Went to a wedding this weekend.. photos are banned!

trulymarvelous

abcdevonn said:

Wait, I have to be the idiot and ask--are you not supposed to put pictures of B&G on social media during the wedding? Obviously I would never do so before the ceremony, but after? During the reception? If that is against etiquette, I have to admit to making that mistake. Good thing the B&G didn't mind. I can see how some people might want to keep that shit on lock now that I know a bit more (aka have read this thread.)

As a guest, I love looking through social media posts during/after the event. I think it is fun to see how other people captured the moments. I also think it is seriously controlling to say people can't post pictures of themselves -- re: OP. It just seems a bit anal. Though, obviously I might not be the best advisor in that category.

OP -- I thought you were going to say someone stepped in cow/horse poo. As a horse owner, I almost burst out laughing, because that doesn't bother me on the daily, but if I was dressed for a wedding I would LOSE my mind (then laugh about it later, hopefully.) 

Oh it would have just been priceless if they had!!

MadHops21

I honestly hope people take pics and post to FB. I love seeing pics of me. I'm always the one taking photos and never get photos taken of, so I rotate between 3 year old pics as my profile pic on FB. 

WhatawagSBNy

slothiegal said:

princessofgenovia said:

WhatawagSBNy said:

 But when in a private home for the wedding or reception or after party, I hate people who think they can sneak around with a camera phone and take pictures all over the home, then post them on any site or social media , especially for the purpose of making insulting comments. 

You are friends with some very terrible people. 

I've hosted several parties and been to plenty as well. No one has ever snuck around taking photos with the sole purpose of mocking them later. My friends are better people then that.

Dude, seriously. Stop inviting these people into your home, if this is a (bizarre) real thing.

*****************
I was not going to mention this again but it has been brought up by others twice now.

Not to my home, not my friend either. Director of nursing for a hospital I do some work in had a gorgeous home wedding. They found photos were taken by a hospital staff who went in a hall door to a bathroom and exited through a bedroom.
Basically photos of everything pricey, from lingerie to pictures on the wall, with snide captions on what bosses make vs peons, most of the rooms some pics. Posted during the cocktail time , then photo graphed the ceremony, posted that during the buffet .
Disgruntled employees are nothing new. But what I was upset by was the number of people who shrugged and said, people want to use their camera/ phones, no place is off limits. Like there is a new divine right. If you can get in, you can act like paparazzi.

This happened when I was in the service and I thought it rare. But national magazines were covering it as a story. Polls saying maybe a quarter of the people think it is okay to ignore a hosts request for no pictures, and then posting things to accessible Facebook pages, u tube. The others , say No. It is a privacy issue.

Truthfully I am surprised. so many here think they can pull out cameras at others' weddings when host request not to. And think they have a right to.

When I was reading and posting here a while back, knotties were all up in arms over the idea someone would take a picture without their permission, and pretty much everyone thought they shouldn't and quoted a half century of etiquette books and Miss Manners on how wrong it was to violate a hostesses trust and polite request. Now a complete shift by so many people. Knottie situational ethics . I have a say in every detail of my wedding, but any time I feel like it I can take that right from anyone else.

A very ME FIRST first, "against etiquette" position . MY CAMERA MY PHOTOS. Especially from ladies who click to another thread and blast someone over shower thank you notes, or details of who they invited to their shower and wedding.

Pretty two faced to act all self righteous to new posters on their issues and support worse stuff when it happens to be what you want to do.
If that is representative of people's idea of manners and etiquette, self interest rules , why post here.
Wag

AddieCake

Wag, I think you are missing the point of what pics people feel they should be allowed to take or post.

Viczaesar

WhatawagSBNy said:

WhatawagSBNy said:

 But when in a private home for the wedding or reception or after party, I hate people who think they can sneak around with a camera phone and take pictures all over the home, then post them on any site or social media , especially for the purpose of making insulting comments. 

You are friends with some very terrible people. 

I've hosted several parties and been to plenty as well. No one has ever snuck around taking photos with the sole purpose of mocking them later. My friends are better people then that.

Dude, seriously. Stop inviting these people into your home, if this is a (bizarre) real thing.

***************** I was not going to mention this again but it has been brought up by others twice now. Not to my home, not my friend either. Director of nursing for a hospital I do some work in had a gorgeous home wedding. They found photos were taken by a hospital staff who went in a hall door to a bathroom and exited through a bedroom. Basically photos of everything pricey, from lingerie to pictures on the wall, with snide captions on what bosses make vs peons, most of the rooms some pics. Posted during the cocktail time , then photo graphed the ceremony, posted that during the buffet . Disgruntled employees are nothing new. But what I was upset by was the number of people who shrugged and said, people want to use their camera/ phones, no place is off limits. Like there is a new divine right. If you can get in, you can act like paparazzi. This happened when I was in the service and I thought it rare. But national magazines were covering it as a story. Polls saying maybe a quarter of the people think it is okay to ignore a hosts request for no pictures, and then posting things to accessible Facebook pages, u tube. The others , say No. It is a privacy issue. Truthfully I am surprised. so many here think they can pull out cameras at others' weddings when host request not to. And think they have a right to.  Hell yes I have the right to take pictures at a party I'm at, particularly a party being thrown as a thank you to me.  When I was reading and posting here a while back, knotties were all up in arms over the idea someone would take a picture without their permission, A picture of what, exactly?  Someone can politely request that pictures of that person not be taken, but they have no right to tell someone that they cannot take pictures of themself or anyone else.  You do not have the right to control permission for that and pretty much everyone thought they shouldn't and quoted a half century of etiquette books and Miss Manners on how wrong it was to violate a hostesses trust and polite request. Please, link one of these threads.  I'm curious how that conversation actually went.  Now a complete shift by so many people. The same people?  I doubt it.  Knottie situational ethics . I have a say in every detail of my wedding  who says that?  that's bullshit too, but any time I feel like it I can take that right from anyone else. A very ME FIRST first, "against etiquette" position Nope. MY CAMERA MY PHOTOS.  Yep.  Especially from ladies who click to another thread and blast someone over shower thank you notes, or details of who they invited to their shower and wedding. Non sequitur much?  Pretty two faced to act all self righteous to new posters on their issues and support worse stuff when it happens to be what you want to do. Yes, because you're the final arbiter of "worse stuff"?  If that is representative of people's idea of manners and etiquette, self interest rules , why post here. Wag  Then don't.

Your logic is strange.  It's not against etiquette to politely decline a request.  The simple fact that someone makes a request does not mean that that request is either appropriate or must be followed.  The position that strikes me as "ME ME ME" and against etiquette here is that of the bride and groom, who are acting as though they have the right to control the actions of their honored guests at the party that they are throwing to thank those honored guests.  

Just because you think it is "worse stuff" to not follow someone's arbitrary, unnecessary, and ridiculous request not to post any photos at all that were taken at a party does not actually make that true.  

banana468

When we hosted DD's birthday party I expected friends to take pictures of the party. I would not find it appropriate if they took photos of my jewelry box. They aren't the same.

WhatawagSBNy

banana468 said:

When we hosted DD's birthday party I expected friends to take pictures of the party. I would not find it appropriate if they took photos of my jewelry box. They aren't the same.

*********
If you think people are okay to take pics ay your parties, and friends and family know it is okay with you, that is fine. No problem anywhere when fine with the hosts. Never okay to invade private spaces (jewelry box, drawers in desk with bills.)

But if someone you are visiting or a private party host, for a birthday, baptism , or wedding politely says, we do not want others taking pictures inside the venue or house, traditional etiquette says, you respect the host's request, and do not take any pictures of anyone or anything. And if no pics are taken inside, none can end up in social media, or a caterer's on line picture gallery, or wherever.

dcbride86

I've heard of 1 time when the "no photos" thing was fair - a friend of a friend has a stalker.  She has a restraining order against him, but apparently the stalker is okay with violating that order.  She asked that nobody take any photos or post anything about the wedding because she feared for her safety if people did.

Unless you have a stalker or another unusual situation going on, don't dictate what people do.

photokitty

WhatawagSBNy said:

When we hosted DD's birthday party I expected friends to take pictures of the party. I would not find it appropriate if they took photos of my jewelry box. They aren't the same.

********* If you think people are okay to take pics ay your parties, and friends and family know it is okay with you, that is fine. No problem anywhere when fine with the hosts. Never okay to invade private spaces (jewelry box, drawers in desk with bills.) But if someone you are visiting or a private party host, for a birthday, baptism , or wedding politely says, we do not want others taking pictures inside the venue or house, traditional etiquette says, you respect the host's request, and do not take any pictures of anyone or anything. And if no pics are taken inside, none can end up in social media, or a caterer's on line picture gallery, or wherever.

I think the bigger issue here is that you shouldn't invite jerks to your wedding/party/event. If you can't trust someone to not post inappropriate photos you shouldn't invite them. 

It is not ok to say "bc it is  possible that you could take an inappropriate photo and post it on social media you can't take any photos."

Under your logic the police should take away all our car keys bc we could possibly speed, it's best not to let any of us have cars - so bikes for everyone!! 

HOORAY!!! 

(note I used the sarcasm font, bc this would suck and is a controlling asshole move)

flantastic

WhatawagSBNy said:

When we hosted DD's birthday party I expected friends to take pictures of the party. I would not find it appropriate if they took photos of my jewelry box. They aren't the same.

********* If you think people are okay to take pics ay your parties, and friends and family know it is okay with you, that is fine. No problem anywhere when fine with the hosts. Never okay to invade private spaces (jewelry box, drawers in desk with bills.) But if someone you are visiting or a private party host, for a birthday, baptism , or wedding politely says, we do not want others taking pictures inside the venue or house, traditional etiquette says, you respect the host's request, and do not take any pictures of anyone or anything. And if no pics are taken inside, none can end up in social media, or a caterer's on line picture gallery, or wherever.

I would respect the host's request. It would be somewhat petty not to. Wag, I think you believe that most of us, while upholding etiquette everywhere, would deliberately show up the host by taking lots of pictures against their express request just because we can. I don't think that's accurate.

However, I would be fully within my rights to think it a ridiculous request, which in most cases it would be, and judge the hosts for being controlling in areas where they shouldn't be.

And then I would come here and advise others not to be controlling and ridiculous, and let them know that it is not truly within their rights as host to request something like that.

bethsmiles

FFS, taking pictures at a social event (yes, weddings are a social event) you were invited to is not like being the paparazzi! That is such a ridiculous comparison.

If you want your wedding to be a completely private affair then don't invite anyone. The reception is to thank your guests for coming - to be so rude as to tell them they can't take any pictures or to think you have the right to put restrictions on what they do with their own pictures is ridiculous.

If it is such a big fucking concern then take down your social media accounts or at least set them up so you have to approve everything you are tagged in. Take responsibility for your privacy yourself, don't dictate to other people to make them do it.

And quite frankly, if you have a professional photographer and plan on sharing any of those pictures on social media (which in the OP it's made very clear the bride and groom intend to share their pro-pics) it's clearly not even a privacy issue.

Obviously, if I went to a wedding where this request was made I wouldn't be so petty as to ignore it and do what I want but I would absolutely be judging the couple for making such a ridiculous request.

levioosa

This debate is ridiculous.  It was completely inappropriate of the B & G to request what they did.  Guests were not snapping pictures of the bride getting ready in her lingerie.  They were not snapping pictures of her wedding planner binder with the budget details.  They weren't posting pictures before the ceremony.  She tried to dictate putting up selfies.  FFS.  It is no where near the same thing as posting pictures of actual dignitaries, or going through someone's home with the specific malicious intention to mock (wtf).  Just as you cannot dictate guests' attire, you can't dictate what they do with their own personal property (which, *gasp* includes pictures of themselves). 

MegEn1

No one is telling me what I can or cannot do with photos I've taken that don't involve them. Sorry not sorry, if I like a photo of myself and my Fiance taken on the same day you're getting married, that doesn't mean you get to control what I do.

[Deleted User]

It's one thing to say, "don't take pictures at my event."  It's another to say, "take all the pictures you want, but don't post any of them to social media for three months until I get my professional photos."  And it's quite another to say, "take pictures, but please don't post any of ME for a personal reason I'd rather not discuss."  The first two are ridiculous, the third one makes sense.  But these are all different issues I think we're mixing up in this conversation.

MadHops21