Wedding Party

Bossy Bride?

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Re: Bossy Bride?

  • "I will not be paying for the buck and doe or the shower. Have a nice day."
    MGPPrettyGirlLost
  • What can I possibly add that hasn't been said?
    This is just gross. Fundraisers are for orphans and house fire victims and animal shelters and other charities. Not for healthy young people that want other people to pay for their luxuries.
    Tell them no. When adults get married, they plan for what they can afford, not for what they imagine other people can afford. Jut frikking gross. It's wrong, it's rude, it's crass. 

    If she acts like an asshat about it, send her a link to this thread.  
    I'm quoting this because I could only hit "love it" once. And I would quote it like 9 more times but I know that would be annoying so.... just read it 9 more times.
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    ohannabelle
  • A fundraiser for your wedding? That is so tacky!!! If they need the extra money for the wedding then they can use money they receive at showers. You do not need to pay for a fundraiser for their wedding-- not what your job is. 
  • Hi there all! I am currently a bridesmaid in one of my best friends weddings happening in August. I am feeling very overwhelmed and stressed out and I'll tell you why.

    The B&G are doing a Buck and Doe - for those of you who don't know, it's a big party to fundraise for your wedding. I have no problem helping out in this. EXCEPT they are expecting the wedding party pays for everything; alcohol, hall rental, food, games, prizes etc. I had no idea I had to financially contribute in this manner. I told the bride my concerns and she just keeps saying everything will be fine, there are lots of girls and groomsmen to help out, but I'm not kidding - I am paying to go back to school next year and can't afford to pay for this thing. Dress, shoes, bachelorette party - all things I knew I was paying for. No problem. But I'm sorry..they want to spend $2000 on alcohol, I don't have that kind of money. 

    I have tried to voice my concerns but now she seems to be ignoring me. I feel so anxious and awful, because she is one of my best friends. My boyfriend is also close with the groom. 

    What do I do? I've already told her how I felt..


    I'm sorry, but if the B&G don't have that kind of money, what makes them think anyone else does? Shoot, I have college loans to pay, upcoming medical bills, car loan, and living expenses, plus I plan on traveling to Scotland soon. There is NO WAY in hell I would give that much money to someone else unless they were in dire straights. Not being able to afford your own wedding is not dire straights. I just don't understand . . . who in their right mind thinks this is okay. I'd also feel so squeemish if I was asking other people for THAT MUCH MONEY. Does she not have a conscience or something? WTH?
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    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
  • MGP said:

    They constantly complain about how broke they are, but then why would they want to put their broke friends through this?? (I'm 25 and the oldest girl is 26, so we're all establishing ourselves still!!!)
    You hit the nail on the head here.  This is what I do not understand about people who expect others to shell out ridiculous amounts of money on them FOR THINGS THEY SHOULD BE FINANCING THEMSELVES.  Because if the shoe was on the other foot they would be claiming brokeness and not helping, I guarantee you.

    Seriously, even blessed with an established career and no student debt at 25 I didn't have enough disposable income to spend several thousand dollars on someone else and not have it put a financial strain on me.  I have posted before that being a bridesmaid costs the average person about 12% of their total yearly income.  How brides think others should financially prioritize their wedding is far be it from me to ever understand.

    Get out.  Now.  If the bride ends the friendship over this you are better off.

    $2000 for booze at a wedding fundraiser and $400 for a 115 person bridal shower.  I don't curse much on these boards but what the fucking fuck??

    Holy toledo! 12%?! Are you serious?! Who spends that kind of money on a wedding that isn't their's?
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    bumbletiger88PrettyGirlLost
  • MGPMGP member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    MGP said:

    They constantly complain about how broke they are, but then why would they want to put their broke friends through this?? (I'm 25 and the oldest girl is 26, so we're all establishing ourselves still!!!)
    You hit the nail on the head here.  This is what I do not understand about people who expect others to shell out ridiculous amounts of money on them FOR THINGS THEY SHOULD BE FINANCING THEMSELVES.  Because if the shoe was on the other foot they would be claiming brokeness and not helping, I guarantee you.

    Seriously, even blessed with an established career and no student debt at 25 I didn't have enough disposable income to spend several thousand dollars on someone else and not have it put a financial strain on me.  I have posted before that being a bridesmaid costs the average person about 12% of their total yearly income.  How brides think others should financially prioritize their wedding is far be it from me to ever understand.

    Get out.  Now.  If the bride ends the friendship over this you are better off.

    $2000 for booze at a wedding fundraiser and $400 for a 115 person bridal shower.  I don't curse much on these boards but what the fucking fuck??

    Holy toledo! 12%?! Are you serious?! Who spends that kind of money on a wedding that isn't their's?
    Sorry, I miscalculated that somewhat based off a post where someone was in two weddings but it is not that far off:

    Mean income in my state is $44,400 (according to the US Dept of Labor), that's about $28,886 take home after taxes and insurance (and we don't pay state income tax here).  I would also think that many people who are asked to be in weddings fall into a young demographic where they are carrying student loans or just starting their adult life as the OP had mentioned.
    Average cost of being in a wedding is $1700 according to an article that was posted on a board, and based on people's comments including my own that sounds about right.
    So that's 6%.
    In the OP's case it sounds like she is being asked to spend about $3000 so that would be 10%.  10 fucking percent on a rude person for one day.

    My point is - it doesn't matter what the percentage is.  It doesn't matter if it is $1 or $100,000.  People should not expect others to finance their wedding, or spent exorbitant amounts of money to be in a wedding and unfortunately many people suck it up and do it because they don't want to speak up.  No wonder we have a credit crisis in this country.

    I don't know about the rest of you but NO ONE tells me how to spend my money except my husband and my CPA.
    bb2016ChemFanatic25speakeasy14[Deleted User]
  • Gah, I keep waiting for hear from OP....
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    runsonveggiesBubblegum5586PrettyGirlLost
  • A fundraiser for your wedding? That is so tacky!!! If they need the extra money for the wedding then they can use money they receive at showers. You do not need to pay for a fundraiser for their wedding-- not what your job is. 
    Why would they receive money at showers?  Showers are for physical gifts.



  • It's posts like these that make me happy for the people I've been in weddings for. The third wedding I'll be in (not counting my turn as a flowergirl when I was 2) is coming up in a few months.  For all of them, I have never had to do a ton of stuff.  The one wedding, I spent literally nothing on my attire because our mom made the dresses and I wore shoes I already owned.  I only spent maybe $40 total on supplies for a shower and bachelorette - both of which were low key. The other wedding, I spent nothing for the dress but did pay for cowboy boots, which I wasn't too keen on but whatever.  So I spent maybe $120 for that wedding?  This upcoming wedding, I'll be throwing a shower and spending whatever to get my dress tailored (but not buying the dress itself) so I'll be spending probably $150 or less.

    To the OP: I'll just ditto what the rest of the PPs have said.  Tell her no, you can't swing it and then change the subject. If she persists, I would drop out.  
  • Let me just echo the PPs.... RUN FOR THE HILLS.
    rcher912PrettyGirlLost
  •  
    This is a mantra of mine at work... "Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine."

    So just because this couple is fucking stupid and planned a wedding they can't afford does not mean that you need to contribute to this rude ass fundraiser (common or not they are ridiculously rude).

    And her Mother is just as crazy as this bride and her FI are.  So her Mom wants to throw her daughter a shower but isn't willing to foot the bill?  Instead she wants each BM to contribute $400?! That is insane.

    I think you and the other BM need to speak up or drop out of this crazy ass mess.

    This is one of my all time favorite quotes.  I said it to myself all the time at a previous job and sometimes when I'm driving...like when two lanes are merging into one, there is all the time in the world to merge, and then you have the one guy that shoots up to the front and honks when you won't let him in ;).

    But it certainly applies in the OP's situation also.  No one gets to "volunspend" MY money!  Sorry her and her mom's poor planning and "visions" exceeded their bank account.  It is entirely their problem, not yours.  Don't let them make it yours.

    The best I would do is give her suggestions on how she can have a beautiful wedding, while still properly hosting her guests and not breaking the bank.  Dry wedding.  Sheet cakes for $50 from the grocery store instead of the $800 wedding cake from the fancy baker.  I made up those numbers, but I can't help but think a bride like this is the "champagne fountain, horse drawn carriage" type who then can't understand why her wedding expenses are out of control.

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    [Deleted User]
  • Some people have such fucking balls. My SIL added me to her wedding party a few months before the wedding. I said yes because it was my only brother but I didn't expect it to go so downhill. First I told her my budget for a dress was $140. She said well the other girls have already chosen one so you have to get that one, I think it's around that much. It was $200. Pissed but the other girls already ordered theirs so I went with it.

    Turns out SIL's best friend also doesn't understand budgets. She emailed me before ever meeting me regarding the shower and how "we all had to split it". I replied with I'm happy to help but at this time I'm unable to contribute more than $100. She says ok. I get a text the day before "show up at this time for set up and don't forget the $150 for me since I already paid the restaurant". I'm like thanks bitch.....again it's my only brother so I just said fuck it and paid the girl. But that's not ok!

     

                                                                     

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    As someone who is also still establishing herself, I'd literally laugh in the face of anyone who would expect my friends and I to come up with 2 grand for their party.  Fuck that I'd offer to contribute to the food instead, then give them a 12 pack of ramen to remind them that I'm broke.  
    I just wanted to say I love this!


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    runsonveggies
  • edited January 2015
    Viczaesar said:
    A fundraiser for your wedding? That is so tacky!!! If they need the extra money for the wedding then they can use money they receive at showers. You do not need to pay for a fundraiser for their wedding-- not what your job is. 
    Why would they receive money at showers?  Showers are for physical gifts.
    I've been to showers where money has been given. Depends on what the guest wants to do. One of my friends and her fiance who got married last put some of the money they received at showers towards their wedding.
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