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To the brides who don't really care that much

larrygagalarrygaga member
First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
edited December 2014 in Chit Chat
are you blowing everyone's mind by not being all about weddings? I am. Turns out just cause I got me a set of tits doesn't meant I give a single shit about napkin colors.


Inspired by the "nobody cares as much as you do" thread.
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Re: To the brides who don't really care that much

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    My mom tells me she lies awake at night thinking about everything wedding. I sleep like a baby. 


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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2014
    My BMs were so confused that I didn't care about their hair, nails, jewelry or shoes.  I only picked out the dress because they insisted.      

    They decided that I actually did care and was trying to be nice.   "Umm, no, I really don't care.  You are all beautiful girls, I'm sure you will pick something appropriate."  If you didn't, oh well.

      So the girls got together on their own and decided on earrings (they all had diamond studs) and to wear sandals of a brown color.    At the nail salon they kept bring me colors. Grr.  I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHAT COLOR IS ON YOUR NAILS!!!!!!

    One BM showed up at the RD with a bob cut with purple streaks.   My response?  I told her they looked great.    She showed up the next day with no streaks and long extensions.   Whatever.


    I did care about food, music, room layout.    I pretty much gave the florist free reign as long as there was purple flowers and in our budget.  I did pick out the table cloth and napkins for the tables.   paper cocktail napkins I didn't give a shit about.







    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    My friends and family weren't surprised, but randoms were.  

    What's your theme??  

    Umm getting married??  

    I don't get it.  What are your colours??

    Umm, we don't really have any.  Tropical colours I guess, since we're going to Hawaii??

    I just got a lot of weird looks from all of the Pintrest addicts

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    People were very surprised at how little I cared about the wedding details. Sure, I worked on them, but it wasn't something that I stressed over. At the end of the day, all that I cared about was marrying my H. It worked!
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    We didn't have a theme. I didn't have colors. I didn't even do flowers. People were all

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    at me. 
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    I could've given zero fucks about attire (of my sis or SS, the only two that stood up with us OR the guests), music (didn't have any at ceremony or reception dinner), or most traditional details (no programs, minimal flowers or decor, etc.). We had a short timeline (6 months) and my Ma is an expert planner, so I'm sure the combo of not having much time to fret and her desire to handle a lot of the logistics helped me stay calm, cool & collected.

    Some people were surprised that we were doing a first look, and most were very surprised that we wanted to greet our guests as they arrived rather than waiting until the ceremony to see everyone. 

    I very much cared about the food & booze, and even more so about making sure everyone was comfortable and had the opportunity to enjoy themselves in Montana (since 99% of everyone traveled there from far away). 
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    Yes. To this day I still don't know what "colors" are. I would just answer tht the bridesmaids were wearing purple. Also, so many people have told me it was the best wedding that they had ever been too and that I thought of so many details. I think it really makes a difference in how people perceive the event- does the couple think of themselves as the stars of the show or as hosts?

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    When I say I picked out the table cloths, it wasn't like I was obsessive over them.  We had to rent everything.  Had I picked an all-inclusive venue I would have just used their standard table cloths.  Since we didn't, I literately have to pick up everything from forks to table cloths.  It was out of necessity.     But the whole process took about 45 minutes.   I walked in the rental store, started pointing at what I wanted and left.   






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    We didn't have a theme. I didn't have colors. I didn't even do flowers. People were all

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    at me. 
    I meant to not do flowers... then my FMIL offered to pay for them and I was like oh okay.  I forgot that I didn't really want flowers because I was caught off guard!!  I think they're a giant waste of money, but if she feels like her church needs to be decorated... OK then, I guess.

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    Everyone who knows me totally gets that I just make decisions immediately and execute them.  I didn't spent my whole life dreaming of a wedding and I"m not starting now.  
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    Someone asked me if I was having wedding day nightmares yet.

    Um...no. But last night I dreamed my lower body could turn into a canoe and then I'd paddle myself places and then the canoe would turn back into legs when I got my location. Which was just fucking awesome.

    I defer to FI on a lot of questions because he cares and I don't and people just give me this horrified look and go "He's making that decision!?" well I know he has a penis and all but yep, he gives a shit, I don't give a shit. I just asked that we use purple cause I like purple. 
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    This was me talking to the florist on the phone a couple months ago:
    Florist: so which types of flowers do you like? 
    Me: I don't really care. I like the big fluffy ones, whatever types those are, but it doesn't matter that much
    Florist: which colors do you like? 
    Me: Pink, green, white, ivory, maybe some pops of yellow? Whatever you think will look good
    Florist: What shade of pink?
    Me: Any shade. A bunch of different shades. Whatever
    Florist: Ok what shape do you want the arrangements to be? How tall? How big? We should meet in person
    Me: Just do whatever you think will look good. We don't need to meet. When do I pay you?

    I don't know how many times I said "I don't care" to her, but it was a lot, and she seemed to have a terribly hard time grasping the fact that I. Don't. Care. I know nothing about flowers. And they're at the bottom of my priority list. In fact the only thing I got controlling and super picky over was the food and liquor. Everything else? Psh. I don't care.  
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    my sister had the nerve to text me back at the beginning of July telling me oh the prices of a wedding is this much. i said i know this. shes said well we saw you sunday and you didnt mention one thing about the wedding. Im seriously do i have to talk about wedding stuff every single damn time we do something family related. i am not my cousin who that is all she talks about.

    i told my FI yesterday that if anyone asks what our theme is its wedding. (he is sarcastic so its perfect for him)
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    I really gave no shits about most of the wedding details that were unrelated to proper hosting. Didn't give a flying fuck what anyone was wearing, whether they were in the wedding or not. It got to the point where my sisters were freaking out about picking dresses (they wanted them to be the "right" shade of blue), so I just went to Macy's and picked up the first blue dresses I saw - they liked them and wore them. I let DH pick the ties for his groomsmen. Told the RB's and ushers' parents to dress the kids in whatever, I didn't really care. The RB's mom actually texted us before the wedding because her husband let the kid get a faux-hawk. We were like, "let him rock it, it looks awesome!" I don't think anyone expected that at all. The only stuff I put a lot of thought into were things *I* had control over - the quality and amount of booze/food, favors, and the flowers I made for centerpieces/bouts/corsages - and even then, wasn't crazed over it. I mean, I bought my wedding dress on eBay - how fussy could I really be?
    ~*~*~*~*~

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    Word. 

    I mean, I like nice things. I will throw the nicest party I can afford. Like, sure, I enjoy string quartets and big bands and cool lighting and flowers and all that shit. But I am well aware that as long as people are fed and (fire)watered, and there is some kind of music playing, all will be well. 

    Although I want to know: Is it the titties, the ovaries, or just the second X chromosome that is supposed to trigger the "ZOMG weddings!" gene? 
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
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    The only thing I really lost my mind over was the mac'n'cheese bar. Because MAC'N'CHEESE IS LIFE. H actually had to hug me and tell me it was worth going over our food budget to make sure everything would be delicious.

    I am pretty good at making decisions in a budget, so I didn't get upset about not having fancy silverware or napkins. I didn't have chargers, or nice china (it was plain white), or different glasses for different drinks. I don't give two shits if you drink your diet Coke out of a wine glass or a water goblet.
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    @inkdancer I got super excited about the mac & cheese bar that we are having too.  and the Smores bar.  And the open bar.  Everything else is just details.
    You, my dear, have excellent priorities.
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    @inkdancer I got super excited about the mac & cheese bar that we are having too.  and the Smores bar.  And the open bar.  Everything else is just details.
    Can I come to your wedding?
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    edited December 2014
    I'm the half of my relationship that wanted to elope...  I'm getting into planning more now simply because I realized that if my fiance and I are making the decisions and controlling the process, then other people can't meddle (at least not as much).

    We only met with one officiant and liked him but I was a little off-put that he looked at my fiance and said, "we have to make her happy," about 2 minutes into our meeting.  I set him straight right then and there that my fiance has gone to almost every wedding-related meeting with me, is copied on all of the emails, and has had a say in every decision.  He needs to be happy too; this is OUR wedding, not my wedding.

    Once he got that, the guy seemed to chill a bit more and I warmed to him.
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    This is actually why I nixxed my wedding 2 months before it happened! I was never into weddings but went ahead and booked this crap anyways. Then out to lunch one day a friend was grilling me about the wedding and I said "I don't give a shit about the flowers, the cake, the attendants outfits, the location, who shows up, basically I don't fucking care about any of it and I'm not happy to be spending all this money on it". I went home that day and said to myself wow- why am I doing this if that's how I feel about it?! Mondy rolled around and we called and canceled everything and booked the restaurant for immediate family and 3 friends (the wedding party). I was finally happy and excited about it, instead of dreading it! But people definitely were stunned and didn't understand why I canceled it, they were like so if you can afford it, I don't get what the problem is?

                                                                     

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    @inkdancer I got super excited about the mac & cheese bar that we are having too.  and the Smores bar.  And the open bar.  Everything else is just details.

    Can I come to your wedding?

    Can I be your date to her wedding?
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    *totally crashing @lacqueredlover's wedding*
    ~*~*~*~*~

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    @larrygaga yes of course! FI would only stop me from eating all the mac n' cheese. You would help me.
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    @lacqueredlover When I crash your wedding, I will bring mead, chocolate chip cookies, and limoncello cake with marscarpone frosting and shaved white chocolate. Deal? :D
    ~*~*~*~*~

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    I really didn't care what our bridal party wore. They knew there were purple and orange flowers in my bouquet (which was surprise the morning of the wedding...didn't have a clue what it would look like. But it was stunning) so I said plan around that. The girls both were in purple or blueish purple dresses and the guys in blue or grey suits. I figured they should buy something they like and will wear again. One of the guys and girls have already reworn their outfits so that's awesome.

    When they asked about shoes I laughed and pointed out I bought the first purple flats I found and also wore my damn hiking boots for some of the day. Don't care about shoes.

    My main concerns were who would be there, that our vendors showed up, and that the rain stopped. MIL wore a very bright / clashing to everyone else's outfit and was worried I'd freak out since it was a bit wild looking. I said it suited her (it really did) and that she looked beautiful.
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    @lacqueredlover When I crash your wedding, I will bring mead, chocolate chip cookies, and limoncello cake with marscarpone frosting and shaved white chocolate. Deal? :D
    Oh I'm still pushing for a cookie bar as well at the end of the night when people are leaving for the after party back at the hotel :-)
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    @lacqueredlover When I crash your wedding, I will bring mead, chocolate chip cookies, and limoncello cake with marscarpone frosting and shaved white chocolate. Deal? :D
    Oh I'm still pushing for a cookie bar as well at the end of the night when people are leaving for the after party back at the hotel :-)
    I was going to do cookies for my wedding, but then I got lazy. I make, like, 30 different kinds so once I starting to think about how I'd have to pick and choose varieties (it's like choosing your favorite cheese - it just can't be done), I gave up. No way was I going to be able to bake enough for 30 different kinds of cookies AND finish all the last minute crap for the wedding at the same time. But for you, I'd bring whatever cookies you want.
    ~*~*~*~*~

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