Major eye-rolls

charcoalandblush

I follow a local bridal consignment shop on Facebook. They post follower questions every day, and this one came up today: 

"Does anyone have advice about what to do when no one is offering to host a bridal shower? We are not well off so gifts are needed but I don't want to appear greedy."

I rolled my eyes so hard. Don't get me wrong, I didn't know a ton about wedding etiquette before I started reading TK. But I never ever would have considered throwing my own shower/asking someone to throw one for me (which seem like the answers that this follower is looking for).

Also saying "gift are needed" automatically makes you appear greedy. Sorry.

msuprincess04

Yup, tacky.

redoryx

I suggest someone gift the bride a book on etiquette.

novella1186

If you can't function in life as an adult without gifts from other people, you are doing something wrong. I know people who have fallen on hard times so they get creative/improvise/cut back on things/whatever and they manage just fine without a brand new Kitchen Aid mixer. 

charcoalandblush

I'm trying to think of a polite way to respond "HELL NO DO NOT DO THIS." (Polite because my FMIL also follows them and will almost definitely see it. And because I'm giving the poster the benefit of the doubt that maybe (s)he really doesn't know better.)

charcoalandblush

novella1186 said:

If you can't function in life as an adult without gifts from other people, you are doing something wrong. I know people who have fallen on hard times so they get creative/improvise/cut back on things/whatever and they manage just fine without a brand new Kitchen Aid mixer. 

This is how I feel about 90% of the GoFundMe links in my newsfeed. I have some greedy ass friends/former friends/acquaintances. One girl has legitimately started a GoFundMe to pay her student loans off. I wish this was a joke.

lyndausvi

Wouldn't the money you are spending on the wedding be better used for these needed gifts?

mikenberger

charcoalandblush said:

novella1186 said:

If you can't function in life as an adult without gifts from other people, you are doing something wrong. I know people who have fallen on hard times so they get creative/improvise/cut back on things/whatever and they manage just fine without a brand new Kitchen Aid mixer. 

This is how I feel about 90% of the GoFundMe links in my newsfeed. I have some greedy ass friends/former friends/acquaintances. One girl has legitimately started a GoFundMe to pay her student loans off. I wish this was a joke.

Damn. And here I've been working all this time. Shit.

Yeah, it's hard not to want to shake that person and be like "ON WHAT PLANET DO YOU THINK THROWING YOUR OWN SHOWER ISN'T GOING TO COME ACROSS AS GREEDY!?" Dummies.

novella1186

charcoalandblush said:

novella1186 said:

If you can't function in life as an adult without gifts from other people, you are doing something wrong. I know people who have fallen on hard times so they get creative/improvise/cut back on things/whatever and they manage just fine without a brand new Kitchen Aid mixer. 

This is how I feel about 90% of the GoFundMe links in my newsfeed. I have some greedy ass friends/former friends/acquaintances. One girl has legitimately started a GoFundMe to pay her student loans off. I wish this was a joke.

Wow. I would fucking love to have other people pay my student loans off. And my car loan. But I chose those things, and they're for me. So it's no one else's job but my own to deal with the debt and pay it off. Blows my mind how entitled/rude/irresponsible some people are. 

Can you imagine walking into a bank and saying "I need a loan. I don't care much about the details because I won't be paying it off. I'm going to try to get other people to do that for me." 

charcoalandblush

mikenberger said:

charcoalandblush said:

novella1186 said:

If you can't function in life as an adult without gifts from other people, you are doing something wrong. I know people who have fallen on hard times so they get creative/improvise/cut back on things/whatever and they manage just fine without a brand new Kitchen Aid mixer. 

This is how I feel about 90% of the GoFundMe links in my newsfeed. I have some greedy ass friends/former friends/acquaintances. One girl has legitimately started a GoFundMe to pay her student loans off. I wish this was a joke.

Damn. And here I've been working all this time. Shit.

Yeah, it's hard not to want to shake that person and be like "ON WHAT PLANET DO YOU THINK THROWING YOUR OWN SHOWER ISN'T GOING TO COME ACROSS AS GREEDY!?" Dummies.

Both of these things. 110%

novella1186

lyndausvi said:

Wouldn't the money you are spending on the wedding be better used for these needed gifts?

 BUT IT'S HER BIG SPECIAL DAY!!! Also, I bet she's doing a cash bar and a potluck. 

redoryx

novella1186 said:

If you can't function in life as an adult without gifts from other people, you are doing something wrong. I know people who have fallen on hard times so they get creative/improvise/cut back on things/whatever and they manage just fine without a brand new Kitchen Aid mixer. 

A couple years ago I was in need of new dishes and said I should just get married so I can register and have people buy them for me.

Instead, I saved my money and bought the damn things for myself.

dcbride86

novella1186 said:

If you can't function in life as an adult without gifts from other people, you are doing something wrong. I know people who have fallen on hard times so they get creative/improvise/cut back on things/whatever and they manage just fine without a brand new Kitchen Aid mixer. 

I do really want a Kitchen Aid mixer, though.  I hear that shit is amazing.

lyndausvi

I need to go to my mom's 70th birthday party in the fall (cross country).  I also need to go to Anguilla again this year.   Those trips are a month apart.    I think I NEED to put up a gofundme fund.  

Clearly I will use my mom's birthday, because that will pull on peoples heart strings more.  They don't need to know I'm going to the islands a few weeks later.

redoryx

dcbride86 said:

novella1186 said:

If you can't function in life as an adult without gifts from other people, you are doing something wrong. I know people who have fallen on hard times so they get creative/improvise/cut back on things/whatever and they manage just fine without a brand new Kitchen Aid mixer. 

I do really want a Kitchen Aid mixer, though.  I hear that shit is amazing.

They are and knowing that I paid for that sucker myself makes the cookies I bake taste all the more yummy.

charcoalandblush

6 replies so far. 5 are unhelpful - they literally just said "My sister-in-law threw my shower!" or "My aunts on my moms side threw me one."

The 6th advocates that she throw her own shower and says that the poster threw her own shower: "I basically had to plan my own. once I started my mom helped out and MOH well she helped when she could... the other bridesmaids worked crazy hrs and had kids and one lived out of town. personally start the planning yourself. Invite the bridesmaids and your mom and mother in law over and start asking them for dates they are free and pick a date and a place etc."

I want to slap that woman.

This is what I'm thinking about saying: "Although it is extremely generous to throw a shower as the maid of honor/aunt/sister/etc., no one is required to throw you a shower. It is extremely improper etiquette to throw your own shower, or to ask someone else to throw one for you, regardless of their role. Unless someone volunteers, unfortunately you should not have a shower."

mikenberger

dcbride86 said:

novella1186 said:

If you can't function in life as an adult without gifts from other people, you are doing something wrong. I know people who have fallen on hard times so they get creative/improvise/cut back on things/whatever and they manage just fine without a brand new Kitchen Aid mixer. 

I do really want a Kitchen Aid mixer, though.  I hear that shit is amazing.

Beyond amazing. I love ours. Best kitchen investment yet.

lovegood90

charcoalandblush said:

6 replies so far. 5 are unhelpful - they literally just said "My sister-in-law threw my shower!" or "My aunts on my moms side threw me one."

The 6th advocates that she throw her own shower and says that the poster threw her own shower: "I basically had to plan my own. once I started my mom helped out and MOH well she helped when she could... the other bridesmaids worked crazy hrs and had kids and one lived out of town. personally start the planning yourself. Invite the bridesmaids and your mom and mother in law over and start asking them for dates they are free and pick a date and a place etc."

I want to slap that woman.

This is what I'm thinking about saying: "Although it is extremely generous to throw a shower as the maid of honor/aunt/sister/etc., no one is required to throw you a shower. It is extremely improper etiquette to throw your own shower, or to ask someone else to throw one for you, regardless of their role. Unless someone volunteers, unfortunately you should not have a shower."

Also send her here, muahaha.

dcbride86

mikenberger said:

dcbride86 said:

novella1186 said:

If you can't function in life as an adult without gifts from other people, you are doing something wrong. I know people who have fallen on hard times so they get creative/improvise/cut back on things/whatever and they manage just fine without a brand new Kitchen Aid mixer. 

I do really want a Kitchen Aid mixer, though.  I hear that shit is amazing.

Beyond amazing. I love ours. Best kitchen investment yet.

I plan on getting one after the wedding.  I did register for it (the most expensive thing I registered for by far), but I doubt anyone will get it for me.  However, after the wedding I get a discount on anything not purchased from my registry, so obviously that will be item #1 I buy!

climbingsingle

This kind of entitlement kills me.

redoryx

dcbride86 said:

mikenberger said:

dcbride86 said:

novella1186 said:

If you can't function in life as an adult without gifts from other people, you are doing something wrong. I know people who have fallen on hard times so they get creative/improvise/cut back on things/whatever and they manage just fine without a brand new Kitchen Aid mixer. 

I do really want a Kitchen Aid mixer, though.  I hear that shit is amazing.

Beyond amazing. I love ours. Best kitchen investment yet.

I plan on getting one after the wedding.  I did register for it (the most expensive thing I registered for by far), but I doubt anyone will get it for me.  However, after the wedding I get a discount on anything not purchased from my registry, so obviously that will be item #1 I buy!

That's what I believe my sister and BIL did. They registered but I don't think anyone actually bought it for them so I am pretty sure they just went out and bought one for themselves after (especially since I know they ended up with a different color than what was on their registry)

WhatawagSBNy

charcoalandblush said:

6 replies so far. 5 are unhelpful - they literally just said "My sister-in-law threw my shower!" or "My aunts on my moms side threw me one."

The 6th advocates that she throw her own shower and says that the poster threw her own shower: "I basically had to plan my own. once I started my mom helped out and MOH well she helped when she could... the other bridesmaids worked crazy hrs and had kids and one lived out of town. personally start the planning yourself. Invite the bridesmaids and your mom and mother in law over and start asking them for dates they are free and pick a date and a place etc."

I want to slap that woman.

This is what I'm thinking about saying: "Although it is extremely generous to throw a shower as the maid of honor/aunt/sister/etc., no one is required to throw you a shower. It is extremely improper etiquette to throw your own shower, or to ask someone else to throw one for you, regardless of their role. Unless someone volunteers, unfortunately you should not have a shower."

***********************(((
Lots of magazines and the original the knot how to section ( have not looked in years), just like this stuff.

They were like a Cosmopolitan article, how to politely engineer a situation where others would feel they pretty much had to do it.

Outline your ideal party, and tell your friends, last night you had a dream, and....
Coyly suggest.....
Once your friends find you have done all the detail work for them, they will be thrilled...

That and putting throwing parties in a JOB DESCRIPTION for MOH, BM, MOG, sisters of the bride (I can never use S.O.B.).

REALLY DEEP pile of ...

lovegood90

WhatawagSBNy said:

***********************((( Lots of magazines and the original the knot how to section ( have not looked in years), just like this stuff. They were like a Cosmopolitan article, how to politely engineer a situation where others would feel they pretty much had to do it. Outline your ideal party, and tell your friends, last night you had a dream, and.... Coyly suggest..... Once your friends find you have done all the detail work for them, they will be thrilled... That and putting throwing parties in a JOB DESCRIPTION for MOH, BM, MOG, sisters of the bride (I can never use S.O.B.). REALLY DEEP pile of ...

Huh? I don't get it...are you for or against this?

esstee33

dcbride86 said:

mikenberger said:

dcbride86 said:

novella1186 said:

If you can't function in life as an adult without gifts from other people, you are doing something wrong. I know people who have fallen on hard times so they get creative/improvise/cut back on things/whatever and they manage just fine without a brand new Kitchen Aid mixer. 

I do really want a Kitchen Aid mixer, though.  I hear that shit is amazing.

Beyond amazing. I love ours. Best kitchen investment yet.

I plan on getting one after the wedding.  I did register for it (the most expensive thing I registered for by far), but I doubt anyone will get it for me.  However, after the wedding I get a discount on anything not purchased from my registry, so obviously that will be item #1 I buy!

A+ yes, get one for yourself if nobody buys it. I use mine more for shredding chicken and mixing up things I'm just too lazy to mix by hand than for baking, but whatever. Awwwwwwwesome. 

marie2785

dcbride86 said:

novella1186 said:

If you can't function in life as an adult without gifts from other people, you are doing something wrong. I know people who have fallen on hard times so they get creative/improvise/cut back on things/whatever and they manage just fine without a brand new Kitchen Aid mixer. 

I do really want a Kitchen Aid mixer, though.  I hear that shit is amazing.

TJ Max after Christmas you can get a $350-$400 kitchenaid mixer model for $189 on clearance, or at least for the past 2 years you could. FI got my hot pink kitchenaid mixer (a $350 model) at target for $209 on clearance last year for valentines day (he bought it in front of me so I happened to see the price). It may be hot pink, but it is AWESOME. Also, occasionally groupon sells new ones for around $240. Black Friday is also a good time to get $100 off a mixer. 

Totally worth having if you're baker. Bread, cookies, EVERYTHING is easier with a mixer. 

charcoalandblush

marie2785 said:

dcbride86 said:

novella1186 said:

If you can't function in life as an adult without gifts from other people, you are doing something wrong. I know people who have fallen on hard times so they get creative/improvise/cut back on things/whatever and they manage just fine without a brand new Kitchen Aid mixer. 

I do really want a Kitchen Aid mixer, though.  I hear that shit is amazing.

TJ Max after Christmas you can get a $350-$400 kitchenaid mixer model for $189 on clearance, or at least for the past 2 years you could. FI got my hot pink kitchenaid mixer (a $350 model) at target for $209 on clearance last year for valentines day (he bought it in front of me so I happened to see the price). It may be hot pink, but it is AWESOME. Also, occasionally groupon sells new ones for around $240. Black Friday is also a good time to get $100 off a mixer. 

Totally worth having if you're baker. Bread, cookies, EVERYTHING is easier with a mixer. 

This. I bought mine with one of my first big girl paychecks. Worth every penny.

littlepep

charcoalandblush said:

novella1186 said:

If you can't function in life as an adult without gifts from other people, you are doing something wrong. I know people who have fallen on hard times so they get creative/improvise/cut back on things/whatever and they manage just fine without a brand new Kitchen Aid mixer. 

This is how I feel about 90% of the GoFundMe links in my newsfeed. I have some greedy ass friends/former friends/acquaintances. One girl has legitimately started a GoFundMe to pay her student loans off. I wish this was a joke.

Ugh. I saw something similar. This girl was all like "help me pay for grad school because I'm tired of taking out student loans." That's actually what she said. Well, hey, I didn't want student loans either, but I had to pay for school or not go. Why am I going to help pay for something that is your responsibility when I had to do it myself??

charcoalandblush

littlepep said:

charcoalandblush said:

novella1186 said:

If you can't function in life as an adult without gifts from other people, you are doing something wrong. I know people who have fallen on hard times so they get creative/improvise/cut back on things/whatever and they manage just fine without a brand new Kitchen Aid mixer. 

This is how I feel about 90% of the GoFundMe links in my newsfeed. I have some greedy ass friends/former friends/acquaintances. One girl has legitimately started a GoFundMe to pay her student loans off. I wish this was a joke.

Ugh. I saw something similar. This girl was all like "help me pay for grad school because I'm tired of taking out student loans." That's actually what she said. Well, hey, I didn't want student loans either, but I had to pay for school or not go. Why am I going to help pay for something that is your responsibility when I had to do it myself??

My friends and I got a lot of LOLs out of this: http://abovethelaw.com/2014/07/god-told-her-that-you-should-pay-for-her-law-degree/

littlepep

charcoalandblush said:

littlepep said:

charcoalandblush said:

novella1186 said:

If you can't function in life as an adult without gifts from other people, you are doing something wrong. I know people who have fallen on hard times so they get creative/improvise/cut back on things/whatever and they manage just fine without a brand new Kitchen Aid mixer. 

This is how I feel about 90% of the GoFundMe links in my newsfeed. I have some greedy ass friends/former friends/acquaintances. One girl has legitimately started a GoFundMe to pay her student loans off. I wish this was a joke.

Ugh. I saw something similar. This girl was all like "help me pay for grad school because I'm tired of taking out student loans." That's actually what she said. Well, hey, I didn't want student loans either, but I had to pay for school or not go. Why am I going to help pay for something that is your responsibility when I had to do it myself??

My friends and I got a lot of LOLs out of this: http://abovethelaw.com/2014/07/god-told-her-that-you-should-pay-for-her-law-degree/

How I feel about that:

loveislouder

See, my mom and MIL called and told me they were both having showers for us (I have an awesome family) and they told us to register. I'm having a HELL of a time finding stuff to register for because when we bought the house in April, we upgraded everything and bought new stuff.

I would NEVER host my own party, jeeze. The worst part for me is that most of these entitled people are around my age, and it makes people my age look bad.

thisismynickname2

Do people not realize that if you don't have a shower you'll STILL get wedding gifts? 

Seriously?

I didn't have a shower. I created a registry. I got a lot of boxed gifts shipped to my home both before and after the wedding, and got a lot of cash in cards too. This is not rocket science. 

I fear the person in question thinks you'll get double the gift value by having a shower. Nope. No ma'am.  I have one gift budget to celebrate your nuptials, and if I'm invited to the shower as well as the wedding, I split said budget and bring a lower value boxed item to the shower and give the remaining in cash at the wedding.