Wedding and Reception in the Same Place/No Heat

dvdplayer

I am renting a chapel in Maine for the day for my wedding.  The ceremony and reception will both be there.  I'm not sure what would be a good transition because I will need an hour off in the middle for pictures and such. I don't want to do them before because I don't want him to see me in my dress before I walk down the aisle. 

What can I do with the guests for an hour?  Should I have a cocktail hour then?  Should I allow my guests to go explore the beach that's nearby?  Should we have little snacks?

Another issue is there is no heat in the chapel and it will be a fall wedding in Maine (Southern). How do I let guests know that it may be chilly. I am aiming for mid-September, but it could be as late as Columbus day. 

Also what is a nice way of telling guests that it's a dry wedding.  Drinking is not permitted at the chapel, though if they sneak it in I'm going to turn a blind eye. 

ShesSoCold

dvdplayer said:

I am renting a chapel in Maine for the day for my wedding.  The ceremony and reception will both be there.  I'm not sure what would be a good transition because I will need an hour off in the middle for pictures and such. I don't want to do them before because I don't want him to see me in my dress before I walk down the aisle. 

What can I do with the guests for an hour?  Should I have a cocktail hour then?  Should I allow my guests to go explore the beach that's nearby?  Should we have little snacks?

Another issue is there is no heat in the chapel and it will be a fall wedding in Maine (Southern). How do I let guests know that it may be chilly. I am aiming for mid-September, but it could be as late as Columbus day. 

Also what is a nice way of telling guests that it's a dry wedding.  Drinking is not permitted at the chapel, though if they sneak it in I'm going to turn a blind eye. 

You need to provide refreshments during that hour. Whether it's as simple as punch, water and veggie trays or as elaborate as martini bars and butler passed apps. Something to host your guests. You need to plan on renting heaters or some sort of backup plan if it's cold. Asking guests to wear winter coats or deal with cold would be rude. You need something to fix that. Dry weddings are absolutely fine and there is no reason to let anyone know. They'll find our when they get there.

levioosa

1. A dry wedding is completely within etiquette and can be just as lovely as a wedding with an open bar. You do not need to inform anyone about it.  If anyone snarks on it, then they are the rude ones, not you. 

2.  You could show up early and take pictures.  The likelihood of someone showing up two hours early to the ceremony site is slim.  Go early, take your pictures, and then relax and have something to eat before the ceremony. 

3.  Honestly, it doesn't sound like your venue is working for you.  You definitely shouldn't kick your guests out of the venue while you take pictures.  Start a cocktail hour immediately after the ceremony and provide appetizers and drinks. 

4.  You need to have a plan for heating.  You can't expect your guests to stick it out in a chapel that's 40 degrees and there's no way to tell them they should bundle up because it shouldn't be necessary to begin with and it says that you have poorly planned.  If I got an invite telling me the chapel would be cold the entire time I would either only attend the ceremony or not attend at all.  I'm not saying you should keep mum about it so your guests suffer.  That's not an option either.  Your only option is to figure out alternate heating for the chapel. 

dvdplayer

A friend of mine got married in October. She said it was a bit chilly, but not bad. This is a common place for weddings so many others have made it work.

And it's not that I don't want the guests to see me. I don't want my groom to see me before the wedding. 

We definitely want to get married in this chapel as both of us love it so much and my family is very familiar with it as it's at the camp where I grew up. I spent 7 summers there.  The groom actually chose this one over another one that is heated. It's where my mother and paternal uncle went.  In fact, my paternal uncle introduced my parents and my mom and uncle met at the camp in high school.

I will see if there is a heater allowed. 

lovegood90

Yeah, providing adequate heating is like, basic hosting 101. If the chapel doesn't allow for extra heaters unfortunately I think you guys would have better luck at another venue.

ShesSoCold

dvdplayer said:

A friend of mine got married in October. She said it was a bit chilly, but not bad. This is a common place for weddings so many others have made it work.

And it's not that I don't want the guests to see me. I don't want my groom to see me before the wedding. 

We definitely want to get married in this chapel as both of us love it so much and my family is very familiar with it as it's at the camp where I grew up. I spent 7 summers there.  The groom actually chose this one over another one that is heated. It's where my mother and paternal uncle went.  In fact, my paternal uncle introduced my parents and my mom and uncle met at the camp in high school.

I will see if there is a heater allowed. 

I get that the chapel is personally important to you, but you need to think about your guests too. No one will give a fuck about any of that if they're freezing their baguettes off.

levioosa

dvdplayer said:

A friend of mine got married in October. She said it was a bit chilly, but not bad. This is a common place for weddings so many others have made it work.

And it's not that I don't want the guests to see me. I don't want my groom to see me before the wedding. 

We definitely want to get married in this chapel as both of us love it so much and my family is very familiar with it as it's at the camp where I grew up. I spent 7 summers there.  The groom actually chose this one over another one that is heated. It's where my mother and paternal uncle went.  In fact, my paternal uncle introduced my parents and my mom and uncle met at the camp in high school.

I will see if there is a heater allowed. 

Just remember that your "vision" should not trump your guests' comfort.  The reception is a thank you to them, and every effort should be made to make it comfortable and enjoyable for them.  Remember that just because something is "common" or "traditional" does not mean that it is appropriate or etiquette approved.  Getting a heater for the space is important. 

As far as not wanting to see each other before the ceremony, I totally understand and I always felt that way until I was in a wedding this past fall where they did a first look.  I actually really liked it.  It gave the B & G time to process what was happening in the moment and then they were able to complete the majority of the pictures prior to the ceremony.  We even had time to eat a pizza before the ceremony (thank God, we were starving).  It did not detract at all from the weight of the ceremony.  It totally changed my view on first looks, and when the time comes I'll probably end up doing a first look too. 

dvdplayer

I understand.  Maybe I should just try to get he chapel in September when it's not COLD.  If I can't get it then, use the heated chapel.   It may be cool, but not cold.  They may need a sweater over their dress, but not bundle up. 

I am not sure how I feel about "a first look" but at the same time it could be wonderful.  I know my man will blubber (he's sensitive) and he might appreciate not doing that in front of everyone. 

PrettyGirlLost

dvdplayer said:

I understand.  Maybe I should just try to get he chapel in September when it's not COLD.  If I can't get it then, use the heated chapel.   It may be cool, but not cold.  They may need a sweater over their dress, but not bundle up. 

I am not sure how I feel about "a first look" but at the same time it could be wonderful.  I know my man will blubber (he's sensitive) and he might appreciate not doing that in front of everyone. 

Have you ever seen the old ladies walking around in the summer with sweaters on? Even though it's 70 or 80 outside? Yeah, that's pretty warm to me but obviously cold for those ladies.

My point is that what you deem cold vs cool is irrelevant. You are getting married in the fall in a northern state. . .in a venue with no heat. You need to rent heaters or change venues. As a guest I would not expect to be spending multiple hours at an indoor venue without heat, and I certainly wouldn't sit around in 50 degree or less Temps for very long at all.

My lab thermostat reads 72 and I'm freezing. . .my hands and nose are always cold to the touch.

dvdplayer

72 and you are freezing.  My family and friends are quite used to cool temperatures. We are used to old drafty buildings in the winter. 

Thank you for your opinion, but I personally don't agree with your opinion because many people have gotten married there before. 

slothiegal

dvdplayer said:

72 and you are freezing.  My family and friends are quite used to cool temperatures. We are used to old drafty buildings in the winter. 

Thank you for your opinion, but I personally don't agree with your opinion because many people have gotten married there before. 

I grew up in Michigan.  For a couple years, we didn't have heat.  I'm quite used to the cold.  Doesn't mean that I want to sit around in it for your (or anyone's) wedding.

PGL makes an excellent point.  It's absolutely ludicrous to say that all your friends and family are "used to it" and therefore wouldn't mind.  

dvdplayer

I don't think the second week in September will be too cold, but we will see and buy some heaters in case the weather isn't warm.  We have a year and a half to decide. 

lovegood90

dvdplayer said:

72 and you are freezing.  My family and friends are quite used to cool temperatures. We are used to old drafty buildings in the winter. 

Thank you for your opinion, but I personally don't agree with your opinion because many people have gotten married there before. 

I'm sorry, but this is just ridiculous. If you want to get married in a venue with no heat, fine, but don't be surprised if people leave right after the ceremony because they mistakenly thought the event they were going to had a basic amenity to fulfill basic human needs.

Seriously, I thought I heard it all. What's next, the venue doesn't have bathrooms but it's okay because "my guests are used to only going to the bathroom a few times a day. If they love me they'll hold it!"

dvdplayer

Wow! People on here so rude and catty!

artbyallie

dvdplayer said:

Wow! People on here so rude and catty!

It is neither rude nor catty to point out the obvious: your guests deserve to be comfortable.

wrigleyville

dvdplayer said:

Wow! People on here so rude and catty!

Nobody was rude to you. They're simply saying what your guests will be too kind to say to you, as you are their relative/friend.

I'm glad you've decided to check into heaters. I'm from Michigan, and drafts still bother me. I would not appreciate shivering once it cools off around sunset. If it's 72 during the day, it could get as low as 50 at night, even in mid-September.

dvdplayer

You don't think this is rude?

I'm sorry, but this is just ridiculous. If you want to get married in a venue with no heat, fine, but don't be surprised if people leave right after the ceremony because they mistakenly thought the event they were going to had a basic amenity to fulfill basic human needs.

Seriously, I thought I heard it all. What's next, the venue doesn't have bathrooms but it's okay because "my guests are used to only going to the bathroom a few times a day. If they love me they'll hold it!"

It's not what was said. I can see the problems in the situation. I'm not an idiot.  But this is no way to talk to someone that you've never met. 

JoanE2012

dvdplayer said:

Wow! People on here so rude and catty!

I find it rude and inconsiderate that your "vision" is more important than your guests' comfort.  

dvdplayer

I'm done with this site. 

PrettyGirlLost

dvdplayer said:

72 and you are freezing.  My family and friends are quite used to cool temperatures. We are used to old drafty buildings in the winter. 

Thank you for your opinion, but I personally don't agree with your opinion because many people have gotten married there before. 

72 inside a building, with cold forced air constantly blowing down your neck is quite different than 72 outside in the sun.

I used to live in a house that was over 100 years old, no insulation, no central air/heat and I'm in the NE US. Yes, I can deal with cold, but I don't expect to have to at a hosted event like a wedding.

slothiegal

dvdplayer said:

I'm done with this site. 

wrigleyville

dvdplayer said:

I'm done with this site. 

misshart00

dvdplayer said:

I'm done with this site. 

Shocking. As it seems most of your posts around here are completely about your vision and have nothing to do with others.

lilacck28

I went to college in southern Maine. It gets cold. You need heaters. NO question.

atlastmrsg

A different venue sounds like it would be much better.

But if you do this one, you could get a heated tent outside for your cocktail hour and/or reception.  You could also explore off-site options nearby for getting ready and/or pre-photos, such as pretty historic hotel or B&B.

southernbelle0915

Basics of hosting:

-food/drink appropriate for time of day
-shelter from rain/snow and from heat/cold
-a place for everyone to sit and eat

That's pretty much it. Everything else is extra. This is not some crazy, comprehensive list. It's common sense. Common sense and basic hosting doesn't cease to exist because someone is getting married.

[Deleted User]

I agree with pp that you need to host a cocktail hour, even though it will not have booze. You don't need to tell your guests that there won't be booze. In regards to there being no heat, talk to the chapel to see if you are allowed to bring in space heaters should it be unseasonable cool on your wedding day. If not, then you can let guests know by word of mouth & if you have a wedding website on there, you can post that info there. I totally respect you not wanting to see each other before the ceremony. But see if you can get some of the photos done before hand. Like the photos of the groom with him guys & his parents. Then you with your girls & then your parents. Bascially try to knock out as many of the photos that you can that the both of you wouldn't be in before the ceremony so that way you can focus on the combined photos during cocktail hour.

lilacck28

FYI: My soon to be cousin got married in Vermont in early September. IT WAS VERY COLD. She had heaters for her tent! and after the rehearsal dinner, she had them turn them up... because it was too cold!

Jen4948

You need to provide heat. Expecting your guests to layer up or endure cold just won't fly.

You also need to provide a cocktail hour between your ceremony and reception. Guests can't be expected to fend for themselves during that time. There need not be alcohol actually served then or at the reception, but as you do not use wording in your invitations to describe the hospitality offered, you don't warn your guests that it is a dry wedding. No one is entitled to expect alcohol to be available.

MandyMost

Everyone who gets married outdoors gets married without climate control. But you have to choose the right time of year for the location, and you have to have a backup plan if the weather does not cooperate. If someone is planning an outdoor ceremony and it rains, there has to be an inside location as a backup, or at least a substantial tent with sides, for example. If it's cold on your wedding day, you need a backup plan.

You don't have to see your groom before the ceremony. You can do up to an hour's worth of pictures after the ceremony before the reception starts. It's considered rude to be much longer than an hour. However, your guests still have to be hosted during that time. You need to have food and drink for them, and some seats available. Whether there's booze or not, this is called a "cocktail hour". 

levioosa

dvdplayer said:

Wow! People on here so rude and catty!

No one was rude.  Your idea of having no heaters, however, is rude.  People have taken the time to respond to your post.  It doesn't really matter to us what you do, but your friends and family will care. We're trying to help you avoid looking like an ass.  Which you will look like if you make your friends and family stand around in a venue without heat.  I have R.A.  You bet if I got there and realized there weren't any heaters the venue in Maine autumn I would be heading out right after the ceremony to my car which has a heater AND seat warmers. 

You have gotten plenty of polite and thoughtful advice here.  You've posted across several boards and people have responded nicely on each one.  It's not rude to tell you your idea is terrible.  It's called constructive criticism.  It's your choice to use it and to make your day as comfortable and enjoyable for your guests as possible.