Homeschooled Knotties shout-out!

lurkergirl

lolo883 said:

velvethelicopters said:

Public school wasn't any fun, but it was 8 hours or more away from the narcissistic she demon. Frequently moreas sshe'd be too busy to pick me up so I'd hang out with friends until I eventually had to go home. Only time she cared was if I was gone and there was no one else around to vent her narcissistic rage at. I was away for over 6 days once at 12 and she didn't notice. When I ran away for good, it was 19 days before she noticed and 27 days before she filed a missing child report.

I can't have positive ideas of home school. The few I knew were just as fucked up. I understand it works for some, but when parents are fucked up nightmares who are about indoctrination into a cult over practical and functional knowledge, well, home schooling sucks.

I don't really think this is fair. You have problems with your mom, not with the institution of homeschooling.

_________

Yep. Your posts about your girls make me pee my pants with laughter. Your posts about your mom make want to cry - in part because she worthy of so much hate and in part because you still feel that hate so strongly (despite being totally estranged, I think?) that it permeates most of your posts.

hellohkb

Lol @ someone mentioning the homeschool group meetings are their one social activity of the week. My sister and cousins are currently being homeschooled and they have the busiest social schedule of anyone I know. They're constantly seeing friends and doing fun, educational trips.

Also a ton of adults don't get up early and work a 9-5. I'll probably have to work evenings.

At least no one has asked "but how do you make friends?????????????????" Aka my least favorite common question that makes me roll my eyes so far into the back of my head I can see my brain.

hellosweetie1015

hellohkb said:

"but how do you make friends?????????????????"

"I don't. I make minions." XD

Also by discussing whether or not the word "loquatious" is a dirty word backstage at drama practice. And then finally finding a dictionary and being thoroughly disappointed to discover all it means is "talkative."

...I really was a very odd child...

lovesclimbing

I've been wanting to come to this thread all day, but I had to work.

I was homeschooled all the way through.  I went to a week of Christian school in Kindergarten (parents were traveling and I had relatives who taught there) and then a couple random days in jr. high when I went with my grandma to her class to see what it was like.

Overall, it was a good experience.  We had to be doing school by 8 every morning, and we didn't wear pajamas to do school.  High school was not the best for me.  My older sister was extremely motivated and would do her stuff and excelled.  Me, not so much.  I had bad test anxiety and extreme feelings of not wanting to disappoint my parents and feeling like I needed to be as good or better than my sister. As a result, I would hold off on tests and my mom would let me study a little longer, and then that would happen again. I would end up behind and have to play catch up all summer all three years of high school (I graduated a year early.)  I don't really blame my mom, but rather I wish I would have been more motivated and worked harder.

I do wish I could have played sports or had some more of the travel experiences. For that, I think I will probably put my kids into a public or private school once they hit jr. high or high school. In my town, I played sports through 9th grade. At that point, there were no more community sports put on by the community center because they assumed you'd be playing sports at the high school, which sucked.

I definitely plan to homeschool my children at least for the first few years for many reasons.  For one, I have a sibling who did not learn to read until third grade. Up through the first part of third grade, he was struggling and barely sounding out words.  My mom recognized that he learned at his own pace (and several other boys in my extended family have had a similar experience), and she would do a little reading with him daily but didn't push him at all.  One day, it clicked, and he went from 0 to 60 in a week and was reading at his grade level. He loves reading now. In most public schools, he probably would have been pushed hard and grown to hate reading or labeled with a learning disability.

Another reason, through her senior year, my sister would put in her headphones and go outside (we lived a few miles outside town in a more rural area) and run around for 10 minutes between every single class/subject, sometimes, she would even get up in the middle of class and do that!  It cleared her head and got her focused. You can't do that in public school, and it would have been extremely hard on my sister to have to sit still at a desk with only enough time between classes to collect books for the next one. In public school, she likely would have been labeled as ADD or ADHD.  She's not, she just doesn't learn the traditional way.

I could go on and on, but I have a meeting and I don't want this post to be too long.

hellohkb

hellosweetie1015 said:

"but how do you make friends?????????????????"

"I don't. I make minions." XD Also by discussing whether or not the word "loquatious" is a dirty word backstage at drama practice. And then finally finding a dictionary and being thoroughly disappointed to discover all it means is "talkative." ...I really was a very odd child...

Muahahahaha!

theartistformerlyknownas

@lovesclimbing my brother had the opposite experience with reading. My mom taught us all to read before kindergarten, so he was a pretty strong reader by 1st grade. Well his teacher thought that his reading was making the other kids feel badly about themselves since they couldn't read yet, and told him if he wanted to read, he'd have to stay inside during recess. He came home crying thinking he was in trouble and didn't touch another book for years. And we were in, by all accounts, "a good school." It was really hard for my parents to try to reverse the damage when they pulled us all out 2 years later.

levioosa

While I did say that my constant weekly "social interaction" was going to "school" once a week, I also was part of sports teams and choir, so I suppose I misspoke a little. I got a ton of social interaction.

As for the "kids need to sit for 8 hours" nonsense, I think it's kind of ridiculous to say that when I was working just as hard and getting eight hours or more worth of work done. During college I took 24 units a quarter and worked two full time jobs. What about that says I couldn't function in the work force because I was homeschooled and never learned how to "sit through boring things?"

hellohkb

@levioosa‌ I'm not sure if you're referring to what I said about the once a week social interaction, but my comment wasn't directed at you!

I did dance, homeschool groups, and a few other activities. My mom signed me up for too much stuff, imo.

velvethelicopters

Yeah, my hate from the she demon is back to the front. Sigh. Usually I'm better. But too much at once.

Family holidays, she tries to drag me back. I don't open or read anything, but it still gets me riled.

When she demon choose to degrade my daughters, that was the full stop estrangement to the point even if she'd make an honest apology and be human, I will never accept her back or let her near my children. Granted, I can't believe she'd make an honest change and I will never let anyone mind fuck my children even a tenth as much as she did mem Plus, it's horribly bitchy and inappropriately passive aggressive, but I get way too much enjoyment of denying her the grandchildren she claims to want. I'm the only one who has children for sure, my totally estranged sibling may but no contact whatsoever.

But, DF's family openly accepts my daughters. Which just plays mind fuck again. Mix the letter with FMIL & FFIL going crazy to spoil the girls for Christmas and birthday, the hate blows up.

Add in wedding planning. Where people expect parents to be around. And I want to pitch a fit because damn it, I want a mom around, instead I have the she demon I avoid.

I need to bump my therapy back up. Sigh.

But I wonder if my lack of knowing good home schooling IRL relates. People who had good experience may not talk much because of the "what about socialization/only weird fundamentalists do that/etc" bias is so prevalent, so those of us who got dealt crap bitch more openly. Which only reinforces the bias.

theartistformerlyknownas

I think therapy sounds like a good idea @velvethelicopters‌

arrippa

This has been fascinating to read. I was a public school girl who was pushed along and passed, even when I had problems understanding what I was being taught. It felt more like a factory producing students than an actually learning facility. I always said that I would figure out how to homeschool any children I have so I have enjoyed reading about everyone's experiences.

 

jenna8984

Thank all for responding in a nice manner with your experiences. I don't know anyone who was homeschooled, so my assumptions about social activities were off base, as many of you say you had tons of activities and friends (and also interactions with jerky kids). I also think some of your other points are making more sense, like learning at your own pace, motivating yourself,etc.

Honest question- what about the tougher subjects in high school level? Sometimes you can read it in a book 20 times and still not understand it until someone well versed in the subject breaks and down draws it out for you. Now, I know I don't remember most things from Chemistry or Calculus from 15 years ago- I definitely don't know it well enough to teach it to someone. So (lolo for example) I certainly don't know your mom's background, but was this a challenge for you or her? Did you ever feel like you needed an expert in the subject to teach it to you and she just wasn't?

theartistformerlyknownas

My mom was a nurse and my dad worked in radiology, so they were both very well versed in science and a lot of the math, plus they were both military with a great appreciation for history. My grandpa was an engineer so he helped my sister when she got to calc; I chose not to take it. But we also went to the internet for things, or reached out to other friends/family/each other.

Eta @jenna8984‌

levioosa

jenna8984 said:

Thank all for responding in a nice manner with your experiences. I don't know anyone who was homeschooled, so my assumptions about social activities were off base, as many of you say you had tons of activities and friends (and also interactions with jerky kids). I also think some of your other points are making more sense, like learning at your own pace, motivating yourself,etc.

Honest question- what about the tougher subjects in high school level? Sometimes you can read it in a book 20 times and still not understand it until someone well versed in the subject breaks and down draws it out for you. Now, I know I don't remember most things from Chemistry or Calculus from 15 years ago- I definitely don't know it well enough to teach it to someone. So (lolo for example) I certainly don't know your mom's background, but was this a challenge for you or her? Did you ever feel like you needed an expert in the subject to teach it to you and she just wasn't?

I went to "school" once a week where we had teachers to help with those subjects.  My Mom also got us tutors when we were really unsure or having a hard time grasping the subject.  I would probably say it's easier now than ever to conquer those subjects because of all the resources available online.  I just took an organic chemistry class through my university where the coursework was online and the labs were in class.  The professor was terrible, and the only reason I got my A was because I studied like crazy and spent a lot of time watching youtube/science tutorials.  They were lifesavers.  I'm not saying that youtube should be your child's teacher, but it's definitely a great resource to use. 

One other point: Another benefit of homeschooling is that it is more flexible for struggling students.  In school the only option is to push on and finish the curriculum in a set amount of time.  If you have 3/30 students who are failing, you press on, they never get the material, and then they fail.  If you are having trouble when you're home schooled, there's time to slow down and try the material from different angles.  I'm not good at math.  But one of the only reasons I understand it is because I had a teacher who taught me the European way instead of the American way.  It made so much more sense than everything else we had been trying (American curriculum-wise). 

I loved home schooling, but it's not for everyone.  It wasn't right for my brother, but it was for me. I had some of the best years of my life, but other people hated it.  My best friend was mercilessly bullied.  Her Mom also lacked consistency and so she never got a solid education. The reason I went back to school was because there was some drama between my Mom and another  Mom (the one who wouldn't get her children birth certificates).  My Mom was really hurt and she sent me to high school because she didn't want to deal with the moms anymore. 

Home schooling isn't perfect, but it definitely has a lot to offer if done correctly.

theartistformerlyknownas

levioosa said:

I went to "school" once a week where we had teachers to help with those subjects.  My Mom also got us tutors when we were really unsure or having a hard time grasping the subject.  I would probably say it's easier now than ever to conquer those subjects because of all the resources available online.  I just took an organic chemistry class through my university where the coursework was online and the labs were in class.  The professor was terrible, and the only reason I got my A was because I studied like crazy and spent a lot of time watching youtube/science tutorials.  They were lifesavers.  I'm not saying that youtube should be your child's teacher, but it's definitely a great resource to use.  

One other point: Another benefit of homeschooling is that it is more flexible for struggling students.  In school the only option is to push on and finish the curriculum in a set amount of time.  If you have 3/30 students who are failing, you press on, they never get the material, and then they fail.  If you are having trouble when you're home schooled, there's time to slow down and try the material from different angles.  I'm not good at math.  But one of the only reasons I understand it is because I had a teacher who taught me the European way instead of the American way.  It made so much more sense than everything else we had been trying (American curriculum-wise). 

I loved home schooling, but it's not for everyone.  It wasn't right for my brother, but it was for me. I had some of the best years of my life, but other people hated it.  My best friend was mercilessly bullied.  Her Mom also lacked consistency and so she never got a solid education. The reason I went back to school was because there was some drama between my Mom and another  Mom (the one who wouldn't get her children birth certificates).  My Mom was really hurt and she sent me to high school because she didn't want to deal with the moms anymore. 

Home schooling isn't perfect, but it definitely has a lot to offer if done correctly.

One thing my mom was really big on was not just allowing an answer to be "wrong." We worked through coursework and then took tests at the end of the segment the same as traditional schools would, but after grading the test we had to go back and re-do the questions we got wrong until we understood how to do it and got it right. There was no just "moving on" with less than 100%, whereas I got to college and there were kids in my classes who didn't know how to add fractions, because they never learned it and did just well enough to pass the class/grade and move along. 

VulgarGirl

@jenna8984, when I was in high school I started taking classes at the community college and there would always be a few homeschool kids in there who were technically still in high school but would take college intro classes in harder subjects or things they were excelling in. Like if they had gone as far as they could in say English with their homeschool material, they'd come take English 101 at community college.

hellosweetie1015

jenna8984 said:

Honest question- what about the tougher subjects in high school level? Sometimes you can read it in a book 20 times and still not understand it until someone well versed in the subject breaks and down draws it out for you. Now, I know I don't remember most things from Chemistry or Calculus from 15 years ago- I definitely don't know it well enough to teach it to someone. So (lolo for example) I certainly don't know your mom's background, but was this a challenge for you or her? Did you ever feel like you needed an expert in the subject to teach it to you and she just wasn't?

In the end, this is why my parents and I decided to make the move into a more traditional setting for me. My mother struggled with math, and my dad didn't really do a lot of the teaching and so struggled to conceptualize it in a way I could understand. I had an excellent tutor in 9th and 10th grade who helped me, but I did geometry in both of those years and STILL do not truly understand it. And the physical sciences were not an option; neither of them felt capable of teaching me biology and chemistry, and at the time, our area did not have the one-off classes it has started to offer now. So the best choice for me was to make that move.

I did run into issues when I first tried to make the move before 10th grade. I visited a private school where I'd earned a partial scholarship (the school I graduated from), and I visited the public school whose district we live in (where my sister currently is). The difference was absolutely striking. At the private school, the conversation was addressed to me AND my parents, my input was taken as valued, and the fact that my curriculum path and their standard path didn't mesh was presented as a non-issue. At the public school, the conversation completely excluded me as an active participant, even when I attempted to break in. It was this huge horrible disastrous issue that my curriculum didn't exactly match theirs, and the guidance counselor made it seem like it wasn't an option to tell them no.

So I told him no and left. My dad laughs about it to this day.