Engagement ring drama...

plainjane0415

mikenberger said:

southernbelle0915 said:

Why do people feel like they're entitled to their parents' money/possessions? 

When my parents die, I'm not expecting a cent. I know they plan to give my sister and I money and split up their properties, but if they change their minds and donate everything to charity, fine. Whatever. It's THEIR money. You don't see siblings arguing about spending time, visiting, or helping out/cleaning around grandma's house.... but add a few bucks into the mix and the claws come out. It's sickening... really.

DH's grandma is in her 90's and has 3 kids. Two of those kids moved away, never visited for holidays, barely every go to see her (mayyyyybe once a year for the last 40+ years). The other one is local but a total bitch, hates grandma (tells her that) and never visits. She wants to sell her house and spend all her money living out her days in a swanky assisted living place. The kids are FREAKING out because she "can't afford it" - i.e. if she does this, they won't see a dime. It is beyond fucked up and makes me totally disgusted in all of them.

Same thing is happening with FI's grandparents. They own over a thousand acres of farmland. And where farmland goes for $16,000+ an ACRE, that's a shitton of cash. So it's all been split evenly amongst their children and everybody is very happy with that whole situation.

But then there's the actual land that the house is on. And the house. Grandpa got sick and had a leg amputated (I swear, he's been "on his death bed" every single week.) and had to move into a nursing home with Grandma (Grandma is spry and totally cool with taking care of him. It was more for rehabbing purposes.) When they moved into that nursing home, VULTURES. The whole lot of them. They all descended on the house and started taking stuff out of there like they'd been dead 10 years. Hello people!? They're still alive! And then one of the brothers (FI uncle) moved their son into the house to "take care of it." Yeah, he's a mentally unstable drug addict. We (FI and I) walked into the house one day and there were bongs, weed etc everywhere. The carpet was disgusting and stained. The kitchen hadn't been touched for weeks, if not months of cleaning. It was awful. This amazing and awesome farm house was totally destroyed. And mind you, the grandparents are STILL alive. They ended up moving back into the farmhouse and have since gotten all the property returned. But not without some threatening. 

That is so terrible.  I just don't understand people.

thespeshulestsnowflake

novella1186 said:

apromise22 said:

Update: the ring got appraised for MUCH higher than I ever thought it would be--it is definitely a "gift" I cannot afford lol. I'm trying to be positive and trying to look forward to picking out my own ring. I get upset though that basically no one stood by me (especially my grandmother) and the fact that this is my ring and that the time to negotiate about it has passed (people knew about it for decades). 

Oh well. Another positive--now I know that this woman is certainly not to be trusted. I will now act accordingly. I will also make sure her table is the last to be called to the buffet. :-}

Thanks for all your support ladies, and I'm sorry some of you have experienced similar drama. 

I'm sorry your nasty greedy aunt ruined that for you. But I think you'll have a great time getting to pick out a ring with your FI! 

We had similar drama in our family. My dad's oldest sister is the greediest, most cold-hearted vulture I've ever come across. When their mother died, she secretly flew in from the other side of the country, packed up all my grandma's jewelry (that was meant to be divided evenly) and took it all back to her where she lives. She then flew back AGAIN the next day and pretended she hadn't been there before and had no idea where the jewelry went, but her boyfriend busted her out, and then she actually tried to blame the theft on the maid. None of us have ever seen a single scrap of that jewelry since, so my sister and I, and my other aunt's daughter all got nothing to remember our grandma. Not even some little sentimental thing. Nothing. 

Then my grandpa died, and evil aunt did the same thing. Flew in without telling anyone, went straight to his house, and started packing up EVERYTHING that had value and shipping it to her house on the other side of the country. I was helping my mom clean up the house and if she or I found anything that looked like it might have value, evil aunt would shriek "THAT'S MINE!" and literally rip it out of our hands. 

My dad was the executor of both wills, so 2 of his sisters have threatened multiple times to sue him and one of them was trying to use me to give her information on things in my parents' house so she could try to get THEIR stuff appraised to see if their stuff was worth more than hers, and if she should get more out of the will based on that. It was sick.   

First, you know or are relate to the craziest people ever!

Second, your story sounds like something my dad's family would have done. My dad is one of four siblings and when my grandfather died, shit hit the fan. Uncle 2 didn't realize he was written out of the will. Which was stupid since he had stopped talking to him father for almost 10 years and had sued him when the other brothers had fired him from the family company. My aunt and Uncle 2 tried to convince Uncle 3 to give up some of what was willed to him. Now I am pretty sure none of the siblings talk to each other.

photokitty

I have told my parents on more than one occasion that I want them to enjoy life and spend their money while they are here, don't leave me anything. If you leave me enough to bury you that would be cool, but otherwise it's your money and I don't need it. I'm an adult, I can make my own money thank you very much!

flantastic

I can't believe this sort of shit is so prevalent. These are just awful stories.

Makes me very grateful for my siblings. I like them. A lot.

novella1186

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

novella1186 said:

apromise22 said:

Update: the ring got appraised for MUCH higher than I ever thought it would be--it is definitely a "gift" I cannot afford lol. I'm trying to be positive and trying to look forward to picking out my own ring. I get upset though that basically no one stood by me (especially my grandmother) and the fact that this is my ring and that the time to negotiate about it has passed (people knew about it for decades). 

Oh well. Another positive--now I know that this woman is certainly not to be trusted. I will now act accordingly. I will also make sure her table is the last to be called to the buffet. :-}

Thanks for all your support ladies, and I'm sorry some of you have experienced similar drama. 

I'm sorry your nasty greedy aunt ruined that for you. But I think you'll have a great time getting to pick out a ring with your FI! 

We had similar drama in our family. My dad's oldest sister is the greediest, most cold-hearted vulture I've ever come across. When their mother died, she secretly flew in from the other side of the country, packed up all my grandma's jewelry (that was meant to be divided evenly) and took it all back to her where she lives. She then flew back AGAIN the next day and pretended she hadn't been there before and had no idea where the jewelry went, but her boyfriend busted her out, and then she actually tried to blame the theft on the maid. None of us have ever seen a single scrap of that jewelry since, so my sister and I, and my other aunt's daughter all got nothing to remember our grandma. Not even some little sentimental thing. Nothing. 

Then my grandpa died, and evil aunt did the same thing. Flew in without telling anyone, went straight to his house, and started packing up EVERYTHING that had value and shipping it to her house on the other side of the country. I was helping my mom clean up the house and if she or I found anything that looked like it might have value, evil aunt would shriek "THAT'S MINE!" and literally rip it out of our hands. 

My dad was the executor of both wills, so 2 of his sisters have threatened multiple times to sue him and one of them was trying to use me to give her information on things in my parents' house so she could try to get THEIR stuff appraised to see if their stuff was worth more than hers, and if she should get more out of the will based on that. It was sick.   

First, you know or are relate to the craziest people ever!

Second, your story sounds like something my dad's family would have done. My dad is one of four siblings and when my grandfather died, shit hit the fan. Uncle 2 didn't realize he was written out of the will. Which was stupid since he had stopped talking to him father for almost 10 years and had sued him when the other brothers had fired him from the family company. My aunt and Uncle 2 tried to convince Uncle 3 to give up some of what was willed to him. Now I am pretty sure none of the siblings talk to each other.

Ugh. It's so disgusting that families will gladly break up over money. The money is worth more to them than their own relatives. 

Unfortunately for me, my sister is EXACTLY like evil aunt, so I don't anticipate inheriting anything from my parents. Even if things are named in the will to go to me, she'll pilfer everything before the funeral plans are even made. Obviously the thought of my parents passing is horrible on its own, but I am seriously dreading having to deal with the will and my sister. Just a hint at how blood-thirsty and money-hungry she really is, she was sitting on my mom's lap when she was 3 and playing with my mom's engagement ring. Then she looked up at my mom and said, "When you die can I have this?" SHE WAS THREE!!!! 

thespeshulestsnowflake

novella1186 said: thespeshulestsnowflake said: novella1186 said: apromise22 said: Update: the ring got appraised for MUCH higher than I ever thought it would be--it is definitely a "gift" I cannot afford lol. I'm trying to be positive and trying to look forward to picking out my own ring. I get upset though that basically no one stood by me (especially my grandmother) and the fact that this is my ring and that the time to negotiate about it has passed (people knew about it for decades). 
Oh well. Another positive--now I know that this woman is certainly not to be trusted. I will now act accordingly. I will also make sure her table is the last to be called to the buffet. :-}
Thanks for all your support ladies, and I'm sorry some of you have experienced similar drama.  I'm sorry your nasty greedy aunt ruined that for you. But I think you'll have a great time getting to pick out a ring with your FI! 
We had similar drama in our family. My dad's oldest sister is the greediest, most cold-hearted vulture I've ever come across. When their mother died, she secretly flew in from the other side of the country, packed up all my grandma's jewelry (that was meant to be divided evenly) and took it all back to her where she lives. She then flew back AGAIN the next day and pretended she hadn't been there before and had no idea where the jewelry went, but her boyfriend busted her out, and then she actually tried to blame the theft on the maid. None of us have ever seen a single scrap of that jewelry since, so my sister and I, and my other aunt's daughter all got nothing to remember our grandma. Not even some little sentimental thing. Nothing. 
Then my grandpa died, and evil aunt did the same thing. Flew in without telling anyone, went straight to his house, and started packing up EVERYTHING that had value and shipping it to her house on the other side of the country. I was helping my mom clean up the house and if she or I found anything that looked like it might have value, evil aunt would shriek "THAT'S MINE!" and literally rip it out of our hands. 
My dad was the executor of both wills, so 2 of his sisters have threatened multiple times to sue him and one of them was trying to use me to give her information on things in my parents' house so she could try to get THEIR stuff appraised to see if their stuff was worth more than hers, and if she should get more out of the will based on that. It was sick.    First, you know or are relate to the craziest people ever!
Second, your story sounds like something my dad's family would have done. My dad is one of four siblings and when my grandfather died, shit hit the fan. Uncle 2 didn't realize he was written out of the will. Which was stupid since he had stopped talking to him father for almost 10 years and had sued him when the other brothers had fired him from the family company. My aunt and Uncle 2 tried to convince Uncle 3 to give up some of what was willed to him. Now I am pretty sure none of the siblings talk to each other. Ugh. It's so disgusting that families will gladly break up over money. The money is worth more to them than their own relatives. 
Unfortunately for me, my sister is EXACTLY like evil aunt, so I don't anticipate inheriting anything from my parents. Even if things are named in the will to go to me, she'll pilfer everything before the funeral plans are even made. Obviously the thought of my parents passing is horrible on its own, but I am seriously dreading having to deal with the will and my sister. Just a hint at how blood-thirsty and money-hungry she really is, she was sitting on my mom's lap when she was 3 and playing with my mom's engagement ring. Then she looked up at my mom and said, "When you die can I have this?" SHE WAS THREE!!!!  ****************************there were boxes*********************************** Sadly that is true, I know money issues have always been a contention in my dad's family. Probably why I do not speak to pretty much all of them. And yeah there is one thing I'm still pissed about in regards to my grandfather's will (its been almost two years), but it has nothing to do with money. He had these REALLY UGLY soldier lamps, that no one wanted, except me and no grandchildren were in the will except one of my cousins. So I don't know where they ended up but I'm sure whoever got them sold them because they were so ugly. I just wanted them as something to remember my grandfather by.

And after everything I've read about her, your sister sounds like a sociopath.

novella1186

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

novella1186 said:

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

novella1186 said:

apromise22 said:

Update: the ring got appraised for MUCH higher than I ever thought it would be--it is definitely a "gift" I cannot afford lol. I'm trying to be positive and trying to look forward to picking out my own ring. I get upset though that basically no one stood by me (especially my grandmother) and the fact that this is my ring and that the time to negotiate about it has passed (people knew about it for decades). 

Oh well. Another positive--now I know that this woman is certainly not to be trusted. I will now act accordingly. I will also make sure her table is the last to be called to the buffet. :-}

Thanks for all your support ladies, and I'm sorry some of you have experienced similar drama. 

I'm sorry your nasty greedy aunt ruined that for you. But I think you'll have a great time getting to pick out a ring with your FI! 

We had similar drama in our family. My dad's oldest sister is the greediest, most cold-hearted vulture I've ever come across. When their mother died, she secretly flew in from the other side of the country, packed up all my grandma's jewelry (that was meant to be divided evenly) and took it all back to her where she lives. She then flew back AGAIN the next day and pretended she hadn't been there before and had no idea where the jewelry went, but her boyfriend busted her out, and then she actually tried to blame the theft on the maid. None of us have ever seen a single scrap of that jewelry since, so my sister and I, and my other aunt's daughter all got nothing to remember our grandma. Not even some little sentimental thing. Nothing. 

Then my grandpa died, and evil aunt did the same thing. Flew in without telling anyone, went straight to his house, and started packing up EVERYTHING that had value and shipping it to her house on the other side of the country. I was helping my mom clean up the house and if she or I found anything that looked like it might have value, evil aunt would shriek "THAT'S MINE!" and literally rip it out of our hands. 

My dad was the executor of both wills, so 2 of his sisters have threatened multiple times to sue him and one of them was trying to use me to give her information on things in my parents' house so she could try to get THEIR stuff appraised to see if their stuff was worth more than hers, and if she should get more out of the will based on that. It was sick.   

First, you know or are relate to the craziest people ever!

Second, your story sounds like something my dad's family would have done. My dad is one of four siblings and when my grandfather died, shit hit the fan. Uncle 2 didn't realize he was written out of the will. Which was stupid since he had stopped talking to him father for almost 10 years and had sued him when the other brothers had fired him from the family company. My aunt and Uncle 2 tried to convince Uncle 3 to give up some of what was willed to him. Now I am pretty sure none of the siblings talk to each other.

Ugh. It's so disgusting that families will gladly break up over money. The money is worth more to them than their own relatives. 

Unfortunately for me, my sister is EXACTLY like evil aunt, so I don't anticipate inheriting anything from my parents. Even if things are named in the will to go to me, she'll pilfer everything before the funeral plans are even made. Obviously the thought of my parents passing is horrible on its own, but I am seriously dreading having to deal with the will and my sister. Just a hint at how blood-thirsty and money-hungry she really is, she was sitting on my mom's lap when she was 3 and playing with my mom's engagement ring. Then she looked up at my mom and said, "When you die can I have this?" SHE WAS THREE!!!! 

****************************there were boxes***********************************

Sadly that is true, I know money issues have always been a contention in my dad's family. Probably why I do not speak to pretty much all of them. And yeah there is one thing I'm still pissed about in regards to my grandfather's will (its been almost two years), but it has nothing to do with money. He had these REALLY UGLY soldier lamps, that no one wanted, except me and no grandchildren were in the will except one of my cousins. So I don't know where they ended up but I'm sure whoever got them sold them because they were so ugly. I just wanted them as something to remember my grandfather by.

And after everything I've read about her, your sister sounds like a sociopath.

hit "love it" because the very last line made me laugh. And yeah, she might be one. Seems to run in the family. 

Bubblegum5586

Wow these stories are so sad! When my Nana died last year my mom and her 3 brothers definitely got into arguments about things. Nothing really money related just the sentimental pieces they all wanted. So compared to these stories that was nothing at all! But even still me and my sister promised when we have to go through that some day to communicate and be as fair as possible!

ETA: OP - sorry you had to go through that! I am curious what your grandma's response was when you gave it back? She rather it be sold then stay in the family?!?!

tammym1001

People are crazy when it comes to money and funerals. When I was a young teenager my sister and I put our babysitting money together and bought a $50 pocket watch for my grandpa. He ended up passing away a few months later and I asked my grandma for the watch back. We had it engraved and I wanted it to remember him by. It was literally the only thing that anyone in my immediate family got and I found out my uncle was pissed that my grandma gave it to me because he got all of my grandpa's other pocket watches and he wanted that one too. It was $50!!!!!! People are crazy!

banana468

People are assholes when it comes to wills.

FWIW, some people I know had the living give them the valuables long before they passed.   Then it was a gift given. 

levioosa

My BSC grandmother told my Mom that if my Dad dies first she gets everything.  My parents have been married over thirty years.  When my Uncle passed away, my grandmother sued my Aunt for the house and all of his/their possessions.  It was really ugly.  My Dad's family all ganged up on my Aunt (who was also a little crazy, but she didn't deserve the hatred and contempt, especially after losing her husband). 

People are assholes.  I can't stand to be around SO's dad anymore because he constantly makes selfish decisions.  SO's grandma had a stroke a few months ago and is 91.  Instead of moving her into an assisted living home, SO's dad continues to say she's fine and doesn't need one (despite also admitting that she is continually having tiny strokes).  It's not because he thinks her autonomy is so important.  It's because he's looking at dollar signs and what his inheritance will be if she has to start paying for an assisted living home.  Disgusting. 

banana468

A friend in HS lost her father to cancer.  A month later the BSC grandmother called the grieving widow to get back his bronzed baby shoes.

kmmssg

This is all so sickening.

Here is a story of a woman who dug up her father's grave looking for his "real" will.

http://news.yahoo.com/man-pleads-guilty-grave-digging-search-real-140655744.html

 

Unreal

levioosa

kmmssg said:

This is all so sickening.

Here is a story of a woman who dug up her father's grave looking for his "real" will.

http://news.yahoo.com/man-pleads-guilty-grave-digging-search-real-140655744.html

 

Unreal

WTF.  These people deserve nothing.  Fuck anyone who would rather have money/possessions over honoring a loved one. 

short+sassy

photokitty said:

I have told my parents on more than one occasion that I want them to enjoy life and spend their money while they are here, don't leave me anything. If you leave me enough to bury you that would be cool, but otherwise it's your money and I don't need it. I'm an adult, I can make my own money thank you very much!

You took the words right out of my mouth.

My mom has occasionally talked to me about her estate planning and mentions how she wants to make sure to have a nice inheritance for my sister and me to make our lives easier.  I always tell her I want her to live a very long life and spend every dollar traveling the world, getting massages, eating at 4-star restaurants, and/or whatever else she wants to do!

ChemFanatic25

short+sassy said:

plainjane0415 said:

loveislouder said:

I work for a law firm that does a lot of estates, and I tell you this happens more often than you think. "Oh Mom left her a ring worth 500 bucks and me one worth 300? I want 100 to make up the difference!" It's absolutely ridiculous.

This happened when my dad's mother passed away last September.  2 of his sisters have sued the estate because they feel that they didn't get all of their part, and they were like vultures when it came to cleaning out her house.  It was/still is a mess even with a very specific will.

I've heard of these kinds of horror stories and it is so sad to see people tearing each other apart when they should most be coming together as a family.

I mean, hey, I like money and pretty things as much as the next person.  But money and stuff does not replace a loved one who has died...or is worth destroying relationships with other family members over.

Annnnnnd THIS is why I don't talk to my extended family . . . actually it's for worse reasons but I would rather have nothing to do with the whole lot of them and their "wealth" and live out my days in peace.

ChemFanatic25

flantastic said:

I can't believe this sort of shit is so prevalent. These are just awful stories.

Makes me very grateful for my siblings. I like them. A lot.

I don't always get along with my siblings but they have a special place in my heart. I know that even though we fight, they most definitely will fight to stand up for me and I them. This is why if anything happens to me (and I am single) my life insurance and whatever else will be split between the three of them and no one else.

Jen4948

I:m very sorry you had to go through so much shit when you should have been happy without drama, greed and bitchiness.

Best of luck!

kaitlynmichelle

I'm sorry. What a shitty situation. I would absolutely tell her how hurt you are by this when you give it back.

When I was little, my great aunt had her great nieces and nephews (no kids of her own) pick out items they would like and she wrote our named and taped it to the items, put it inside, etc. So I had known since I was 7 what I would inherit. Beautiful china that she picked out with me, figurines, etc.

When she died 3 years ago her sister and that sister's daughter flew in and ripped all of the names off of EVERYTHING. And then took tons of the stuff before my uncle, the executor of the estate, knew about it. So I got nothing. I have a couple of things she gave me when she was alive but all of those things we picked out together are gone. She had specific things she wanted me to have as an adult too that she told me she'd put my name on as well. Now they are gone. We asked my uncle about using a stone out of one of her numerous gemstone rings when we were designing my ring, and he was all for it and had a specific diamond ring in mind, but said sister demanded we also oay for the stones. Which was appraised at over $20,000. Nope. No thanks.

I haven't spoken to that other great aunt or her kids since and I hope they realize how cruel that was. She didn't have this stuff in her will since it was a well established plan with everyone. The will only had cash and property in it, which I was not a part of (which I have no issue with as it was her money). She had some amazing things back from WWII as well that I did beg them all to donate to a museum at least. Rationing coupons, letters, money, etc. Couldn't tell you where it ended up.

Her sister, my grandma, also has said that she wants me to have her engagement ring and other jewelry when she passes. I've begged her to write it in her will if that is what she wants because otherwise I know I'll never see any of it. Either the same sister or my estranged father will take it all and sell it once she's gone. So I know I'll never have anything to remember her by either.

hellosweetie1015

I'm so sorry.

Ten years ago this past thanksgiving, my grandmother died. I was a little young to be involved too deeply but I do remember my mom getting a lot of costume jewelry. She got a few nice pieces, but most of the nicer things went to my uncle's wife (so, not a daughter). It wasn't willed to her - as I understand it, my grandmother's will was flimsyish and not super specific on a lot of things. Well, less than a year ago the house burned and all of my grandmother's things that my mom had were in the house, being used and treasured. My aunt never even offered to give my mother a damn piece.

I am terrified for the situation that will come when my mom's aunt passes. She's got beachfront condos and does huge trips (she paid for all of my immediate family of six, and offered to pay for FI too, to go with her to London and Paris this Christmas, as an example) and I know my aunt is going to be a nightmare when she passes. I'm really really hoping she's spent all her money by the time she passes, and maybe sold the condos and property, or given them to whomever she wishes prior to having passed.

This aunt is legitimately a horrid person, though. She kept their infant daughter from my grandparents for the first, like, two years of her life for petty, stupid shit that I don't even fully understand. Cousin was born in 76 and my grandfather passed in 78 or 79. So he barely ever even got to see her. Auntie's the entire reason my wedding is going to be way too small for any sort of traditional venue - we aren't inviting ANY of my extended family aside from my dad's mom and my mom's aunt solely because I can't invite everyone but her and get away with it.

Just about everything any of us wanted out of my parents' meager little estate burned. We saved my dad's guitar and this huge painting and that was just about it.

lightningsnow

Reading all of these stories reminds me of what happened when my maternal grandmother passed away when I was 8. She didn't have a will or anything so no one knew what was to become of all of her personal items. There was a large fight that broke out over my grandmother's engagement ring. It was assumed that the eldest granddaughter, my cousin, would get it. My aunt felt that her son, who was the eldest grandson, should have gotten it. My female cousin ended up with it but after her husband was found out to be a thief, she gave it to my mom for safekeeping. My mother is unsure if she will give it back or not.

Also, my mother told me when she first got sick when I was 11-12 that the engagement ring and birthstone ring my father gave her would come to me when she passed. The items were stolen a few years back and now I will not be getting those because of it. She has said that the three stone anniversary ring my father gave her years ago will be mine. But it does hurt that the items she said would be mine were stolen by someone.

Some people are assholes about inheritances. Some people only care about the money and what the item is worth, not the sentimental value of them.

emcme22

banana468 said:

People are assholes when it comes to wills.

FWIW, some people I know had the living give them the valuables long before they passed.   Then it was a gift given. 

My grandmother gave me 3 or 4 pieces of jewelry about a year before she passed away including a pair of earrings(her death was actually very unexpected). She told my mother and I she was giving them to me now because she wanted to make sure I actually got them/my aunt and cousin didn't interfere

. After she died my mom and her siblings were packing up her things and my aunt asked where the earrings were, my mother told her my grandmother had given them to me, my aunt insisted on getting then back and my mom gave in. I was so upset when I found out and pissed no one talked to me and she just took them. She then refused to speak to my mother for a month because my mother dared to tell her I was upset about it. My grandmothers jewelry box has now sat in a closet for 2 years because my mother is afraid of the fall out dividing it up will cause. It's all just so sad and ridiculous.

larrygaga

Look on the bright-side: Giant diamonds are more of a pain in the ass to wear and worry about. And you get to know what kind of people you are really related to! Also, you get to pick out your own!!!! I highly recommend it. 

FI and I got engaged on the fly and he wanted to walk out of the store with a ring. I picked 5 that I liked and he chose the stone and setting from there. I know he could have picked out something I loved, but it was cool to have my opinion in there.

I will never understand flipping out over money in a will. Can we wait until the person is cold in the ground before turning into petty pieces of shit? It happened with my grandparents as well, and they barely had anything to give away. Not worth fighting over.

photokitty

All this is a good argument for only having one kid or not having nice things...but then again...

when my grandma died all nine kids drew numbers and took turns selecting items they wanted. They just kept going round the circle until everything was divided up. My dad chose the plastic bathroom cup for his first item bc my brother really wanted it ~ yes a dime store plastic cup.

indianaalum

I guess I am glad i have poor parents! LOL. The only thing I am inheriting is their debts.

behsco90

Reading all these stories brings back memories....

Before my grandma died, she kept saying "Family and togetherness."  Apparently my uncle ignored that... My grandma willed her house to my mom because my mom has to take care of her sister, who is mentally disabled (schizophrenia) and does not take her medication, so without her medication, it is like taking care of a child.

Anyways, my mom asked her not to will her the house, because she knew it would cause problems, but my grandma didn't listen to her.  So when my uncle found out, he was furious.  He believed that my mom had influenced my grandmother and forced her to will her the house.

He went through her house and took almost all the nice stuff.  I was looking forward to having a few of my grandmother's silver pieces, but he took it all!  I wanted it for sentimental value but he was just taking it all out of spite.

Then what happened? He brought it all home and his wife said she didn't want some dead lady's stuff, so they ended up selling a bunch of it.

JennyColada

indianaalum said:

I guess I am glad i have poor parents! LOL. The only thing I am inheriting is their debts.

Same here. Actually, considering I'm currently paying for rent for my parents' house, then passing will save me my own money. I'm definitely not excited to pay off their credit cards though. But I like to hope that in 20-30 years that they'll have that sorted out.

I do think that my mom's parents have a decent sum of stuff (well, they used to, until my aunt sweet talked my grandma into "gifting" her what she wanted). I could not care less what she leaves me (I find most of her jewelry tacky and gawdy), and my mom just wants sentimental things (she just wants my grandma's wedding band and will happily let my aunt have the rest). But I know that my aunt is going to make it a big fucking deal.

I kind of want to make more effort to visit my grandmother to get more on her good side to save my mom the hassle, but after my grandma passes I doubt it will matter.

MegEn1

For this reason, FI has some family that is not invited to our wedding.

FI's grandfather passed away suddenly (for a 92 year old man) this summer. We all went down for the funeral. During the ... I don't know what it's called, it's a wake but it's Jewish I don't know if they have a different name for it. Anyway, people coming in and out, paying respects, lots of food.

FI caught his cousin going through medicine cabinets during all this. When FI asked him what was up, the cousin said "Just looking for meds to sell." FI LOST it at the guy, I'd never heard him like that before. Turns out cousin and cousin's dad had been going through the house, looking for WWII stuff or meds to sell and quietly moving it all to the car.

They are the black sheep in this otherwise wonderful family. On my finger right now I wear FI's grandmother's diamond, which has been set new for me. I don't know how they figured out how to pass it down (I'm guessing it went from son to son, so it would stay in the family surname) but everyone is so cool with it. I don't think of it as mine really, I think of it as a borrowed item because I intend to pass it down too.

jess1669

Wow! This sounds like something my aunt would do too if my grandmother gave me something like that. And my aunt married into the family. She's a very greedy person. 

I would just give the ring back. Like some other ladies said, I wouldn't want to keep it and be reminded of everything that happened. It's unfortunate that this has to happen. 

YogaSandy

Bump lurker here.

All these stories make me sad. I thought I'd share a good one.

We were moving grandpa (my dad's dad) to the nursing home two weeks ago. He basically didn't want to bring anything with him and told us we could have whatever we wanted. I was packing up his dresser and found a cool ring. It had a black diamond and his initials on either side. I really liked it and of course I wanted it. I brought it out to the living room and asked what it was for. Dad told me it was grandpa's wedding ring. My grandma died of cancer 40 years ago - none of the grandkids ever met her.

Then I said, while I would love to have it, I think it should go to my aunt. She takes care of grandpa all the time, and I always view jewelry as being passed to the daughter (right or wrong - maybe it's because I love jewelry so much). Then my aunt said, "I'll definitely kick myself for this later. I would love to have it, but I think it should be passed to the grandson (my brother). And he is the only one left who will carry on the last name.".

At first my brother said no, because his wife was just recently given my dad's mom's family ring. My aunt and I both told him we would love, but felt he should have it. He agreed, because we insisted and grandpa agreed. And dad always taught us, when grandpa wants to give you something, accept. It's how he shows he cares.