Etiquette Confessions

ShesSoCold

So the Pinterest confession thread made me wonder what you guys did that is technically against etiquette. 

I revoked previously invited plus ones (TRUE plus ones) and didn't mail anything when we cancelled our wedding. I enlisted my brother to call everyone. 

ETA: I want you to know that only my sister and my best friend were effected by taking away their plus ones and they weren't planning on bringing anyone to the original wedding anyway. But I did tell them no plus ones when we rescheduled. 

lovegood90

I'm not married so technically no wedding etiquette violations, but I didn't realize until I read these boards that it wasn't okay to put "adults only" on invites. Makes sense though!

beethery

FIL's bought the alcohol for FBIL's wedding, because FBIL/FSIL wanted a dry wedding.

I brought a cooler with ice, a fridge pack of Pibb Zero, and a bottle of vanilla stoli. Her family makes me want to drink myself into a coma. I am that asshole.

thelastdreamer

There were a couple things that happened that were just beyond my control. Like my FMIL threw a surprise shower for us and invited a bunch of people not invited to the wedding. I was PISSED but by the time I found out the invitations were out and it was too late to do anything. DH's mom wanted his two cousins to be Guestbook Attendants, which is whatever. They seemed to feel important and like it but who knows, maybe they're scarred for life. I think I hit all the big, guest comfort related things right.

chibiyui

....we had a tip jar on the bar. It was not a hill I cared to die on.

flutteringinfl

lovegood90 said:

I'm not married so technically no wedding etiquette violations, but I didn't realize until I read these boards that it wasn't okay to put "adults only" on invites. Makes sense though!

I'm also in the boat of "not married yet but learning what is okay/not okay. I previously thought it was bad etiquette NOT to put registry info on the invitation. FI's sister didn't have it on hers and I thought, "Well now I have to ask them where they're registered. That's inconvenient!" Of course it wasn't very much, and I agree with the reason why it's bad etiquette.

I also didn't realize it was bad etiquette to invite people to pre-wedding parties who aren't invited to the wedding, or to have a small ceremony now and a larger reception later, because I've known people who did both and never heard anyone complain. I agree with all the reasons these aren't proper etiquette, though I'm less offended by PPD's than I am at being invited to pre-wedding parties. The latter reeks more of a gift grab to me.

maeday2

I'm keepin' my mouth shut until this ship has sailed. 

jenna8984

Apparently "the honor of your presence" wording is supposed to be for church weddings only. I still don't understand that and don't give a shit. I used it for my restaurant wedding.

Also, when I canceled my large wedding, I still had the immediate family one on the same day. I was told here that it was wrong and I needed to postpone it entirely to make it a "different event". My parents already had plane tickets and the honeymoon was already booked so fuck anyone who really expected me to change the date of it.

theartistformerlyknownas

I asked for RSVPs back almost 6 weeks early. I had already gotten them printed before I realized it was wrong - everything I'd read before said as long as due date was halfway between send date and wedding date, it was cool, and that I could send them 12 weeks early. I asked a bunch of my family if I should reprint them and they all said no. I didn't harass any of the stragglers until the week before though, and didn't tell anyone "sorry Charlie, you missed the deadline."

I saw halfway through the reception that there was a tip jar at the bar. I didn't feel like making a scene about it. There was only like 10 bucks in there.

ShesSoCold

I think we had a tip jar too. I come from a family of bartenders and restaurant employees and they would have been upset if there wasn't a tip jar. 

cupcait927

I honestly cannot think of one thing I did that was against etiquette, mainly because I spent so much time here on TK while I was planning my wedding. I was so cognizant of etiquette and making sure I followed it to a T. However, I'm sure someone will post something that will jog my memory and I'm going to be sad if I found I did do something that could've possibly offended someone.

Inkdancer

BIL surprised us in the middle of the reception by taking the DJ's mic and announcing that he was putting a kiss basket on our table. People had to put cash in the basket to get us to kiss. I was so pissed, but I didn't know how to go after him and say "LOL JK my BIL is a dumbass" so we let it slide.

I still wish I'd not been too stunned to say anything. I still get bent out of shape thinking about it.

ashley8918

I don't want to share... I am so disappointed in myself. But, I will, of course.

You guys, my wedding was 10/12. I haven't sent out thank you notes yet. I have no excuse and I am a horrible person.

FiancB

We worded our invites as "together with our families, we invite you to celebrate the marriage of FiancB and Mr FiancB, 6.28.2014, at 4:30 in the evening, dinner and dancing to follow." 

I know "pleasure of your company" is appropriate for a secular wedding, but it still sounded to hoity-toity to me. When I originally worded it that way it bugged me and H commented it sounded like there were going to be a bunch of people in monocles there. Fair enough. So I simplified it. Still gets the job done. 

Also put the address right on the invites as well as our website. I did not feel like enclosing multiple slips of paper, sorrynotsorry. Our wedding was simple and laid back so our invites were too. 

beethery

FI and the dudes are going to wear tuxes to our 5pm wedding. Devil take the hindmost and blow it out your ass lol

amelisha

I'm not sending invitations. I invited family verbally (his parents, his sister, my parents) and I gave each friend we wanted there a little handwritten card (like nine months before the wedding) that basically said "hey, we're going to go to Vegas to get married in May, and we don't want you to feel like you have to come because we know you've got vacations planned and lots of other things to spend your money on, but we wanted you to have in writing that if you want to come, we love you and we'd love to have you with us, but no pressure, seriously no pressure, we love you, and we're just telling you now so you have plenty of time to figure out logistics if you do want to take a trip to Vegas with us." I managed to phrase it slightly more elegantly but that was the gist of it. 

It's a really small wedding (20ish), we're only inviting our immediate family and best friends, and I wanted them to all have the date written down at least (and have time to save or work out vacation time or whatever), but it seemed so ridiculous to do formal invitations or even save the dates under the circumstances. I felt like it would look so, like...self-centered or narcissistic or something to send save the dates with our stupid faces on them or whatever, with such a small, informal thing planned. 

KatWAG

I put "Adults Only" on my I still dont think this is a huge deal etiquette wise.

Also, a GM's girlfriend couldnt make it. He asked if he could bring his sister. We had plenty of space but I said no. I hate that bitch. Sorrynotsorry.

VulgarGirl

I didn't hand write the addresses on our invitations, our wedding invitation read "We're finally doing it! Fiona and Sophia invite you to witness their wedding...blah, blah, blah", and if a couple lived together but were not legally married I listed them on the same line with the word "and" between them, ie: Tony Stark and Steve Rogers. And I didn't use Mr and Mrs Tony Stark once.

I think there was a tip jar on the bar, I really can't remember. It wasn't ugly if there was one. I know people were putting tips down on the bar and I think at some point someone put up a thing to collect the tips.

My guys wore vests, no jackets, with red (not white) shirts. Those are the big ones I can think of.

sarawifenow

We put "celebration of their marriage" on our invites. I couldn't care less.

SmileDamnit

We didn't have a seating chart, and I encouraged my MIL to wear an ivory dress. Gasp.

mikenberger

I was the asshole that brought a couple of airplane bottles of booze to a dry wedding. I was the MOH. I tried to be very quiet about it though. The groomsmen were super pissed that they didn't think of it first. FOOLS.

I almost committed an etiquette faux pas with a 3 hour gap because I really wanted to go on a bar crawl between the wedding and reception. I tried to think of every way to host it that would appeal to all the masses but alas. Couldn't. *sad face* So now we're pushing back the wedding time and having a cocktail hour in between and then we'll start the reception. Just like everybody else. WAH. (My cousin did that same thing, but her wedding/reception were in two different places and she had a small ceremony with just our family. So we went drinking in between. LITTLE DID I KNOW IT WAS SO WRONG!!)

theartistformerlyknownas

beethery said:

FI and the dudes are going to wear tuxes to our 5pm wedding. Devil take the hindmost and blow it out your ass lol

My dad wore a tux (4:00 ceremony). He "outdressed the groom" since H wore a 3-piece suit. Not a single fuck was given. H was thrilled to not be dressed in a penguin suit, and looked damn hot in his suit.

My dad walked me down the aisle, and wanted to wear a tux "befitting the escort of a princess" and I wasn't about to tell him no.

chibiyui

MagicInk said:

I didn't hand write the addresses on our invitations, our wedding invitation read "We're finally doing it! Fiona and Sophia invite you to witness their wedding...blah, blah, blah", and if a couple lived together but were not legally married I listed them on the same line with the word "and" between them, ie: Tony Stark and Steve Rogers. And I didn't use Mr and Mrs Tony Stark once.

I think there was a tip jar on the bar, I really can't remember. It wasn't ugly if there was one. I know people were putting tips down on the bar and I think at some point someone put up a thing to collect the tips.

My guys wore vests, no jackets, with red (not white) shirts. Those are the big ones I can think of.

Mmmm. Tony Stark and Steve Rogers.

I ship it.

Fran1985

jenna8984 said:

Apparently "the honor of your presence" wording is supposed to be for church weddings only. I still don't understand that and don't give a shit. I used it for my restaurant wedding.

Also, when I canceled my large wedding, I still had the immediate family one on the same day. I was told here that it was wrong and I needed to postpone it entirely to make it a "different event". My parents already had plane tickets and the honeymoon was already booked so fuck anyone who really expected me to change the date of it.

What you did was disinvite people, not cancel your big wedding. Honestly no one was rude to you about it they just gave you etiquette advice, I really think saying "fuck you" to people who commented on that is over the top.

I sent out my invites a week or so early and a tip jar was out about half way through the reception but at that point I wasn't going to make a scene about it.

JennyColada

I put "reception to follow" on our invites even though the reception was a bit down the street (instead of including separate reception cards).

Um...I dunno. I didn't offer any meal choice?

Oh, I didn't have any seating during our "cocktail hour".

Cookie Pusher

I may or may not have told people they could crash our wedding/bar crawl (I also may or may not have reached the point of just not giving a shit anymore). No one did.

labro

I did something pretty bad.

H's best man (Bob) asked to bring a friend to the wedding. So I gave Bob a plus one, he wasn't dating anyone at the time so he brought a guy friend (Jim) who lived locally (BM was from out of town) instead. Jim is a mutual friend of H's but I don't know him well other than at one point he had a girlfriend who lived out of town but I thought they were no longer together.

Well as I learned about 5 minutes after the ceremony was over, they were still together, she was no longer out of town, and guess what - they're engaged! H knew all of this and failed to tell me. Apparently Jim asked if he could also bring his fiancée and Jim and Bob asked H either that morning or the day before the ceremony, H said sorry, we don't have any seating left and told me about it later. Oops...

So anyway, as soon as I was able to actually speak with Jim in person...after dinner was nearly over. I said I was really sorry, and if his FI still wanted to come, she was 100% welcome. She showed up maybe 30 minutes later and was hopefully still able to get some food, I know she at least got cake. I still feel really bad about it and wrote a massive apology in our thank you note to them (they gave us a card and a bottle of wine as a wedding gift).

Here's my even more terrible confession:

I invited my parent's neighbors to the wedding a week after I mailed out our other invitations. I never thought I'd be a B-lister but I realized after the fact that we really ought to have included them, especially since they were gracious enough to let us use their backyard in conjunction with my parents for our rehearsal dinner. At least it wasn't so close to the RSVP by date that it would've been noticeable...but it was still a B-list.

I noticed a tip jar on the bar about halfway through the reception. There were a few dollar bills in it, but the jar was subtle and there was no sign. It wasn't something I was going to throw a fit over.

ETA:

Our ceremony was at 5:30. Groom, groomsmen, and FIL all wore tuxedos. My dad wore his Army dress blues. I thought everyone looked amazing and IDGAF about the 6 pm rule.

mellowmarshmallow

Our GM wore tuxes for an afternoon church wedding. I would have preferred suits, but my DH was adamant about a tux.

Not striclty against etiquette, but something I would change looking back is asking my bridesmaids to order dresses too early (10-12 months out) because the dress was being discontinued. I should have just picked a different dress. It wasn't a big deal, but I did have one bridesmaid who put on a few lbs after injuring her knee a few months prior to the wedding but after she had bought the dress, and I know she was uncomfortable.

Other than those, I think we were pretty etiquette-savvy. Afternoon Catholic wedding, no gap, chairs for everyone, food and drink for everyone.

theartistformerlyknownas

LaPeanut1018 said:

I did something pretty bad.

H's best man (Bob) asked to bring a friend to the wedding. So I gave Bob a plus one, he wasn't dating anyone at the time so he brought a guy friend (Jim) who lived locally (BM was from out of town) instead. Jim is a mutual friend of H's but I don't know him well other than at one point he had a girlfriend who lived out of town but I thought they were no longer together.

Well as I learned about 5 minutes after the ceremony was over, they were still together, she was no longer out of town, and guess what - they're engaged! H knew all of this and failed to tell me. Apparently Jim asked if he could also bring his fiancée and Jim and Bob asked H either that morning or the day before the ceremony, H said sorry, we don't have any seating left and told me about it later. Oops...

You're not obligated to invite SOs of plus-ones. You did nothing wrong. Jim was Bob's guest, not yours.

okulew29

So I'm not married yet, but I don't know that I want to do a ton of inserts, so I'm thinking about just doing one that says to check the app/website for any pertinent information.

Would that be bad?

amelisha

Every wedding I've bartended, I've put up a tip jar. No regrets. 

Of course, no bride or groom has ever tipped me themselves or even offered a reasonable wage, so I wouldn't have even worked those events if I'd been told "no tip jar." 

If I were to hire a bartender for an event of my own (and when I do hire them for work events), they get paid properly and thus wouldn't require a jar, but if they're making garbage money and you're not going to tip them yourself, not cool.