Probably selfish of me, but I'm still annoyed

dcbride86

My (Saturday evening) wedding is right around college exams.  A couple of the OOT people we invited to my wedding are college professors.  They emailed us this week to say they would be unable to attend (their RSVPs are in the mail, but they wanted to send a longer email as well). This is completely understandable.  My guess is that if you decline because of work complications, your friend will completely understand.  She has to expect a lot of declines if she's having a Thursday morning wedding.

bizzy592

Do you want a Fall wedding for the timing, the aesthetics (maple leaves and hay bales), the weather, or a strong affinity for pumpkins?

What about a summer wedding in Northern Canada?

mrscomposer

lizabobiza said:

Do you want a Fall wedding for the timing, the aesthetics (maple leaves and hay bales), the weather, or a strong affinity for pumpkins?

What about a summer wedding in Northern Canada?

I'm not quite sure you know what northern Canada is.  It's Nunavut, the Yukon, and the Northwest Territories.  You're not going to have much luck with hay bales and the rest of your accoutrements there.

In the rest of Canada (the provinces below the territories), hay bales, coloured leaves, and pumpkins happen in the fall, not summer.

madamerwin

OrangePolkaDots said:

My district has their 2015-16 schedule out already, so yes, I do know the exact dates we have off. The only fall break we have is Thanksgiving, which would be a nightmare for anyone to come. As far as not going, they are very good friends of ours so I do really feel obligated. 

I suppose I ought to just not have a honeymoon, as it seems to be complicating things. 

One of my very close friends got married in Mexico last year. I know it's hard to decline when it is a good friend's wedding, but that comes with the territory when you have a DW (especially a weekday morning DW!). I could not attend her wedding for financial reasons, and she understood.

If I were in your shoes, I would probably decline and save my time off for my wedding. 

onefootinthebayou

Agree with PPs.  You are not being selfish but you are misplacing your angst about your wedding date on your friend's decision and making this more difficult for yourself in the process.  It sounds like you are confusing the priorities of planning your own wedding vs. attending your friend's wedding.  My mom was a teacher and many of my friends are teachers so I really do understand your calendar limitations.  If anything, that should make you focus even more on choosing the date/time of year that works for you.  It should not be this hard: 

Step 1. Find a venue and date that works for you, your fiance, and guests.

Step 2. Plan the rest of your life around that, which includes accepting/declining other obligations i.e., a weekday DW that is VERY far away).

One of my close friends is getting married in California one week before me. I live in the Northeast and am getting married on the Gulf Coast.  I cannot attend her wedding.  I am disappointed and so is she but we discussed it and guess what, we're still close friends.  We are adults and adults have to make choices frequently.  She can't attend mine either b/c she'll be on her honeymoon!  You know how much this affects us?  Zero.  I made a special trip to attend her shower, which was out of town (a plane ride for me) b/c I want to participate in her wedding activities since I can't attend.  

If I were you, I would decline the DW and offer to host her for dinner and drinks one night, or whatever you two typically like to do together, and attend any pre-wedding celebrations you are invited to/able to.  

I would not hold her responsible for placing limitations on a choice that is yours and your fiance's to make.