Thoughts?

hellosweetie1015

Okay Knotties. You give good advice, and this is something that's been bothering me recently.

We're having a small wedding. 30 people tops. It'd be half that if I didn't have so many darn siblings. I'm not inviting any of my extended family (except my two widowed grandmothers), although FI is inviting some of his closer aunts/uncles/cousins/etc. My preference is for a lower-key shendig; I have no need for a big celebration or anything like that. We aren't looking for gifts, and I intend for this to be communicated if ever the issue arises (although obviously it wouldn't be included on the invite or any other communication from us). I intend to deny any showers, as well, since we are so small as for them to be unnecessary.

That being said - I do intend to create a couple of registries. I got a mailer for a free $20 Target gift card if I create a registry there, and there are some things we'd like to have for our future kitchen and home from Bed Bath and Beyond. I know completion discounts aren't much, but even a little bit is something.

My question is - should I allow these registries to be circulated if someone asks? Especially if the asker isn't going to be invited to the wedding? I know that if you don't have a registry, you say (or have the asked say) "We aren't registered; we are (saving for xxx/just looking forward to celebrating with you/whatever)." Would it be best to pretend we are not registered? 

I know I'm putting a bunch of carts before their horses, but it's something I thought of as I browsed for the Target registry and thought I should ask while it was on my mind.

fwtx5815

If you really truly don't want gifts from registries, I would find a way to make them private (is that possible)? And then just say you aren't registered.

I would definitely not want people who aren't invited getting word of the registries if it were me.

hellosweetie1015

dallasbetch said:

If you really truly don't want gifts from registries, I would find a way to make them private (is that possible)? And then just say you aren't registered. 

I would definitely not want people who aren't invited getting word of the registries if it were me.

I did make the Target one private, which means it isn't searchable on Target. I assume it isn't searchable on Google that way. I didn't know that they could be made private until I actually made the registry, so there's that.

I absolutely don't want anyone finding the registries. FI knows I'm registering, but he also knows I'm only registering because I can get some things I want with a gift card I didn't do much I wouldn't have done anyway.

esstee33

I would make them private and then pretend they don't exist if anyone asks. 

00kim00

My then-fiancé and i registered at BBB and Macys.then i heard target and kohls both were giving gift cards for registering. I set up registries at both places (really just repeated everything on our 2 real registries) and made them private. No one bought anything from them, of course, and i never got the completion discount or gift cards.i'm guessing the stores have some kind of safeguard to prevent this, so maybe you need people to actually buy some minimum amount in order to get the gift cards. Just something to be aware of if you try this

hellosweetie1015

00kim00 said:

My then-fiancé and i registered at BBB and Macys.then i heard target and kohls both were giving gift cards for registering. I set up registries at both places (really just repeated everything on our 2 real registries) and made them private. No one bought anything from them, of course, and i never got the completion discount or gift cards.i'm guessing the stores have some kind of safeguard to prevent this, so maybe you need people to actually buy some minimum amount in order to get the gift cards. Just something to be aware of if you try this

I got a mailer with a coupon in it for the gift card. I just have to take the coupon and the printed registry to Guest Services. I wouldn't imagine it would make much sense for them to give out free gift cards to every registrant; I know for a fact that I'd make thirty different registries for a whole bunch of nonexistent weddings, and then I'd have $600 that Target gave me just to play on their website for a day.

lovegood90

If people ask, it's fine to tell them where you're registered.

However, if they're not invited to the wedding I'd feel extremely uncomfortable accepting a gift from them. I don't know if this is an actual etiquette rule, but it seems extremely inappropriate to share registry information to people not invited to the wedding.

hellosweetie1015

lovegood90 said:

If people ask, it's fine to tell them where you're registered.

However, if they're not invited to the wedding I'd feel extremely uncomfortable accepting a gift from them. I don't know if this is an actual etiquette rule, but it seems extremely inappropriate to share registry information to people not invited to the wedding.

Meeeee too. Which is why I expect to just tell everyone we're not registered; there's only about 30 people invited and with the exception of maybe 6 on FI's side, it's all immediate family or our best friends.