"Warn" guests about informal reception?

onefootinthebayou

@jen4948 we have a BINGO!!!

Jen4948

onefootinthebayou said:

@jen4948 we have a BINGO!!!

Yup!  Sure does.

Viczaesar

Knottie1429926455 said:

BrinkyDink16 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

If you lurk, you'll find that this poster has a "I don't give a ----" attitude about other areas of etiquette as well. It's highly advisable that you check that out before you snark about who is being rude to whom again.

It's not a "I don't give a shit about etiquette" attitude so much as it's a "I think everyone should do what's right for them, their FH, and their own personal situation" attitude.

@Knottie1429926455 If you lurk you'll also find that a lot of posters have very black and white ideas about things whereas I see a lot more grey areas that take personal opinion into account.  You're right though, there's no reason to be rude and that's why I always strive to be positive

I was under the impression that this is 2015 and we don't have to follow archaic traditions that don't apply to us, and that your wedding is supposed to be about what's suited to you and your family, but evidently not everyone sees it that way, so maybe I was mistaken.
I guess I'm doing my wedding all wrong as well, oh well. Doomed to failure it is, then.

Tradition and etiquette are two completely different things.  One you can feel free to break; it doesn't hurt anyone if you wear a red dress, or choose to have a small reception at a restaurant, or don't do bouquet/garter tosses.  Etiquette is about how you treat your guests.  It's the formal word for good manners.

TrixieJess

Jen4948 said:

onefootinthebayou said:

@jen4948 we have a BINGO!!!

Yup!  Sure does.

Have you been called "bullies" yet? You can do a shot when that happens.

Maybe this will turn into a DD.

onefootinthebayou

TrixieJess said:

Jen4948 said:

onefootinthebayou said:

@jen4948 we have a BINGO!!!

Yup!  Sure does.

Have you been called "bullies" yet? You can do a shot when that happens.

Maybe this will turn into a DD.

@TrixieJess Haha actually these are all comments by some rogue posters giving bad advice to poor OP.

For a real "bullies" comment, see "Bridesmaid Drama" in Moms & Maids. My Bingo card is getting full!

Knottie1431116052

Going to disagree I see nothing wrong with how you want to word you invitation.  It is your wedding, and your guests.  I won't explain how we are going to do our invitations, but trust me I'm breaking way more etiquette rules than just describing the reception *rolls eyes*  Knock yourself out, and make it your own. 

JoanE2012

Knottie1429926455 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

BrinkyDink16 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

If you lurk, you'll find that this poster has a "I don't give a ----" attitude about other areas of etiquette as well. It's highly advisable that you check that out before you snark about who is being rude to whom again.

It's not a "I don't give a shit about etiquette" attitude so much as it's a "I think everyone should do what's right for them, their FH, and their own personal situation" attitude.

@Knottie1429926455 If you lurk you'll also find that a lot of posters have very black and white ideas about things whereas I see a lot more grey areas that take personal opinion into account.  You're right though, there's no reason to be rude and that's why I always strive to be positive

I was under the impression that this is 2015 and we don't have to follow archaic traditions that don't apply to us, and that your wedding is supposed to be about what's suited to you and your family, but evidently not everyone sees it that way, so maybe I was mistaken.
I guess I'm doing my wedding all wrong as well, oh well. Doomed to failure it is, then.

Sure sounds like it, yes.  Sorry, but it being 2015 does not invalidate good manners or make rudeness polite.  Etiquette does not go out of date or style.

But it's simply the fact that the wording of your invitation and choosing to tell your guests what kind of reception to expect is not rude. It's offbeat, perhaps it's not the way things are usually done, but nothing about it is rude.
I find it terrifying that there are such ridiculous wedding dictators as yourself, there's just no need. I'd really like to understand what makes it offensive to tell your guests the kind of reception you are having? And why it affects you so deeply what other people include on their invitations, for that matter.

Wedding dictators? LOL!!!!!!!!!!

Look, people post here asking questions about etiquette and we tell them what etiquette has to say. You don't like that? Go post somewhere else.

I asked you some serious questions trying to understand where you're coming from, but apparently you excel at being rude while trying to tell other people that they are rude.
It would be one thing to explain what is considered proper etiquette, but what you have shared here has been nothing but rude and snarky things. Don't pretend to be the queen of etiquette when you can't even be civil towards anyone who has the misfortune of encountering you.

I don't concern myself with the personal opinions of people who get defensive when told that what they want to do, and are going to do anyway, is not in accordance with etiquette or basic politeness.

And as for "pretend to be the queen of etiquette" ?  Never have done that.  "Can't even be civil" ? I''m not the one being rude or snarky, or even proposing to be rude or snarky. 

Sorry, but if you need to pass judgments on anyone, you're barking up the wrong tree.

I feel bad for your husband.
I'm sorry that you can't be bothered to answer honest questions and would rather assume that everyone but you is in the wrong and you don't need to justify your rudeness.
I'm not sure what's wrong with you, but I hope you seek help with your superiority problem.


Awww, we haven't had one of these in awhile!  Bless your soul KnottieNumbers!

Knottie1431116052

Just another note regarding this.  My first wedding I followed 'etiquette' and didn't describe regarding the reception on the invitations.  My first wedding was on an elegant yacht, and I thought sending out elegant invitations and the location was enough to inform guests to dress elegantly.  I had two situations one because the name of the yacht was 'The Black Tie' some guests thought they had to wear black tire attire.  Which wasn't the case just what they would wear to a regular church ceremony was expected.  I then had guests dress very casually in shorts and t-shirts even though the invitation was not casual.  On the other hand my sister last year had a beach destination wedding, and beachy casual invitations.  She wanted her guests to not dress casually, and men in long pants.  If she didn't make that clear on the invitations my FH would have worn dressy shorts due to the location and the casual design of the invitations.  I say make it clear so guests know what to expect.

Jen4948

Knottie1431116052 said:

Just another note regarding this.  My first wedding I followed 'etiquette' and didn't describe regarding the reception on the invitations.  My first wedding was on an elegant yacht, and I thought sending out elegant invitations and the location was enough to inform guests to dress elegantly.  I had two situations one because the name of the yacht was 'The Black Tie' some guests thought they had to wear black tire attire.  Which wasn't the case just what they would wear to a regular church ceremony was expected.  I then had guests dress very casually in shorts and t-shirts even though the invitation was not casual.  On the other hand my sister last year had a beach destination wedding, and beachy casual invitations.  She wanted her guests to not dress casually, and men in long pants.  If she didn't make that clear on the invitations my FH would have worn dressy shorts due to the location and the casual design of the invitations.  I say make it clear so guests know what to expect.

"Making it clear" still mandates doing it through the tone and graphics of the invitation, not the wording.  You can discuss that by word of mouth or on a website.  And if you wanted your guests to dress casually, why in the world did you choose to hold your wedding on a boat called "The Black Tie" ???  If you want your guests to clearly understand what type of clothing is appropriate, why would you do something that could confuse them like that?

RezIpsa

Why didn't your sister just use more formal invitations if the event was more formal? I'm assuming it actually was more formal, and not just a "I want my guests dressed up for my informal event because pictures." That second option is pretty vile. If not, and she wanted a more formal wedding, why not actually have a more formal wedding?

Knottie1431116052

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1431116052 said:

Just another note regarding this.  My first wedding I followed 'etiquette' and didn't describe regarding the reception on the invitations.  My first wedding was on an elegant yacht, and I thought sending out elegant invitations and the location was enough to inform guests to dress elegantly.  I had two situations one because the name of the yacht was 'The Black Tie' some guests thought they had to wear black tire attire.  Which wasn't the case just what they would wear to a regular church ceremony was expected.  I then had guests dress very casually in shorts and t-shirts even though the invitation was not casual.  On the other hand my sister last year had a beach destination wedding, and beachy casual invitations.  She wanted her guests to not dress casually, and men in long pants.  If she didn't make that clear on the invitations my FH would have worn dressy shorts due to the location and the casual design of the invitations.  I say make it clear so guests know what to expect.

"Making it clear" still mandates doing it through the tone and graphics of the invitation, not the wording.  You can discuss that by word of mouth or on a website.  And if you wanted your guests to dress casually, why in the world did you choose to hold your wedding on a boat called "The Black Tie" ???  If you want your guests to clearly understand what type of clothing is appropriate, why would you do something that could confuse them like that?

I didn't want people to dress casually I was describing two different weddings my first one elegant on 'The Black Tie' and my sisters which was on the beach.  You obviously didn't read what I wrote so never mind.

Knottie1431116052

RezIpsa said:

Why didn't your sister just use more formal invitations if the event was more formal? I'm assuming it actually was more formal, and not just a "I want my guests dressed up for my informal event because pictures." That second option is pretty vile. If not, and she wanted a more formal wedding, why not actually have a more formal wedding?

She had the wedding she wanted, the invitations she wanted, and it was gorgeous.  She had no issues with how guests were dressed, because it was clearly stated on the invitation.  So no issues.  In the end she was just as married even though she didn't follow strict 'etiquette.' 

RezIpsa

I am not doubting she got married, but if she wanted formal why not actually give her guets a heads up in a way that is not dictating attire? With a more formal invite. Or not requiring formal clothes for a beach wedding, where they are obviously incongruous.

Oh well, I am sure the pictures were just what she wanted and, after all, that what inviting guests is all about.

Jen4948

Knottie1431116052 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1431116052 said:

Just another note regarding this.  My first wedding I followed 'etiquette' and didn't describe regarding the reception on the invitations.  My first wedding was on an elegant yacht, and I thought sending out elegant invitations and the location was enough to inform guests to dress elegantly.  I had two situations one because the name of the yacht was 'The Black Tie' some guests thought they had to wear black tire attire.  Which wasn't the case just what they would wear to a regular church ceremony was expected.  I then had guests dress very casually in shorts and t-shirts even though the invitation was not casual.  On the other hand my sister last year had a beach destination wedding, and beachy casual invitations.  She wanted her guests to not dress casually, and men in long pants.  If she didn't make that clear on the invitations my FH would have worn dressy shorts due to the location and the casual design of the invitations.  I say make it clear so guests know what to expect.

"Making it clear" still mandates doing it through the tone and graphics of the invitation, not the wording.  You can discuss that by word of mouth or on a website.  And if you wanted your guests to dress casually, why in the world did you choose to hold your wedding on a boat called "The Black Tie" ???  If you want your guests to clearly understand what type of clothing is appropriate, why would you do something that could confuse them like that?

I didn't want people to dress casually I was describing two different weddings my first one elegant on 'The Black Tie' and my sisters which was on the beach.  You obviously didn't read what I wrote so never mind.

Sorry, bit this "you obviously didn't read what I wrote" is just ad hominem bs.

You didn't read what was written about how you don't describe the hospitality on a wedding invitation. If a wedding is supposed to be "elegant" then you use an elegant font, paper, and/or graphics. If it's supposed to be casual, you use a casual font, paper, and/or graphics. The invitation wording does not change.

CMGragain

Wait just a darn minute, here!  I thought I was the "Queen of Etiquette"!

Most etiquette rules have good reasons for being rules.
1.  It is always in bad taste to brag about yourself, or your wedding.  If you describe the hospitality at your reception on your invitation, then that can easily be seen as bragging.  This is WHY you do not describe your reception on your invitation.  There is nothing wrong with describing some of it (within reason and good taste) on your wedding website, but NOT on the invitation.

2.  If your reception is so unusual that your guests need to be warned about their dress, then perhaps you should rethink your plans.  Guests are not always happy with surprises.

3.  The formality of a wedding is usually indicated by the style of the paper invitation.  If your wedding is very formal, but your reception is a picnic in the park, then your guests will be very confused about how to dress.  (Nothing wrong with weddings in a park.  Just don't try to combine formal with informal.)

4.  The wording of a wedding invitation should be simple, direct, and to the point.  It is a formal note from the hosts to the guests, telling them who, what, when and where - not how to dress, or what they are going to do at the reception.  Non-traditional wording is fine as long as it does the job efficiently and politely.  Wording that is designed to confuse your guests, or to shock them is rude.