Husband Invited to the Bachelor Party and not the Wedding

kittenkaboodle

I know nobody is obligated to go to a pre-wedding party and men and women view this matter differently, but I am wondering what everybody else thinks.  Is it expected for H to go to this bachelor party?

The best man at our wedding (less than 1 year ago), we will call him John, has been engaged for 6 months.  We found out John was engaged via facbook and never heard anything about it until H received an email invite to the bachelor party, which in Vegas (the plane ticket alone is $450), this is also when we found out the wedding date has been set.  Apparently it will be a small wedding (we assume that means immediate family only) and H and the other bachelor party invitees will not be invited to the wedding.  

JCbride2015

kittenkaboodle said:

I know nobody is obligated to go to a pre-wedding party and men and women view this matter differently, but I am wondering what everybody else thinks.  Is it expected for H to go to this bachelor party?

The best man at our wedding (less than 1 year ago), we will call him John, has been engaged for 6 months.  We found out John was engaged via facbook and never heard anything about it until H received an email invite to the bachelor party, which in Vegas (the plane ticket alone is $450), this is also when we found out the wedding date has been set.  Apparently it will be a small wedding (we assume that means immediate family only) and H and the other bachelor party invitees will not be invited to the wedding.  

Super rude.  Nobody has to go to a pre-wedding party anyway, but I definitely wouldn't go if I wasn't invited to the wedding itself.  Rude rude rude!  I'm sorry.  If I were H I'd be really offended by this.

bethsmiles

It's definitely incredibly rude of your H's friend to invite him to the bachelor party but not the wedding.

It's your H's call on if he wants to go or not though. I know that my SO would probably go in a situation like this (if we could afford it) just because he personally wouldn't be offended by the situation. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to if your H should attend.

esstee33

Um, no way would I be spending that much to attend an OOT bachelor/ette party if I'm not invited to the wedding. If it were in the same town I live in, I'd consider it, even though it's still incredibly rude. But probably not.

JBee85

Your best man is being gift grabby here by inviting people to his bachelor party - a trip and outing he will not pay a single dime for - and not inviting them to his wedding.

kaitlynmichelle

Rude. I would never spend that much on a bachelor party where I wasn't invited to the wedding. H wouldn't spend that much either. If they want a small intimate wedding, they should have limited to bachelor party guests to the few people that are going to their wedding, or just not had a party at all.

levioosa

That is terribly rude. It's true, no one is obligated to go to pre-wedding parties, or to the wedding itself. However, everyone invited to pre-wedding events must be invited to the wedding. It was extremely rude to plan a destination bachelor party with invitees who were not invited to the wedding. They want to have their cake and eat it too. Nope.

southernbelle0915

Anyone invited to pre-wedding parties should be invited yo the wedding. That's pretty basic etiquette. No way would I be spending a bunch of money for an OOT bach without a wedding invitation.

novella1186

I don't understand the thought process behind trying to make people celebrate your wedding with you, but then telling them they're not invited to the actual wedding. Nope. Rude. 

kittenkaboodle

Pretty much H really wants to go (because of course it will be fun!) and feels obligated go since John was his BM, but money is a significant concern of ours.  H thinks that since he isn't going to the wedding he should at least go to the bachelor party.  H luuuuvs weddings and marriage and is the type that wants to celebrate his friend's commitment.  H is also weird in thinking that he always owes people.  H thinks that since John agreed to be his BM and spent the money and time to come to our wedding and H's (local) bachelor party he should go to John's one event.  We obviously have different views on this.  Mainly I am asking to confirm that there is no reasonable expectation for H to attend the bachelor party.  Oh, and it turns out the happy couple is eloping.  

southernbelle0915

kittenkaboodle said:

Pretty much H really wants to go (because of course it will be fun!) and feels obligated go since John was his BM, but money is a significant concern of ours.  H thinks that since he isn't going to the wedding he should at least go to the bachelor party.  H luuuuvs weddings and marriage and is the type that wants to celebrate his friend's commitment.  H is also weird in thinking that he always owes people.  H thinks that since John agreed to be his BM and spent the money and time to come to our wedding and H's (local) bachelor party he should go to John's one event.  We obviously have different views on this.  Mainly I am asking to confirm that there is no reasonable expectation for H to attend the bachelor party.  Oh, and it turns out the happy couple is eloping.  

They're eloping, but having pre-wedding parties? Ugh.

Of course he wants to go on a guys' trip. I'm sure you'd like to just drop a G or so on a girls' trip. Y'all have to work of if it makes sense to spend the money. That's what it boils down to. He owes no one for anything. Weddings/bach parties/etc. are not tit for tat. Plus it sounds like you can't really afford it. Just...why?

pegasuskat

If my BF were eloping I would plan a Bach party for her, not a big Vegas thing but a small party with close friends.  It wouldn't offend me and I would want to celebrate with her.  But if she was planning her own and something so expensive I'd also tell her its rude, thats what BF are for.

kittenkaboodle

@Pegasuskat - That is exactly how I feel!  My suggestion is to fly up and do a boys weekend, without doing the whole Vegas bachelor party.  I completely understand being happy for your friend and wanting to celebrate, but I don't think it should cost the friends a ton of money.  I actually think this Vegas trip should be presented as a trip with friends instead of a bachelor party.