and on about her perfect grandchild - my sister's boy.  According to her, the kid walked on water.  He was brilliant and loving, and everything a grandmother could want.
Hello?  I have two children.  What about them?
Fast forward 30 years.  My daughter has a master's degree, and is taking time out from her teaching career to be at home with my first grandson.  My son is single, and makes a huge salary as a computer software engineer.  Both kids own their own homes in the Washington, DC, area.  I have always been proud of both of them, even if my mother was not.
Mr. Perfect, my nephew, spent a lot of time in juvenile detention.  He dropped out of school, and fled the state to go to California and farm pot.  I can't believe anything I hear about him anymore.  He was high at his grandmother's funeral.  He has never paid a dime in taxes or social security.  He has no bank account.  My sister hesitates to talk about him.  He is her only child by a previous marriage.
God Bless the Child Who Got His Own.  Don't worry about what other people say about your life.  Just live it with pride and integrity.  It will pay off.  Hugs.  I hope next year brings wonderful things for you.

Entitlement, jealousy, mean spirited, any other words that describe this post that I missed?

AddieCake

Oh, FFS. Some of you are missing the whole point of CMGr's post and are just harping to harp b/c you don't like her. Color me shocked. 

plainjane0415

I don't really have a problem with @CMGragain, in my opinion she does give good advice, but that last post was just mean spirited and that's it.  I find it funny that she can make other posters feel bad because they want to have a child free wedding because that's offensive to people who have children, but yet she can say horrible things about her nephew.  Who she's apparently had an issue with for a while.  I do think that she gives good advice on the right topics, but that post just wasn't right. 

lyndausvi

So I just got my parents emailed letter yesterday.  Well, sort-of, my parents never sent it to me directly.  I only know about the email because my sister asked if I had any comments.  Umm, what letter?  So she forwarded to me.

The VERY FIRST LINE is how great DH is doing, how he took an amazing job in CO and how we moved.  How much he loves it blah, blah.  Now mind you my parents have 4 kids of their own, 7  grandkids and 4 in-laws.   DH gets top billing.  They only mention of the rest of us kids is telling everyone my sister's family will this their 50th state by traveling to Hawaii (so cool) for xmas and how they are visiting my brothers over NY. No in-laws are named at all.

Then they go on about all their travels, dad running the 1/2  marathon in China and how he is retiring.  Yep dad runs a 1/2 marathon, on the Great Wall of China no less, is retiring, but DH still gets top billing. 

THEN they write how mom threw a surprise party for dad's 70th. MOM,  WTF?  My mom wrote the check (with my sister and I also kicking in funds).  My sister and I did EVERYTHING for this party.   Even our names where on the invite as the hosts.  We ordered the food, made the CP's, created, ordered and mailed the invites, took the RSVP's, picked up all the stuff.     My sister and I are like WTF? How about mom AND THE KIDS?

They go on about how they are traveling for the holidays, how the 3 nieces all got their licenses and other random, yet normal stuff the grandkids are doing.

After the initial WTF reaction, it's actually pretty funny who and what they feel are important to highlight. 

Can't wait to see next year's.

AddieCake

Regarding the OP, I think throwing the card in the fire was overly dramatic. 

lyndausvi

AddieCake said:

Regarding the OP, I think throwing the card in the fire was overly dramatic. 

very much so.

climbingsingle

AddieCake said:

Regarding the OP, I think throwing the card in the fire was overly dramatic. 

Totally agree. 

plainjane0415

AddieCake said:

Regarding the OP, I think throwing the card in the fire was overly dramatic. 

Well I agree with that too, but I think that making personal attacks on a family member and hoping to see them fail isn't right.  I think OP doesn't wish ill will on her parents or sister, but is upset with the situation, I could be totally wrong, but talking about someone not having a bank account and stuff like that just rubs me the wrong way.  My brother is similar to how she described her nephew, the golden child, but I don't wish any ill will on him. 

AddieCake

plainjane0415 said:

AddieCake said:

Regarding the OP, I think throwing the card in the fire was overly dramatic. 

Well I agree with that too, but I think that making personal attacks on a family member and hoping to see them fail isn't right.  I think OP doesn't wish ill will on her parents or sister, but is upset with the situation, I could be totally wrong, but talking about someone not having a bank account and stuff like that just rubs me the wrong way.  My brother is similar to how she described her nephew, the golden child, but I don't wish any ill will on him. 

You already said how you felt about CMGr's comment. I don't know why you needed to follow up here, quoting my comment about the fire in the process. 

pinkcow13

I also didn't think CMG was throwing her nephew under the bus. She was just stating an example, and stating facts. She never once said in her post that she was happy this happened to her nephew, and that she has wished horrible things on him. It was just to illustrate her personal take on the situation. At least that's how I took it.

lovegood90

Ugh, how insensitive! Sorry your family was definitely lacking in tact since when are marriage and babies the be all end all of success?

Hopefully you don't let it get to you too much and just focus on having an awesome holiday!