Hi all, happy Friday!
FI and I are starting to work on our guest list (16 months out, size will impact our final choice on venue). His first draft is reasonable, but mine never ends. We've included a similar number of friends, but my family is massive (effectively would double the size of our wedding). Many aunts, uncles, cousins - but also extensive extended family. Although he hasn't asked me to narrow my list, including everyone would 'size' us out of every venue we like, and would strain our budget. Besides which, neither of us wants a huge wedding.
The issue that I'm struggling with, is whether to invite relatives with whom I have better relationships, or those who are closer blood relatives. There are several aunts, uncles, and 1st cousins who I'd really prefer to leave off the guest list. They are all on my mother's side, where certain emotional and psychological issues run rampant. Although I did see more of them as a child, I haven't seen or spoken to them regularly in many years - several years between brief interactions. When I do see them, drama is not far behind (read: shouting matches with one another, and emotional manipulation aplenty).
I am, however, good friends with a number of more distant cousins. I'd love to include a number of them - not only are they family, but an active presence in my life.
The difficulty I foresee with NOT inviting the first group, is that they will absolutely feel slighted, and won't hesitate to share that to my face, and behind my back, for years to come. The second group would be polite about it. They'd be gracious, and happy for us, whether they were included in the day or not. Which makes me want them there even more.
So: do we accept more drama on our wedding day, in exchange for greater familial peace in the future? Or a day surrounded by people we truly love, and accept future guilt-trips?
Advice greatly appreciated!
(Edited to correct late afternoon spelling)
Re: Guest list query..
If they ask why distant cousins not near ones, say what you did above, that you wanted the people who have a positive presence in your life. Family who are also good friends are the best, to me
And I'm more than a little tempted to elope.
I love the bolded part! My Mom would try to tell me "oh you have to invite so and so otherwise they will get offended". But I was like how will I ever know, I never even talk to them.
These are good poins - OP you should not have to invite people you are not close to - however i don't see that the important question has been asked: who is paying for the wedding?
If your parents are contributing, and they insist that the entire extended family be invited, you're going to have an uphill battle leaving people off the guest list. However, if you're paying for the wedding yourselves, the guest list is no one's concern except for you and your FI.