Bachelorette Party Drama

moorewedding530

This is going to be a little bit of a rant/looking for advice. I know I'm not technically supposed to know about any of this, but I feel horrible about the way my MOH is being treated by my other BMs (on top of all the other crap life is handing her). I don't blame her for coming to me, especially since she only knows 1 out of the 5 other ladies in the bridal party.

A few weeks ago, I received a text from my MOH saying "is there someone else who'd be willing to plan your bachelorette party?" This girl has been planning since the day I asked her (back in September, my wedding is this May). She even already has the invitations, so I feel even more horrible. Since I was with another BM at the time I received the text, I asked her what was going on, and she filled me in. She said, basically, nobody wants to pay for the bachelorette party, and one girl was even complaining about buying lingerie because she's "not into that kind of thing". I later found out (and this is all I know) that the bachelorette party was going to be a two-day event, one day for a "naughty" activity and one day for a "nice" activity, with transportation and hotel included. All the BMs would pay for was drinks if they wanted them and a gift. Altogether, this would be $70 if everyone attended. Personally, I think this is a great deal for all she has planned. Still, people are saying they don't want to go, and the less people that go, the higher the price. Then I found out one of my BMs is moving out of state a month before the party. So, the price keeps going up.

I personally don't care what we do for the party. A night in with a bottle of moscato and a Funfetti cake would be more than enough for me, but how can I make my MOH feel better about the situation?

mikenberger

moorewedding530 said:

This is going to be a little bit of a rant/looking for advice. I know I'm not technically supposed to know about any of this, but I feel horrible about the way my MOH is being treated by my other BMs (on top of all the other crap life is handing her). I don't blame her for coming to me, especially since she only knows 1 out of the 5 other ladies in the bridal party.

A few weeks ago, I received a text from my MOH saying "is there someone else who'd be willing to plan your bachelorette party?" This girl has been planning since the day I asked her (back in September, my wedding is this May). She even already has the invitations, so I feel even more horrible. Since I was with another BM at the time I received the text, I asked her what was going on, and she filled me in. She said, basically, nobody wants to pay for the bachelorette party, and one girl was even complaining about buying lingerie because she's "not into that kind of thing". I later found out (and this is all I know) that the bachelorette party was going to be a two-day event, one day for a "naughty" activity and one day for a "nice" activity, with transportation and hotel included. All the BMs would pay for was drinks if they wanted them and a gift. Altogether, this would be $70 if everyone attended. Personally, I think this is a great deal for all she has planned. Still, people are saying they don't want to go, and the less people that go, the higher the price. Then I found out one of my BMs is moving out of state a month before the party. So, the price keeps going up.

I personally don't care what we do for the party. A night in with a bottle of moscato and a Funfetti cake would be more than enough for me, but how can I make my MOH feel better about the situation?

Any chance your MOH is bringing this upon herself? Since it seems that no one wants to chip in for the bachelorette, shouldn't that have come up during their planning process in the "What's your budget?" phase? And why a two day event? Personally, I don't get the two day events. I'm all for the traditional let's go out and drink etc/one night affair, but two days is a lot to ask of people, even if the price is "cheap". But what's $70 to one person is $20 to another is $200 to another. We all have different walks of life.

Maybe have a sit down with your MOH and tell her that you're happy celebrating with just your friends on a girls night in and see where that takes you? I don't see how you're going to make her feel better about the current situation as it seems she's completely going against the flow.

Cookie Pusher

moorewedding530 said:

This is going to be a little bit of a rant/looking for advice. I know I'm not technically supposed to know about any of this, but I feel horrible about the way my MOH is being treated by my other BMs (on top of all the other crap life is handing her). I don't blame her for coming to me, especially since she only knows 1 out of the 5 other ladies in the bridal party.

A few weeks ago, I received a text from my MOH saying "is there someone else who'd be willing to plan your bachelorette party?" This girl has been planning since the day I asked her (back in September, my wedding is this May). She even already has the invitations, so I feel even more horrible. Since I was with another BM at the time I received the text, I asked her what was going on, and she filled me in. She said, basically, nobody wants to pay for the bachelorette party, and one girl was even complaining about buying lingerie because she's "not into that kind of thing". I later found out (and this is all I know) that the bachelorette party was going to be a two-day event, one day for a "naughty" activity and one day for a "nice" activity, with transportation and hotel included. All the BMs would pay for was drinks if they wanted them and a gift. Altogether, this would be $70 if everyone attended. Personally, I think this is a great deal for all she has planned. Still, people are saying they don't want to go, and the less people that go, the higher the price. Then I found out one of my BMs is moving out of state a month before the party. So, the price keeps going up.

I personally don't care what we do for the party. A night in with a bottle of moscato and a Funfetti cake would be more than enough for me, but how can I make my MOH feel better about the situation?

So wait, I'm confused. Does each BM have to pay $70 towards this party on top of buying drinks and gifts and lingerie or is your MOH paying for the party and everyone else would just have to buy their own drinks and gifts?

moorewedding530

Each BM would pay $70 on top of drinks and lingerie. I understand that's a lot - I'm a poor college student myself, as are most of my BMs. But also, since the one "isn't into lingerie" and two more don't drink (one's underage and the other will have just had a baby),  we could cut costs there. Like I said before, I'm not picky. I just want to spend time with my BMs with no drama. I just know what it's like to plan something you put a lot of time into with little interest from others - and it sucks.

Maggie0829

moorewedding530 said:

Each BM would pay $70 on top of drinks and lingerie. I understand that's a lot - I'm a poor college student myself, as are most of my BMs. But also, since the one "isn't into lingerie" and two more don't drink (one's underage and the other will have just had a baby),  we could cut costs there. Like I said before, I'm not picky. I just want to spend time with my BMs with no drama. I just know what it's like to plan something you put a lot of time into with little interest from others - and it sucks.

Yeah, but did your MOH ask these people their budgets PRIOR to planning this two day affair?

As to the bolded, it sounds like your MOH did this to herself.  She needed to find out people's budgets before planning anything.  Did she even ask for their input or did she just send out a "oh everyone needs to pay $70" message?

moorewedding530

Honestly, I don't know, considering I'm "not supposed to know" this information. 

 It sounds like she planned it without asking others, but she did ask for other suggestions after her ideas were turned down. Nobody else had any ideas, but simply did not want to participate in the party she'd planned. Is there a way I could encourage my other BMs to think of alternatives rather than simply shooting everything down?

Cookie Pusher

It's too late in your situation, but for lurkers - always ask people's budgets before planning! While $70 may not be much to some people, it can be a lot to others. Unless you're fully immersed in someone's finances you have NO IDEA what their situation is because people hide/lie about it all the time. Even besides that, no one likes being told how their money has to be spent!

Your MOH needs to either scrap the plan and work with the BMs to plan a party everyone is comfortable with or she needs to suck it up and pay for the party without demanding other people pay for it.

Maggie0829

Cookie Pusher said:

It's too late in your situation, but for lurkers - always ask people's budgets before planning! While $70 may not be much to some people, it can be a lot to others. Unless you're fully immersed in someone's finances you have NO IDEA what their situation is because people hide/lie about it all the time. Even besides that, no one likes being told how their money has to be spent!

Your MOH needs to either scrap the plan and work with the BMs to plan a party everyone is comfortable with or she needs to suck it up and pay for the party without demanding other people pay for it.

This.

moorewedding530

Okay, I understand this. My MOH now understands this. So how do I approach the situation, considering my BMs have no desire to work with my MOH to plan a party everyone is comfortable with?

PrettyGirlLost

moorewedding530 said:

Okay, I understand this. My MOH now understands this. So how do I approach the situation, considering my BMs have no desire to work with my MOH to plan a party everyone is comfortable with?

Let the MOH know what we said here, and either she plans a new party, or someone else offers to plan and host a new party, or no one offers to plan or host a new party and there is no bach party

short+sassy

Cookie Pusher said:

It's too late in your situation, but for lurkers - always ask people's budgets before planning! While $70 may not be much to some people, it can be a lot to others. Unless you're fully immersed in someone's finances you have NO IDEA what their situation is because people hide/lie about it all the time. Even besides that, no one likes being told how their money has to be spent!

Your MOH needs to either scrap the plan and work with the BMs to plan a party everyone is comfortable with or she needs to suck it up and pay for the party without demanding other people pay for it.

Totally agree.  As a college student, like you are describing some of your BMs, $70 plus drinks and a lingerie gift would have been a tremendous sum of money for me.

But now...more than ten years out of college and gainfully employed...I'd be absolutely thrilled with her plans and impressed at her frugalness for planning so much with such a "small" sum of money.  KWIM ?

Bottom line, it sounds like she planned something that is not affordable for the other BMs because she did not get their input.  It does not sound like they have been mean or nasty to her, just gave her their limits which does not include what she wants to plan.

Unless she wants to pay for the majority of it herself, she needs to suck it up, not be offended, and go back to the drawing board.  Find out the budgets for the other BMs (individually, no peer pressure), and then suggest other ideas accordingly.   

Maggie0829

moorewedding530 said:

Okay, I understand this. My MOH now understands this. So how do I approach the situation, considering my BMs have no desire to work with my MOH to plan a party everyone is comfortable with?

You do not approach anyone.  Your MOH needs to handle this.  I think the MOH needs to tell the other girls that she understands that there are concerns about the party plans and the costs.  Tell them that the current plans will be scrapped and that a new plan can be made with everyone's input.  She needs to get budgets before anything is planned.  If she no longer wants to be the lead planner then see if anyone else is up for that role.  If no one is interested in planning a party then your MOH can go ahead with her current plans and pay for it all herself.

floridabride44

A lot of these responses are treating the bachelorette party as if it was the bridesmaid dress - the standard "ask everyone's budgets first" line... but this really isn't the same case.

There's no rule that says all BM's have to be at your bachelorette party. If you're fine with only a few of them coming, let your MOH plan the party she wants to host, send out invitations, tell everyone how much it will cost, and those who are interested in coming and who can afford it can come. If they can't afford it, it sucks, but nobody is making them come.  Now, if you're dead set on having all of your BMs at this party, that changes the situation, and your MOH needs to take their budgets into consideration. 

ETA: forgot a word or two. woops.

PrettyGirlLost

hsgator said:

A lot of these responses are treating the bachelorette party as if it was the bridesmaid dress - the standard "ask everyone's budgets first" line... but this really isn't the same case.

There's no rule that says all BM's have to be at your bachelorette party. If you're fine with only a few of them coming, let your MOH plan the party she wants to host, send out invitations, tell everyone how much it will cost, and those who are interested in coming and who can afford it can come. If they can't afford it, it sucks, but nobody is making them come.  Now, if you're dead set on having all of your BMs at this party, that changes the situation, and your MOH needs to take their budgets into consideration. 

ETA: forgot a word or two. woops.

But it is.

We are answering under the assumption that the MOH expects the rest of the bridal party to host and pay for the bach party.  In which case, they should have been consulted about budget 1st, not invoiced after the fact.

Otherwise, I agree with the rest of your post.

ETA: The reason why I assumed the MOH basically planned a party w/o their input and is now trying to invoice them is because the total cost they are expected to pay keeps increasing as people back out.  That's not the same as what you are suggesting- inviting people, telling them the cost is X, and that's that.

Maggie0829

hsgator said:

A lot of these responses are treating the bachelorette party as if it was the bridesmaid dress - the standard "ask everyone's budgets first" line... but this really isn't the same case.

There's no rule that says all BM's have to be at your bachelorette party. If you're fine with only a few of them coming, let your MOH plan the party she wants to host, send out invitations, tell everyone how much it will cost, and those who are interested in coming and who can afford it can come. If they can't afford it, it sucks, but nobody is making them come.  Now, if you're dead set on having all of your BMs at this party, that changes the situation, and your MOH needs to take their budgets into consideration. 

ETA: forgot a word or two. woops.

But the issue here is that the MOH made plans, told the other girls how much it was going to cost, then asked for their suggestions on the party and then got pissed because the other individuals were not happy with the plans/costs.

Myself and others have said that if the MOH wants to pay for this entire party herself then she can keep the plans.  But as soon as she asks for input from the other BMs as well as money to pay for the party then it stops just being the MOHs plans and is now a group hosted party and other people's budgets need to be taken into consideration.

Cookie Pusher

hsgator said:

A lot of these responses are treating the bachelorette party as if it was the bridesmaid dress - the standard "ask everyone's budgets first" line... but this really isn't the same case.

There's no rule that says all BM's have to be at your bachelorette party. If you're fine with only a few of them coming, let your MOH plan the party she wants to host, send out invitations, tell everyone how much it will cost, and those who are interested in coming and who can afford it can come. If they can't afford it, it sucks, but nobody is making them come.  Now, if you're dead set on having all of your BMs at this party, that changes the situation, and your MOH needs to take their budgets into consideration. 

ETA: forgot a word or two. woops.

While true, it seems as though the MOH planned the party with the assumption that everyone would attend and pay. As it seems none of the BMs are interested in paying for this party, then that still leaves the MOH with the two options I outlined. If she wants everyone to pay, the courteous thing to do would be to ask for their input.

flantastic

OP, I get that you're worried that if your MOH scraps these plans and asks for new input/budgets, she'll still be met with silence because the BMs won't bother to respond. That's a possibility.

MOH then has the option of saying, 1) "Okay, I'm done planning this party - if anyone else wants to, feel free" or 2) throw out something simple (e.g. your Moscato and Funfetti) "My treat. Sound good? When are people available?" and pay for that herself. Maybe she'll get input back when the girls realize they won't be invoiced later. She can always go back to option 1 at any time if this gets really ridiculous - and then you don't have a bach party, which really is okay. I mean, the idea of it sucks, but it'd be okay.

Maggie0829

Cookie Pusher said:

hsgator said:

A lot of these responses are treating the bachelorette party as if it was the bridesmaid dress - the standard "ask everyone's budgets first" line... but this really isn't the same case.

There's no rule that says all BM's have to be at your bachelorette party. If you're fine with only a few of them coming, let your MOH plan the party she wants to host, send out invitations, tell everyone how much it will cost, and those who are interested in coming and who can afford it can come. If they can't afford it, it sucks, but nobody is making them come.  Now, if you're dead set on having all of your BMs at this party, that changes the situation, and your MOH needs to take their budgets into consideration. 

ETA: forgot a word or two. woops.

While true, it seems as though the MOH planned the party with the assumption that everyone would attend and pay. As it seems none of the BMs are interested in paying for this party, then that still leaves the MOH with the two options I outlined. If she wants everyone to pay, the courteous thing to do would be to ask for their input.

Also, it is unknown if anyone other then the wedding party is being invited.  If so, the MOH is expecting the other bridal party members to help pay for a party for others, then budgets and input needs to be asked.

And honestly, if I was planning a party and if people were pushing back because of the price then I would readjust my plans to help fit within people's price points.  Because for me it is more important that people be able to come and celebrate with the bride then being set on my idea and only one or two people be able to come.  This party is for the bride not the MOH and I think the MOH needs to be a bit more easy going and flexible, especially since the bride (OP) just wants to spend a fun night with her friends and doesn't need to crazy plans.

floridabride44

Maggie0829 said:

Cookie Pusher said:

hsgator said:

A lot of these responses are treating the bachelorette party as if it was the bridesmaid dress - the standard "ask everyone's budgets first" line... but this really isn't the same case.

There's no rule that says all BM's have to be at your bachelorette party. If you're fine with only a few of them coming, let your MOH plan the party she wants to host, send out invitations, tell everyone how much it will cost, and those who are interested in coming and who can afford it can come. If they can't afford it, it sucks, but nobody is making them come.  Now, if you're dead set on having all of your BMs at this party, that changes the situation, and your MOH needs to take their budgets into consideration. 

ETA: forgot a word or two. woops.

While true, it seems as though the MOH planned the party with the assumption that everyone would attend and pay. As it seems none of the BMs are interested in paying for this party, then that still leaves the MOH with the two options I outlined. If she wants everyone to pay, the courteous thing to do would be to ask for their input.

Also, it is unknown if anyone other then the wedding party is being invited.  If so, the MOH is expecting the other bridal party members to help pay for a party for others, then budgets and input needs to be asked.

And honestly, if I was planning a party and if people were pushing back because of the price then I would readjust my plans to help fit within people's price points.  Because for me it is more important that people be able to come and celebrate with the bride then being set on my idea and only one or two people be able to come.  This party is for the bride not the MOH and I think the MOH needs to be a bit more easy going and flexible, especially since the bride (OP) just wants to spend a fun night with her friends and doesn't need to crazy plans.

I would do the same. I'm not saying the MOH in this situation is doing the right thing - it's clear the party she wants to host isn't going to work for the whole group and that the bride would prefer a less extravagant party if that meant the whole group would attend. But I just think in general it's a little extreme to require someone hosting a bachelorette party to ask everyone's budgets first. Someone specifically mentioned a "Whats your budget?" phase of planning. If the group is hosting together, yes. But if MOH is hosting herself, I think it's fine for the MOH to come up with the party she wants to host, pitch the idea & price to the other BMs, and then if there's pushback go back to the drawing board. 

KatWAG

Wait a minute.

Didn't you kick your MOH out of your wedding party? Did you get a new MOH? I am confused.

(I am getting this from the "END." thread.)

PrettyGirlLost

hsgator said:

Maggie0829 said:

Cookie Pusher said:

hsgator said:

A lot of these responses are treating the bachelorette party as if it was the bridesmaid dress - the standard "ask everyone's budgets first" line... but this really isn't the same case.

There's no rule that says all BM's have to be at your bachelorette party. If you're fine with only a few of them coming, let your MOH plan the party she wants to host, send out invitations, tell everyone how much it will cost, and those who are interested in coming and who can afford it can come. If they can't afford it, it sucks, but nobody is making them come.  Now, if you're dead set on having all of your BMs at this party, that changes the situation, and your MOH needs to take their budgets into consideration. 

ETA: forgot a word or two. woops.

While true, it seems as though the MOH planned the party with the assumption that everyone would attend and pay. As it seems none of the BMs are interested in paying for this party, then that still leaves the MOH with the two options I outlined. If she wants everyone to pay, the courteous thing to do would be to ask for their input.

Also, it is unknown if anyone other then the wedding party is being invited.  If so, the MOH is expecting the other bridal party members to help pay for a party for others, then budgets and input needs to be asked.

And honestly, if I was planning a party and if people were pushing back because of the price then I would readjust my plans to help fit within people's price points.  Because for me it is more important that people be able to come and celebrate with the bride then being set on my idea and only one or two people be able to come.  This party is for the bride not the MOH and I think the MOH needs to be a bit more easy going and flexible, especially since the bride (OP) just wants to spend a fun night with her friends and doesn't need to crazy plans.

I would do the same. I'm not saying the MOH in this situation is doing the right thing - it's clear the party she wants to host isn't going to work for the whole group and that the bride would prefer a less extravagant party if that meant the whole group would attend. But I just think in general it's a little extreme to require someone hosting a bachelorette party to ask everyone's budgets first. Someone specifically mentioned a "Whats your budget?" phase of planning. If the group is hosting together, yes. But if MOH is hosting herself, I think it's fine for the MOH to come up with the party she wants to host, pitch the idea & price to the other BMs, and then if there's pushback go back to the drawing board. 

This.

Maggie0829

hsgator said:

Maggie0829 said:

Cookie Pusher said:

hsgator said:

A lot of these responses are treating the bachelorette party as if it was the bridesmaid dress - the standard "ask everyone's budgets first" line... but this really isn't the same case.

There's no rule that says all BM's have to be at your bachelorette party. If you're fine with only a few of them coming, let your MOH plan the party she wants to host, send out invitations, tell everyone how much it will cost, and those who are interested in coming and who can afford it can come. If they can't afford it, it sucks, but nobody is making them come.  Now, if you're dead set on having all of your BMs at this party, that changes the situation, and your MOH needs to take their budgets into consideration. 

ETA: forgot a word or two. woops.

While true, it seems as though the MOH planned the party with the assumption that everyone would attend and pay. As it seems none of the BMs are interested in paying for this party, then that still leaves the MOH with the two options I outlined. If she wants everyone to pay, the courteous thing to do would be to ask for their input.

Also, it is unknown if anyone other then the wedding party is being invited.  If so, the MOH is expecting the other bridal party members to help pay for a party for others, then budgets and input needs to be asked.

And honestly, if I was planning a party and if people were pushing back because of the price then I would readjust my plans to help fit within people's price points.  Because for me it is more important that people be able to come and celebrate with the bride then being set on my idea and only one or two people be able to come.  This party is for the bride not the MOH and I think the MOH needs to be a bit more easy going and flexible, especially since the bride (OP) just wants to spend a fun night with her friends and doesn't need to crazy plans.

I would do the same. I'm not saying the MOH in this situation is doing the right thing - it's clear the party she wants to host isn't going to work for the whole group and that the bride would prefer a less extravagant party if that meant the whole group would attend. But I just think in general it's a little extreme to require someone hosting a bachelorette party to ask everyone's budgets first. Someone specifically mentioned a "Whats your budget?" phase of planning. If the group is hosting together, yes. But if MOH is hosting herself, I think it's fine for the MOH to come up with the party she wants to host, pitch the idea & price to the other BMs, and then if there's pushback go back to the drawing board. 

I am not saying you are wrong.  But if you are wanting to plan a party that involves people shelling out money for a hotel stay and transportation (pretty much anything on top of food and drink for themselves) then you need to consult those invited.  She could have said, "hey I was thinking this and this and it would cost $X per person.  What do you think?"  But that doesn't sound like that is what she did.  It sounds like she planned something and then basically said "hey you need to pay $X."  Then she got pissed because people pushed back or said they didn't want to come because they couldn't afford it.  This is why consulting people about their budgets is super important.  She would have saved herself a lot of time and energy if she just did that first.  There is no harm saying to the VIP guests "hey what is your budget for the bach party?  I don't want to start brainstorming ideas until I know what everyone is willing to spend."

If you want to host a party yourself that is fine, but then you need to take on those costs (above and beyond food and drink) on yourself.  It seems like more then just the bridal party is being invited so the fact that the MOH is expecting the bridal party to pay for the hotel and transportation for more then just themselves without really getting any input from them is just not right.

moorewedding530

KatWAG said:

Wait a minute.

Didn't you kick your MOH out of your wedding party? Did you get a new MOH? I am confused.

(I am getting this from the "END." thread.)

She was replaced a long time ago! 

PrettyGirlLost

moorewedding530 said:

KatWAG said:

Wait a minute.

Didn't you kick your MOH out of your wedding party? Did you get a new MOH? I am confused.

(I am getting this from the "END." thread.)

She was replaced a long time ago! 

OMFG, are you serious? WTF?

That's shitty. I need to keep track of these posters better.

moorewedding530

Maggie0829 said:

I am not saying you are wrong.  But if you are wanting to plan a party that involves people shelling out money for a hotel stay and transportation (pretty much anything on top of food and drink for themselves) then you need to consult those invited.  She could have said, "hey I was thinking this and this and it would cost $X per person.  What do you think?"  But that doesn't sound like that is what she did.  It sounds like she planned something and then basically said "hey you need to pay $X."  Then she got pissed because people pushed back or said they didn't want to come because they couldn't afford it.  This is why consulting people about their budgets is super important.  She would have saved herself a lot of time and energy if she just did that first.  There is no harm saying to the VIP guests "hey what is your budget for the bach party?  I don't want to start brainstorming ideas until I know what everyone is willing to spend."

If you want to host a party yourself that is fine, but then you need to take on those costs (above and beyond food and drink) on yourself.  It seems like more then just the bridal party is being invited so the fact that the MOH is expecting the bridal party to pay for the hotel and transportation for more then just themselves without really getting any input from them is just not right.

There is nobody other than those in the bridal party (6 altogether) invited to the bach party.

I told my MOH what you all had suggested. She told me there's only one person who is offering any suggestions, and that is to go to dinner, then bars, then stay at her tiny apartment, all in the town we go to college (I currently live about an hour and a half away for student teaching). She said nobody is responding (whether in favor or not).

Even when she did say "what's everyone willing to do", that was the only response she got.

KatWAG

moorewedding530 said:

KatWAG said:

Wait a minute.

Didn't you kick your MOH out of your wedding party? Did you get a new MOH? I am confused.

(I am getting this from the "END." thread.)

She was replaced a long time ago! 

That is not a good thing. And certainly doesnt warrant an exclamation point.

moorewedding530

KatWAG said:

That is not a good thing. And certainly doesnt warrant an exclamation point.

It was a situation that I handled how it needed to be handled, and has nothing to do with this post.

KatWAG

moorewedding530 said:

KatWAG said:

That is not a good thing. And certainly doesnt warrant an exclamation point.

It was a situation that I handled how it needed to be handled, and has nothing to do with this post.

Ha. What a joke. It is a perfect example of what kind of a friend you are.

moorewedding530

KatWAG said:

moorewedding530 said:

KatWAG said:

That is not a good thing. And certainly doesnt warrant an exclamation point.

It was a situation that I handled how it needed to be handled, and has nothing to do with this post.

Ha. What a joke. It is a perfect example of what kind of a friend you are.

1. Since you were there, what do you suggest I should have done?

2. WHAT DOES THIS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH MY ORIGINAL POST.

Maggie0829

moorewedding530 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I am not saying you are wrong.  But if you are wanting to plan a party that involves people shelling out money for a hotel stay and transportation (pretty much anything on top of food and drink for themselves) then you need to consult those invited.  She could have said, "hey I was thinking this and this and it would cost $X per person.  What do you think?"  But that doesn't sound like that is what she did.  It sounds like she planned something and then basically said "hey you need to pay $X."  Then she got pissed because people pushed back or said they didn't want to come because they couldn't afford it.  This is why consulting people about their budgets is super important.  She would have saved herself a lot of time and energy if she just did that first.  There is no harm saying to the VIP guests "hey what is your budget for the bach party?  I don't want to start brainstorming ideas until I know what everyone is willing to spend."

If you want to host a party yourself that is fine, but then you need to take on those costs (above and beyond food and drink) on yourself.  It seems like more then just the bridal party is being invited so the fact that the MOH is expecting the bridal party to pay for the hotel and transportation for more then just themselves without really getting any input from them is just not right.

There is nobody other than those in the bridal party (6 altogether) invited to the bach party.

I told my MOH what you all had suggested. She told me there's only one person who is offering any suggestions, and that is to go to dinner, then bars, then stay at her tiny apartment, all in the town we go to college (I currently live about an hour and a half away for student teaching). She said nobody is responding (whether in favor or not).

Even when she did say "what's everyone willing to do", that was the only response she got.

Then why the need for invitations?  I mean it seems that everyone already knows about it and the costs involved so why is your MOH going to send invites?

If no one wants to do what the MOH has planned then there are only two options.  Scrap the entire thing and have no bach party or you and your MOH do as she has planned.  The other BMs are free to plan another night out that is more to their liking/budgets.

PrettyGirlLost

moorewedding530 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I am not saying you are wrong.  But if you are wanting to plan a party that involves people shelling out money for a hotel stay and transportation (pretty much anything on top of food and drink for themselves) then you need to consult those invited.  She could have said, "hey I was thinking this and this and it would cost $X per person.  What do you think?"  But that doesn't sound like that is what she did.  It sounds like she planned something and then basically said "hey you need to pay $X."  Then she got pissed because people pushed back or said they didn't want to come because they couldn't afford it.  This is why consulting people about their budgets is super important.  She would have saved herself a lot of time and energy if she just did that first.  There is no harm saying to the VIP guests "hey what is your budget for the bach party?  I don't want to start brainstorming ideas until I know what everyone is willing to spend."

If you want to host a party yourself that is fine, but then you need to take on those costs (above and beyond food and drink) on yourself.  It seems like more then just the bridal party is being invited so the fact that the MOH is expecting the bridal party to pay for the hotel and transportation for more then just themselves without really getting any input from them is just not right.

There is nobody other than those in the bridal party (6 altogether) invited to the bach party.

I told my MOH what you all had suggested. She told me there's only one person who is offering any suggestions, and that is to go to dinner, then bars, then stay at her tiny apartment, all in the town we go to college (I currently live about an hour and a half away for student teaching). She said nobody is responding (whether in favor or not).

Even when she did say "what's everyone willing to do", that was the only response she got.

Is it possible no one is responding or offering suggestions because they are pissed at the MOH?  It's also possible that no one is responding because they don't want to host a bach party.

At this point, there's nothing more for you to do.  Let your MOH and the BMs handle it.