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Give me Knottie strength

JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
I posted a while ago about my one BM who is holding up the ordering process for everyone else.  I texted her and said, "The salon needs to put the orders in by Friday 1/23, so make sure you get your order in by then, otherwise they will have to put in the group order without you."  She said "OK great" or something like that, and the next time I saw her in person she mentioned she would go to the salon this week.

I just emailed with the salon owner and her order is not in.  Everyone else is set.  Today is my self-imposed deadline.

Somebody give me the strength to email the salon owner back and tell her if the order isn't in by the time she closes today, to go ahead and put in the other girls' orders.  I know that's what I need to do.  I know I cannot nag on this BM anymore to buy the dress, and either she'll buy it or she won't.  But I feel SO BITCHY telling the salon to go ahead and finalize the group order without this girl.
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"I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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Re: Give me Knottie strength

  • Give me the number, I'll do it.

    Honestly, she's probably trying to find a cheap one on Ebay or some shit and doesn't even want to order from the salon. And that's ok. 

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    ashley8918novella1186BrandNewJlarrygaga
  • I wouldn't feel bitchy about doing something you told her you were going to do. It would make you a woman of your word, but not a bitch.

    You might text her and say, "ok, today's the day per our previous conversation. Make sure you call the salon and put in your order because the owner is putting it today." She probably won't. Oh well.
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I could care less where she gets the dress. I'll just feel terrible if she calls me up Monday saying she tried to order her dress and she was too late. This is Fi's cousin, basically as close as his sister, which makes it more tricky. But I'm gonna do it. I'll do it. I've gotta do it.
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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
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    Why do the dresses need to be on one order?
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    doeydohuskypuppy14
  • I could care less where she gets the dress. I'll just feel terrible if she calls me up Monday saying she tried to order her dress and she was too late. This is Fi's cousin, basically as close as his sister, which makes it more tricky. But I'm gonna do it. I'll do it. I've gotta do it.
    They'll still let her order the dress even if it's by itself. They won't turn her money down.

    You've taken the responsibility of making sure everyone else's dresses get their on time. You need to do this for them. She's taken the responsibility of her own dress. 

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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 2015

    Why do the dresses need to be on one order?

    Just the way this shop does it. She's free to get her dress anywhere else if she wants. So I'm only closing off the possibility of her going in with the other BMs for free shipping on a group order-- she can still do her own thing.

    Edited because words are hard.

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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • I could care less where she gets the dress. I'll just feel terrible if she calls me up Monday saying she tried to order her dress and she was too late. This is Fi's cousin, basically as close as his sister, which makes it more tricky. But I'm gonna do it. I'll do it. I've gotta do it.
    Don't feel terrible about that. It just is what it is. It's not like you're doing this without telling her what's up. This is her bad. 

    And if she calls the store Monday, they're going to be like, "oh, the order went out Friday, but we can take your individidual order. What dress is it? What color? What size?" Done.
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  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Can you do a group text to all the BMs and just saying something excited like "the salon is sending off your dress orders today! So excited for them to come in and see them in person!"

    That way you're not "nagging" her or singling her out, but still reminding her of the deadline.

    I dunno though, I've never had to deal with this.
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  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
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    Why do the dresses need to be on one order?
    Just the way this shop does it. She's free to get her dress anywhere else if she wants. So I'm only closing off the possibility of her going in with the other BMs for free shipping on a group order-- she can still do her own thing.

    Edited because words are hard.

    Just out of curiosity, what would happen if you only had one attendant and they wanted to order just the one dress?  (Not calling you a liar or anything, it just seems like a weird rule on their part). Is your wedding dress from the same salon?


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  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    Would it be possible to just order one in whatever size she wears and then she is responsible for any alterations if it doesn't fit properly? Maybe she can pay via credit card over phone if she can't make it into the salon. If she's really that busy, this may be an option.

    Otherwise, I would say stick to your demand.  Tell her that the order needs to be in today and she is on her own if she can't get it done.

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  • Why do the dresses need to be on one order?
    Just the way this shop does it. She's free to get her dress anywhere else if she wants. So I'm only closing off the possibility of her going in with the other BMs for free shipping on a group order-- she can still do her own thing.

    Edited because words are hard.

    They only do it this way to guarantee that your whole party's order arrives together, and likely to pressure you into ordering from the same place. But nothing's stopping any ol' gal off the street from walking in and ordering a dress on any day.

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    doeydo
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    levioosa said:



    Why do the dresses need to be on one order?

    Just the way this shop does it. She's free to get her dress anywhere else if she wants. So I'm only closing off the possibility of her going in with the other BMs for free shipping on a group order-- she can still do her own thing.

    Edited because words are hard.


    Just out of curiosity, what would happen if you only had one attendant and they wanted to order just the one dress?  (Not calling you a liar or anything, it just seems like a weird rule on their part). Is your wedding dress from the same salon?


    Then that one attendant would order one dress. I think they just want to consolidate shipping as much as they can and pressure everyone to buy from the same place. Nope, my wedding dress is not from there.
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  • I'm going to assume you did everything right with asking budget, giving them a say and so on... so there's no need to feel bad. It's in her court and if I was another BM, I'd be annoyed you're holding out.
  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle British Columbia member
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    Don't feel bad. She knew the deadline and can still get the dress on her own.
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Sigh. Fi encouraged me to text her one more time so I did. She says she will call the shop today. Okay then...

    On another note. Lurkers: do not allow yourself to be pressured into adding people to your wedding party. Even when your FMIL is mean and manipulative about it. Just Say No.

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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • FutureMrsN3312FutureMrsN3312 Dirty Jersey member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Depending on color the salons feel its necessary to order the dresses together so that they are all the same color.  I guess another roll of fabric could be slightly different then another.

    It was strongly recommended that my girls ordered their dresses at the same time to avoid the color being off.  Of course the one person that we had to wait for was H's twin.

    We also had to wait on her H when it was time for the guys to place the tux order.  I sent a text and said today is the last possible day to get fitted.  Please either stop by the store or call in your measurements.  I'm not sure how the Catholic church will feel about naked groomsmen.  BIL made it there 15 mins before the store closed.  I wanted to strangle him but he's an adult.  Can't hold his hand and make him get fitted.
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  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
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    Yea, definitely do not feel bad. If she finds out on Monday when she calls that it's too late, that's on her. 

    Who knows, maybe she would just wants to try it elsewhere, or wants to pay off some bills first, so she would just rather get it on a different date. You did all you could. It's up to her to decide which route she wants to take.
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  • She's a grown up right? So she deals with deadlines all the time, all grown ups do, it's part of being a grown up.

    I'd probably shoot her one more text just saying "I talked with Salon Person, she's going to put in the order at 5pm today" just so she knows when she needs to have it in today if she wants in on the group order.
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited January 2015
    Depending on color the salons feel its necessary to order the dresses together so that they are all the same color.  I guess another roll of fabric could be slightly different then another.

    It was strongly recommended that my girls ordered their dresses at the same time to avoid the color being off.  Of course the one person that we had to wait for was H's twin.

    We also had to wait on her H when it was time for the guys to place the tux order.  I sent a text and said today is the last possible day to get fitted.  Please either stop by the store or call in your measurements.  I'm not sure how the Catholic church will feel about naked groomsmen.  BIL made it there 15 mins before the store closed.  I wanted to strangle him but he's an adult.  Can't hold his hand and make him get fitted.
    This is really not a thing anymore. 1) orders placed together aren't necessarily all cut from the same dye lot - if one exists in a warehouse already, they're grabbing that one rather than cutting a brand new one. They're not all custom made. 2) dyes are digitally mixed with little to no shade variation. 

    ETA salons want you to order all together so they know they're getting all the revenue.

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    ashley8918lurkergirl
  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn! member
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    Every single day I hear another thing validating our decision to have 1 maid of honor and 1 best man and no one else in the BP. I can totally see why this shit is stressful and annoying.

    Out of your hands now, JC! Take some comfort in that, I guess. 
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    JCbride2015lurkergirlluckya23
  • FutureMrsN3312FutureMrsN3312 Dirty Jersey member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Depending on color the salons feel its necessary to order the dresses together so that they are all the same color.  I guess another roll of fabric could be slightly different then another.

    It was strongly recommended that my girls ordered their dresses at the same time to avoid the color being off.  Of course the one person that we had to wait for was H's twin.

    We also had to wait on her H when it was time for the guys to place the tux order.  I sent a text and said today is the last possible day to get fitted.  Please either stop by the store or call in your measurements.  I'm not sure how the Catholic church will feel about naked groomsmen.  BIL made it there 15 mins before the store closed.  I wanted to strangle him but he's an adult.  Can't hold his hand and make him get fitted.
    This is really not a thing anymore. 1) orders placed together aren't necessarily all cut from the same dye lot - if one exists in a warehouse already, they're grabbing that one rather than cutting a brand new one. They're not all custom made. 2) dyes are digitally mixed with little to no shade variation. 

    ETA salons want you to order all together so they know they're getting all the revenue.

    We ordered our dresses from H's Aunt. She's been in the business 30+ years. So I took her word for it. If we didn't order from her I'd assume it was just a sales pitch.
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  • You said your self imposed deadline but how long til the wedding?
    So annoying to have to babysit a BP member. But I remember being in grad school and kind of blowing off a bride unintentionally. She was anxious to get all orders in 6 months in advance, and having been in other weddings I knew I had months of leeway. So sorry when I found she had been getting nuts over a deadline because the bridal shop pressured her. I had just paid tuition and was waiting to build my bank account back up. Not being passive aggressive. Oops.
  • We ordered our dresses from H's Aunt. She's been in the business 30+ years. So I took her word for it. If we didn't order from her I'd assume it was just a sales pitch.
    Well, 30 years ago this was true. I'm not saying she was lying, but she may not be up with the latest technology.

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  • We ordered our dresses from H's Aunt. She's been in the business 30+ years. So I took her word for it.

    If we didn't order from her I'd assume it was just a sales pitch.

    Well, 30 years ago this was true. I'm not saying she was lying, but she may not be up with the latest technology.

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    From what I have read in fabric and needlework magazines, both things are true.

    The dye technology has improved so much over 40 years, from newer lab created dyes that are reliably the same, not like former plant based dyes, to the computerized matching of dye lots, so the fabric of this group of a thousand dresses should match fabric dyed in a year.

    Synthetic fabrics of many kinds have been made from extruded chemicals which take dye evenly, and even the water from the dyeing plant is clean of minerals and same ph.

    BUT , in wedding party dresses often natural fibers like real not synthetic silk, or cotton, linen, ramie are used, especially in higher end dresses. And no matter how perfect the dyeing process, cotton velvet or jacquard , or silk from different sources, will vary slightly.

    And fabric from high tech dyeing plants matches, but many third world dyers do not control their water supply for minerals in local water or for acidity. (ph level)

    So any big marketer or designer's synthetics from the same source will reliably match. The dress pulled from a Davids Bridal warehouse may be a year newer than the one beside it, and when they send you both, they will match, guaranteed
    .

    But if you buy a dress from Nordstrom where they have 1000 dresses made in Singapore and 1000 dresses in China, under contract to the same designer , they will vary if the water and technology are different.

    But higher end weaves , or natural fiber dresses may vary in dye lots, though usually very little.

    I have been a fan of letting BM choose dresses, or varying colors of same dress, or MOH in a different color or style since I was first in a WP. And a wise wedding manufacturer pointed out to us alterations people that if there are 2 or 3 dresses in one color and 1 to 3 in another shade of the same color, or different color, on women standing together, the human eye will not be able to tell that all three of one color are actually slightly different .
    Your eye sees the difference but your brain is working on seeing the two different colors and does not notice variations in one color any more.

    A wedding dress sales person may still be cautious because she knows her stock, and someone who sells Davids or Alfred Angelos or Mori Lee is right to say do not worry about dye lot.
  • jacques27jacques27 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments 5 Answers
    edited January 2015
    OK, the first time you posted I said ok on the reminder text.

    You are now officially overthinking this and feeling badly about something that should not be eliciting this level of existential angst.  Go find an ASPCA commercial with sad puppy eyes and a Sarah McLachlan song playing and feel badly about that if you must feel badly about something.

    • You reminded her.
    • You gave her a date.
    • She's an adult.
    • Her calling the salon to find out she missed the deadline isn't going to send her into a suicidal tailspin requiring a 72 hour hold (at least it shouldn't - I hope not!). 
    • She'll call on Monday (but let's face it, if she hasn't called by now, is she really going to call on Monday) and then go "Damn, I'm a dumbass.  Ok, can I put in an order separately?"  And then she'll have to pay for shipping or go find it on her own.  Oh well.  (See also: She's an adult.)
    • The salon is a business who will take her money and place a separate order because businesses like making money. 

    If you don't take Lolo up on the offer, then I'll contact the darn salon for you.

  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    @JCBride2015 Did she end up ordering the dress yesterday?
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    jacques27 said:
    OK, the first time you posted I said ok on the reminder text.

    You are now officially overthinking this and feeling badly about something that should not be eliciting this level of existential angst.  Go find an ASPCA commercial with sad puppy eyes and a Sarah McLachlan song playing and feel badly about that if you must feel badly about something.

    • You reminded her.
    • You gave her a date.
    • She's an adult.
    • Her calling the salon to find out she missed the deadline isn't going to send her into a suicidal tailspin requiring a 72 hour hold (at least it shouldn't - I hope not!). 
    • She'll call on Monday (but let's face it, if she hasn't called by now, is she really going to call on Monday) and then go "Damn, I'm a dumbass.  Ok, can I put in an order separately?"  And then she'll have to pay for shipping or go find it on her own.  Oh well.  (See also: She's an adult.)
    • The salon is a business who will take her money and place a separate order because businesses like making money. 

    If you don't take Lolo up on the offer, then I'll contact the darn salon for you.

    Hmmmm I'm a little confused.  Haven't posted on this thread in a few days so I don't know what you're referring to.  I have no angst.

    I sent her a reminder text and she made an appointment on Wednesday.  I'm a little annoyed it's holding up the orders another week, but they'll arrive with 5-ish weeks for alterations, so I think it's okay.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    @JCBride2015 Did she end up ordering the dress yesterday?
    @ashley8918 No, but she made an appointment for next week.  Oh well.  They should still have time for alterations so it should be alright.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • jacques27 said:
    OK, the first time you posted I said ok on the reminder text.

    You are now officially overthinking this and feeling badly about something that should not be eliciting this level of existential angst.  Go find an ASPCA commercial with sad puppy eyes and a Sarah McLachlan song playing and feel badly about that if you must feel badly about something.

    • You reminded her.
    • You gave her a date.
    • She's an adult.
    • Her calling the salon to find out she missed the deadline isn't going to send her into a suicidal tailspin requiring a 72 hour hold (at least it shouldn't - I hope not!). 
    • She'll call on Monday (but let's face it, if she hasn't called by now, is she really going to call on Monday) and then go "Damn, I'm a dumbass.  Ok, can I put in an order separately?"  And then she'll have to pay for shipping or go find it on her own.  Oh well.  (See also: She's an adult.)
    • The salon is a business who will take her money and place a separate order because businesses like making money. 

    If you don't take Lolo up on the offer, then I'll contact the darn salon for you.

    Hmmmm I'm a little confused.  Haven't posted on this thread in a few days so I don't know what you're referring to.  I have no angst.

    I sent her a reminder text and she made an appointment on Wednesday.  I'm a little annoyed it's holding up the orders another week, but they'll arrive with 5-ish weeks for alterations, so I think it's okay.
    Weren't you the one who posted a few weeks ago about whether it was ok to send her a reminder or would that be too bridezilla-ish?  I'm pretty sure I responded to that post.  And earlier in this thread you said "I posted a few weeks ago..." and then "I'll feel terrible if she calls..." and how you felt like you were being "bitchy" by wanting to tell the salon owner to go ahead.

    If that wasn't you and I'm thinking of another poster's thread(s), then my bad.
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