I know that we, as brides, cannot/shouldn't dictate how our bridesmaids wear their hair, and I did not intend to. However, does this rule extend to a headpiece? One of my BM's emailed me that she was going to wear a piece of crochet lace in her hair as part of her hairstyle. My wedding is navy and gold, and the BMs dresses are a boatneck, very preppy style (think Kate Spade), and my wedding dress is satin, and there's no lace at all at any of the wedding. I responded with a question about whether she thinks it would match the dresses and she responded with "Why do I need to match your wedding?"
Am I allowed to tell her that the lace thing is a no-go? Or at the very least that everybody should do it or nobody? They are all wearing the same dress, have the same jewelry (I bought them jewelry as part of their gift), can do their own makeup/pick out their own (gold) shoes, and I'm paying for all of the hair. I think it would look odd with the dresses and would look strange to have one BM (not the MOH) with a headpiece and the rest? I feel like I should compromise here but I'm not sure how to approach it.
Re: Bridesmaid Headpiece
Nope. Too micromanagy. Why will this matter? No one will notice or care. Your photos will look better if your bridesmaid thinks she looks good and is happy.
Matching jewelry for the wedding is actually not a gift to them, by the way, it's a gift you're giving yourself for your own wedding vision, so I hope the rest of your gift is something that you know they'll actually enjoy.
Since you're already dictating gold shoes, which many people don't already have in their closet and would have to go out and buy, I especially think you should let the headband go.
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Formerly martha1818
I can guarantee though that she's not going to stick her head on your tablecloths and make sure it matches your wedding colors. Because that would be ridiculous. Tell her you're sure she'll look beautiful.
Sorry, this is the OP and I feel I need to defend myself from some random hate that I didn't anticipate. The jewelry I got my bridesmaids is a 14K gold necklace (as PART of their gift), my bridesmaids actually picked wearing gold shoes because 3 of 4 of them have them in their closet already, and they picked the dress -- and explicitly said they wanted to all wear the same dress, maybe it's an age thing? All of us have been in weddings where we have to pick our own and it is terrible to coordinate -- it's much easier if you're a busy mom or busy professional to just have a dress and buy it.
The piece of lace looks like a wedding veil (and I'm not wearing one), so I think it would just look very odd to have a BM wearing what looks like a bridal headpiece in lace. And no, it's not just "for photos". And no, I didn't say I thought it would "ruin" my wedding. I just wanted everyone to look normal and casual and have fun, not turn this wedding into a big "bridal" thing (it's 30 people, just wedding party and immediate family, as an outdoor garden secular ceremony performed by a friend and a dinner at one of the top restaurants in the city, no first dances, DJ, cake cutting, all of that is out -- just a chill dinner with people I love). Especially since this is the second wedding I've planned. I am not having a bridal shower nor rehearsal dinner, and I'm paying for my bridesmaids' hotel rooms and hair for the wedding as they are all from out of town and most have kids/jobs and want a girlie weekend and to go to a salon. In fact, the only reason I have bridesmaids in the first place was because I got an email saying that they wanted to do for me what I did for them way back when.
I just feel like people make assumptions on here -- this is literally the only thing I had a question about. This BM got married about 10 years ago and is *way* more into my wedding than I am!
Maybe it's an age thing, or just assumptions, but the amount of hyperbole in the responses here is really offputting.
No one gave you "hate" and no one made assumptions. Just because the advice wasn't what you wanted to hear doesn't mean anyone was mean.
You've gotten great advice from everyone: Let. It. Go!
Formerly martha1818
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I also understand her desire for consistency - when my sister told me how she planned to style her hair, even though I had professed that I didn't care at all how they had it, my thought was "Really, that? But it could look so much cuter..." However, I also realized that it didn't matter. At all. Saying something about it when she thought she'd look her best would be hurtful, and the "look" was way less important than not hurting my sister.
So as Maggie and others have said, this is a non-issue. Do nothing, OP. Your additional details about your situation do not change that.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I would imagine your friend does not see this hair piece as "bridal." If she see's it as bridal, and thinks it appropriate... well, that's your friends personality. And yet, you're still friends with her and asked her to be a bridesmaid. Her personality and tastes were not going to change just because its your wedding.
If she doesn't see it as bridal, which is what I would expect, it's likely other people won't either. So, no sweat. Also, as for it ruining the "consistent" look, I'd say... have them each do a hairstyle they like! Allow for a tiny bit of difference. That way, one person wearing a headpiece/ headband won't look out of place. Plus, less matchy looks more.... human.
And, I just want to say... I DO understand your inclination. I bought a bunch of cheap (but pretty) headbands that I thought I may wear for my wedding, before I finally splurged on the one I really wanted. My mom said "well, instead of returning them, you could give them to your bridesmaids!" My response : "nah. I'd rather they don't all wear bride-like headbands like me." I was not going to supply my bridesmaids with them, but if one or all decide to wear something like that... I would keep my mouth shut.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
So, this:
As a guest, probably wouldn't notice too much if a bridesmaid wore that.
Or this:
I'd notice it. But I wouldn't think much of it other than think "I wish I was brave enough to wear that/ could pull off the cool hippy look"
But this:
I'd judge.
This:
I'd judge.
Is that silly? Yeah. But I guess I'm into the tradition of just the bride wearing a white dress/ bridal type gear.