Help with gifts etiquette for people who eloped and will be living abroad

Knottie23256925

Ok so I have a very weird situation. My husband is Honduran and I'm American but I'm currently living in London in order to attend graduate school and Alex is in Honduras (yes it SUCKS!).  We had a civil ceremony in Honduras two weeks ago and really only his family came and my parents from the US.  We were planning on sending wedding announcements with a few pictures but many people have been asking us about gifts.  

We aren't planning on moving to the US for a while because of visa issues. We are trying to Canada, though, so any gifts would have to be mailed to my parents house in Wisconsin (there is no way I could receive the gifts here. The shipping would be crazy AND there is no way I could get all that to my home in USA without paying a fortune to ship it all there later!) We know it's probably not practical to register now because we won't really know what we need until we have a place (besides the basics which when you add them up are a bit expensive). We are hoping to move in together in fall but obviously doing a registry nine months late isn't practical either. Neither of us really has that much money right now as I'm going to finish school and Alex will be starting school in fall so we are trying to save all of our pennies. So we thought we would still register now. Thoughts? 

I know it's not great etiquette to put a registry on a wedding announcement but what about doing a little website with pictures and then adding a registry to the website?  I'm not really sure how to go about this one...?  HELP!! 

Much appreciated-

Becca

AddieCake

I think it is weird to register after you are married, and I would think you were soliciting gifts if you sent that out. If people want to send you a gift, say you didn't register anywhere but are saving for the future. Then they can send a monetary gift if they want.

mlg78

What Addie said. I'd totally side eye someone registering after being married.  Most people will send a monetary gift, especially if they know the situation.

I was in Honduras in November and loved it!

lovegood90

I agree, since you're already married the time for registering has passed.

jacques27

Nope.  The opportunity to register and get all the goodies that go along with it passed.

If people want to give you a physical gift - they can give you what they want you to have (and some people do their own thing on the gift giving thing even if there is a registry anyway).

OR...they'll realize on their own that your living circumstances aren't conducive to receiving physical gifts and they'll just write you a check.

If they ask if you're registered, then just politely say "Well, with me in London and Husband in Honduras, it just wasn't practical to register as we won't be living together until September."  They'll understand and send you a check if they want to give you a gift.

Then, you take those checks to the bank and buy the stuff you would have put on your registry yourself once you get settled in the fall.  But you do not put gift information on the announcements or a website or even register.

LondonLisa

I agree it is very tacky to register post wedding. That ship has sailed, and it seems like it was for the best as you can't accept gifts. Ditto Jaques- If (and only if!) someone asks directly where you are registered, just say "because of travel and moving logistics we didn't register". It's the truth, and they will read that to give you money if they would like to give you a gift. Absolutely do not insert it in a wedding announcement or on an after-wedding website. It is incredibly gift grabby and crass!

MGP

Registry information on a wedding invitation is super tacky.

Registry information on a wedding announcement is the tackiest of tacky.

It may not be your intent, but you sound very presumptuous thinking that people that you did not invite to your wedding will want to give you a gift.

huskypuppy14

Knottie23256925 said:

Ok so I have a very weird situation. My husband is Honduran and I'm American but I'm currently living in London in order to attend graduate school and Alex is in Honduras (yes it SUCKS!).  We had a civil ceremony in Honduras two weeks ago and really only his family came and my parents from the US.  We were planning on sending wedding announcements with a few pictures but many people have been asking us about gifts.  

We aren't planning on moving to the US for a while because of visa issues. We are trying to Canada, though, so any gifts would have to be mailed to my parents house in Wisconsin (there is no way I could receive the gifts here. The shipping would be crazy AND there is no way I could get all that to my home in USA without paying a fortune to ship it all there later!) We know it's probably not practical to register now because we won't really know what we need until we have a place (besides the basics which when you add them up are a bit expensive). We are hoping to move in together in fall but obviously doing a registry nine months late isn't practical either. Neither of us really has that much money right now as I'm going to finish school and Alex will be starting school in fall so we are trying to save all of our pennies. So we thought we would still register now. Thoughts? 

I know it's not great etiquette to put a registry on a wedding announcement but what about doing a little website with pictures and then adding a registry to the website?  I'm not really sure how to go about this one...?  HELP!! 

Much appreciated-

Becca

You opportunity to have a wedding website and/or registry has passed. You are already married, congratulations. Just create a wedding album on shutterfly or something if you want to send pictures around to people. If someone asks about getting you a gift, say you never registered and due to your current living situation you don't need anything right now. Smart people will get the hint and give you cash or a gift card if they want. And if they want to get you a physical gift, they don't need a registry for that, they can pick out something they think you'll like.

SP29

Agreed, let people know that you do not have a registry as you both are living away from where you two are likely to settle. If someone wants to buy you a physical gift, they will do it anyway (if someone tells you they have bought you something and where to send it, I'd tell them to send it your parent's house where it can be kept until you settle). Most others who want to give you something will get the hint and give cash/ cheque.

Wedding announcements would be lovely- but no registry or gift information on the announcements or website. 

huskypuppy14

No registry information should ever be mailed to people by the potential recipient of those gifts. No exceptions! 

Showers are exempt, because showers are not thrown by the guest of honor (or should not be) and the point of the shower is give gifts.

Viczaesar

Knottie23256925 said:

Ok so I have a very weird situation. My husband is Honduran and I'm American but I'm currently living in London in order to attend graduate school and Alex is in Honduras (yes it SUCKS!).  We had a civil ceremony in Honduras two weeks ago and really only his family came and my parents from the US.  We were planning on sending wedding announcements with a few pictures but many people have been asking us about gifts.  

We aren't planning on moving to the US for a while because of visa issues. We are trying to Canada, though, so any gifts would have to be mailed to my parents house in Wisconsin (there is no way I could receive the gifts here. The shipping would be crazy AND there is no way I could get all that to my home in USA without paying a fortune to ship it all there later!) We know it's probably not practical to register now because we won't really know what we need until we have a place (besides the basics which when you add them up are a bit expensive). We are hoping to move in together in fall but obviously doing a registry nine months late isn't practical either. Neither of us really has that much money right now as I'm going to finish school and Alex will be starting school in fall so we are trying to save all of our pennies. So we thought we would still register now. Thoughts? 

I know it's not great etiquette to put a registry on a wedding announcement but what about doing a little website with pictures and then adding a registry to the website?  I'm not really sure how to go about this one...?  HELP!! 

Much appreciated-

Becca

You're married.  You should not be registering, and you most definitely should not be advertizing your registry anywhere.

WinstonsGirl

Ditto everyone else.  For what it's worth, DH's entire family lives in Chile.  They all sent us cheques with the 2 cousins who did come up cos they knew sending gifts would be stupid.  Follow everyone else's advice above.