Wedding Etiquette Forum

Invitation Question! Bride's Parents Hosting, Want Groom's Remarried Parents on Invite too!

I have a question regarding wording of wedding invitation that someone can help with!

 

My parents are hosting but we want my fiance’s parents’ names on the invite---problem is, they are both remarried. This is what we have at the moment:

 

Mr. and Mrs. Juan Carlos Doe request the honour of

Your presence at the marriage of their daughter

Christie Lynn

to

Arturo Jose Axxx

 

Son of Mr. and Mrs. Peter Myy and

Mr. and Mrs. Arturo Axxx

 

Saturday, the thirteenth of June

Two Thousand and Fifteen

At two thirty in the afternoon

 

Catholic Church

123 SW 123 Street, Miami, Florida

*Black tie optional



Help!!!!!

«1

Re: Invitation Question! Bride's Parents Hosting, Want Groom's Remarried Parents on Invite too!

  • Could you just put "together with their families"?

    Formerly martha1818

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  • I would just put "together with their families."  It's an all inclusive phrase. 


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  • Because his parents aren't hosting, it's unnecessary to put them on the invitation. However, if that's what you want, then whatever. There's nothing wrong with your inviation other than where it says "black tie optional". Remove that, as it s against etiquette to tell adults how to dress, unless it is a true black/white tie event.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • 1) If your birth name is Christine and not Christie, it should be changed.
    2) Technically the groom's parents shouldn't be on the invitation as they are not hosting.   If you want them on there, do not join their names by 'and'.
    3) Only capitalize the first T in Two thousand and fifteen
    4) Remove the *Black tie optional from the bottom as that's not a thing.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2015

    I have a question regarding wording of wedding invitation that someone can help with!

     

    My parents are hosting but we want my fiance’s parents’ names on the invite---problem is, they are both remarried. This is what we have at the moment:

     

    Mr. and Mrs. Juan Carlos Doe 

    request the honour of your presence 

    at the marriage of their daughter

    Christie Lynn

    to

    Mr. Arturo Jose Axxx

     

    Son of Mr. and Mrs. Peter Myy and

    Mr. and Mrs. Arturo Axxx

     

    Saturday, the thirteenth of June

    Two thousand fifteen

    at half after two o'clock

     

    Catholic Church

    123 SW 123 Street, Miami, Florida

    *Black tie optional



    Help!!!!!

    I made some adjustments, see highlighted portions.

    Is your FI a junior?  If so then his name should be written as "Mr. Arturo Jose XXX, junior

    Traditionally anyone who is not hosting is not listed on the invite.  But really this is a victim-less crime and if you and your FI really want his parents names then list them.

    Also, you should never list attire anywhere.  Unless of course it is truly a black tie event, and in that case "Black Tie" is noted on the bottom right of the invitation.

  • I missed the "Black Tie Optional!" 

    OP, remove that.  Every event is "Black Tie Optional."  If you are truly having a Black Tie event (valet service, gloved service, hand passed appetizers, beginning after six pm, top shelf liquor, full sit down multi-course meal, etc) then you may put Black Tie on the invitations.  If you are not having an extremely formal wedding worthy of labeling it Black Tie, then you are essentially telling your guests that you want them to dress up for your pictures.  In addition, not everyone owns the type of formal wear that is required for a Black Tie event and requiring it will place an undue financial burden on them to acquire it. 


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  • Thank you all for the suggestions!!!! 

    Totally noted that it is not required nor actual necessary to put his parent's names; but, alas, we want to. Thought about "together with their parents" but, they aren't helping to pay so my parents said "No wayyyyy". But even my parents said they thought his parents should be on the invite. 

    As for black tie optional issue, I originally didn't have anything regarding attire on there. However, a friend who worked in the industry for a while noted that I should. I don't necessarily care either way, but my mom made a good point. The wedding is definitely formal but the theme is more rustic and we are using burlap on the invites. She is a little worried that some people will see that as an invitation (no pun intended) to not dress appropriately. 

    So not sure what to do on that front...


  • Thank you all for the suggestions!!!! 

    Totally noted that it is not required nor actual necessary to put his parent's names; but, alas, we want to. Thought about "together with their parents" but, they aren't helping to pay so my parents said "No wayyyyy". But even my parents said they thought his parents should be on the invite. 

    As for black tie optional issue, I originally didn't have anything regarding attire on there. However, a friend who worked in the industry for a while noted that I should. I don't necessarily care either way, but my mom made a good point. The wedding is definitely formal but the theme is more rustic and we are using burlap on the invites. She is a little worried that some people will see that as an invitation (no pun intended) to not dress appropriately. 

    So not sure what to do on that front...


    Your friend is wrong.  The formality of your invitation as well as the location of your venue will help your guests determine how to dress.  If you don't want your guests to think that your wedding is more casual then ditch the burlap.  Don't be rude and tell them how to dress.

    Also, with black tie optional, as I am sure some have noted above, will just confuse your guests.  Some will think "awesome I don't have to wear tux," while others will stress over if they wear a suit of cocktail dress they won't be dress up enough.  Trust your guests and their judgement.


  • Thank you all for the suggestions!!!! 

    Totally noted that it is not required nor actual necessary to put his parent's names; but, alas, we want to. Thought about "together with their parents" but, they aren't helping to pay so my parents said "No wayyyyy". But even my parents said they thought his parents should be on the invite. 

    As for black tie optional issue, I originally didn't have anything regarding attire on there. However, a friend who worked in the industry for a while noted that I should. I don't necessarily care either way, but my mom made a good point. The wedding is definitely formal but the theme is more rustic and we are using burlap on the invites. She is a little worried that some people will see that as an invitation (no pun intended) to not dress appropriately. 

    So not sure what to do on that front...


    It's a wedding. Unless people never dress appropriately, then they'll dress up. And black tie optional won't stop people who always dress inappropriately from doing so. Black Tie Optional is confusing. It makes guests feel badly for wearing a fancy cocktail dress or suit and not buying a floor length gown or tuxedo.

    I am in a similar situation. FI's parents aren't paying for the wedding or reception itself. I thought about doing a similar wording as what you're suggesting... but that definitely limits the designs of invitations you choose. We found an invitation we liked, and it didn't seem to have room for all that extra text. Something to keep in mind. (we're now going with "together with their families" )
  • Thank you all for the suggestions!!!! 

    Totally noted that it is not required nor actual necessary to put his parent's names; but, alas, we want to. Thought about "together with their parents" but, they aren't helping to pay so my parents said "No wayyyyy". But even my parents said they thought his parents should be on the invite. 

    As for black tie optional issue, I originally didn't have anything regarding attire on there. However, a friend who worked in the industry for a while noted that I should. I don't necessarily care either way, but my mom made a good point. The wedding is definitely formal but the theme is more rustic and we are using burlap on the invites. She is a little worried that some people will see that as an invitation (no pun intended) to not dress appropriately. 

    So not sure what to do on that front...


    People will still dress appropriately.  You cannot dictate what your guests wear (the exception being Black Tie or venue restrictions).  If your event is less formal, then you should definitely not put BTO on the invites. Honestly, "rustic" theme does not say formal to me.  If you truly want your invitation to reflect the formality of the event you should not use burlap, and you should order engraved or calligraphied invitations.


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  • banana468 said:
    Yeah you should.   Burlap and black tie don't mix.   If you want people to dress formally you need invitations that don't include burlap.

    But the venue should give guests an idea of what they should be wearing and the fact that you're getting married in a Catholic Church should tell them that a tube top and hot pants aren't appropriate either.
    Damn, now I need to think of something else to wear this weekend :)

  • The invitation is not supposed to indicate who's paying. That's none of the guests' business.
  • Maggie,

    For the highlights on the time/date section, what were your edits? I noted the scratched out "and" in the section above, but not sure what the corrections were for the date/time. 

    Thank you all so much for your help! So appreciate it. My mom is making the invites so I have a little leeway on design/spacing.
  • @Knottie80329354 - just compare it to your original post.  I changed the wording of the time as well as some capitalization.

  • Got it! Thanks!! :)
  • Jen4948 said:
    The invitation is not supposed to indicate who's paying. That's none of the guests' business.
    I know this is true, but I always wonder... what determines who is hosting when it's not obvious (like being thrown and planned by one particular person, or at someone's house.)
  • Ok, we are nixing the BTO completely and trusting people's judgement! 
    Good call. I would think it was a mistake if I got a wedding invitation that said Black tie optional but had burlap on it. 
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • A famous example of an invitation that lists NEITHER parents at all on the invitation is the wedding invite for "His Royal Highness Prince William of Wales and Miss Catherine Middleton".

    Neither parent is listed because it was the Queen who was the hostess.  The top part of the invite says:

    "Lord Chamberlain is commanded by The Queen to invite..."

    As an aside, how fun to be so famous you don't have to even include your own actual name on the invite, just your title.

    (I would have just attached the example, but can't do that for some reason on this particular computer).      

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • A famous example of an invitation that lists NEITHER parents at all on the invitation is the wedding invite for "His Royal Highness Prince William of Wales and Miss Catherine Middleton".

    Neither parent is listed because it was the Queen who was the hostess.  The top part of the invite says:

    "Lord Chamberlain is commanded by The Queen to invite..."

    As an aside, how fun to be so famous you don't have to even include your own actual name on the invite, just your title.

    (I would have just attached the example, but can't do that for some reason on this particular computer).      

    A side track here, but would be an example of a time where an invitation is a summons and he would have to attend?
  • A famous example of an invitation that lists NEITHER parents at all on the invitation is the wedding invite for "His Royal Highness Prince William of Wales and Miss Catherine Middleton".

    Neither parent is listed because it was the Queen who was the hostess.  The top part of the invite says:

    "Lord Chamberlain is commanded by The Queen to invite..."

    As an aside, how fun to be so famous you don't have to even include your own actual name on the invite, just your title.

    (I would have just attached the example, but can't do that for some reason on this particular computer).      

    A side track here, but would be an example of a time where an invitation is a summons and he would have to attend?

    I think the command indicates The Queen basically going to Lord Chamberlain and saying "Here's the guest list. Send the invites."
    image
  • A famous example of an invitation that lists NEITHER parents at all on the invitation is the wedding invite for "His Royal Highness Prince William of Wales and Miss Catherine Middleton".

    Neither parent is listed because it was the Queen who was the hostess.  The top part of the invite says:

    "Lord Chamberlain is commanded by The Queen to invite..."

    As an aside, how fun to be so famous you don't have to even include your own actual name on the invite, just your title.

    (I would have just attached the example, but can't do that for some reason on this particular computer).      

    A side track here, but would be an example of a time where an invitation is a summons and he would have to attend?

    He's being commanded to invite people, neither he nor they are being commanded to attend. But I do imagine if Lord Chamberlain is on the invite list, a decline might not be in the best interest of his job prospects.

    I would also consider it a summons because hell yeah let's go to the royal wedding.

  • lilacck28 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    The invitation is not supposed to indicate who's paying. That's none of the guests' business.
    I know this is true, but I always wonder... what determines who is hosting when it's not obvious (like being thrown and planned by one particular person, or at someone's house.)

    I also wonder this. Both families have contributed financially, and have given minor input here and there on the planning ("I think you should go with hydrangeas instead of dahlias" or "That dress makes your butt look big") but I wouldn't go as far as to say that they're hosting.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

    image
  • lilacck28 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    The invitation is not supposed to indicate who's paying. That's none of the guests' business.
    I know this is true, but I always wonder... what determines who is hosting when it's not obvious (like being thrown and planned by one particular person, or at someone's house.)

    I also wonder this. Both families have contributed financially, and have given minor input here and there on the planning ("I think you should go with hydrangeas instead of dahlias" or "That dress makes your butt look big") but I wouldn't go as far as to say that they're hosting.
    My sister and her husband hosted their own wedding.  But my parents Hosted the booze cruise that happened a couple days before the DW.  The number of attendees required that two boats be used.  This meant that my dad got on one boat and my mom got on the other boat.  They made sure to greet everyone as they arrived to the dock and had conversations with everyone on their boat.  They made sure everyone had enough to eat and drink and was generally having a good time.  That is Hosting.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited January 2015
    Are you having a full mass?  If so, here is proper wording:

    Mr. and Mrs. Juan Carlos Doe

    request the honour of your presence

    at the Nuptial Mass uniting their daughter

    Christie Lynn

    and

    Mr. Arturo Jose Axxx

    in the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony

     Saturday, the thirteenth of June

    two thousand fifteen

    at half after two o'clock

    Saint Somebody's Catholic Church

    123 Southwest Any Street

    Miami, Florida

     If you are not having a mass, then this is proper wording:

    Mr. and Mrs. Juan Carlos Doe

    request the honour of your presence

    at the marriage of their daughter

    Christie Lynn

    and

    Mr. Arturo Jose Axxx

     Saturday, the thirteenth of June

    two thousand fifteen

    at half after two o'clock

    Saint Anybody's Catholic Church

    123 Southwest Any Street

    Miami, Florida


    Black tie optional is incorrect.  Do not use this!
    As other have stated, relatives who are not hosting do not belong on the invitation.  You should thank your FILS at the reception, possibly with a toast.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • redoryx said:

    A famous example of an invitation that lists NEITHER parents at all on the invitation is the wedding invite for "His Royal Highness Prince William of Wales and Miss Catherine Middleton".

    Neither parent is listed because it was the Queen who was the hostess.  The top part of the invite says:

    "Lord Chamberlain is commanded by The Queen to invite..."

    As an aside, how fun to be so famous you don't have to even include your own actual name on the invite, just your title.

    (I would have just attached the example, but can't do that for some reason on this particular computer).      

    A side track here, but would be an example of a time where an invitation is a summons and he would have to attend?

    I think the command indicates The Queen basically going to Lord Chamberlain and saying "Here's the guest list. Send the invites."
    Haha, yeah a total reading comprehension fail for me.
  • A famous example of an invitation that lists NEITHER parents at all on the invitation is the wedding invite for "His Royal Highness Prince William of Wales and Miss Catherine Middleton".

    Neither parent is listed because it was the Queen who was the hostess.  The top part of the invite says:

    "Lord Chamberlain is commanded by The Queen to invite..."

    As an aside, how fun to be so famous you don't have to even include your own actual name on the invite, just your title.

    (I would have just attached the example, but can't do that for some reason on this particular computer).      

    **********
    What is the queen's name, anyways?
    Elizabeth Windsor - Battenberg? She obviously did not take her husband Phillip's Greek name since he is only Prince Consort.
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