Thoughts on a fully choreographed first dance?

[Deleted User]

So a guy I knew from high school recently got married and posted a video of he and his new wife's first dance on Facebook....

It was a fully choreographed waltz. I don't mean like, clearly the couple took some classes to learn to waltz together. I mean this waltz was rife with lifts and spins and dips that were clearly "marked"....not spontaneous. 

He was always very showy and a bit AWish in high school. 

What say the snarky brides about such a spectacle (I am calling it that because that is exactly how it appeared)? 

EDITED: because spelling is hard 

Inkdancer

Seriously, I'm a dancer and I wouldn't do this.

vulpiepop

I wouldn't mind it if that's what the couple wants and it suits them to do so. Nothing wrong with trying to look good doing something at your wedding, but I wouldn't do it myself. I have other things to worry about than trying to remember all of my cues and making sure FI does too.

doeydo

I hate it.  It takes away from the romance and, IDK the word for it, honesty of the moment I guess.  I love first dances that are just the couple swaying in each others arms, it is so romantic and you can see how much they love each other, IMO.

photokitty

I don't mind it, IF it isn't more than the length of a normal first dance song. 

I certainly don't mind a waltz or swing dance that the couple learned via dance classes. 

I side eye the ones that incorporate the bridal party. I HATE the ones that are in addition to a first dance - I don't want to watch a dance recital. Not cool. Not OK.

You get one first dance that I'm held captive for - I'll give you a father daughter and mother son dance too. Personally, we did the FD & MS dances at the same time and faded the music out after 90 seconds. No one wants to sit through 15 mins of spotlight dances.

AddieCake

As long as it isn't some goofy dance staged to try to get laughs, dance that is too long, or a bridal party dance, I don't mind how the bride and groom dance.

Jen4948

AddieCake said:

As long as it isn't some goofy dance staged to try to get laughs, dance that is too long, or a bridal party dance, I don't mind how the bride and groom dance.

See below.

porkchops926

When I was younger I thought the best idea in the world for my wedding was to be able to rip of the skirt of my dress to expose hotpants and do a fully choreographed dance with my new husband to Ballroom Blitz. 

That was when I did a lot of LSD...

beethery

porkchops926 said:

When I was younger I thought the best idea in the world for my wedding was to be able to rip of the skirt of my dress to expose hotpants and do a fully choreographed dance with my new husband to Ballroom Blitz. 

That was when I did a lot of LSD...

You've still got time to make this happen purely for my entertainment.

slothiegal

porkchops926 said:

When I was younger I thought the best idea in the world for my wedding was to be able to rip of the skirt of my dress to expose hotpants and do a fully choreographed dance with my new husband to Ballroom Blitz. 

That was when I did a lot of LSD...

I am 100% OK with this.

jacques27

Hate it.  Hate it hate it hate it.

1. Unless they are professional ballroom dancers, they are never as good as they think they are and it causes me a great amount of discomfort watching them, akin to what I experience when I watch the first few audition episodes of American Idol where perfectly nice people who genuinely believe they have talent get their souls crushed by the icy cold bucket of truth.

2. It's a wedding, not a platform to make up for not being good enough to be the Broadway star you always dreamed of being.  If I wanted to see a show, I'd buy tickets to one.  I just want to see a sweet 90 second moment between the bride and groom, eat some cake, and drink some bourbon.

I don't have a problem with people who take dance lessons and practice a style of dancing.  If you genuinely have no dancing talent, I think it's sweet to try and actually dance instead of swaying in place like you're at your first junior high school dance.  But a full on choreographed number makes me think you care more about attention than dancing with your spouse and I just don't find that kind of self-indulgence interesting or attractive.

lalalorelai

Hate it.

Also, I recently found out that my friend who's wedding I am in this July is choreographing a dance for the bridal party to do. Lord, grant me patience and at least a fifth of tequila.

larrygaga

Inkdancer said:

Seriously, I'm a dancer and I wouldn't do this.

This. I will do a classic ballroom dance that we maybe will rehearse once. Choreography is for the stage. 

And I'm a ballroom/swing/salsa teacher.

theartistformerlyknownas

Hate it. Too AW-y, and I'm normally pretty forgiving of people being AWs at their own wedding. And personally, I loved that private moment to just snuggle up to my new H and sway. I wouldn't have wanted to give that up, so seeing people put on that spectacle just makes me sad that they're missing out.

bethsmiles

The only fully choreographed first dance I've seen and really liked is this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGeSboIH-Ys

The couple just looks so joyful and still really into the moment (and they are both dancers so it isn't painfully awkward to watch!). But usually, with those types of dances the couple looks so focused on the dance that it seems like it would sort of take away from the moment. 

Jen4948

There was a video a few years ago of a couple who started out dancing slowly to "Unchained Melody" and then had a surprise: The music suddenly changed to a fast song that they danced to. It was clearly choreographed.

It was cute but also just kind of...AWish somehow. I mean, this was a spotlight dance, and they already had everyone's attention, so I'm not sure what the point was. They could have just chosen the second song and had a lot of fun.

So I'm "meh" on choreographed dances. They don't violate etiquette but they don't do anything for me either.

Inkdancer

Jen4948 said:

There was a video a few years ago of a couple who started out dancing slowly to "Unchained Melody" and then had a surprise: The music suddenly changed to a fast song that they danced to. It was clearly choreographed. It was cute but also just kind of...AWish somehow. I mean, this was a spotlight dance, and they already had everyone's attention, so I'm not sure what the point was. They could have just chosen the second song and had a lot of fun. So I'm "meh" on choreographed dances. They don't violate etiquette but they don't do anything for me either.

These also concern me. My DJ was supposed to invite people to join us for the second half of my mother-daughter dance, and she didn't, and she was supposed to fade the music after 90 seconds, and she didn't. So it was 3.5 minutes of just us, and it was probably really awkward, but I couldn't bring myself to tell my mom "okay I am done dancing with you now".

ohannabelle

bethsmiles said:

The only fully choreographed first dance I've seen and really liked is this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGeSboIH-Ys

The couple just looks so joyful and still really into the moment (and they are both dancers so it isn't painfully awkward to watch!). But usually, with those types of dances the couple looks so focused on the dance that it seems like it would sort of take away from the moment. 

Honestly, this sort of thing makes me puke in my mouth a little. Hate everything about it.

I mean, really. Is it a wedding, or an episode of America's got talent? People seem to confuse their weddings with stage productions, and I just really hate it. It's all about the big show, it's all about the posed pictures, it's all about the videos. 

Blech. All of the productions. 

They always feel to me like some high school girl wedding fantasy. And then we'll do the number from Dirty Dancing, and then all our friends will clap when he lifts me up, and then the bridesmaids will start dancing....

Puke puke puke. If people want to put on a show, rent a stage and put on a ferking show. But a wedding isn't a talent show. 

Taking a couple dance lessons so you don't feel awkward? That's different.  But choreographed performances just make my ass ache. 

banana468

I hate the choreographed first dance or any dance.   It turns the reception into a bunch of AWish moments instead of being what it should be - a way to thank the guests.     

If you want to look like you know what you're doing then take some dance lessons.   

thisismynickname2

I totally understand getting some dance lessons if you don't want to look like a fool for your first dance. Unfortunately, everybody that I've seen do a first dance after "a couple" dance lessons looks stiff and like they're counting steps in their head.

Focusing on your spouse > focusing on counting steps. 

slothiegal

ohannabelle said:

bethsmiles said:

The only fully choreographed first dance I've seen and really liked is this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGeSboIH-Ys

The couple just looks so joyful and still really into the moment (and they are both dancers so it isn't painfully awkward to watch!). But usually, with those types of dances the couple looks so focused on the dance that it seems like it would sort of take away from the moment. 

Honestly, this sort of thing makes me puke in my mouth a little. Hate everything about it.

I mean, really. Is it a wedding, or an episode of America's got talent? People seem to confuse their weddings with stage productions, and I just really hate it. It's all about the big show, it's all about the posed pictures, it's all about the videos. 

Blech. All of the productions. 

They always feel to me like some high school girl wedding fantasy. And then we'll do the number from Dirty Dancing, and then all our friends will clap when he lifts me up, and then the bridesmaids will start dancing....

Puke puke puke. If people want to put on a show, rent a stage and put on a ferking show. But a wedding isn't a talent show. 

Taking a couple dance lessons so you don't feel awkward? That's different.  But choreographed performances just make my ass ache. 

If I could of had Patrick Swayze (RIP, you amazing man) present at my wedding, you'd best believe I'd be reenacting Dirty Dancing.

But that is the only time it could be justified.

jacques27

bethsmiles said:

The only fully choreographed first dance I've seen and really liked is this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGeSboIH-Ys

The couple just looks so joyful and still really into the moment (and they are both dancers so it isn't painfully awkward to watch!). But usually, with those types of dances the couple looks so focused on the dance that it seems like it would sort of take away from the moment. 

I really wanted to like it, but still blech.  But that's mostly because I thought the first guy and blonde woman who started out dancing by themselves were the bride and groom.  And I thought "Oh, she changed into this outfit for this performance...ok..."  Then they were joined by a bunch of people and I thought "Oh, they brought the wedding party into it.  Well, at least they are all good dancers.  Hopefully this group dance is the only special dance."  And then after 2.5 minutes I was kind of over it...and that's when I realized the bride and groom haven't even come out yet.  UGH!  After about 30 more seconds of just the bride and groom I was over it, which is a shame because I probably wouldn't have felt that way if the beginning part hadn't been dragged out as long as it had or their portion hadn't dragged on for another 3 minutes after.

So yeah, this video has done nothing to change my opinion of choreographed dances.

Fairyjen1

   I like them , but I'm biased. I'm a professional dancer and choreographer and I have made a buck or two choreographing these dances for peoples weddings so the more there are, the better for business!

   I admit I don't have a unbiased opinion, so take my answer with a grain of salt . 

   On a side note, we didn't do this for our wedding. My husband doesn't like to dance!

ashley8918

allispain

I'm very much not a fan. DH and I were at a wedding recently where our friends did a choreographed first dance. The thing is, they talked it up for months beforehand. Months. So our expectations were pretty high. When it was over, DH leaned over and said, "That's it?" It was apparent they had taken a lesson or two - but it definitely did not reflect the months (and $$$) they put into it.

mrsdee15

I've only been at a wedding with a choreographed dance once, a few months ago.  Love the couple, but it was just... ick.  It felt like a show, not a wedding.  They did the choreographed dance, and then their first dance, and then turned down the lights and showed a little mini-movie about the couple with photos from their childhood.  It just felt like too much of a production.

manillabar

jacques27 said:

bethsmiles said:

The only fully choreographed first dance I've seen and really liked is this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGeSboIH-Ys

The couple just looks so joyful and still really into the moment (and they are both dancers so it isn't painfully awkward to watch!). But usually, with those types of dances the couple looks so focused on the dance that it seems like it would sort of take away from the moment. 

I really wanted to like it, but still blech.  But that's mostly because I thought the first guy and blonde woman who started out dancing by themselves were the bride and groom.  And I thought "Oh, she changed into this outfit for this performance...ok..."  Then they were joined by a bunch of people and I thought "Oh, they brought the wedding party into it.  Well, at least they are all good dancers.  Hopefully this group dance is the only special dance."  And then after 2.5 minutes I was kind of over it...and that's when I realized the bride and groom haven't even come out yet.  UGH!  After about 30 more seconds of just the bride and groom I was over it, which is a shame because I probably wouldn't have felt that way if the beginning part hadn't been dragged out as long as it had or their portion hadn't dragged on for another 3 minutes after.

So yeah, this video has done nothing to change my opinion of choreographed dances.

this was my EXACT thought process!

lovegood90

manillabar said:

jacques27 said:

bethsmiles said:

The only fully choreographed first dance I've seen and really liked is this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGeSboIH-Ys

The couple just looks so joyful and still really into the moment (and they are both dancers so it isn't painfully awkward to watch!). But usually, with those types of dances the couple looks so focused on the dance that it seems like it would sort of take away from the moment. 

I really wanted to like it, but still blech.  But that's mostly because I thought the first guy and blonde woman who started out dancing by themselves were the bride and groom.  And I thought "Oh, she changed into this outfit for this performance...ok..."  Then they were joined by a bunch of people and I thought "Oh, they brought the wedding party into it.  Well, at least they are all good dancers.  Hopefully this group dance is the only special dance."  And then after 2.5 minutes I was kind of over it...and that's when I realized the bride and groom haven't even come out yet.  UGH!  After about 30 more seconds of just the bride and groom I was over it, which is a shame because I probably wouldn't have felt that way if the beginning part hadn't been dragged out as long as it had or their portion hadn't dragged on for another 3 minutes after.

So yeah, this video has done nothing to change my opinion of choreographed dances.

this was my EXACT thought process!

Thirded! That was painful to watch. Had to fast forward before the 2 minute mark. I don't get why this type of thing is necessary at all.

doeydo

slothiegal said:

ohannabelle said:

bethsmiles said:

The only fully choreographed first dance I've seen and really liked is this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGeSboIH-Ys

The couple just looks so joyful and still really into the moment (and they are both dancers so it isn't painfully awkward to watch!). But usually, with those types of dances the couple looks so focused on the dance that it seems like it would sort of take away from the moment. 

Honestly, this sort of thing makes me puke in my mouth a little. Hate everything about it.

I mean, really. Is it a wedding, or an episode of America's got talent? People seem to confuse their weddings with stage productions, and I just really hate it. It's all about the big show, it's all about the posed pictures, it's all about the videos. 

Blech. All of the productions. 

They always feel to me like some high school girl wedding fantasy. And then we'll do the number from Dirty Dancing, and then all our friends will clap when he lifts me up, and then the bridesmaids will start dancing....

Puke puke puke. If people want to put on a show, rent a stage and put on a ferking show. But a wedding isn't a talent show. 

Taking a couple dance lessons so you don't feel awkward? That's different.  But choreographed performances just make my ass ache. 

If I could of had Patrick Swayze (RIP, you amazing man) present at my wedding, you'd best believe I'd be reenacting Dirty Dancing.

But that is the only time it could be justified.

I am not even joking, but back when SO were planning on getting married, his mom wanted us to do the Dirty Dancing dance from the end of the movie at our wedding.  Um, first of all it is AW-ish, embarrassing, and lets not forget how hard Baby tried to do the lift how the fuck would I do it?

badbnagdway

We are going to be dancing to Thriller so there's definitely some choreography involved. 

climbingsingle

Add me to the list of people who do not like choreographed dances. Aside from it being SO CHEESY and overdone, it just really comes off as, "Look at me! Pay attention to me!" Which is weird, because, it's already your wedding day. People are paying attention to you.