Who to invite and who not to invite

breezzy33

So it's a bit far off as I'm not getting married until October of 2016, but I am trying to get a guest list figured out in order to better know what my budget should be. We originally planned on having our wedding on a Monday in order to have it on Halloween and to hopefully help to cut costs, but a few months ago I started a new 9-5 job and have really grown to like a few of the girls in my office and would like for them to be able to come so I have been considering pushing it to a Sunday. Now here comes the problem. One of the girls in my office I do not want to invite. If I do change the date to a Sunday is it rude of me to invite the other girls and not her?

Maggie0829

I would wait to decide to invite anyone from work until your wedding gets closer.  Certainly put spots in your guest list so that you can figure out your budget, but when it comes to inviting co-workers things can become touchy.  I would give yourself time to see if these co-workers become your friends (meaning you hang out, outside of the office) and then make a decision as to whether or not to invite them.

Also, how many people work at your place of employment?  If it is only a handful and you want to invite all but one person, that could lead to some major hurt feelings and ridiculous office drama and gossip which could make for a crappy working situation.

But if you do decide to invite people from work then invites need to be sent to their homes, not distributed in the office and all wedding talk at the office should be kept to a minimum.

breezzy33

@maggie It's a very small company so there's only 30, most of them are guys so I don't think the guys would mind at all. However there are four girls in my department including me I want to invite two of them. I know I definitely want to invite one as we hang out after work and go to the gym together at lease three times a week. 

short+sassy

Certainly a lot can change between now and then, but a good rule of thumb for this kind of situation is what are numbers/percentages/dynamics.  For example, if there are 10 people in your work group and you choose to invite roughly half of them, I think that is fine.  Especially if those are people you socialize with outside of work and you don't do that with the others.

Where it starts getting touchy and a bad idea is when you start inviting 80-90% of the group and leaving out one or two.  And I personally had that happen to me!  A former coworker had a Superbowl party and invited everyone from the 15-person office, except for myself and two others.  I was good friends with one of the other people and we both felt very hurt and excluded.  Of course, it didn't help that EVERYONE was gassing on about the party for the entire week before it and the day or two after it.

Which brings me to point number two.  Regardless of what you decide, don't discuss the wedding planning at work.  It's fine to answer questions if someone else brings it up, but keep it to a minimum.  And send the invites to peoples' homes.

southernbelle0915

Your wedding is almost 2 years away. Your relationships with these people may change. Especially if y'all work together. I would certainly not move a date just so a couple co-workers could come. 

Fortunately, you will not need to make any final guest list decisions until about 1 year from now. That's about the earliest you would send out save-the-dates (6-10 months before the wedding). If you aren't doing save the dates, you don't need to have a final guest list until you send out invitations (6-8 weeks before the wedding).

And also, you should figure out your budget FIRST. THEN your guest list.

WhatawagSBNy

Leave a few spaces for co-workers you get to know and entertain outside the office. Don't promise invites to anyone yet.

When the time comes some people may no longer even be there. You may not.
The general rule is that it is okay to invite just those you know well and even see outside work, unless it has the effect of inviting a whole large group but one. Then you must invite all unless that person has done something grievous to you.
Most often, people you don't like will not choose to buy a gift or attend, they decline your invitation because they don't much like you either.

short+sassy

Oh!  Also wanted to add that, while there is nothing wrong with having a wedding on a weeknight/Halloween, there is a good chance you will have a higher than normal percentage of declines.  Especially from guests who have small children.

Always plan for 100% attendance!  But it is something to keep in mind.

thisismynickname2

WhatawagSBNy said:

Leave a few spaces for co-workers you get to know and entertain outside the office. Don't promise invites to anyone yet. When the time comes some people may no longer even be there. You may not. The general rule is that it is okay to invite just those you know well and even see outside work, unless it has the effect of inviting a whole large group but one. Then you must invite all unless that person has done something grievous to you. Most often, people you don't like will not choose to buy a gift or attend, they decline your invitation because they don't much like you either.

I whole-heartedly agree with this. And up until you are ready to send actual invitations (approx 2 months before the wedding), keep all wedding talk to a minimum.  People may certainly ask you questions which is fun, but just answer them-- don't bring things up. With the coworker you see outside of work, I can see that being relaxed a bit, but still try to keep everything on the down low. 

I feel like coworkers are the one population of "friends" that are totally fine not being invited to weddings. Work friends are often just a different breed of friends, so to speak. When people have the space and budget to invite work friends that aren't even seen outside of work, it's very nice. 

huskypuppy14

breezzy33 said:

@maggie It's a very small company so there's only 30, most of them are guys so I don't think the guys would mind at all. However there are four girls in my department including me I want to invite two of them. I know I definitely want to invite one as we hang out after work and go to the gym together at lease three times a week. 

First your wedding is very far off. Who knows who will still be working there at that time, so don't make any definite decisions now.

 Take everyone's sex out of the equation and you want to invite 2 out 30 people. That is perfectly acceptable.