End.

Knottie9244656

.

mikenberger

Knottie9244656 said:

I got engaged about a year ago and I'm getting married in 3 months. Before I got engaged, my sister and I had talked about me getting married and that when I would, she would be my Maid of Honour. So when I got engaged that was one of the first things I asked her and she seemed very excited about it. I had about 11 months to plan my wedding...

By the time it became 6 months into my wedding, I still hadn't heard from her. I sent her messages, and pintrest boards, and emails asking about the wedding and what she thought...nothing.

Right before we went to look at bridesmaid dresses I asked her if she even wanted to be in the wedding and let her know that I felt like she wasn't helping. She apologized and we went to go look for bridesmaid dresses. We shopped and found the dress, but the thing was... it wasn't the dress I had envisioned. It was a beautiful dress I had found...but not 'my dress'. I felt like that since this was the only input I had gotten from any of them thus far, that I would just go ahead and let them get that dress since they were fighting for it so much...

No problem right?

Wrong...

See, the dress is 200.00 which is more than I expected them to spend on a bridesmaid dress but all of them fought me on getting this dress and said the price wasn't an issue. I find out that my MOH has been talking behind my back to multiple people how I made them get this expensive dress.

So now it's 3 months until I'm getting married...what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life is turning into a 'drama-extravaganza'...

I told all my bridesmaids this morning that I was just going to pay for the dresses and I didn't want to hear any more complaining about these dresses....these dresses that have already been bought by the way, the girls were supposed to reimburse us.  Whenever I sent that out my MOH promptly unfriended me, blocked me, erased my bridal shower page she put up, and will not talk to me. She also messaged my fiance and told him that she hoped 'he knew what he was getting into by marring me'.

Ok.....

So I'm going to say this...she's already recused herself from the wedding. I would like to make up with her before then. I do not want her in my wedding though. I'm just not sure how to say, "Yeah we're cool but you're not in the bridal party anymore."

Why do you want to make up with her? Seems to me that she's being ridiculous. Especially after all the erasing and deleting etc. Messaging my FI would be over the line. No matter who she is to me.

Just as a side bar for lurkers: always check with your bridesmaids on their dress budget before picking a dress. And bridesmaids don't help you plan your wedding.

Jen4948

It's not her "job" to help you plan your wedding or throw parties for you. Her only responsibilities as your MOH are to get the dress, show up in it sober, on time, and in good spirits, process and recess down the aisle and back, and pose for some photos. And you should have gotten everyone's budget before deciding that a $200 dress that costs more than you expected was "your dress."

No one here is going to help you find a way to say "Yeah, we're cool but you're not in the bridal party anymore" because it's a mean-spirited, impolite, friendship-ending thing to say-and if you day it to her you and she will never be "cool" again.

Viczaesar

Knottie9244656 said:

I got engaged about a year ago and I'm getting married in 3 months. Before I got engaged, my sister and I had talked about me getting married and that when I would, she would be my Maid of Honour. So when I got engaged that was one of the first things I asked her and she seemed very excited about it. I had about 11 months to plan my wedding...

By the time it became 6 months into my wedding, I still hadn't heard from her. I sent her messages, and pintrest boards, and emails asking about the wedding and what she thought...nothing.   It was not her job to give you feedback on the details of the party you were planning.

Right before we went to look at bridesmaid dresses I asked her if she even wanted to be in the wedding and let her know that I felt like she wasn't helping. That was wrong of you.  She apologized and we went to go look for bridesmaid dresses. We shopped and found the dress, but the thing was... it wasn't the dress I had envisioned. It was a beautiful dress I had found...but not 'my dress'. Well, since you weren't the one wearing the dress, oh well.  I felt like that since this was the only input I had gotten from any of them thus far, that I would just go ahead and let them get that dress since they were fighting for it so much...

No problem right?

Wrong...

See, the dress is 200.00 which is more than I expected them to spend on a bridesmaid dress but all of them fought me on getting this dress and said the price wasn't an issue. All of them including your sister?  I find out that my MOH has been talking behind my back to multiple people how I made them get this expensive dress. Did you ask them each, individually, what their budget was, and stay under that number?  If not, you're in the wrong here.

So now it's 3 months until I'm getting married...what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life is turning into a 'drama-extravaganza'...  Then stop making drama.

I told all my bridesmaids this morning that I was just going to pay for the dresses and I didn't want to hear any more complaining about these dresses....these dresses that have already been bought by the way, the girls were supposed to reimburse us.  Whenever I sent that out my MOH promptly unfriended me, blocked me, erased my bridal shower page she put up, and will not talk to me. She also messaged my fiance and told him that she hoped 'he knew what he was getting into by marring me'.   I don't believe you that you didn't say something more inflammatory and pointed when you told your bridesmaids that they didn't have to reimburse you for the dress and not to bitch anymore.  Clearly there's more going on here.

Ok.....

So I'm going to say this...she's already recused herself from the wedding. I would like to make up with her before then. I do not want her in my wedding though. I'm just not sure how to say, "Yeah we're cool but you're not in the bridal party anymore."

You are not an innocent party in all of this.  This is your sister.  Work on your relationship with her.  Unless she actually told you, unprompted, that she has taken herself out of the wedding, don't assume she has.  All she has to do is show up at the wedding in the dress, which she already has. 

Knottie9244656

Ok.

First of all. I never once said it was her "job" to help me plan my wedding or throw parties for me. I re-read it to make sure. Nothing like that in there.

Thank you though for your 'super polite' response.

As MOH part of the 'job' is being there for the bride. Depending on the situation different capacities are appropriate. What I was asking her wasn't to 'plan' anything. It was input. That's what I was asking.

Next. I never asked for a party. She put it up. Invited all my friends and family. Then deleted it after everyone had rsvp'd. Still not rude?

As for the dress...I did get everyone's budget. When I say it was not 'my dress', it was not the dress I had envisioned for my bridesmaids. After telling them it was 'over the budget we decided' and after they told me that was the dress they wanted, and all agreed upon it. Only then did I budge...the big deal about it not being 'my dress' was that she complained about it afterwards.

I'm asking for input. I'm not impolite. Or mean-spirited. I know there is not an easy way to say what I'm asking. That was my blunt way of putting in there what I needed to do and to ask for input.

Your comment was not nice and you assumed a lot in it.

Thank you for responding though I guess.

mikenberger

Knottie9244656 said:

Ok.

First of all. I never once said it was her "job" to help me plan my wedding or throw parties for me. I re-read it to make sure. Nothing like that in there.

Thank you though for your 'super polite' response.

As MOH part of the 'job' is being there for the bride. Depending on the situation different capacities are appropriate. What I was asking her wasn't to 'plan' anything. It was input. That's what I was asking.

Next. I never asked for a party. She put it up. Invited all my friends and family. Then deleted it after everyone had rsvp'd. Still not rude?

As for the dress...I did get everyone's budget. When I say it was not 'my dress', it was not the dress I had envisioned for my bridesmaids. After telling them it was 'over the budget we decided' and after they told me that was the dress they wanted, and all agreed upon it. Only then did I budge...the big deal about it not being 'my dress' was that she complained about it afterwards.

I'm asking for input. I'm not impolite. Or mean-spirited. I know there is not an easy way to say what I'm asking. That was my blunt way of putting in there what I needed to do and to ask for input.

Your comment was not nice and you assumed a lot in it.

Thank you for responding though I guess.

JIC.

You still didn't answer why you want to make up with her.

There seems to be a lot of things in your story that don't make sense. Especially the dress. You say now that they all agreed on the dress even though it was over their budget and they loved the dress. But then your sister/moh starting talking ill about it then they all hated it. Is your sister psychotic? Is she a puppet master of your bridal party? It just doesn't seem to be that a highly reasonable person and your sister would defriend you, not speak to you and message your FI a tale of warning.

So who's the issue? You or your sister?

Viczaesar

Knottie9244656 said:

Ok.

First of all. I never once said it was her "job" to help me plan my wedding or throw parties for me. I re-read it to make sure. Nothing like that in there.

Thank you though for your 'super polite' response.

As MOH part of the 'job' is being there for the bride. Depending on the situation different capacities are appropriate. What I was asking her wasn't to 'plan' anything. It was input. That's what I was asking.   Also not part of her "job".  The role of bridesmaid and MOH is ceremonial.  You are honoring them by asking them to stand next to you when you get married because you can't imagine getting married without them by your side.  That's it.  No "being there" to bounce planning ideas off of.  If they want to do that, great!  If not, fine. 

Next. I never asked for a party. She put it up. Invited all my friends and family. Then deleted it after everyone had rsvp'd. Still not rude?  Don't know if you're addressing me, but I didn't say anything about the facebook shower page.

As for the dress...I did get everyone's budget. When I say it was not 'my dress', it was not the dress I had envisioned for my bridesmaids. After telling them it was 'over the budget we decided' and after they told me that was the dress they wanted, and all agreed upon it. Only then did I budge...the big deal about it not being 'my dress' was that she complained about it afterwards.  You should not have been looking at a dress that was over the budgets that they each gave you.  The point of asking them each individually and privately is to remove the issue of peer pressure.  By giving in on a more expensive dress in person you were putting your sister in a difficult spot.

I'm asking for input. I'm not impolite. Or mean-spirited. I know there is not an easy way to say what I'm asking. That was my blunt way of putting in there what I needed to do and to ask for input. There is not a polite way to do what you want to do.  Doing what you want to do will make you look like a jerk.

Your comment was not nice and you assumed a lot in it.  Don't know who you're addressing.

Thank you for responding though I guess.  You're welcome!

Here are the things you said in your original point that clearly indicate you expected her to help you plan your wedding:

By the time it became 6 months into my wedding, I still hadn't heard from her. I sent her messages, and pintrest boards, and emails asking about the wedding and what she thought...nothing.

Right before we went to look at bridesmaid dresses I asked her if she even wanted to be in the wedding and let her know that I felt like she wasn't helping.

Knottie9244656

You are not an innocent party in all of this.  This is your sister.  Work on your relationship with her.  Unless she actually told you, unprompted, that she has taken herself out of the wedding, don't assume she has.  All she has to do is show up at the wedding in the dress, which she already has.

Ok, so yes. She has told me, unprompted that she does not want to be a part of the wedding anymore. I don't know what you didn't understand but my wedding has not happened, she has not already shown up at the wedding in a dress. I've been trying to work on this issue for months. I realize this is my sister.

As far as your bold statements...

1. It was not her job to give you feedback on the details of the party you were planning.
Even so, I sent a couple of emails and pictures. (What do you think about this bridesmaid dress? Ect.) So, no for the last time. No planning was expected from her. Input yes. There's a lot between nothing and something.

2. I don't believe it was wrong of me to ask her if she wanted to be in the wedding at that point. She hasn't given me any indication she did and I wasn't going to assume she did.

3. Since I'm not the one wearing the dress, oh well. And I'm rude?

4. Yes, I asked them all what their budget was. Every single one of them. I found a dress under that budget. All three of them argued tooth and nail, especially her, for this dress we got. I spoke with them individually even before getting the dress. Everyone 'was' in agreement.

Knottie9244656

They did all love the dress. They did all agree on the dress. I have messages from her telling me how that was 'the dress they all wanted'. I think they loved the dress, they thought it was fine, then reality kicked in where they'd have to pay for it and she started the rumors. No, she is not the 'puppet master of my bridal party'. She made the page. She invited all my friends and family. I never said she was the 'master of my bridal party'. I never even asked for a bridal party. All I'm asking for is help and now I'm getting attacked. I am not the problem here.

Knottie9244656

Viczaesar said:

Knottie9244656 said:

Ok.

First of all. I never once said it was her "job" to help me plan my wedding or throw parties for me. I re-read it to make sure. Nothing like that in there.

Thank you though for your 'super polite' response.

As MOH part of the 'job' is being there for the bride. Depending on the situation different capacities are appropriate. What I was asking her wasn't to 'plan' anything. It was input. That's what I was asking.   Also not part of her "job".  The role of bridesmaid and MOH is ceremonial.  You are honoring them by asking them to stand next to you when you get married because you can't imagine getting married without them by your side.  That's it.  No "being there" to bounce planning ideas off of.  If they want to do that, great!  If not, fine. 

Next. I never asked for a party. She put it up. Invited all my friends and family. Then deleted it after everyone had rsvp'd. Still not rude?  Don't know if you're addressing me, but I didn't say anything about the facebook shower page.

As for the dress...I did get everyone's budget. When I say it was not 'my dress', it was not the dress I had envisioned for my bridesmaids. After telling them it was 'over the budget we decided' and after they told me that was the dress they wanted, and all agreed upon it. Only then did I budge...the big deal about it not being 'my dress' was that she complained about it afterwards.  You should not have been looking at a dress that was over the budgets that they each gave you.  The point of asking them each individually and privately is to remove the issue of peer pressure.  By giving in on a more expensive dress in person you were putting your sister in a difficult spot.

I'm asking for input. I'm not impolite. Or mean-spirited. I know there is not an easy way to say what I'm asking. That was my blunt way of putting in there what I needed to do and to ask for input. There is not a polite way to do what you want to do.  Doing what you want to do will make you look like a jerk.

Your comment was not nice and you assumed a lot in it.  Don't know who you're addressing.

Thank you for responding though I guess.  You're welcome!

Here are the things you said in your original point that clearly indicate you expected her to help you plan your wedding:

By the time it became 6 months into my wedding, I still hadn't heard from her. I sent her messages, and pintrest boards, and emails asking about the wedding and what she thought...nothing.

Right before we went to look at bridesmaid dresses I asked her if she even wanted to be in the wedding and let her know that I felt like she wasn't helping.

Yes, I had not heard from her.

Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

I did send her a couple of messages. I did ask her to be involved with the pintrest board. These are things we had discussed when I first got engaged that she wanted to do. I asked her about bridesmaid dresses and what style she liked.

Not exactly 'planning'.

And no, she wasn't helping. I did ask if she wanted to be in the wedding. Why? I hadn't heard anything from her.

Asking input from your MOH is obviously a crime here. I asked close to nothing and got even less.

Viczaesar

If she's told you, inprompted, that she does not want to be in the wedding anymore, then why do you think you need to tell her she's not in the wedding anymore?

It's wrong to ask someone if they still want to do something that they already agreed to do.  That gives the impression that you don't want them and are trying to get them to quit.  She didn't have to give you indication that she still wanted to be in your wedding, since she had already agreed to be in your wedding. 

If you had budgets from them and were looking at dresses under the lowest budget, why were you all talking about this dress that was above the budget? 

So if she was one of the ones pushing to get this dress that cost more than the budget that was agreed upon, your main issue was that you found out she told people you were forcing them to get an expensive dress?  Why didn't you just have a private conversation with her and ask what was up?  Why did you jump to announcing to all of them that you were going to pay for the dresses (which was actually you saying that they don't have to pay you back for the dresses anymore?) and that you didn't want to hear any more bitching?  What exactly did you say?  I still think there's more to how this went down that led to your sister - not just your MOH, but your sister - to delete you from Facebook, block you, and erase the bridal party Facebook page.  Did you have a troubled relationship before?

mikenberger

Knottie9244656 said:

They did all love the dress. They did all agree on the dress. I have messages from her telling me how that was 'the dress they all wanted'. I think they loved the dress, they thought it was fine, then reality kicked in where they'd have to pay for it and she started the rumors. No, she is not the 'puppet master of my bridal party'. She made the page. She invited all my friends and family. I never said she was the 'master of my bridal party'. I never even asked for a bridal party. All I'm asking for is help and now I'm getting attacked. I am not the problem here.

Personally, I would take her actions as her leaving the bridal party. I'm unclear why you need to make sure that she knows she's not in the bridal party. And if she shows up the day of in her dress, take it as a peace offering and enjoy your day. If she acts a fool, that's her problem. Not yours.

Knottie9244656

Viczaesar said:

If she's told you, inprompted, that she does not want to be in the wedding anymore, then why do you think you need to tell her she's not in the wedding anymore?

It's wrong to ask someone if they still want to do something that they already agreed to do.  That gives the impression that you don't want them and are trying to get them to quit.  She didn't have to give you indication that she still wanted to be in your wedding, since she had already agreed to be in your wedding. 

If you had budgets from them and were looking at dresses under the lowest budget, why were you all talking about this dress that was above the budget? 

So if she was one of the ones pushing to get this dress that cost more than the budget that was agreed upon, your main issue was that you found out she told people you were forcing them to get an expensive dress?  Why didn't you just have a private conversation with her and ask what was up?  Why did you jump to announcing to all of them that you were going to pay for the dresses (which was actually you saying that they don't have to pay you back for the dresses anymore?) and that you didn't want to hear any more bitching?  What exactly did you say?  I still think there's more to how this went down that led to your sister - not just your MOH, but your sister - to delete you from Facebook, block you, and erase the bridal party Facebook page.  Did you have a troubled relationship before?

At this point, she has told me she doesn't want to be in the wedding anymore and that's fine. I'm worried that she will want to make up, and think she still has her place. That is my main concern.

We never had a troubled relationship before. I think a lot of it is jealousy. I've been very careful not to say that to her though, that she's jealous or acting jealous. The one time we got together to discuss wedding stuff..she made the entire discussion about her...kept interrupting when we talked about the wedding at all...and yes, it was clear this was a meeting to discuss wedding stuff.

I wanted to stay under budget...yes, I do admit it was my fault for caving on allowing them to choose a dress that was over budget. All three of them told me how much more they liked this other dress and that's the dress they wanted. I discussed it with all of them, and individually...even tried to change their minds before purchasing the dress.

It wasn't until afterwards when I started getting messages from my parents about how she was upset about the dress and she started making comments that I realized what a mistake it was...yes, I do know I should have told them no on the dress that was out of budget. We were all adults though and I thought after everyone's ok, that it was the decision everyone agreed upon.

She would say stuff like,

"I can't buy nice shoes because of the price of the dress." or "Because I'm paying so much for the dress I won't be able to get anyone Christmas presents." to which I would say, "It's not a big deal. Just wear shoes you have, the dress is long anyways." or "How about I buy the shoes for you as your bridesmaid present?"

There was no winning.

I did ask her what was up. At first, it was "Oh I'm saying anything like that." then finally more recently it's "I did say that but it was just peer pressure."

There's always an excuse.

I did send out a text. I said in the message that I was 'gifting' the dresses to them and that they just needed to buy their shoes and bring them to the fitting. There was no condescending undertone. I didn't say anything like, "Because one of you is being annoying." It was just my way of solving a problem I was tired of dealing with.

Knottie9244656

mikenberger said:

They did all love the dress. They did all agree on the dress. I have messages from her telling me how that was 'the dress they all wanted'. I think they loved the dress, they thought it was fine, then reality kicked in where they'd have to pay for it and she started the rumors. No, she is not the 'puppet master of my bridal party'. She made the page. She invited all my friends and family. I never said she was the 'master of my bridal party'. I never even asked for a bridal party. All I'm asking for is help and now I'm getting attacked. I am not the problem here.

Personally, I would take her actions as her leaving the bridal party. I'm unclear why you need to make sure that she knows she's not in the bridal party. And if she shows up the day of in her dress, take it as a peace offering and enjoy your day. If she acts a fool, that's her problem. Not yours.

My fear is that she is going to apologize and things are going to be 'OK' between us and she's going to expect to be in the wedding still. At this point, I think this whole wedding may be too much stress for her for some reason and she has a lot of resentment for me because I'm getting married. I'm not going to seek her out...but I don't want to open another can of worms.

MairePoppy

Knottie9244656 said:

mikenberger said:

Personally, I would take her actions as her leaving the bridal party. I'm unclear why you need to make sure that she knows she's not in the bridal party. And if she shows up the day of in her dress, take it as a peace offering and enjoy your day. If she acts a fool, that's her problem. Not yours.

My fear is that she is going to apologize and things are going to be 'OK' between us and she's going to expect to be in the wedding still. At this point, I think this whole wedding may be too much stress for her for some reason and she has a lot of resentment for me because I'm getting married. I'm not going to seek her out...but I don't want to open another can of worms.

So, why wouldn't that be a good thing? 

Your sister has dropped out. There's no need to 'fire' her. As it stands, now, she's out of the wedding party. Let it go.

fwtx5815

You know you've been quoted, right? So deleting your post isn't going to do much for you. It's going to draw more attention to the thread. Sorry you didn't get the proper wording you were looking for.. ?

southernbelle0915

Why do you fear making up with her and as a result, she's back in the WP? Why does that scare you? Seems like that would be a good thing.

Also, has she actually said she resents you for getting married? If not, then I don't think its fair to assume things about how she feels.

Maggie0829

Knottie9244656 said:

Viczaesar said:

If she's told you, inprompted, that she does not want to be in the wedding anymore, then why do you think you need to tell her she's not in the wedding anymore?

It's wrong to ask someone if they still want to do something that they already agreed to do.  That gives the impression that you don't want them and are trying to get them to quit.  She didn't have to give you indication that she still wanted to be in your wedding, since she had already agreed to be in your wedding. 

If you had budgets from them and were looking at dresses under the lowest budget, why were you all talking about this dress that was above the budget? 

So if she was one of the ones pushing to get this dress that cost more than the budget that was agreed upon, your main issue was that you found out she told people you were forcing them to get an expensive dress?  Why didn't you just have a private conversation with her and ask what was up?  Why did you jump to announcing to all of them that you were going to pay for the dresses (which was actually you saying that they don't have to pay you back for the dresses anymore?) and that you didn't want to hear any more bitching?  What exactly did you say?  I still think there's more to how this went down that led to your sister - not just your MOH, but your sister - to delete you from Facebook, block you, and erase the bridal party Facebook page.  Did you have a troubled relationship before?

At this point, she has told me she doesn't want to be in the wedding anymore and that's fine. I'm worried that she will want to make up, and think she still has her place. That is my main concern.

We never had a troubled relationship before. I think a lot of it is jealousy. I've been very careful not to say that to her though, that she's jealous or acting jealous. The one time we got together to discuss wedding stuff..she made the entire discussion about her...kept interrupting when we talked about the wedding at all...and yes, it was clear this was a meeting to discuss wedding stuff.

I wanted to stay under budget...yes, I do admit it was my fault for caving on allowing them to choose a dress that was over budget. All three of them told me how much more they liked this other dress and that's the dress they wanted. I discussed it with all of them, and individually...even tried to change their minds before purchasing the dress.

It wasn't until afterwards when I started getting messages from my parents about how she was upset about the dress and she started making comments that I realized what a mistake it was...yes, I do know I should have told them no on the dress that was out of budget. We were all adults though and I thought after everyone's ok, that it was the decision everyone agreed upon.

She would say stuff like,

"I can't buy nice shoes because of the price of the dress." or "Because I'm paying so much for the dress I won't be able to get anyone Christmas presents." to which I would say, "It's not a big deal. Just wear shoes you have, the dress is long anyways." or "How about I buy the shoes for you as your bridesmaid present?"

There was no winning.

I did ask her what was up. At first, it was "Oh I'm saying anything like that." then finally more recently it's "I did say that but it was just peer pressure."

There's always an excuse.

I did send out a text. I said in the message that I was 'gifting' the dresses to them and that they just needed to buy their shoes and bring them to the fitting. There was no condescending undertone. I didn't say anything like, "Because one of you is being annoying." It was just my way of solving a problem I was tired of dealing with.

I just can't with the bolded.  Yes, when someone doesn't want to discuss your wedding that automatically means they are jealous.  I am rolling my eyes so fucking hard.

OP, this is your sister.  And as you noted you two have never had issues before this.  So either your sister has gone completely crazy or there is a lot more to this story then you are sharing.  Probably because if you share the rest of the story then it will just put you in a bad light.

I am sorry but at this point I would be more concerned about making things right with your sister rather then worry about silly wedding drama.  Drama that will only happen if you let it.  This is your sister we are talking about.  Will you really let, most likely bridezilla behavior on your part over one damn day, destroy your relationship with her?

novella1186

Why are there so many DDs on this board right now? JFC people, get your shit together and lurk for minute before you post. 

tcnoble

novella1186 said:

Why are there so many DDs on this board right now? JFC people, get your shit together and lurk for minute before you post. 

But then we wouldn't have so many SS deleting their threads and drawing attention to them!! These are the best ones to read.

PrettyGirlLost

Woot!  Came for the DD. .. I hope this is good.

Cookie Pusher

Came for the DD.

rcher912

What's a DD?

I assume that's why I'm here too. Love a good deleted post.

And what's SS?

These acronyms are weird.

As for the actual discussion, there's definitely more to this story -- either the sister is crazy and weird and has some delusional tendencies, or OP is leaving some crucial bits out. Or, possibly, one or both of them are going through a seriously stressful time and is having trouble just dealing with other people. I've seen it happen before...

ShesSoCold

Dirty delete and special snowflake.

Viczaesar

novella1186 said:

Why are there so many DDs on this board right now? JFC people, get your shit together and lurk for minute before you post. 

And as a corollary, when you reply to a post always quote the OP if it hasn't already been done!

novella1186

rcher920 said:

What's a DD?

I assume that's why I'm here too. Love a good deleted post.

And what's SS?

These acronyms are weird.

As for the actual discussion, there's definitely more to this story -- either the sister is crazy and weird and has some delusional tendencies, or OP is leaving some crucial bits out. Or, possibly, one or both of them are going through a seriously stressful time and is having trouble just dealing with other people. I've seen it happen before...

Totally agree with this. The sister deleted and blocked her from facebook, essentially dropped out of the wedding, and warned the fiance.... We're missing a lot of this story. 

moorewedding530

I was in a similar situation. My original MOH was my sorority little. She may not be my biological sister, but I legitimately felt like she was. When I found out my fiancé had talked to my dad, she had me promise she'd be my MOH. She and I had recently become extremely close, so I asked her as soon as we were engaged. 

When I initially asked her, she seemed very excited. But, when I started getting into planning, she was very distant. I'd asked her quite a few times if she still wanted to be my MOH considering she seemed less and less interested, and eventually became defensive. 

All hell broke loose after an argument over dishes (we were living together at the time) and she told me she had no desire to me in my wedding. Upset, I screamed expletives at her (I later apologized) and left the apartment. 

A few days later, after speaking with some mutual friends, I'd discovered that she told multiple people she didn't support the marriage of my fiancé and I because of when we met. (I was involved in a traumatizing event with another man just a month before he and I met, swore off men til he came around.) I had never heard a word from her about my relationship with him. I thought she legitimately liked him.

Long story short, I decided she wasn't worth pursuing as my MOH. She clearly did not want to be a part of it, whether it was the responsibility or the marriage itself. She didn't feel close enough to me to talk about it, so I figured there was no point in making her my MOH.

Times like this really are when you figure out who has your back and who doesn't.

KatWAG

moorewedding530 said:

I was in a similar situation. My original MOH was my sorority little. She may not be my biological sister, but I legitimately felt like she was. When I found out my fiancé had talked to my dad, she had me promise she'd be my MOH. She and I had recently become extremely close, so I asked her as soon as we were engaged. 

When I initially asked her, she seemed very excited. But, when I started getting into planning, she was very distant. I'd asked her quite a few times if she still wanted to be my MOH considering she seemed less and less interested, and eventually became defensive. 

All hell broke loose after an argument over dishes (we were living together at the time) and she told me she had no desire to me in my wedding. Upset, I screamed expletives at her (I later apologized) and left the apartment. 

A few days later, after speaking with some mutual friends, I'd discovered that she told multiple people she didn't support the marriage of my fiancé and I because of when we met. (I was involved in a traumatizing event with another man just a month before he and I met, swore off men til he came around.) I had never heard a word from her about my relationship with him. I thought she legitimately liked him.

Long story short, I decided she wasn't worth pursuing as my MOH. She clearly did not want to be a part of it, whether it was the responsibility or the marriage itself. She didn't feel close enough to me to talk about it, so I figured there was no point in making her my MOH.

Times like this really are when you figure out who has your back and who doesn't.

Hmmm you kept asking her if she still wanted to be your MOH? I wonder if she was able to read between the lines on that one???

What you did was rude. Stop making excuses for it.

PrettyGirlLost

moorewedding530 said:

I was in a similar situation. My original MOH was my sorority little. She may not be my biological sister, but I legitimately felt like she was. When I found out my fiancé had talked to my dad, she had me promise she'd be my MOH. She and I had recently become extremely close, so I asked her as soon as we were engaged. 

When I initially asked her, she seemed very excited. But, when I started getting into planning, she was very distant.   Probably because pretty much no one wants to help plan another person's wedding.  Wedding planning is for you and your FI only, don't ask other people to be involved.  I'd asked her quite a few times if she still wanted to be my MOH considering she seemed less and less interested, and eventually became defensive.   Of course she did!  You kept questioning whether or not she wanted to be your MOH- she probably took that as a passive aggressive way of you telling her you wanted her out.

All hell broke loose after an argument over dishes (we were living together at the time) and she told me she had no desire to me in my wedding. Upset, I screamed expletives at her (I later apologized) and left the apartment. 

A few days later, after speaking with some mutual friends, I'd discovered that she told multiple people she didn't support the marriage of my fiancé and I because of when we met. (I was involved in a traumatizing event with another man just a month before he and I met, swore off men til he came around.) I had never heard a word from her about my relationship with him. I thought she legitimately liked him.

Long story short, I decided she wasn't worth pursuing as my MOH. She clearly did not want to be a part of it, whether it was the responsibility or the marriage itself. She didn't feel close enough to me to talk about it, so I figured there was no point in making her my MOH.

Times like this really are when you figure out who has your back and who doesn't.

The rest of the post sounds like a very unfortunate mess.  I'm sorry tha you went through a trauma.

moorewedding530

PrettyGirlLost said:

moorewedding530 said:

I was in a similar situation. My original MOH was my sorority little. She may not be my biological sister, but I legitimately felt like she was. When I found out my fiancé had talked to my dad, she had me promise she'd be my MOH. She and I had recently become extremely close, so I asked her as soon as we were engaged. 

When I initially asked her, she seemed very excited. But, when I started getting into planning, she was very distant.   Probably because pretty much no one wants to help plan another person's wedding.  Wedding planning is for you and your FI only, don't ask other people to be involved.  I'd asked her quite a few times if she still wanted to be my MOH considering she seemed less and less interested, and eventually became defensive.   Of course she did!  You kept questioning whether or not she wanted to be your MOH- she probably took that as a passive aggressive way of you telling her you wanted her out.

All hell broke loose after an argument over dishes (we were living together at the time) and she told me she had no desire to me in my wedding. Upset, I screamed expletives at her (I later apologized) and left the apartment. 

A few days later, after speaking with some mutual friends, I'd discovered that she told multiple people she didn't support the marriage of my fiancé and I because of when we met. (I was involved in a traumatizing event with another man just a month before he and I met, swore off men til he came around.) I had never heard a word from her about my relationship with him. I thought she legitimately liked him.

Long story short, I decided she wasn't worth pursuing as my MOH. She clearly did not want to be a part of it, whether it was the responsibility or the marriage itself. She didn't feel close enough to me to talk about it, so I figured there was no point in making her my MOH.

Times like this really are when you figure out who has your back and who doesn't.

The rest of the post sounds like a very unfortunate mess.  I'm sorry tha you went through a trauma.

I wasn't asking her to come to planning meetings. I was asking her to sit and play on Pinterest with me. Nothing big. Nothing scary. I probably asked her about three times whether she wanted to be my maid of honor over a period of two months. I wasn't smothering her. I told her over and over I was so excited to have her in the wedding, but she clearly didn't feel the same way.

So, no. I wasn't asking her to "plan my wedding". I simply wanted her opinion. And I tried to make it obvious I was excited to have her, but she clearly wasn't, so why waste her time.

redoryx

moorewedding530 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

moorewedding530 said:

I was in a similar situation. My original MOH was my sorority little. She may not be my biological sister, but I legitimately felt like she was. When I found out my fiancé had talked to my dad, she had me promise she'd be my MOH. She and I had recently become extremely close, so I asked her as soon as we were engaged. 

When I initially asked her, she seemed very excited. But, when I started getting into planning, she was very distant.   Probably because pretty much no one wants to help plan another person's wedding.  Wedding planning is for you and your FI only, don't ask other people to be involved.  I'd asked her quite a few times if she still wanted to be my MOH considering she seemed less and less interested, and eventually became defensive.   Of course she did!  You kept questioning whether or not she wanted to be your MOH- she probably took that as a passive aggressive way of you telling her you wanted her out.

All hell broke loose after an argument over dishes (we were living together at the time) and she told me she had no desire to me in my wedding. Upset, I screamed expletives at her (I later apologized) and left the apartment. 

A few days later, after speaking with some mutual friends, I'd discovered that she told multiple people she didn't support the marriage of my fiancé and I because of when we met. (I was involved in a traumatizing event with another man just a month before he and I met, swore off men til he came around.) I had never heard a word from her about my relationship with him. I thought she legitimately liked him.

Long story short, I decided she wasn't worth pursuing as my MOH. She clearly did not want to be a part of it, whether it was the responsibility or the marriage itself. She didn't feel close enough to me to talk about it, so I figured there was no point in making her my MOH.

Times like this really are when you figure out who has your back and who doesn't.

The rest of the post sounds like a very unfortunate mess.  I'm sorry tha you went through a trauma.

I wasn't asking her to come to planning meetings. I was asking her to sit and play on Pinterest with me. Nothing big. Nothing scary. I probably asked her about three times whether she wanted to be my maid of honor over a period of two months. I wasn't smothering her. I told her over and over I was so excited to have her in the wedding, but she clearly didn't feel the same way.

So, no. I wasn't asking her to "plan my wedding". I simply wanted her opinion. And I tried to make it obvious I was excited to have her, but she clearly wasn't, so why waste her time.

Why would you ask her THREE TIMES? Did your FI propose to you three times? No. He asked. You said yes. Case closed.

You asked. She said yes. There was no need to keep asking. NOBODY is going to be as excited to plan your wedding other than you and of course she got defensive because by asking so many times she probably read it as you passively-aggressively trying to kick her out.