Getting Pregnant 'On the sly'

beethery

Entrapment pregnancy for any reason is a FUCKED UP thing to do. Nope nope nopeydoodles.

Cookie Pusher

I'm trying to imagine any scenerio where this wouldn't somehow be fucked up, and I'm drawing a blank.

theartistformerlyknownas

nvm accidental post

cupcait927

flutteringinfl said:

That's how I was made, apparently. My dad kept putting off wanting to start having kids, so my mom decided he really did want kids but would never make the decision on his own, so she stopped taking her BC pills on the sly and then was all, "Oh hey, I'm preggers!"

I'm glad that I was born. But I would not do that to my husband.

That's how I ended up with a younger sister. My mom wanted a second kid, dad wasn't ready yet. Mom stopped taking her BC and surprise, ended up pregnant with my sister. My dad was upset, my mom said she didn't have to have the baby and my dad was like "Of course we're going to have the child, why wouldn't we?" However, this was one incident in a long line of crazy and my dad wasn't honestly too surprised that she pulled that crap.

 

I would never, ever, ever do that to H. Never. Why would you want to have a child with someone that wasn't completely on board?!

jenna8984

Never, never, never!

I dated two different guys in college who were obsessed with making sure I did not get pregnant. They would ask me 100 times if I took my pill and then they'd still pull out or wear a condom. I wasn't offended at all, I was more proud of them to take matters into their own hands because let's face it- some bitches be crazy! Obviously, there would be a problem if my husband didn't trust me but these were just flings so I was ok with them not fully trusting me lol.

cupcait927

@jenna8984 my ex before H was like this. He was so paranoid that I'd get pregnant on my pill that he'd still pull out or wear condoms every time. Better than taking chances I suppose.

bethsmiles

jenna8984 said:

Never, never, never!

I dated two different guys in college who were obsessed with making sure I did not get pregnant. They would ask me 100 times if I took my pill and then they'd still pull out or wear a condom. I wasn't offended at all, I was more proud of them to take matters into their own hands because let's face it- some bitches be crazy! Obviously, there would be a problem if my husband didn't trust me but these were just flings so I was ok with them not fully trusting me lol.

This is the one piece of advice I gave my younger brother about having sex. I told him - I don't care who she is or what she says she's taking, if you don't want babies you be responsible for making sure it doesn't happen. This conversation happened after a girl I knew poked holes in her boyfriend's condoms so she would get pregnant, I don't just randomly give my brother sex advice.

BrandNewJ

NEVER. He needs to be ready as I am. How horrible.

NowIamMrsKlein

I know someone this happened too. Couple had been together awhile, had 1 kid. Relationship starts to sour, the woman's crazy started to appear. Guy tries really hard to make it work for their kid. Girl did something awful that made the guy finally be like "nope, i'm outta here" and she reveals shes pregnant. He was fully under the impression she was taking her BC, and obviously didn't think bringing another child into the situation was going to help.

So he stayed. Sadly they ended up losing the baby, which is awful. He's still with her today and they are the most miserable couple i've ever met.

Sneaky babies does not save a relationship.

tcnoble

FI and I actually had this discussion. We are getting married soon (52 days!) and while I always thought I would want to wait 5+ more years to have kids, I'm starting to get the itch. I assured him I would NEVER just stop taking birth control and hope I have an "oops" and he has to deal with it. He's made it very clear he doesn't feel like we are stable enough for kids (which we aren't!) and while he is happy to talk about our future children, that isn't happening right now.

I imagine some women do this and it works out fine for them, but that's not a foundation I would like to have when bringing our first child in to the world.

banana468

Nope. It's never cool to fuck with your spouse's trust. I can't imagine how I'd try to make him cool with that deceit.

charcoalandblush

I know someone who I am worried will do this. She's pretty BSC and she is dying to have kids right now. Her husband has said that he isn't and wants to wait a few more years. They have had this conversation, like, in public in front of friends and family. So awkward. 

I am SUPER worried that she's going to do something stupid like this, but we're not close enough friends that I feel comfortable shaking her and screaming "YOU CAN'T FUCKING DO THAT!"

Lowell14

No. DH ex did exactly this. He told her he was done with the relationship, she wanted to 'work on it', few months later 'im pregnant!'

He knows 100% I would never do it, but is still terrified of it happening again.

anjemon

cupcait927 said:

@jenna8984 my ex before H was like this. He was so paranoid that I'd get pregnant on my pill that he'd still pull out or wear condoms every time. Better than taking chances I suppose.

We do this. Double protection. Mostly because my FI had an ex who's baby might have been his. She was BSC and cheated and it wasn't his, but it was a whole ordeal he really hated. So we're super careful. But I like it because I don't want babies right now either. 

Blergbot

So my MIL asked if I had done this when H broke the news to her. When he asked why she would say such a thing, she said that sometimes women do this to make a guy stay with them. H was just FI at the time, so his question was: why would she do that? We're already getting married! She didn't have an answer for that and never brought it up again.

I just couldn't harbor a lie like that for the rest of my life. Not to mention I just wouldn't do that to H. To start out my marriage that way? No way. 

I felt bad enough that I had missed a few pills (I was out of town and wouldn't see H for another week, but I was still going to mention it. Then I forgot. It turned out that I was already pregnant, though. Still, that was a pretty stupid thing to do.)

Anyway, to H's credit, he never even asked if I had done something like that...ok, he did ask if it was his, but I forgave him for that due to the shock.

ElcaB

I would never intentionally TTC if H wasn't on board. I even let him know when I screw up with my BC because I feel so strongly about it. 

I want kids sooner than H, and it's a constant joking point our circle of friends & between us. There are always jokes (even from me) about me "pulling a goalie." TBH, I think it's funny, but I occasionally worry that I might accidentally get pregnant & everyone will think I did it on purpose without H knowing. 

badbnagdway

I think this was inspired by something I wrote on another thread. And the friend I was talking about would not actually do this, she just suggested going off her bc and "seeing what happened". Her H said no, and so she didn't. 

However, I do know a bsc girl who is dating a guy friend of ours. She has said to me before that "if I got pregnant, it wouldn't be the worst thing", that her "clock is ticking" (she is 27 and they have been dating a little over a year), and that she is "not great about taking her bc". Then she expressed a certain level of frustration that her bf pulls out. Eek. I was glad to hear that he does this because I wouldn't want to have to "tell on her" to him but I also would feel badly if she not-so-accidentally got preggers to keep him around. And he is a really good guy with an over-defined sense of chivalry so if she got knocked up I do think he would propose. 

KytchynWitche

I had a friend who got pregnant "accidentally on purpose" partly because she was baby-mad and he didn't want kids ("but he'll change his mind when I tell him"), but mostly because she couldn't picture her life without him and wanted to make sure they'd always be together. He left her as soon as she told him she was pregnant.

AlexaF2014

flutteringinfl said:

That's how I was made, apparently. My dad kept putting off wanting to start having kids, so my mom decided he really did want kids but would never make the decision on his own, so she stopped taking her BC pills on the sly and then was all, "Oh hey, I'm preggers!"

I'm glad that I was born. But I would not do that to my husband.

I was sort of the opposite. Mom didn't start taking BC again after big sis was born, so it was on dad to prevent babies. Dad wanted another, mom didn't feel ready yet, dad decided to be sneaky. I mean, I totally like this whole being alive business, but not cool dad.

I could never purposely try to get pregnant without DH on board. Raising a kid is HARD, and I'm gonna need support, not resentment (or a guilty conscience).

charcoalandblush

There was a Dear Prudence on this a while back: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2013/07/dear_prudie_i_tricked_my_boyfriend_into_getting_me_pregnant.html

Jstump2

so, I thought this was going to be a thread about TTC on the sly from family and friends...Which my husband and I are kind of doing. Both our moms are kinda bsc about becoming grandparents so as far as either of are families know we aren't quite ready yet. While in-fact we are trying we just didn't want the added pressure of family asking. I am really looking forward to being able to surprise everyone once I am pregnant.

But No I would never go behind my husbands back! That is a recipe for disaster!

bethsmiles

KytchynWitche said:

I had a friend who got pregnant "accidentally on purpose" partly because she was baby-mad and he didn't want kids ("but he'll change his mind when I tell him"), but mostly because she couldn't picture her life without him and wanted to make sure they'd always be together. He left her as soon as she told him she was pregnant.

How do people not realize how psycho that sounds? "I want to be together forever so I'm going to make it so you can never leave" ...its just creepy.

KytchynWitche

bethsmiles said:

I had a friend who got pregnant "accidentally on purpose" partly because she was baby-mad and he didn't want kids ("but he'll change his mind when I tell him"), but mostly because she couldn't picture her life without him and wanted to make sure they'd always be together. He left her as soon as she told him she was pregnant.

How do people not realize how psycho that sounds? "I want to be together forever so I'm going to make it so you can never leave" ...its just creepy.

I know, right? 

I also knew a girl, once upon a time, who stole her boyfriend's baby-gravy (I don't even want to think about how she did that) so she could "cast a spell that would make him stay forever". I think she was around 15 at the time? I have no idea what happened because I high-tailed it out of that acquaintanceship as soon as she told me that, because that just breaks so many freaking rules...

Apparently I know all the crazy.

levioosa

KytchynWitche said:

bethsmiles said:

I had a friend who got pregnant "accidentally on purpose" partly because she was baby-mad and he didn't want kids ("but he'll change his mind when I tell him"), but mostly because she couldn't picture her life without him and wanted to make sure they'd always be together. He left her as soon as she told him she was pregnant.

How do people not realize how psycho that sounds? "I want to be together forever so I'm going to make it so you can never leave" ...its just creepy.

I know, right? 

I also knew a girl, once upon a time, who stole her boyfriend's baby-gravy (I don't even want to think about how she did that) so she could "cast a spell that would make him stay forever". I think she was around 15 at the time? I have no idea what happened because I high-tailed it out of that acquaintanceship as soon as she told me that, because that just breaks so many freaking rules...

Apparently I know all the crazy.

Woah.  I have....no words.

theycallmelinz

Jstump2 said:

so, I thought this was going to be a thread about TTC on the sly from family and friends...Which my husband and I are kind of doing. Both our moms are kinda bsc about becoming grandparents so as far as either of are families know we aren't quite ready yet. While in-fact we are trying we just didn't want the added pressure of family asking. I am really looking forward to being able to surprise everyone once I am pregnant.

But No I would never go behind my husbands back! That is a recipe for disaster!

Haha when the time comes, me and FI (hopefully DH at that time) will totally be keeping it a secret from our families. His mom drives me NUTS talking about us having kids, and she already has grandchildren!! At Christmas, she was like, "Maybe next year we'll have another one running around!" I was like "Umm... I would have to be pregnant NOW -4 months before the wedding- in order for that to happen."

Dumb woman. 

Inkdancer

What a terrible idea. Which isn't to say that some crazy people wouldn't do it. But still. Bad fucking idea.

kvruns

had a friend do that, not with her FI/Husband but some guy she was sort of dating.  She really just wanted a kid and told him she was on BC when really she wasn't. She knew he wouldn't want to be a father or likely pursue custody and I guess she was right because I don't think he has had anything to do with the child since he was born

theycallmelinz

kvruns said:

had a friend do that, not with her FI/Husband but some guy she was sort of dating.  She really just wanted a kid and told him she was on BC when really she wasn't. She knew he wouldn't want to be a father or likely pursue custody and I guess she was right because I don't think he has had anything to do with the child since he was born

Holy cow. There's so many better ways to have handled that situation! 

charcoalandblush

theycallmelinz said:

kvruns said:

had a friend do that, not with her FI/Husband but some guy she was sort of dating.  She really just wanted a kid and told him she was on BC when really she wasn't. She knew he wouldn't want to be a father or likely pursue custody and I guess she was right because I don't think he has had anything to do with the child since he was born

Holy cow. There's so many better ways to have handled that situation! 

Right? In that case, why don't you go to a sperm bank? I don't get why tricking your SO is the way to go.

Dreamergirl8812

theycallmelinz said:

TL;DR: Would you ever secretly intentionally get pregnant behind SO's back if he's wasn't 100% on board with having kids yet?

I'm full of questions today! I guess because I've been super busy at work and at home so I took a little mini-hiatus from social media (including TK) so now I want to make up for lost time. Plus there's been lots of discussion about babies on here lately, so I have another topic to throw in the mix.

I work with a TON of women (nature of the job) and several are pregnant right now. I've had "baby fever" slowly simmering for a little while and I kind of feel like I'd be ready to start TTC probably right after the wedding. FI, not so much. He wants to wait until we're a bit more financially stable (which I agree with) and have done some more living. I was talking about this to a coworker and made the statement, "I'd love to have kids right away but FI isn't quite on board yet." Her response was that I should just stop using birth control and not tell him.

I was a little taken aback. That seems really shady to me. Plus, I have Nexplanon in my arm so I'm pretty sure he'd notice me coming home one day with a bandage on my arm and me whining about the pain. I'm a huge wimp, I'd definitely whine. But even if I was on the pill, there's no way I could skip some pills on purpose and not tell FI. I understand that accidents do happen all the time, but I'm talking about purposely messing with your BC in order to get pregnant.

What do you think? Would you allow yourself to 'accidentally' get pregnant on purpose, or would you be honest with SO/not actively start TTC until he agrees to?

The type of women who trick men into paternity is the same type that will poison his coffee rather than file for divorce.