Pre-wedding Parties

bachelorette party - no one to invite?

So my brother's girlfriend, who is super-outgoing and one of the sweetest people in the world, is insisting on throwing me a bachelorette party. I could not say no. But I'm really struggling to figure out what names to give her for invitations. I'm an older bride (37) and I'm really a quiet home-body. My sister and close friends are not local, and I doubt they'd be able to travel for the party as well as the wedding. I do not have any bridesmaids, in part because of these reasons and because I wanted to keep the wedding simple. The only people who are local are my brother's girlfriend (the hostess), and my cousin's wife. I have two local friends I can think of but we were never really that close and I honestly haven't hung out with them in ages. I can kind of imagine just hanging out with my brother's GF and my cousin's wife and having a fun girl's night out, but that seems sort of lame?

Anyone else go through this? I guess I have this sort of idea in my mind of a bachelorette party being a wild crazy outing with a tight group of girlfriends. If anyone had a smaller, low-key party could you please share details with me? I'm feeling weird and self-conscious...

Re: bachelorette party - no one to invite?

  • If your close friends can only make one trip, what about doing your bach the day before the wedding or two days before the wedding? Since you're a home body, I'd picture your bach being more the lunch + manis/pedis, or just the girls going out to dinner, or an afternoon wine tasting, etc. Those are things you could easily do right before the wedding so that your BMs can be included.
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    STARMOON44
  • I moved around the last few years before I married. A couple of years in the Army, followed by a year finishing grad school. 4 apts. Because I was house sitting in each of the four places for a few months each, to save about 10 K I would have paid in that year in rent money , since I needed that for school. My friends were scattered, and since where I was living I could not have guests, I got kind of isolated. I have seven sibs, and all were away in school or had just married. Met FI, and we kind of nested and isolated ourselves in the very few hours between our jobs and our grad courses.

    So out of touch, which is unusual for me. They in the couple of months before my wedding a lot of friends and family moved back in the area within 200 miles. I was in seven weddings and went to ten. None of us are clubbing and bar hopping in a limo types. All broke, getting married and buying gifts for so many weddings kept several of us from treating brides. So for a few parties, some of us decided to chuck this new style bachelorette and go back to the tradition of a bride holding either a tea or luncheon where she plans and pays for a nice time with just a few friends.
    My sister invited me and a mutual friend and two of her college friends to a tourists day in Boston. We all lived there for college and did student things. Years later, we started in the Fenway at the Museum of Fine Arts. Then just walked east til we saw a middle east import store where we bought roasted cashews an pitted dates . We walked down to the Charles River and ate our treat. We went into bookstores, fine arts major amongst us took us to see two churches where she liked the architecture. We had lunch and rested out feet at a great traditional Jewish Deli. We walked to Boston Gardens and Common, went on the Swan boats. Bought ice cream cones and walked through Beacon Hill. We stopped to feed ducks and bought a bunch of balloons and took them in to a hospital I used to work in and handed out balloons and sung a cappella to kids we had never met. Then walked to the Museum of science where they were having a special film and live animals native to New England. Lynx and a catamount and raccoons and rabbits, from a zoo mobile. 8 am to 10 pm when we got into a subway car and roar back to our parking, we had the best day. Great company, and our costs were minimal since we had gotten museum passes from our various public libraries. We paid for food, and at the boats , and for the 30 helium balloons we gave away.

    Two weeks later, for my day, I rented a resort hotel room in a single story place in Western MA. We met there, an army nurse friend, a college roommate, and a friend I grew up with. My bridal party. They did not know each other. We laid by the pool, they all played golf and I tried hard on the 9 hole course. Then we had a swim, cleaned up and had a 4pm dinner buffet like a cruise line puts on. We waddled out around seven and went to our room. One of my friends used to make jewelry. She and the other ladies had brought her pliers and tools. She had mail ordered beads and findings and fishhook ear wires and threads and chains, from Fire Mountain gems and beads. She taught us to make ourselves several pairs of earrings and two bracelet and necklace sets. We drank bear and worked on beads and sung along to do woo and girl group songs of the late fifties and early sixties, mostly Motown. After midnight we put on sweats, tucked into the two main beds and two pull down Murphy beds. And we each had our own sleeping single in a double bed to sprawl on while we watched a classic movie we had rented on the big screen tv. In the morning we woke up in time for check out and had brunch.
    The hotel room for 4 cost me almost 350 dollars, but the pool use and golf and dinner buffet and morning after brunch for 4 were included . With lunches and beer and sodas and gas, a 400 dollar lazy day and pajama party.

    Another bride I was MO H for took us to Quechee Gorge in Vermont where we went on a very expensive balloon ride, then picnicked and played Hearts and poker in the State Park.

    A friend I grew up with took 5 of us up near our childhood home in the White Mountains and we hiked Mt Lafayette and down the ridge, 4 peaks to Mt Liberty and down an sunset . She was broke, so we all packed our own lunches, and she gave us each a 2 1/2 ounce bottle of coffee liqueur to put in our coffee when we ate on the mountain top.

    Four different bride's days out with friends that summer, and by the time my wedding came in October I felt so connected to my friends again. I still have my tiger's eye and my hematite and sterling silver beaded necklace and bracelet sets, and 4 pair of earrings. Keepsakes.

    These may all sound like corny bachelorette parties to some, but I had a great time with 3 or 4 friends each time, and still write and call and see each of the people I knew in these groups.

    You sound as disconnected as I felt just before that summer. Just do something fun. Three ladies, and SO too if you want. Maybe there is something you and your brother and cousin liked to do as kids?
  • As you well know, from your choice of keeping the wedding simple, a party does not have to be large and elaborate to be fun.  Go out with these two ladies and have a great time.  Your brother's girlfriend sounds like she is a lot of fun and super sweet.  Enjoy a great girls' night or day out.
    STARMOON44
  • Thanks ladies. This makes me feel much better.

    Whatawags - those gatherings sound like fun! I'm a New Englander, so I've been to most of those places. I especially would have loved hiking the Franconia Ridge, my favorite trail in the Whites! But I don't think we'll be doing that in March. And oh yeah, did I mention that my cousin's wife will be 7 months pregnant? (Her due date is 3 weeks before my wedding!)

    I think I'll invite my best childhood friend who lives about 3 hours away - she may be able to make it. I'll also invite my sister (mostly as a courtesy - she's in North Carolina and I'm in MA, so she prob won't be able to make it). A party right before the wedding, while a great idea, won't work because I have to work all week (sacrifice I made to be able to take off two weeks for a honeymoon).
  • My sister wanted to plan something and have a great time.  I was totally fine with that.  However 1) we had very limited dates as she lives out of the country and was only home for a couple weeks 2) my friends/bridesmaids/family are all over and definitely would not be able/willing to travel to the wedding location city 2 weeks in a row.  

    We still invited about 10 people just in case they could make it work, but in the end it was me, my sister (MOH), one other bridesmaid (out of 4), and 2 local friends.  We had a super fun dinner at a Mexican place with lots of tequila and margaritas and then went out for a few hours at the downtown area bars we used to go to all the time in college :).  It was small and pretty low key, but it was SO MUCH FUN.  

    If your brother's girlfriend wants to host and you're ok with it, a small girls night out can be really fun!  For the record, we didn't do anything specific to a "bachelorette" night out (no penises, me in white, sashes, tiaras, veils, etc)  it was just girls having dinner and drinks!
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Do you WANT to have a bachelorette party?  It wasn't my thing, and even if someone offered, I would've said no.  If you do want one, there's absolutely nothing wrong with just a couple of people and doing something low key.
  • Well I was initially uncomfortable with the idea, but I'm warming up to it. My sister is going to come into town, which is soooo sweet of her because it's a long flight. And she'll bring my niece too, so we'll have a little family weekend as part of it. My brother's GF is doing the planning, so I don't know what's up her sleeve, but she knows I'm a quiet/low-key type and my sister has already promised me it will involve "no strippers or silly hats". Everyone says they were looking for an excuse for a party, so I'm like "well, I would hate to deprive these girls of a party!". So, we're doing it!
    charcoalandblush[Deleted User]kvruns
  • Terrific! Have a great time, with the celebration that suits your style.
  • Everyone says they were looking for an excuse for a party, so I'm like "well, I would hate to deprive these girls of a party!". So, we're doing it!


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    This. My immediate thought was this girl just wants a reason to throw a party. Glad it worked out and you've warmed to the idea. That said: Lurkers, don't throw parties for people who don't want them. If you want to throw a party find your own reason to do so.
    redheadbride15
  • LlikotdesserdLlikotdesserd
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited February 2015
    My bachelorette party is literally dinner and a movie. We're going to see Pitch Perfect 2 the weekend it comes out (PP is one of my all time favorite movies) and then out to dinner and drinks at a piano bar or something with entertainment. Nothing outrageous. No penis straws. Just a group of people going out to a movie and dinner. Some of the people invited are actually my Fiance's female friends - we've hung out before, and are fun people, even if I wouldn't necessarily call them up on my own to hang out with them without him around. Some are co-workers that I've never hung out with outside of work, although I'd like to eventually.

    All in all, a bachelorette party doesn't have to be movie-plot worthy. Do something you enjoy, that would be a special memory.

    redheadbride15
  • I had an amazing time at my Bachelorette Party. . . . my two sisters and 2 girlfriends took me to a couple of wineries where we had cheese and crackers and listened to music.  Then we went to dinner, and out for Froyo which I ate out of an obnoxious BRIDE goblet.  We were tipsy and in bed by like 10.  One of my sister's was DD because she was pregnant.  Those who attended still talk about how much fun it was.  I loved it.  Super lowkey and awesome!
    redheadbride15
  • mrscomposermrscomposer Mani-snow-ba
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    member
    My bachelorette party consisted of my bridesmaids and I piling into the holiday trailer where we were staying the night before the wedding, having a couple of drinks, and playing a couple of cutesy games that my sister organized.  Then I gave them their gifts, and we went to bed.  Done!
    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
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