Is it rude not to host a post wedding brunch?

Iamnowmrsjms

I know it's common to host a brunch at the hotel guests are staying at, the morning after the wedding, but is it a "MUST?"

FI and I both agreed that, as guests, we hate feeling obligated to attend a post wedding brunch and we just want to get on the road and travel back home.  The brunch will cost around 3k and we think that is a lot to spend.  Not that this is an alternative by any means, but the hotel where guests will be staying has a Starbucks adjacent to the lobby.  I thought putting a $10 gift card in the welcome bags, would be nice and they can grab their own coffee or muffin on their way home.  Not that $10 goes very far at Starbucks, but it's something!  I don't anticipate having more than 30 bags to fill, so not a huge expense to do the $10 gift cards.

Will it look rude if we don't have a brunch?

MandyMost

Brunch is not at all necessary, and definitely not rude to not have it. I'd love the Starbucks gift card, but I also think it's above and beyond what's polite!

What are you planning to do that morning, though? Do you want a chance to say goodbye to people? We just got a reservation for a bunch of tables at a nearby restaurant, and told people we'd be there at 10am if anyone wanted to stop by to say goodbye and get some breakfast. Everyone paid for themselves, it was not a hosted event. It was a nice way to wrap up the weekend, for us. 

peachy13

I would be hugely appreciative for a $10 gift card to Starbucks that was located next to the hotel, but it's totally not required of you. A post-wedding brunch is lovely but it certainly costs a lot of money and is not required. It wouldn't be rude at all if you don't host one.

KatWAG

No need to host a brunch.

Maybe hangout in the hotel lobby so people can say bye to you when they chek out?

Iamnowmrsjms

Thanks, ladies! No plans for the next am as of now (getting married in Sept).  For the two weddings I was a BM in and they didn't host a formal brunch, I just stopped by their room on the way out.

Mandy-how did you get the word out that you'd be having breakfast at "XYZ, and stop by if you want?"

MandyMost

KatWAG said:

No need to host a brunch.

Maybe hangout in the hotel lobby so people can say bye to you when they chek out?

If you give people Starbucks gift cards in the welcome bag, and maybe include a welcome note/letter, you could mention you'll be hanging out in the lobby from around 10am-noon on Sunday with a Starbucks coffee and hope you get a chance to say goodbye! That is, if you want to have an opportunity to say goodbye to everyone. It's totally up to you. But personally, I felt it took a lot of stress off of saying goodbye at the wedding itself. 

Maggie0829

A brunch is certainly not necessary.  Gift cards to Starbucks are not necessary either, but are an extremely nice gesture if you want to do that.

marie2785

The only brunches I've been to post wedding were for just immediate family, the wedding party and their SOs, and at a family members house. Usually bagels, quiches, and coffee, so really low-key. Out of town guests sometimes came, sometimes not. But honestly, most of the weddings I've traveled to there has been no brunch, and I kinda prefer that--I like to nurse my hangover in private . 

I'm trying to get out of having a brunch, but my parents feel it's a must, so ours will be "catered by costco" . Bagels, cream cheese, mini quiches (costco has great ones), OJ, and a few fruit trays, plus some coffee from panera. I priced it out to be ~$100-$150 to feed 40 people. 

tcnoble

futuremrsjms said:

Thanks, ladies! No plans for the next am as of now (getting married in Sept).  For the two weddings I was a BM in and they didn't host a formal brunch, I just stopped by their room on the way out.

Mandy-how did you get the word out that you'd be having breakfast at "XYZ, and stop by if you want?"

We are planning to do this. Most of our guests are staying at the same hotel where the wedding/reception are, but we simply cannot afford 150+ buffet breakfasts at the hotel. So we are simply using word of mouth to let people know we are planning to be at the buffet at 9am and to stop by if they want. That way it's not a formal invite and not implied we are paying. Hope that helps!

ETF spelling

MandyMost

tcnoble said:

futuremrsjms said:

Thanks, ladies! No plans for the next am as of now (getting married in Sept).  For the two weddings I was a BM in and they didn't host a formal brunch, I just stopped by their room on the way out.

Mandy-how did you get the word out that you'd be having breakfast at "XYZ, and stop by if you want?"

We are planning to do this. Most of our guests are staying at the same hotel where the wedding/reception are, but we simply cannot afford 150+ buffet breakfasts at the hotel. So we are simply using word of mouth to let people know we are planning to be at the buffet at 9am and to stop by if they want. That way it's not a formal invite and not implied we are paying. Hope that helps!

ETF spelling

We put it on our website, and we included it in the welcome letter in our welcome bags. They were both very informal, and phrased in the way of "This is where we'll be when, stop by if you'd like to!". 

Iamnowmrsjms

Awesome comments-thank you, everyone!

allispain

We did the morning-after brunch, but only because our hotel came with a free breakfast :-) They had set aside a room for us to use throughout the weekend, so people just brought their food in their to eat - or simply stuck their heads in the say goodbye. Honestly, I was nice to be able to see people again (especially the OOTers), since while we had spoken briefly with everyone at the wedding, that gave us an additional 2 hours of time to have longer conversations with some of our guests. However, had it not been free, we probably would have skipped it.

I think PPs suggestions for you are all good options.

southernbelle0915

Nope, it is not necessary to host brunch the next day.

We told everyone we'd be at XYZ coffee shop for a block of time in the a.m. if they wanted to say bye.

Jen4948

A day-after get-together is definitely not required. Nor are gift cards. But they're nice things to do if you want to.

Cookie Pusher

We didn't host anything the morning after the wedding. We did host everyone who wanted to join us for late night sandwiches and then went bar-crawling. Of all the weddings I've been to, only a handful hosted breakfast/brunch and none had an actual hosted after-party (a group of us would usually just get together and go drinking). Totally not rude to skip it.

lurkergirl

We always skip the brunches too. No good reason other than we're usually a bit hungover and not into it. I think for our wedding my parents and fi's parents will host coffee and doughnuts for their family circles. FI (then H holy shit holy shit fuck it's getting close) and I will probably house jump and try to see everyone.

nightcheese815

MandyMost said:

KatWAG said:

No need to host a brunch.

Maybe hangout in the hotel lobby so people can say bye to you when they chek out?

If you give people Starbucks gift cards in the welcome bag, and maybe include a welcome note/letter, you could mention you'll be hanging out in the lobby from around 10am-noon on Sunday with a Starbucks coffee and hope you get a chance to say goodbye! That is, if you want to have an opportunity to say goodbye to everyone. It's totally up to you. But personally, I felt it took a lot of stress off of saying goodbye at the wedding itself. 

All of this. I had never heard of a "post-wedding brunch" until last year when my FI and I went to his cousins' weddings, who both hosted brunches. His family couldn't imagine not hosting one. It might be a regional thing. But, I do think it's a nice gesture to at least hang out in the lobby or at the breakfast area/Starbucks so you can say goodbye to people on their way out. No need to host another meal unless you want to, since you've already done that!

short+sassy

Agree with the other PPs, a brunch is definitely not necessary.  But I had one and just loved it.  I'm a big breakfast/brunch person anyway and found it to be a great way to decompress after the day before and enjoy more time with family.  However, I didn't invite all the wedding guests.  It was immediate family and the aunts/cousins who could come (14 people total).