Moms and Maids

Bridesmaid Gift Opinions...

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Re: Bridesmaid Gift Opinions...

  • edited July 2015


    After some deliberation {ie; budget}, mixed with thought, and reading other posts here, I have gotten the girls some other stuff.
    - Starbucks to go for hot drinks {duo-chrome style, diff colours}
    - lip colour for wedding {as mentioned}
    - essie nail polish
    - small face mask for personal use {I also picked some up for us to use the night before, so they don't have to use their own}

    debating on something else, but not sure what. Inexpensive please, but suggestions?

    {can't fix boxes!}

  • @ southernbelle0915

    Of course I know their tumbler situation. I work with them, have for five years, and watch them use it every day (not in the creepy way either). The one that had a leak ended up leaking on my paperwork. The other I sit next to everyday and accompany her a few times for a refill just to get away from the computer. The other I was doing dishes (shared dish duty in the back) and ended up cutting my thumb on it. So yes, I do know their situation and no we don't talk about it, except for the leak that one time. The tumblers I purchased are double walled (?) that can hold hot and cold beverages so water, tea, coffee, ect. As for the other options, I search and searched for a few mentioned and couldn't find one in my price range, the rest, the girls don't accessorize. We all have young kids, aside from my mom, and don't need/want anything that can be pulled.

    @

    AddieCake

    I can't say I really know songs all that well so can't comment on that. I also don't know ShesSoMean, nor her situation just that she was extremely rude and I responded. I also don't make it a habit to ask people why they have the screen name they do before I talk to them.


    ShesSoCold

    I paid for them to have their hair and make up done because they wanted it for the wedding but couldn't afford it. Four of the five girls expressed a big concern about this (the 5th signed on after she saw my make up trial). I personally don't care how they look for the wedding aside from the dress color and nude shoes. These girls are very down to earth and I like them for them. If they want their hair straight and no make up, I don't care. If they want their hair done to the nines with make up to match, I don't care. I picked them based on their relationship to me, not how they'll look in my photos....which I feel is kind of insulting to think a bride would do that anyway. All my girls, every single one of them, doesn't like to have people do their make up in every day life. Some have sensitive skin, some swear no one can do their make up right, and some straight up don't like a lot of makeup. Some of them get their hair done but not often since they don't have time or whatever reasons they have.

    On a side note, I am sorry for your loss. Losing someone, especially family, is never easy.
  • AddieCake said:
    She's So Cold is the name of a Stones song, and She'sSoCold's recently deceased mother was a huge Stones fan, so please watch yourself before commenting on people's user names.
    I actually didn't know this!

    Snarking on a user's name when you aren't getting the validation you desire?  *Yawn*

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • PrettyGirlLost

    Yeah, I didn't either. And yes, I did comment on a name though not for validation. It doesn't matter to me if my gift is approved by total strangers. Really doesn't. Will I explain why I gave it? Sure. But at the end of the day, the recipients are people I know and people who will actually use their gift. 

    She's so cold = she's so cold hearted, rude, mean, whatever negative adjective you want. Didn't know it was a song. Generally when you say  "That's was cold." not meaning temperature, it means that was rude. Shessocold response was very rude. To say:
    "And a cup - a freaking cup - wow - how great of you. "
    Is beyond rude. A nicer way to say it would have been: "You know, a tumbler may not be seen as that great of a gift. There are other things that they might appreciate more." "I don't think a Tumbler is something to give BMs, maybe something like.... (like southernbelle0915 did)." 
    So yeah, her response was cold. Her name is ShesSoCold. Now if her name was NicestGirlOnEarth and said something like: "Well, I'm sure the tumbler would get use but its not really something that would be given at a wedding. Purses, jewelry, ect. Things they want for their birthday." I would think 'That was a really nice approach to tell me my gift wasn't really the best in her eyes.'

    But like I said, at the end of the day I know what my girls would like and wouldn't. Would I want to give them something much more creative and elaborate? Of course I would! I would love to shower  them with insanely awesome presents that would put all others to shame. Can I afford to do so? No, I can't so the next best thing is something they would actually use. 
  • PrettyGirlLost

    Yeah, I didn't either. And yes, I did comment on a name though not for validation. It doesn't matter to me if my gift is approved by total strangers. Really doesn't. Will I explain why I gave it? Sure. But at the end of the day, the recipients are people I know and people who will actually use their gift. 

    She's so cold = she's so cold hearted, rude, mean, whatever negative adjective you want. Didn't know it was a song. Generally when you say  "That's was cold." not meaning temperature, it means that was rude. Shessocold response was very rude. To say:
    "And a cup - a freaking cup - wow - how great of you. "
    Is beyond rude. A nicer way to say it would have been: "You know, a tumbler may not be seen as that great of a gift. There are other things that they might appreciate more." "I don't think a Tumbler is something to give BMs, maybe something like.... (like southernbelle0915 did)." 
    So yeah, her response was cold. Her name is ShesSoCold. Now if her name was NicestGirlOnEarth and said something like: "Well, I'm sure the tumbler would get use but its not really something that would be given at a wedding. Purses, jewelry, ect. Things they want for their birthday." I would think 'That was a really nice approach to tell me my gift wasn't really the best in her eyes.'

    But like I said, at the end of the day I know what my girls would like and wouldn't. Would I want to give them something much more creative and elaborate? Of course I would! I would love to shower  them with insanely awesome presents that would put all others to shame. Can I afford to do so? No, I can't so the next best thing is something they would actually use. 
    You could take the money you're spending on their hair and make-up (which is not a gift, since it's for your wedding and your pictures) and get them an actual gift. This is just not an excuse. I mean, we provided hairstylists for the bridesmaids and still got them individualized gifts tailored to their interests. Granted, I kind of lucked out in that my mom was one of the stylists and either she paid the other or the other did so as a gift; I don't remember. But if it was not in the budget to both pay for hair and give a real gift to my dear friends and family, I'd have dropped the hair. Most women fix their own hair every day anyway. It is really not a problem to do so for a wedding.
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  • artbyallie

     You didn't read my other posts. I don't care if their hair and make up is done for the pictures. All I care about is that they are by my side. For them having their hair and make up done was not for my pictures, they approached me with the concerns for their hair and make up. So I covered it for them. Yes. That is a gift. I am paying for them to have their hair and make up done because they approached me with the want for it. If they didn't want it, I wouldn't have paid for it. But they did and I already paid both the hair and make up artists off months ago. We aren't getting financial help for the wedding and I didn't get lucky knowing people of trade who can do these things as gifts to us.

    Originally I wanted to get them other gifts, but in the past two months, my fiance and I had accumulated medical bills (that couldn't wait) that reach into the thousands. Again, we're not rich and while I had already paid off all the vendors with the only costs left being the rehearsal dinner, the venue (that does food, alcohol, ect.), gifts for parents, and gifts for wedding party...well, we had to cut back on all that. Heck, we might not even have a honeymoon since the medical costs hit us that bad.
  • My point was that it's inappropriate to snark on people's user names BECAUSE you never know when you're being offensive, and there are certain territories we just don't need to cross into. I always feel user names (because they are usually chosen for a reason) should be off limits for exactly that reason. The fact that you didn't know about the song and her connection with it illustrates the point.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • AddieCake

    So what you're saying is that its completely taboo to say someone is like their username but not taboo to be absolutely rude and tackless to another person? So if someone had the name Sunshineandrainbows and was the nicest person on this board its bad to say "Aw, you're so sweet and happy, just like your name." but totally okay to be a complete b*tch to someone else? 

    "inappropriate to snark on people's user names BECAUSE you never know when you're being offensive,"  ---but its okay to be purposely offensive?

    I did say I was sorry for her loss when I found out, but I still stand by what I say that her response was very cold and rude. 
  • The word is tactless, not tackless.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • PrettyGirlLost

    Yeah, I didn't either. And yes, I did comment on a name though not for validation. It doesn't matter to me if my gift is approved by total strangers. Really doesn't. Will I explain why I gave it? Sure. But at the end of the day, the recipients are people I know and people who will actually use their gift. 

    She's so cold = she's so cold hearted, rude, mean, whatever negative adjective you want. Didn't know it was a song. Generally when you say  "That's was cold." not meaning temperature, it means that was rude. Shessocold response was very rude. To say:
    "And a cup - a freaking cup - wow - how great of you. "
    Is beyond rude. A nicer way to say it would have been: "You know, a tumbler may not be seen as that great of a gift. There are other things that they might appreciate more." "I don't think a Tumbler is something to give BMs, maybe something like.... (like southernbelle0915 did)." 
    So yeah, her response was cold. Her name is ShesSoCold. Now if her name was NicestGirlOnEarth and said something like: "Well, I'm sure the tumbler would get use but its not really something that would be given at a wedding. Purses, jewelry, ect. Things they want for their birthday." I would think 'That was a really nice approach to tell me my gift wasn't really the best in her eyes.'

    But like I said, at the end of the day I know what my girls would like and wouldn't. Would I want to give them something much more creative and elaborate? Of course I would! I would love to shower  them with insanely awesome presents that would put all others to shame. Can I afford to do so? No, I can't so the next best thing is something they would actually use. 

    AddieCake

    So what you're saying is that its completely taboo to say someone is like their username but not taboo to be absolutely rude and tackless to another person? So if someone had the name Sunshineandrainbows and was the nicest person on this board its bad to say "Aw, you're so sweet and happy, just like your name." but totally okay to be a complete b*tch to someone else? 

    "inappropriate to snark on people's user names BECAUSE you never know when you're being offensive,"  ---but its okay to be purposely offensive?

    I did say I was sorry for her loss when I found out, but I still stand by what I say that her response was very cold and rude. 
    This is what I am hearing when I read all of this.

    image

  • artbyallie

     You didn't read my other posts. I don't care if their hair and make up is done for the pictures. All I care about is that they are by my side. For them having their hair and make up done was not for my pictures, they approached me with the concerns for their hair and make up. So I covered it for them. Yes. That is a gift. I am paying for them to have their hair and make up done because they approached me with the want for it. If they didn't want it, I wouldn't have paid for it. But they did and I already paid both the hair and make up artists off months ago. We aren't getting financial help for the wedding and I didn't get lucky knowing people of trade who can do these things as gifts to us.

    Originally I wanted to get them other gifts, but in the past two months, my fiance and I had accumulated medical bills (that couldn't wait) that reach into the thousands. Again, we're not rich and while I had already paid off all the vendors with the only costs left being the rehearsal dinner, the venue (that does food, alcohol, ect.), gifts for parents, and gifts for wedding party...well, we had to cut back on all that. Heck, we might not even have a honeymoon since the medical costs hit us that bad.
    Hold up everyone.  We now have to be super sweet to this poster because she is paying for the wedding herself, she is not super rich, and has bills that may prevent her from going on a HM.  I mean, that makes her super speschul and deserving of us feeling sorry for her because no one else has the same issues.

    You don't know my LYFE!!!!


  • Maggie0829

    It...it is my life. I'm not blaming anyone for anything nor am I making excuses. Its life. Things happen. I'm not sad with the fact that I have bills, that I have to pay for my own wedding (isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing anyway?), or that I'm not rich. I have a job in the medical field that will never allow me to be rich but I don't care because I love doing it. I'm just correcting where you painted me a superficial bride and now a spoiled brat.

    Like I said, I would have loved to put more into the BM gifts but life happens and as a grownup, I live accordingly. Should I go into debt to give them a more grand gift, more fancy rehearsal dinner, ect? I don't think so. I'm realistic. I got a gift I can afford. Do people need to be super sweet? No, but they don't have to go out of their way to judge me, my financial situation, and be very overly rude.

    -Edited for your other response-

    The fact that you don't like my response and just post a picture for "blah blah blah" well, makes it seem pointless to even talk to you.

  • Maggie0829

    It...it is my life. I'm not blaming anyone for anything nor am I making excuses. Its life. Things happen. I'm not sad with the fact that I have bills, that I have to pay for my own wedding (isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing anyway?), or that I'm not rich. I have a job in the medical field that will never allow me to be rich but I don't care because I love doing it. I'm just correcting where you painted me a superficial bride and now a spoiled brat.

    Like I said, I would have loved to put more into the BM gifts but life happens and as a grownup, I live accordingly. Should I go into debt to give them a more grand gift, more fancy rehearsal dinner, ect? I don't think so. I'm realistic. I got a gift I can afford. Do people need to be super sweet? No, but they don't have to go out of their way to judge me, my financial situation, and be very overly rude.

    -Edited for your other response-

    The fact that you don't like my response and just post a picture for "blah blah blah" well, makes it seem pointless to even talk to you.
    Did anyone ever say that you had to buy them an extravagant gift?  No.  But what we are saying is that hair and makeup for YOUR wedding is not a gift.  And unless each girl loves tumblers that is not a good gift either.  It would be better if you used that money towards getting each person a gift card to their favorite restaurant.  You know, because it is a bit more personal and shows that you actually thought of them.

    As for my bla bla bla gif, that is exactly what your posts sounded like to me.  You are picking apart someone else's username for what purpose?  Because you didn't like her opinion about your chosen gift?  Grow up.

  • edited July 2015
    AddieCake

    So what you're saying is that its completely taboo to say someone is like their username but not taboo to be absolutely rude and tackless to another person? So if someone had the name Sunshineandrainbows and was the nicest person on this board its bad to say "Aw, you're so sweet and happy, just like your name." but totally okay to be a complete b*tch to someone else? 

    "inappropriate to snark on people's user names BECAUSE you never know when you're being offensive,"  ---but its okay to be purposely offensive?

    I did say I was sorry for her loss when I found out, but I still stand by what I say that her response was very cold and rude. 
    I'll be honest.... no one gives two shits why you thought what you thought. Or what your justification is. Or the details and intricacies that went through your mind on someone's username. 

    You snarked on something that's meaningful to someone's deceased mother. All because you thought you were being cute. 

    When you say "I'm sorry, but............. (and then insert 3 or 4 super long posts trying to justify yourself)" you don't come across as very sincere.

    Seriously, just be sorry and Let. It. Go. 
    *********************************************************************************

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  • Maggie0829

    I didn't pick apart her name. I commented on it. And yes, this is something I'm definitely alright with hearing. You're telling me your dislike for my gift as constructive criticism and offering other suggestions. You're not being rude about it either. While I agree to disagree on the make up as a gift (I honestly wouldn't pay for it if they didn't want it or let them cover their own costs if they could afford it). A thought I did have was putting a gift card to something in the Tumbler if I can afford it. Which I'm not sure. We've already moved honeymoon funds to cover the costs of wedding/gifts/ect that the bills took up after our savings was thoroughly eaten. If we don't have a honeymoon, I can probably afford it but we'll see.

    I don't like her opinion because it was rude. I don't have to like rude remarks. Constructive criticism, yes. Rudeness no.
  • Maggie0829

    I didn't pick apart her name. I commented on it. And yes, this is something I'm definitely alright with hearing. You're telling me your dislike for my gift as constructive criticism and offering other suggestions. You're not being rude about it either. While I agree to disagree on the make up as a gift (I honestly wouldn't pay for it if they didn't want it or let them cover their own costs if they could afford it). A thought I did have was putting a gift card to something in the Tumbler if I can afford it. Which I'm not sure. We've already moved honeymoon funds to cover the costs of wedding/gifts/ect that the bills took up after our savings was thoroughly eaten. If we don't have a honeymoon, I can probably afford it but we'll see.

    I don't like her opinion because it was rude. I don't have to like rude remarks. Constructive criticism, yes. Rudeness no.
    I'm sorry, you are on the Knot forums. We do not drape criticism in flowers, rainbows and kittens. We are blunt and to the point. 

    Several times you have been told your ideas suck and are bad by more than one person. You have been told that much better ideas would be a,b, or even c. You have chosen to ignore, deflect and insult regs and mods. 

    Either take the advice or don't, but for the love of all that is holy, please stop spewing your mouth off. 

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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2015
    @ adk19 and @ ShesSoCold

    My girls are financially strapped and have admitted their concern for their appearance. So I helped.

    SITB..................................

    Here is an alternate approach:  "Friend, I think you look beautiful just as you are.  I'm just glad you're in my wedding."

    Then you get them an actual gift, rather than foofing them up for your photos.  I mean, if you can afford it, it's a nice gesture to pay for their hair and makeup.  But not at the expense of their gift.  Would you do that for any other occasion?  "Merry Christmas: I'm paying for you to have your hair and makeup done immediately before my party!"  Uh...thanks?

  • Maggie0829

    It...it is my life. I'm not blaming anyone for anything nor am I making excuses. Its life. Things happen. I'm not sad with the fact that I have bills, that I have to pay for my own wedding (isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing anyway?), or that I'm not rich. I have a job in the medical field that will never allow me to be rich but I don't care because I love doing it. I'm just correcting where you painted me a superficial bride and now a spoiled brat.

    Like I said, I would have loved to put more into the BM gifts but life happens and as a grownup, I live accordingly. Should I go into debt to give them a more grand gift, more fancy rehearsal dinner, ect? I don't think so. I'm realistic. I got a gift I can afford. Do people need to be super sweet? No, but they don't have to go out of their way to judge me, my financial situation, and be very overly rude.

    -Edited for your other response-

    The fact that you don't like my response and just post a picture for "blah blah blah" well, makes it seem pointless to even talk to you.
    How did anyone judge your financial situation?  She judged your gift because it is crappy.  She didn't judge how much the tumbler was costing you.  You could spend the same amount on something personal, but you are choosing not to.  And sorry, but ShesSoColds response about your gift, if you think that is "beyond rude" then I don't think the internet is the place for you.

    And you did pick apart her username...

    She's so cold = she's so cold hearted, rude, mean, whatever negative adjective you want. Didn't know it was a song. Generally when you say  "That's was cold." not meaning temperature, it means that was rude. Shessocold response was very rude. To say:
    "And a cup - a freaking cup - wow - how great of you. "
    Is beyond rude. A nicer way to say it would have been: "You know, a tumbler may not be seen as that great of a gift. There are other things that they might appreciate more." "I don't think a Tumbler is something to give BMs, maybe something like.... (like southernbelle0915 did)." 
    So yeah, her response was cold. Her name is ShesSoCold. Now if her name was NicestGirlOnEarth and said something like: "Well, I'm sure the tumbler would get use but its not really something that would be given at a wedding. Purses, jewelry, ect. Things they want for their birthday." I would think 'That was a really nice approach to tell me my gift wasn't really the best in her eyes.'

    All that is picking apart usernames.  

    Sorry but we aren't going to cover our responses in unicorn shit and sugar.  People are blunt. You don't like it, then ignore it.  It really is that easy.

  • Doing a quick internet search for customized tumblers, I just learned that they cost $5.  I'm taking time out of my life to stand next to you on one of the most important days of your life, sitting in a salon for hours while we all get hair and makeup done, wearing ugly-ass nude heels and you're getting me a $5 cup?  Awesome.  It's all you have to spend?  Fine.  You know what I'd prefer for that $5?  How about 5 hard cover classic books from the thrift store?  How about two pairs of clearance earrings from Claire's?  How about a bomber of craft beer?
  • I don't hate the tumblers IF all the bridesmaids are into them, and I have trouble believing that they are. I had 2 bridesmaids. They both got monogrammed lunch totes (which I know many think was impersonal and not thoughtful) because I knew from working with them and them being my 2 best friends in the world that they both like monogrammed stuff (one even uses monogrammed grocery bags) and that they take their lunch to work every day. 

    If I were to have included a few other friends, they would NOT have liked the gift. I know that. The law of averages would tell us the higher the number, the less likely everyone is going to like the same thing. I would have gotten the others something different. You mentioned 2 people's tumblers. That's what leads me to believe the others wouldn't necessarily care for that.

    It just seems like the money being spent on hair and makeup could be spent on something else for them. I would rather have a spa gift card to use at my leisure than for you to pay for my hair being done for your wedding. 

    Nobody is saying you need to spend a lot. One of my bridesmaids gave me pics of us from her wedding in a frame and a heartfelt note as my bridesmaid gift, and it was one of the best gifts I've ever gotten. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • You don't have to like me, you don't have to like my opinion. Nor do I have to sugarcoat shit because someone might be delicate. 

    Several women and I have given you numerous options and ideas on what you could do for your bridesmaids. Instead of reading and considering these ideas, you choose to get defensive and make fun of people for things you know nothing about. Good luck with this attitude. It'll take you far.

    OP, I get having a budget. I do. H and I paid for our wedding without help from anyone. We were engaged for much longer than we wanted to be in order to save up money. But I was willing to save money and "cheap out" elsewhere if it meant that I was able to get my maid of honor a gift she really wanted and appreciated. 

    Yes, I was harsh with my cup comment but really - it is just a cup. I use those tumbler things all the time and I like them. But I spend 50 cents on them at WalMart. I also use paper clips but that doesn't make just paper clips a great gift. What we're trying to tell you is that if you're trying to show appreciation and love for your bridesmaids, maybe just a cup isn't going to convey that.

    @PrettyGirlLost - you should listen to it. It's clearly one of my favorites. And apparently my theme song (although even the song has nothing to do with a woman being "mean", so there's also that, OP.). 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • Hey, they make paper clips in shapes now, and you know I'd be all over some mermaid or cupcake shaped ones.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • AddieCake said:
    Hey, they make paper clips in shapes now, and you know I'd be all over some mermaid or cupcake shaped ones.
    This is a much better idea, ren-to-the-nay! 

    If you have a BM who is super into mermaids, she can have a mermaid paperclip. Someone loves to bake? She gets a cupcake paperclip. 

    See? They ARE personalized gifts! And since you work with all of them, I'm sure you know that they use paper clips, like, almost every day.
    *********************************************************************************

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  • Someone sent me a package at work with a foot shaped paper clip. It was super duper gross. That would have been the worst gift ever.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • Someone sent me a package at work with a foot shaped paper clip. It was super duper gross. That would have been the worst gift ever.
    Ha! I recently got a foot-shaped chocolate bar from a promotional items salesperson who was "trying to get his foot in the door." I was so grossed out - and I never set up a meeting with him!
  • I so want mermaid paper clips!
  • Someone sent me a package at work with a foot shaped paper clip. It was super duper gross. That would have been the worst gift ever.
    Ha! I recently got a foot-shaped chocolate bar from a promotional items salesperson who was "trying to get his foot in the door." I was so grossed out - and I never set up a meeting with him!
    Ewwwww. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image

  • @PrettyGirlLost - you should listen to it. It's clearly one of my favorites. And apparently my theme song (although even the song has nothing to do with a woman being "mean", so there's also that, OP.). 
    Oh hey, Spotify :-)

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • If an individual puts anything on the Internet then they are leaving themselves open for snark. Internet forums = people giving their opinions whether you like it or not. 
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