Wedding Party

End.

2»

Re: End.

  • edited January 2015
    redoryx said: Why would you ask her THREE TIMES? Did your FI propose to you three times? No. He asked. You said yes. Case closed.You asked. She said yes. There was no need to keep asking. NOBODY is going to be as excited to plan your wedding other than you and of course she got defensive because by asking so many times she probably read it as you passively-aggressively trying to kick her out.
    I should clarify. She told people
    the day I initially asked her to be my MOH, she did not support my marriage and wanted nothing to do with it. Of course, I didn't find this out until way later. People had encouraged her to talk to me, but she refused.
    If someone clearly doesn't want to do something, why make them do it? I'd much rather have someone who supports my wedding to be by my side on my wedding day.
  • I was in a similar situation. My original MOH was my sorority little. She may not be my biological sister, but I legitimately felt like she was. When I found out my fiancé had talked to my dad, she had me promise she'd be my MOH. She and I had recently become extremely close, so I asked her as soon as we were engaged. 
    When I initially asked her, she seemed very excited. But, when I started getting into planning, she was very distant.   Probably because pretty much no one wants to help plan another person's wedding.  Wedding planning is for you and your FI only, don't ask other people to be involved.  I'd asked her quite a few times if she still wanted to be my MOH considering she seemed less and less interested, and eventually became defensive.   Of course she did!  You kept questioning whether or not she wanted to be your MOH- she probably took that as a passive aggressive way of you telling her you wanted her out.
    All hell broke loose after an argument over dishes (we were living together at the time) and she told me she had no desire to me in my wedding. Upset, I screamed expletives at her (I later apologized) and left the apartment. 
    A few days later, after speaking with some mutual friends, I'd discovered that she told multiple people she didn't support the marriage of my fiancé and I because of when we met. (I was involved in a traumatizing event with another man just a month before he and I met, swore off men til he came around.) I had never heard a word from her about my relationship with him. I thought she legitimately liked him.
    Long story short, I decided she wasn't worth pursuing as my MOH. She clearly did not want to be a part of it, whether it was the responsibility or the marriage itself. She didn't feel close enough to me to talk about it, so I figured there was no point in making her my MOH.
    Times like this really are when you figure out who has your back and who doesn't.
    The rest of the post sounds like a very unfortunate mess.  I'm sorry tha you went through a trauma.
    I wasn't asking her to come to planning meetings. I was asking her to sit and play on Pinterest with me. Nothing big. Nothing scary. I probably asked her about three times whether she wanted to be my maid of honor over a period of two months. I wasn't smothering her. I told her over and over I was so excited to have her in the wedding, but she clearly didn't feel the same way.
    So, no. I wasn't asking her to "plan my wedding". I simply wanted her opinion. And I tried to make it obvious I was excited to have her, but she clearly wasn't, so why waste her time.
    So because she wasn't showing a level of excitement you deemed appropriate and because she didn't want to play on Pinterest with you then that means she isn't excited about your wedding?  Oh dear lord.  

    Honestly, you fucked this up, big time.  You nagged her by asking her three times if she wanted to be in your wedding.  Why the need to ask her three times?  Oh yeah because she wasn't showing the appropriate level of excitement for you.

    The only person in this whole situation that is to blame is you.  Period.

  • Maggie0829 said: moorewedding530 said: PrettyGirlLost said: moorewedding530 said: I was in a similar situation. My original MOH was my sorority little. She may not be my biological sister, but I legitimately felt like she was. When I found out my fiancé had talked to my dad, she had me promise she'd be my MOH. She and I had recently become extremely close, so I asked her as soon as we were engaged. When I initially asked her, she seemed very excited. But, when I started getting into planning, she was very distant.   Probably because pretty much no one wants to help plan another person's wedding.  Wedding planning is for you and your FI only, don't ask other people to be involved.  I'd asked her quite a few times if she still wanted to be my MOH considering she seemed less and less interested, and eventually became defensive.   Of course she did!  You kept questioning whether or not she wanted to be your MOH- she probably took that as a passive aggressive way of you telling her you wanted her out.
    All hell broke loose after an argument over dishes (we were living together at the time) and she told me she had no desire to me in my wedding. Upset, I screamed expletives at her (I later apologized) and left the apartment. A few days later, after speaking with some mutual friends, I'd discovered that she told multiple people she didn't support the marriage of my fiancé and I because of when we met. (I was involved in a traumatizing event with another man just a month before he and I met, swore off men til he came around.) I had never heard a word from her about my relationship with him. I thought she legitimately liked him.Long story short, I decided she wasn't worth pursuing as my MOH. She clearly did not want to be a part of it, whether it was the responsibility or the marriage itself. She didn't feel close enough to me to talk about it, so I figured there was no point in making her my MOH.Times like this really are when you figure out who has your back and who doesn't. The rest of the post sounds like a very unfortunate mess.  I'm sorry tha you went through a trauma.
    I wasn't asking her to come to planning meetings. I was asking her to sit and play on Pinterest with me. Nothing big. Nothing scary. I probably asked her about three times whether she wanted to be my maid of honor over a period of two months. I wasn't smothering her. I told her over and over I was so excited to have her in the wedding, but she clearly didn't feel the same way.So, no. I wasn't asking her to "plan my wedding". I simply wanted her opinion. And I tried to make it obvious I was excited to have her, but she clearly wasn't, so why waste her time. So because she wasn't showing a level of excitement you deemed appropriate and because she didn't want to play on Pinterest with you then that means she isn't excited about your wedding?  Oh dear lord.  
    Honestly, you fucked this up, big time.  You nagged her by asking her three times if she wanted to be in your wedding.  Why the need to ask her three times?  Oh yeah because she wasn't showing the appropriate level of excitement for you.
    The only person in this whole situation that is to blame is you.  Period. It was ultimately her decision to not be the MOH anymore. Not mine. Please stop harassing me on
    multiple boards about this.
  • My sister was super annoyed with me because I wasn't showing the proper interest in her wedding plans.  Thing is... I don't care about her wedding.  I don't care about colors or flowers or venues or food or music or favors or centerpieces.  And I care even less about these things when it's for someone else's party.  She stopped asking me to play on pinterest with her and we were both happier.
  • adk19 said:
    My sister was super annoyed with me because I wasn't showing the proper interest in her wedding plans.  Thing is... I don't care about her wedding.  I don't care about colors or flowers or venues or food or music or favors or centerpieces.  And I care even less about these things when it's for someone else's party.  She stopped asking me to play on pinterest with her and we were both happier.
    Yep. I barely cared about these things for my wedding. I certainly wouldn't for my sister's. None of that means I wouldn't be SO happy that my sister was getting married, and very hurt if she implied that I didn't care enough... in which case yeah, I might back out too. "I thought my sister thought better of me than that, but I guess I was wrong."
  • I was in a similar situation. My original MOH was my sorority little. She may not be my biological sister, but I legitimately felt like she was. When I found out my fiancé had talked to my dad, she had me promise she'd be my MOH. She and I had recently become extremely close, so I asked her as soon as we were engaged. 
    When I initially asked her, she seemed very excited. But, when I started getting into planning, she was very distant.   Probably because pretty much no one wants to help plan another person's wedding.  Wedding planning is for you and your FI only, don't ask other people to be involved.  I'd asked her quite a few times if she still wanted to be my MOH considering she seemed less and less interested, and eventually became defensive.   Of course she did!  You kept questioning whether or not she wanted to be your MOH- she probably took that as a passive aggressive way of you telling her you wanted her out.
    All hell broke loose after an argument over dishes (we were living together at the time) and she told me she had no desire to me in my wedding. Upset, I screamed expletives at her (I later apologized) and left the apartment. 
    A few days later, after speaking with some mutual friends, I'd discovered that she told multiple people she didn't support the marriage of my fiancé and I because of when we met. (I was involved in a traumatizing event with another man just a month before he and I met, swore off men til he came around.) I had never heard a word from her about my relationship with him. I thought she legitimately liked him.
    Long story short, I decided she wasn't worth pursuing as my MOH. She clearly did not want to be a part of it, whether it was the responsibility or the marriage itself. She didn't feel close enough to me to talk about it, so I figured there was no point in making her my MOH.
    Times like this really are when you figure out who has your back and who doesn't.
    The rest of the post sounds like a very unfortunate mess.  I'm sorry tha you went through a trauma.
    I wasn't asking her to come to planning meetings. I was asking her to sit and play on Pinterest with me.   That's kind of like planning though, isn't it?  Not everyone wants to look at wedding boards and chat about the details of another person's wedding.  However, a lot of us do like to look at wedding boards and pin stuff for fun! And despite what you may think of our tone here, we are very helpful and we like to talk about weddings and help other people plan.  That's why we have stuck around after being married.   Nothing big. Nothing scary. I probably asked her about three times whether she wanted to be my maid of honor over a period of two months. I wasn't smothering her. I told her over and over I was so excited to have her in the wedding, but she clearly didn't feel the same way.  No, but it sounds like that's because she had supposed issues with your FI and your relationship.
    So, no. I wasn't asking her to "plan my wedding". I simply wanted her opinion.  And I tried to make it obvious I was excited to have her, but she clearly wasn't, so why waste her time.  Did she drop out or did you kick her out?
      What went down between you and this friend is waaay deeper than her just not being that into your wedding.  As you said, there were clearly some other issues involved.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2015
    Maggie0829 said:
    I was in a similar situation. My original MOH was my sorority little. She may not be my biological sister, but I legitimately felt like she was. When I found out my fiancé had talked to my dad, she had me promise she'd be my MOH. She and I had recently become extremely close, so I asked her as soon as we were engaged. 
    When I initially asked her, she seemed very excited. But, when I started getting into planning, she was very distant.   Probably because pretty much no one wants to help plan another person's wedding.  Wedding planning is for you and your FI only, don't ask other people to be involved.  I'd asked her quite a few times if she still wanted to be my MOH considering she seemed less and less interested, and eventually became defensive.   Of course she did!  You kept questioning whether or not she wanted to be your MOH- she probably took that as a passive aggressive way of you telling her you wanted her out.
    All hell broke loose after an argument over dishes (we were living together at the time) and she told me she had no desire to me in my wedding. Upset, I screamed expletives at her (I later apologized) and left the apartment. 
    A few days later, after speaking with some mutual friends, I'd discovered that she told multiple people she didn't support the marriage of my fiancé and I because of when we met. (I was involved in a traumatizing event with another man just a month before he and I met, swore off men til he came around.) I had never heard a word from her about my relationship with him. I thought she legitimately liked him.
    Long story short, I decided she wasn't worth pursuing as my MOH. She clearly did not want to be a part of it, whether it was the responsibility or the marriage itself. She didn't feel close enough to me to talk about it, so I figured there was no point in making her my MOH.
    Times like this really are when you figure out who has your back and who doesn't.
    The rest of the post sounds like a very unfortunate mess.  I'm sorry tha you went through a trauma.
    I wasn't asking her to come to planning meetings. I was asking her to sit and play on Pinterest with me. Nothing big. Nothing scary. I probably asked her about three times whether she wanted to be my maid of honor over a period of two months. I wasn't smothering her. I told her over and over I was so excited to have her in the wedding, but she clearly didn't feel the same way.
    So, no. I wasn't asking her to "plan my wedding". I simply wanted her opinion. And I tried to make it obvious I was excited to have her, but she clearly wasn't, so why waste her time.
    So because she wasn't showing a level of excitement you deemed appropriate and because she didn't want to play on Pinterest with you then that means she isn't excited about your wedding?  Oh dear lord.  

    Honestly, you fucked this up, big time.  You nagged her by asking her three times if she wanted to be in your wedding.  Why the need to ask her three times?  Oh yeah because she wasn't showing the appropriate level of excitement for you.

    The only person in this whole situation that is to blame is you.  Period.
    It was ultimately her decision to not be the MOH anymore. Not mine. Please stop harassing me on multiple boards about this. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    @moorewedding530 - You are kidding me on this shit right?  I am commenting on what you posted on this thread.  I have tried to help you in your other thread and never once brought up in that thread that you kicked your MOH out of your wedding.  So you need to back the fuck up right now and apologize because the last thing I am doing is harassing you on multiple boards.  Just because you are a rude ass and I am calling you out on it does not mean I am harassing you.

    ETA:  Stupid messed up boxes!

  • Maggie0829 said:
    So because she wasn't showing a level of excitement you deemed appropriate and because she didn't want to play on Pinterest with you then that means she isn't excited about your wedding?  Oh dear lord.  

    Honestly, you fucked this up, big time.  You nagged her by asking her three times if she wanted to be in your wedding.  Why the need to ask her three times?  Oh yeah because she wasn't showing the appropriate level of excitement for you.

    The only person in this whole situation that is to blame is you.  Period.
    It was ultimately her decision to not be the MOH anymore. Not mine. Please stop harassing me on multiple boards about this. No one is harassing you.  Most of us post and follow several different boards. . . just like you are doing.

    You are getting defensive.  Do I think you asking her 3 times in 2 months whether or not she really wanted to be your MOH was a bit much?  Yes.

    But there were other issues going on with your relationship with her- the fact that she didn't like your relationship with your FI but had never told you.  I can see how she wouldn't be super excited about your wedding if she didn't support your relationship.

    But all that being said, unless there's a case of abuse, or an assault, or a theft, or she sleeps with your FI, there's really no good reason to kick anyone out of your bridal party- which is what we were trying to explain to the OP and what we are saying to you for the sake of lurkers.  And in the case of a friend sleeping with your FI, well you need a new FI at that point too.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • rcher912rcher912 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    The only thing I've said to my MOH (my sister) since I asked her is the date/venue and that I'm booking the same photog she had (who was fabulous). Both via text. We just don't talk that much. As PPs have said - buy a dress, show up, let's go. 

    ETA: cause I forgot I wanted to say:

    Don't get me wrong, I'm glad both posters found out that their issues with their MOH went way deeper than they thought, that's a good thing. Just sucks about how it all went down.
  • Maggie0829 said:
    I was in a similar situation. My original MOH was my sorority little. She may not be my biological sister, but I legitimately felt like she was. When I found out my fiancé had talked to my dad, she had me promise she'd be my MOH. She and I had recently become extremely close, so I asked her as soon as we were engaged. 
    When I initially asked her, she seemed very excited. But, when I started getting into planning, she was very distant.   Probably because pretty much no one wants to help plan another person's wedding.  Wedding planning is for you and your FI only, don't ask other people to be involved.  I'd asked her quite a few times if she still wanted to be my MOH considering she seemed less and less interested, and eventually became defensive.   Of course she did!  You kept questioning whether or not she wanted to be your MOH- she probably took that as a passive aggressive way of you telling her you wanted her out.
    All hell broke loose after an argument over dishes (we were living together at the time) and she told me she had no desire to me in my wedding. Upset, I screamed expletives at her (I later apologized) and left the apartment. 
    A few days later, after speaking with some mutual friends, I'd discovered that she told multiple people she didn't support the marriage of my fiancé and I because of when we met. (I was involved in a traumatizing event with another man just a month before he and I met, swore off men til he came around.) I had never heard a word from her about my relationship with him. I thought she legitimately liked him.
    Long story short, I decided she wasn't worth pursuing as my MOH. She clearly did not want to be a part of it, whether it was the responsibility or the marriage itself. She didn't feel close enough to me to talk about it, so I figured there was no point in making her my MOH.
    Times like this really are when you figure out who has your back and who doesn't.
    The rest of the post sounds like a very unfortunate mess.  I'm sorry tha you went through a trauma.
    I wasn't asking her to come to planning meetings. I was asking her to sit and play on Pinterest with me. Nothing big. Nothing scary. I probably asked her about three times whether she wanted to be my maid of honor over a period of two months. I wasn't smothering her. I told her over and over I was so excited to have her in the wedding, but she clearly didn't feel the same way.
    So, no. I wasn't asking her to "plan my wedding". I simply wanted her opinion. And I tried to make it obvious I was excited to have her, but she clearly wasn't, so why waste her time.
    So because she wasn't showing a level of excitement you deemed appropriate and because she didn't want to play on Pinterest with you then that means she isn't excited about your wedding?  Oh dear lord.  

    Honestly, you fucked this up, big time.  You nagged her by asking her three times if she wanted to be in your wedding.  Why the need to ask her three times?  Oh yeah because she wasn't showing the appropriate level of excitement for you.

    The only person in this whole situation that is to blame is you.  Period.
    It was ultimately her decision to not be the MOH anymore. Not mine. Please stop harassing me on multiple boards about this.

    No one is following you and harassing you. Until you made this accusation, I didn't know you posted this on several boards. What Maggie said was in context of the discussion. If you don't want any comments on the subject, don't post about it.


                       
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards