Wedding Etiquette Forum

Major eye-rolls

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Re: Major eye-rolls

  • I would NEVER host my own party, jeeze. The worst part for me is that most of these entitled people are around my age, and it makes people my age look bad.

    Same here.

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  • ***********************(((
    Lots of magazines and the original the knot how to section ( have not looked in years), just like this stuff.

    They were like a Cosmopolitan article, how to politely engineer a situation where others would feel they pretty much had to do it.

    Outline your ideal party, and tell your friends, last night you had a dream, and....
    Coyly suggest.....
    Once your friends find you have done all the detail work for them, they will be thrilled...

    That and putting throwing parties in a JOB DESCRIPTION for MOH, BM, MOG, sisters of the bride (I can never use S.O.B.).

    REALLY DEEP pile of ...

    Huh? I don't get it...are you for or against this?


    **********
    I am against this totally rude behavior.

    But it is hard to post here criticizing brides who have learned this terrible behavior from places like the knot. I have not looked recently, but this site used to say what she did is perfectly acceptable. It is NOT OK .

    This site also taught a whole generation of brides that WP members have JOB DUTIES and other nonsense. And every poor bride who believes it gets jumped on, here by us.

    Kind of like thinking badly of someone for doing what they have been told to do.
  • Do people not realize that if you don't have a shower you'll STILL get wedding gifts? 

    Seriously?

    I didn't have a shower. I created a registry. I got a lot of boxed gifts shipped to my home both before and after the wedding, and got a lot of cash in cards too. This is not rocket science. 

    I fear the person in question thinks you'll get double the gift value by having a shower. Nope. No ma'am.  I have one gift budget to celebrate your nuptials, and if I'm invited to the shower as well as the wedding, I split said budget and bring a lower value boxed item to the shower and give the remaining in cash at the wedding. 
    THIS! Or, frankly, I just get you one gift and hand it over whenever I get around to it (usually, for me, that's at the shower). No way do I double my budget for you just  cause you had an extra party.
  • rcher912 said:
    Do people not realize that if you don't have a shower you'll STILL get wedding gifts? 

    Seriously?

    I didn't have a shower. I created a registry. I got a lot of boxed gifts shipped to my home both before and after the wedding, and got a lot of cash in cards too. This is not rocket science. 

    I fear the person in question thinks you'll get double the gift value by having a shower. Nope. No ma'am.  I have one gift budget to celebrate your nuptials, and if I'm invited to the shower as well as the wedding, I split said budget and bring a lower value boxed item to the shower and give the remaining in cash at the wedding. 
    THIS! Or, frankly, I just get you one gift and hand it over whenever I get around to it (usually, for me, that's at the shower). No way do I double my budget for you just  cause you had an extra party.
    Or worse... she plans to invite people who aren't invited to the wedding to get a gift out of them.

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  • @charcoalandblush I think your response is a good one. I would say something like, "Showers are generously offered, not requested. There is no way to ask someone to host a shower for you".

    I'm trying to sell my wedding dress and have posted in some local Buy/Sell FB groups. Some of them allow members to ask for advice. Someone the other day asked about the bar- what kind would be better- toonie, loonie, open until a certain time, etc. With my TK knowledge, I politely as possible stated an open bar with ways to save money (i.e. beer/wine only). 

    But OMG SO MANY people posted about various cash bars (guest should be just fine with a toonie bar, and it'll help keep people from wasting and getting rowdy) and how some of them EVEN MADE MONEY ON THE BAR FOR THE NIGHT!!! I almost fell over with that last one. 
  • ***********************((( Lots of magazines and the original the knot how to section ( have not looked in years), just like this stuff. They were like a Cosmopolitan article, how to politely engineer a situation where others would feel they pretty much had to do it. Outline your ideal party, and tell your friends, last night you had a dream, and.... Coyly suggest..... Once your friends find you have done all the detail work for them, they will be thrilled... That and putting throwing parties in a JOB DESCRIPTION for MOH, BM, MOG, sisters of the bride (I can never use S.O.B.). REALLY DEEP pile of ...
    Huh? I don't get it...are you for or against this?
    ********** I am against this totally rude behavior. But it is hard to post here criticizing brides who have learned this terrible behavior from places like the knot. I have not looked recently, but this site used to say what she did is perfectly acceptable. It is NOT OK . This site also taught a whole generation of brides that WP members have JOB DUTIES and other nonsense. And every poor bride who believes it gets jumped on, here by us. Kind of like thinking badly of someone for doing what they have been told to do.
    This site still has some very questionable/awful advice. The boards are the only thing I really trust. A few weeks ago, the TK blog had a post about how to sneakily and politely B-list guests. Ugh. No! Made me cringe so hard. Cuz you're right, brides read that BS and then they hop on here thinking it's cool, and get all upset when we try to explain that it's not cool. 
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  • edited January 2015
    SP29 said:
    @charcoalandblush I think your response is a good one. I would say something like, "Showers are generously offered, not requested. There is no way to ask someone to host a shower for you".

    I'm trying to sell my wedding dress and have posted in some local Buy/Sell FB groups. Some of them allow members to ask for advice. Someone the other day asked about the bar- what kind would be better- toonie, loonie, open until a certain time, etc. With my TK knowledge, I politely as possible stated an open bar with ways to save money (i.e. beer/wine only). 

    But OMG SO MANY people posted about various cash bars (guest should be just fine with a toonie bar, and it'll help keep people from wasting and getting rowdy) and how some of them EVEN MADE MONEY ON THE BAR FOR THE NIGHT!!! I almost fell over with that last one. 

    These questions are the same way. A lot of them are reasonable ("Can you recommend an independent photographer/makeup artist/outdoor venue/whatever in X town?") but there are a bunch like this too. How do we tell guests that we want them to donate to our favorite charity? Who is responsible for setting up the reception space, our attendants, our parents, or someone else? Etc.

    ETA: And a LOT of personal drama. An excellent example: How do you deal with a controlling and quietly manipulative mother-in-law who keeps inviting extended family to your wedding? And your fiance is a "mommas boy"?

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  • whovianstarkwhovianstark member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    ***********************((( Lots of magazines and the original the knot how to section ( have not looked in years), just like this stuff. They were like a Cosmopolitan article, how to politely engineer a situation where others would feel they pretty much had to do it. Outline your ideal party, and tell your friends, last night you had a dream, and.... Coyly suggest..... Once your friends find you have done all the detail work for them, they will be thrilled... That and putting throwing parties in a JOB DESCRIPTION for MOH, BM, MOG, sisters of the bride (I can never use S.O.B.). REALLY DEEP pile of ...
    Huh? I don't get it...are you for or against this?
    ********** I am against this totally rude behavior. But it is hard to post here criticizing brides who have learned this terrible behavior from places like the knot. I have not looked recently, but this site used to say what she did is perfectly acceptable. It is NOT OK . This site also taught a whole generation of brides that WP members have JOB DUTIES and other nonsense. And every poor bride who believes it gets jumped on, here by us. Kind of like thinking badly of someone for doing what they have been told to do.
    This site still has some very questionable/awful advice. The boards are the only thing I really trust. A few weeks ago, the TK blog had a post about how to sneakily and politely B-list guests. Ugh. No! Made me cringe so hard. Cuz you're right, brides read that BS and then they hop on here thinking it's cool, and get all upset when we try to explain that it's not cool. 

    Yes! I read in the latest Martha Stewart Weddings magazine in the etiquette section that they don't reccommend B listing people but you can do it by sending out your invites early and sending out a second round after.... And I had a friend ask if I was B-listing people and I made a disgusted face and she was like "oh we did..." awkward.
  • Oh jesus... someone else commented  "Throw a party for yourself! It's 2015, old fashion rules are so outdated."

    NO! NOT BEING SELFISH AND GIFT GRABBY IS NOT OUTDATED! 

    ETA another gem: "Maid of honor is in charge of bridal shower. If they aren't doing it time to find a new maid of honor!"  
    Um, what?
    Uhhh WTC! haha my MoH was like "what do you want to do for your bachelorette party, I am supposed to plan it..." I was like uhhh I thought we would just do a pub crawl like two days before...."  ...And my assistant was talking about how it cost her $1500 to be a bridesmaid for all of the parties she had to throw. That is nuts! Thanks to all of you ladies here for helping me not turn into a bridezilla!




  • If you can't function in life as an adult without gifts from other people, you are doing something wrong. I know people who have fallen on hard times so they get creative/improvise/cut back on things/whatever and they manage just fine without a brand new Kitchen Aid mixer. 

    This is how I feel about 90% of the GoFundMe links in my newsfeed. I have some greedy ass friends/former friends/acquaintances. One girl has legitimately started a GoFundMe to pay her student loans off. I wish this was a joke.

    My all-time favorite GoFundMe link was a friend's friend who had gotten a boob job...and now her old clothes don't fit her.  So she needed money to buy new clothes.  Because she was short on money to buy new clothes, because of the boob job she just purchased. She literally pointed that out.


    **************************
    That is in the same category as the old chestnut about the man who kills his mother and his father, and when the judge is ready for sentencing, the man asks the judge to be lenient, and compassionate, and let him off because he is now an orphan.
  • Oh jesus... someone else commented  "Throw a party for yourself! It's 2015, old fashion rules are so outdated."

    NO! NOT BEING SELFISH AND GIFT GRABBY IS NOT OUTDATED! 

    ETA another gem: "Maid of honor is in charge of bridal shower. If they aren't doing it time to find a new maid of honor!"  
    Um, what?
    I dare you to comment with a link to this thread.



    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Oh jesus... someone else commented  "Throw a party for yourself! It's 2015, old fashion rules are so outdated."

    NO! NOT BEING SELFISH AND GIFT GRABBY IS NOT OUTDATED! 

    ETA another gem: "Maid of honor is in charge of bridal shower. If they aren't doing it time to find a new maid of honor!"  
    Um, what?
    I dare you to comment with a link to this thread.


    NOPE dare not taken...

    The only reason being that FMIL also follows the bridal store's Facebook and would FOR SURE see it and I would be outed.

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  • Oh jesus... someone else commented  "Throw a party for yourself! It's 2015, old fashion rules are so outdated."

    NO! NOT BEING SELFISH AND GIFT GRABBY IS NOT OUTDATED! 

    ETA another gem: "Maid of honor is in charge of bridal shower. If they aren't doing it time to find a new maid of honor!"  
    Um, what?
    I dare you to comment with a link to this thread.


    NOPE dare not taken...

    The only reason being that FMIL also follows the bridal store's Facebook and would FOR SURE see it and I would be outed.
    So?

    It's not her stupid post, is it?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • edited January 2015
    Oh jesus... someone else commented  "Throw a party for yourself! It's 2015, old fashion rules are so outdated."

    NO! NOT BEING SELFISH AND GIFT GRABBY IS NOT OUTDATED! 

    ETA another gem: "Maid of honor is in charge of bridal shower. If they aren't doing it time to find a new maid of honor!"  
    Um, what?
    I dare you to comment with a link to this thread.


    NOPE dare not taken...

    The only reason being that FMIL also follows the bridal store's Facebook and would FOR SURE see it and I would be outed.
    So?

    It's not her stupid post, is it?
    It's not, but she is the kindest person on the planet and would HARDCORE judge me for doing anything less than 100% kind to a stranger on the internet. I hesitated to even comment anything on the Facebook post at all because I was worried she would judge me for it (she frequently "likes" things  I post on the bridal store's facebook page or asks me why I answered questions a particular way, so I know she's reading them/thinking about why I posted them).

    ETA: I know I'm probably being way overly cautious, but I have a great relationship with FMIL. Also I may or may not have used this account to complain a time or two about how her daughter made me her personal attendant/wedding slave and it sucked bigtime. If she saw those, she would flip. So I would much prefer to lean towards not purposefully entangling my IRL social media accounts and TK.

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