Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Atheist + Catholic

13»

Re: Atheist + Catholic

  • I usually don't post when everything I want to say has already been posted (thanks regs!).  However, I feel the need to vent!  I have read both discussions here and in CW's.  And I see now the Geo-tea no longer exsits... not sure if I checked wrong, but her name comes up "page not found".

    First - as a Christian (no specific denomination) who was raised with no religion in the house, because it brought fights between families, I am HUGELY offended by Geo and her comments.  I'm not sure if she is just trying to "save face" but really, just turn the computer off if you're mad at the knottie's opinions and advice.  You all speak from great experience and knowledge, that's why OP asked for input in the first place.  Geo, when you say you're done with the discussion, be done with it, don't keep coming back at fighting VALID points!

    Second - "not living in a religious home" (on CW)... like many other PP's, how to you plan to raise your children, to answer their questions about God, to watch their baptism/dedication/communions, etc. When the children say grace before dinner, will you just "roll your eyes" at them??  Horrible parenting planning (and I don't have kids, but I can only image what it will do to them!).

    Third - OP's comment in CW about "guess I'll just lie about it *shrug*".  You are also lying to your future DH, not just the church.  You are lying to everyone witnessing your vows.

    Fourth (and last I promise) - Your FI read the discussion, and changed his mind.  If my FI changed his mind about his beliefs b/c he read an internet discussion, I would be HORRIFIED with him.  Something he claims to believe in, and practice, he can give up so easily.  How easy would it be for him to give up a belief in monogamy or marriage if he can give up on God because of what knotties offer as advice?

    I am seriously hoping GEO is MUD, and sitting at a computer laughing at the discussion.  Because if this girl is real, the relationship is in need of serious help, for both her and FI, and any future children they bring into the world.  I am not judging her, as I was once agnostic, however, she seems very immature.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I agree she's very immature. Stage goodluckbear and I all are marrying/have married someone outside the religion we grew up with. Religion is a big issue and its not something you figure out on the fly. You need to figure it out soon and be on the same page for it to work. I applaud the ladies on the cw board for being so tolerant and understanding to her rude behavior.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_atheist-catholic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:49944cb1-7ae7-43bc-9167-2891dca3f60cPost:6961dd6c-ef34-4883-ae3c-82f821af9d42">Re: Atheist + Catholic</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Atheist + Catholic : This actually is not true. Only one of the parties needs to be Catholic. I am choosing to go through RCIA before my wedding, but if I didn't, FI and I would still be able to get married in the Catholic Church. The couple must obtain dispensation from the bishop if one member is not Catholic, but from what I've read this is usually not an issue.
    Posted by Chloeagh[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>That's really interesting to know, thanks for the heads up.  My dad was told by my mother's church that he <strong>had</strong> to convert to marry her in the church, so that's where my experience came from.  Must have just had a really hard core priest.</div>
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_atheist-catholic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:49944cb1-7ae7-43bc-9167-2891dca3f60cPost:ade74391-ca93-4282-9946-8096f73210ed">Re: Atheist + Catholic</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Atheist + Catholic : That's really interesting to know, thanks for the heads up.  My dad was told by my mother's church that he had to convert to marry her in the church, so that's where my experience came from.  Must have just had a really hard core priest.
    Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]


    I think it depends on the priest although I'm certainly no authority on the subject. I had heard that your BM and moh must be catholic as they are your witnesses. This may be outdated as well. I don't know how old your parents are but things may have changed in relatively recent years. When my parents were growing up all the masses were in Latin. Now it can be in the language of the country your in (English or French for example).
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_atheist-catholic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:49944cb1-7ae7-43bc-9167-2891dca3f60cPost:c11bc384-335b-4c7f-a249-f4f49f0cd601">Re: Atheist + Catholic</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Atheist + Catholic : I think it depends on the priest although I'm certainly no authority on the subject.<strong> I had heard that your BM and moh must be catholic as they are your witnesses. This may be outdated as well.</strong> I don't know how old your parents are but things may have changed in relatively recent years. When my parents were growing up all the masses were in Latin. Now it can be in the language of the country your in (English or French for example).
    Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]

    <div>Nope. I was MOH for my sister's Catholic wedding 8 years ago, I was raised/baptised/confirmed Lutheran, but am atheist. (My sis converted, but did not have to. Just thought it would be easier since they are raising their children Catholic.) Also, my aunt (mom's sis) was MOH for my parents Catholic wedding 40 years ago. Mom and aunt are both to this day practicing Lutherans. I'm guessing it does depend on the priest/diocese. </div>
    Photobucket photo 899306-2148.jpg
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
  • edited February 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_atheist-catholic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:49944cb1-7ae7-43bc-9167-2891dca3f60cPost:ade74391-ca93-4282-9946-8096f73210ed">Re: Atheist + Catholic</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Atheist + Catholic : That's really interesting to know, thanks for the heads up.  My dad was told by my mother's church that he had to convert to marry her in the church, so that's where my experience came from.  Must have just had a really hard core priest.
    Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

    <div>Liturgical Christians can marry in each other's churches (so a Catholic/Orthodox couple can get married in one church or the other). An Evangelical Christian (Baptist, Methodist, etc.) would have to convert to a liturgical branch to marry a Catholic, Orthodox, Anglican or Lutheran. Ditto for being a church witness. This shouldn't vary by diocese.</div>
  • My dad was told by my mother's church that he had to convert to marry her in the church, so that's where my experience came from. Must have just had a really hard core priest.

    pre-vatican II, mixed marriages were discouraged (and many  priests chose not to perform them at all), so i think conversion of the non-catholic was strongly encouraged.  also, the church would show its displeasure with the mixed marriage by having the ceremony performed somewhere other than the main altar (usually the side altar, or the basement chapel).  this is why many (my aunt's husband, for example) chose to convert so that the wedding could be in the church at the main altar.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_atheist-catholic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:49944cb1-7ae7-43bc-9167-2891dca3f60cPost:9e821dd4-f1a4-457b-acfb-f8ab47bd5a41">Re: Atheist + Catholic</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Atheist + Catholic : Liturgical Christians can marry in each other's churches (so a Catholic/Orthodox couple can get married in one church or the other). <strong>An Evangelical Christian (Baptist, Methodist, etc.) would have to convert to a liturgical branch to marry a Catholic</strong>, Orthodox, Anglican or Lutheran. Ditto for being a church witness. This shouldn't vary by diocese.
    Posted by unchatenfrance[/QUOTE]

    This may be true for the Serbian Orthodox church (which, if I recall, if your church) but it is not true of the Catholic church.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • random4180random4180 member
    First Comment
    edited February 2013
    My H's family is Methodist (although he doesn't practice and is an atheist) and we got married in the Catholic church. So nowadays it's not necessary for both be Catholic or to be of a particular Christian faith. Having a Catholic wedding was important to me and my H understood that and we went through pre-cana and he had some input into things like the readings and the prayer wording. He didn't feel it was making a mockery; it was respecting the ceremony and accepting the rules of the Church. I don't believe our MOH or BM's beliefs were ever considered in them being witnesses (at most, maybe the BM was Catholic, although I'm not sure.) A Catholic cannot get married outside the church so having a ceremony that went counter to that wasn't an option. It wasn't disrespectful of his beliefs to have the ceremony in a church because he understood how important it was to me and it was a way of affirming his commitment to me
    imageDaisypath Anniversary tickers
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_atheist-catholic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:49944cb1-7ae7-43bc-9167-2891dca3f60cPost:9e821dd4-f1a4-457b-acfb-f8ab47bd5a41">Re: Atheist + Catholic</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Atheist + Catholic : Liturgical Christians can marry in each other's churches (so a Catholic/Orthodox couple can get married in one church or the other). An Evangelical Christian (Baptist, Methodist, etc.) would have to convert to a liturgical branch to marry a Catholic, Orthodox, <strong>Anglican or Lutheran</strong>. Ditto for being a church witness. This shouldn't vary by diocese.
    Posted by unchatenfrance[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Anglican- As an Episcopalian/Anglican, we don't have any rule like that.  My particular parish will marry anyone, regardless of religion, as long as they attend the premarital counseling, attend church in the interim, and don't change the vows.  Also, anybody can be a witness.  Maybe Missouri Synod Lutherans have that rule, but I know that's not the case for ELCA.  The witnesses for my parents' Lutheran wedding were definitely not Christians- one was a Jew.

    </div>
    "I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you."image
    July 12, 2013
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_atheist-catholic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:49944cb1-7ae7-43bc-9167-2891dca3f60cPost:c8c3c3c3-7869-435d-bf20-1caa78bfae18">Re: Atheist + Catholic</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Atheist + Catholic : It is true that you're not supposed to receive the sacraments if you've had a non-Catholic wedding. However, you are also not supposed to receive the sacraments if you are engaging in (or have engaged in but not confessed) anything that could be considered a mortal sin- this includes premarital sex and using birth control.  Of my huge family of Catholics I know exactly zero people who are technically allowed to receive communion. They all do anyway.  ETA: I'm not making a value judgment on whether or not a couple who uses birth control should receive communion. <strong>I'm just stating the reality that many Catholics who are technically not allowed to receive communion still do.</strong> 
    Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]

    Which is a problem.  Everyone who receives the sacrament should be in a state of grace at the time.  It is a big deal, but a lot of people have lulled themselves into thinking it is not.

    SaveSave
  • I haven't checked out the thread on CW  to see if anybody over there has mentioned this yet, but something that nobody seems to have said in this thread so far: the dispensation to marry outside of the Catholic Church? It only really gets granted in extreme circumstances, like one member of the couple is dying in a hospice or something. "The bride just doesn't like Jesus" isn't a good enough reason.

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
    image

  • It is true that you're not supposed to receive the sacraments if you've had a non-Catholic wedding. However, you are also not supposed to receive the sacraments if you are engaging in (or have engaged in but not confessed) anything that could be considered a mortal sin- this includes premarital sex and using birth control.
    Of my huge family of Catholics I know exactly zero people who are technically allowed to receive communion. They all do anyway.

    but i think the difference is that marrying outside of the church is not something easily fixed.  someone using BC can simply stop, go to confession, and change their ways without an extensive amount of work or involvement of others.  or someone with other mortal sins who truly wishes to not commit them again can get to confession, problem solved.  the marriage outside of the church is also a very public matter (just like living together before marriage) whereas other sins people may have are not public so people can only speculate as to whether they should be receiving communion.

    and just because people receive when they arent supposed to, doesnt make it right nor should it be encouraged.
  • As a practicing Catholic, you do not have to be Catholic to be married in the Catholic church. However, to be married by a priest, he will need permission from the archdiocese to which he belongs. In order to get this permission, you will need to go through pre-cana. This is a serious of meetings in which you discuss EVERYTHING with your future spouse, from household chores to sex and children. It will be more difficult for you both to go through because they will want to make sure that both of you are aware of all possible struggles that may occur throughout the marriage. It is designed to prep you in communication and understanding to produce a lasting marriage. In many cases, if both parties are honest and open, the church will recognize the relationship. It would be best to talk to a local priest with your fiance to discuss the process and options.

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards