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How to politely "oust" a bridesmaid?

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Re: How to politely "oust" a bridesmaid?

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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    jacques27 said:
    rdixon571 said:
    Sorry, I don't have kids so I don't understand.  (lol KatWag, that's a funny gif.)  We've decided to wait another 3 years at least.  (Ensue snide remarks about not deserving to have children...)
    I thought I was giving her an out.  But I see it's a lose-lose situation.  Either I'm a bitch for keeping her and expecting her to order a dress within 11 months so it comes in on time, or I'm a bitch for asking her to step down.  
    But yes, I admit I was bitchy in my self-justification.  Must've been a PMS thing.  Don't know what to tell you.  (Ensue snide remarks about just trying to backtrack and be justified.)  

    But I will never admit I was wrong in having an even number of bridesmaid and groomsmen.  That was one of the only things my fiance asked for so yes, I compromised and let him pick the number of girls we have in the bridal party. 
    Seriously?  Did you seriously just blame your self-serving and ignorant excuses on PMS?

    This is why I doubt we'll ever have a female president, because women continue to perpetuate the myth that for a week every 28 days we're just gol' darn incapable of rational, civil, selfless thought as our ability to control our emotions waxes and wanes with our contracting uteri.

    Honestly, you've given some pretty weak and pretty ignorant reasoning for dumping your friend (I don't have children, but I know darn well how much work they are).  It makes you sound selfish, petulant, and superficial.  So while I normally err on the side of trying to help people work through their ignorance to better understand what the other side might be going through, I think this may be a lost cause.  Cut her loose.  You're doing her a favor.

    But don't pretend for one minute that you can do this and still be "nice", because it's not a nice thing you're doing.  Don't just wait it out and do the slow fade.  Don't put this on her and "give her an out".  That's just being weak and pathetic and not taking ownership of YOUR DECISION.  Be a grown-up, take ownership of the decision, and just end the friendship.
    I was waiting for this post.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    rdixon571rdixon571 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    Oh please.  Don't pretend for a second that you've never had a bitchy PMS moment because you'd be lying. 
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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    rdixon571 said:
    I already admitted that.  I also told you she's been a freeloader for 12 years.

    Then end the friendship.  Her involvement in your wedding will end as a result.

    This is the middle of January.  Your wedding isn't until the end of June.  You've been harping on your friends about getting a dress for 11 months, you said?  It's absolutely ridiculous to be this uptight about their dresses, especially since they can get any dress they want in the colors/length you want, per your other thread.  If you're not willing to end the friendship then just chill and stop worrying about the dress and whether she's ordered it yet.  She has 6 months, which is more than enough time to find a knee-length cream/blush/nude/gold dress, and she doesn't need you micromanaging her dress buying process.  If she doesn't have a dress by the day of your wedding then she's taken herself out of the wedding, and your wedding will go on without her just fine.



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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    rdixon571 said:
    Oh please.  Don't pretend for a second that you've never had a bitchy PMS moment because you'd be lying. 
    Nope, never had a bitchy PMS moment. 



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    rdixon571rdixon571 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    Not sure if this will work... I'm not a gif guru...
    image
    which is the polite way of saying good night and
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    JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    rdixon571 said:
    Not sure if this will work... I'm not a gif guru...
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    which is the polite way of saying good night and
    image
    Well aren't you lovely.

    So.... you decided to buy her dress and not kick her out?  Great.

    What the hell are you going to tell your newer friend whom you asked to be an understudy BM?  "Thanks for agreeing to be my second choice replacement, but I decided to not be completely crappy to my first choice friend, so I'm being crappy to you instead."

    Even sides are the root of so much evil IMO.  The even sides fixation needs to DIAF.  I'm going through it right now (family wants even sides, replacements, etc... we don't care) and it blows.  The whole thing is just so pointless and really uses wedding party members like props.  And fosters the attitude you've shown here, which is that the wedding party is basically for show, can be replaced, and it's all about just framing the bride and groom instead of celebrating your honored guests.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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    chibiyuichibiyui member
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    Kitchen design manager?

    I don't know what's funnier, you being successful in sales or you managing people. Like, seriously girl, either you're not that good at your job, or you are the most two-faced person out there. 

    In which case, you should be making a shit ton more money then kitchen sales.
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    slothiegalslothiegal member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    rdixon571 said:
    Oh please.  Don't pretend for a second that you've never had a bitchy PMS moment because you'd be lying. 
    Nope.  I own up to my bitchiness.
    Anniversary

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    redoryxredoryx member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
     
    rdixon571 said:
    Oh please.  Don't pretend for a second that you've never had a bitchy PMS moment because you'd be lying. 
    My being a bitch has never for one second had anything to do with the lunar phases in relation to my menstrual cycle and blaming your attitude and actions on such is petty and immature. Be a bitch all you want but if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to own that attitude and those actions and not blame it on your period.
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    PMS does not equal being a massive bitch to your friend for years. Sorry, sister. 
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    Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    rdixon571 said:
    Oh please.  Don't pretend for a second that you've never had a bitchy PMS moment because you'd be lying. 
    Seeing as how I haven't had an actual period in... oh... almost 20 years, I can pretty safely say my bitchiness has nothing to do with PMS. Own your shit, woman. OWN IT. Nobody held a gun to your head and made you do/say/type the things you did.
    ~*~*~*~*~

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    mikenbergermikenberger member
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    You've really answered your own question. Just oust her and blame your period. Problem solved. 

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    MobKazMobKaz member
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    edited January 2015
    Gif fail......

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    fwtx5815fwtx5815 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited January 2015
    Viczaesar said:


    rdixon571 said:

    I already admitted that.  I also told you she's been a freeloader for 12 years.


    Then end the friendship.  Her involvement in your wedding will end as a result.

    This is the middle of January.  Your wedding isn't until the end of June.  You've been harping on your friends about getting a dress for 11 months, you said?  It's absolutely ridiculous to be this uptight about their dresses, especially since they can get any dress they want in the colors/length you want, per your other thread.  If you're not willing to end the friendship then just chill and stop worrying about the dress and whether she's ordered it yet.  She has 6 months, which is more than enough time to find a knee-length cream/blush/nude/gold dress, and she doesn't need you micromanaging her dress buying process.  If she doesn't have a dress by the day of your wedding then she's taken herself out of the wedding, and your wedding will go on without her just fine.

    ------------------------------------------boxes?---------------------
    Yeah this didn't make sense to me - you nagged them for 11 months when they could literally go into any department store and buy a dress off the rack? WHY have you been riding them for so long when they can get it done in 20 minutes (and the wedding isn't until June!?)? That's fucking whack. Knock it off

    ----


     fka dallasbetch 


    image


    Lilypie Maternity tickers

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    drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    Come one guys, everyone knows that if you have uneven sides in your wedding party your marriage isn't legal!


    Oh wait, I just got word that my previous statement is in fact, bullshit.  Never mind.

    image



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    moorewedding530moorewedding530 member
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    I am so f*cking tired of all the negativity and harassment on here.
    I have friends in my bridal party who aren't my "best friends" anymore. Kicking them out wouldn't do anything but cause more headache, and I generally enjoy their company, so why not have them be a part of my day?
    I did, however have a MOH who clearly wanted nothing to do with the wedding at all, so it was a mutual agreement that she'd no longer be a part of it.
    It's your day. If it's worth the drama and maybe loss of a friend, so be it. But think on it for a while.
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    levioosalevioosa member
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    edited January 2015
    moorewedding530 said:
    I am so f*cking tired of all the negativity and harassment on here.
    I have friends in my bridal party who aren't my "best friends" anymore. Kicking them out wouldn't do anything but cause more headache, and I generally enjoy their company, so why not have them be a part of my day?
    I did, however have a MOH who clearly wanted nothing to do with the wedding at all, so it was a mutual agreement that she'd no longer be a part of it.
    It's your day. If it's worth the drama and maybe loss of a friend, so be it. But think on it for a while.
    image

    FYI, it's not "YOUR DAY."  The reception is a thank you to your guests.  Your BP is supposed to be comprised of your nearest and dearest, and they are guests of honor and should be treated as such.

    If you really want it to be all about you for YOUR DAY, then you should elope.


    image
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    moorewedding530 said:
    I am so f*cking tired of all the negativity and harassment on here.   Since when does not supporting shitty and rude ideas, like kicking your friends out of your bridal party, over typically very petty and immature nonsense, constituent "harassment"?  I don't think that word means what you think it means.  We also don't validate shitty and rude ideas, so if that is negativity to you, well I dunno what to tell you.  Welcome to TheKnot.
    I have friends in my bridal party who aren't my "best friends" anymore. Kicking them out wouldn't do anything but cause more headache, and I generally enjoy their company, so why not have them be a part of my day?
    I did, however have a MOH who clearly wanted nothing to do with the wedding at all, so it was a mutual agreement that she'd no longer be a part of it.
    It's your day. If it's worth the drama and maybe loss of a friend, so be it. But think on it for a while.  Once you invite other people it ceases to be "your day."


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    moorewedding530moorewedding530 member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:
    moorewedding530 said:
    I am so f*cking tired of all the negativity and harassment on here.   Since when does not supporting shitty and rude ideas, like kicking your friends out of your bridal party, over typically very petty and immature nonsense, constituent "harassment"?  I don't think that word means what you think it means.  We also don't validate shitty and rude ideas, so if that is negativity to you, well I dunno what to tell you.  Welcome to TheKnot.
    I have friends in my bridal party who aren't my "best friends" anymore. Kicking them out wouldn't do anything but cause more headache, and I generally enjoy their company, so why not have them be a part of my day?
    I did, however have a MOH who clearly wanted nothing to do with the wedding at all, so it was a mutual agreement that she'd no longer be a part of it.
    It's your day. If it's worth the drama and maybe loss of a friend, so be it. But think on it for a while.  Once you invite other people it ceases to be "your day."

    When you communicate online, all you see is a computer screen – you are anonymously conversing with others behind a screen. This does not give you the right to maliciously criticize or attack others. Remember – there is a human on the other side of that screen. Adhere to the same standards of behavior online that you follow in real life. The Knot encourages you to share your opinions while respecting others' thoughts and feelings as well. Feel free to share, but be ready to hear and accept other opinions that you may not always agree with. Because you do not agree with someone, does not mean this is the place to attack anyone else's beliefs.

    You may not agree with how I handled the situation. Once again. Were you there? No.
    If your BMs aren't there to support you, you don't need them. That's my opinion. End of story.
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    moorewedding530 said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    moorewedding530 said:
    I am so f*cking tired of all the negativity and harassment on here.   Since when does not supporting shitty and rude ideas, like kicking your friends out of your bridal party, over typically very petty and immature nonsense, constituent "harassment"?  I don't think that word means what you think it means.  We also don't validate shitty and rude ideas, so if that is negativity to you, well I dunno what to tell you.  Welcome to TheKnot.
    I have friends in my bridal party who aren't my "best friends" anymore. Kicking them out wouldn't do anything but cause more headache, and I generally enjoy their company, so why not have them be a part of my day?
    I did, however have a MOH who clearly wanted nothing to do with the wedding at all, so it was a mutual agreement that she'd no longer be a part of it.
    It's your day. If it's worth the drama and maybe loss of a friend, so be it. But think on it for a while.  Once you invite other people it ceases to be "your day."

    When you communicate online, all you see is a computer screen – you are anonymously conversing with others behind a screen. This does not give you the right to maliciously criticize or attack others.   I was not attacking or criticizing you.  Being blunt and swearing occasionally is not bring malicious or attacking.  Remember – there is a human on the other side of that screen. Adhere to the same standards of behavior online that you follow in real life.   Honey, I am.  I don't sugar coat shit when I talk to my family and friends.  The Knot encourages you to share your opinions while respecting others' thoughts and feelings as well. Feel free to share, but be ready to hear and accept other opinions that you may not always agree with.   I think you should follow this advice.  Me telling you I think your (general not you personally)  idea is awful, or your behavior was shitty is an opinion.  You not liking that opinion does not mean that you were being attacked.  Because you do not agree with someone, does not mean this is the place to attack anyone else's beliefs.  Because someone doesn't agree with you doesn't mean they are attacking you.

    You may not agree with how I handled the situation. Once again. Were you there? No.
    If your BMs aren't there to support you, you don't need them. That's my opinion. End of story.
    It's a wedding, not a funeral, not a terminal diagnosis- what in the world do you need "support" for?  People need support in times of great sorry, loss, illness, etc.  No one needs support for happy life events.  This mentality does not make sense to me.  And not being as excited for your wedding as you are and not wanting to help you plan it =\= not "supporting" you.

    You had a friend who didn't support your relationship.  Why she agreed to be your MOH when she didn't agree with your relationship is beyond me.  But I still think it was her place to back out of her own free will, not your place to kick her out if that's what happened.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    KatWAGKatWAG member
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    @moorewedding530 how many threads are you going to post on looking for someone to agree with you?
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    KatWAGKatWAG member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:
    KatWAG said:
    @moorewedding530 how many threads are you going to post on looking for someone to agree with you?
    Stop following her around and harassing her!
    But but buuuuut. You can't tell me want to do!

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