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Psycho

2

Re: Psycho

  • anjemon said:
    I'm sorry to hear your family is being crazy again. After the last time where he stood up for you with your mom I thought he might be turning a corner. But I guess he can only keep it up until he needs a fight.

    Sending you internet hugs and lots of wine. I hope you guys get something figured out.
    Yeah I feel like it's a roller coaster with him. Like one minute he's calm and rational and it's almost like he has my back. The next minute he's raging and ripping me apart for sport. And I never know which version of him I'm gonna get. 
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  • JFC. I thought my family was bad, but yours takes the cake. It is so wonderful your aunt is advocating for you since apparently speaking up yourself doesn't do shit. 

    You mentioned above that your sad this is your only dad and how it affects you. My mom is horrible to me and puts a face on for the rest of the world. She did shit to me that my dad doesn't believe because she always hid the abuse. I've spent my entire life looking to find a mother figure that wouldn't hurt or manipulate me. I completely feel your pain, and I am so sorry when I hear other people have to go through this too because I honestly wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's something I'm working on in therapy too, so if you ever went to commiserate, feel free to PM me.

     Youre strong, smart and seem like a genuine person. You're doing everything right and I sincerely hope the madness will end soon, even though I don't think it will. 
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  • BrandNewJ said:
    JFC. I thought my family was bad, but yours takes the cake. It is so wonderful your aunt is advocating for you since apparently speaking up yourself doesn't do shit. 

    You mentioned above that your sad this is your only dad and how it affects you. My mom is horrible to me and puts a face on for the rest of the world. She did shit to me that my dad doesn't believe because she always hid the abuse. I've spent my entire life looking to find a mother figure that wouldn't hurt or manipulate me. I completely feel your pain, and I am so sorry when I hear other people have to go through this too because I honestly wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's something I'm working on in therapy too, so if you ever went to commiserate, feel free to PM me.

     Youre strong, smart and seem like a genuine person. You're doing everything right and I sincerely hope the madness will end soon, even though I don't think it will. 
    Thank you, that really means a lot. And I'm sorry you have a parent like this too. It's not fun, and it's definitely not easy. 
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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    MagicInk said:
    CMGragain said:
    When solicitors telephone my daughter, she just hands the phone to her delighted 19-month-old toddler, who gurgles and laughs into the phone.
    Um...I used to be one of those people who called. Not because I wanted to or it was my dream job but rent needed to get paid and it was a temp job. People who handed their phone to their kid were annoying. 

    I get it, no one wants to talk to a telemarketer. Screen your calls, or just say "I'm not interested, please place on your do not call list, thank you". Cause you know, it's another human on the end of that phone line who is just trying to pay their bills. 

    I don't find what your daughter is doing cute or funny at all.
    I second this.What a shitty thing to do. Not only is it annoying, but it's really kind of hurtful. I remember thinking, "Wow, am I SO bad at my job that I can't even get a person to listen to me for 2 seconds?"

    Now, If they are being a shithole and not taking no for an answer, that's a different story. Otherwise? Not cute.
    Yeah, when they won't listen to me say no I go "Look, I'm not interested, I'm requesting you place me on your do not call list, I'm now ending this call, have a nice day" and hang up the phone. 
    ashley8918charcoalandblush
  • MagicInk said:
    Just gonna share my favorite quote with you novella:

    “The family we choose for ourselves is more important than the one we were born into; that people have to earn our respect and trust, not have it handed to them simply because of genetics.”- Charles de Lint

    That is perfect 
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    VulgarGirlwinnie100
  •  I have to agree with @KatieinBkln - put it on your credit card, then as sucky as it is, use guest money you may get to pay towards the cost.  It's an expensive lesson, but it would be so worth it to me to have that last thing he's got to lord over you gone.  I'm sorry you have such a shitty family, novella - you are such a kind soul that it amazes me how you haven't let them dim your light. 
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    novella1186
  • Oh Novella...  I just... shake my head every time I read about the craziness going on with your family.  WTF just keeps coming to mind. 

    I hope you're getting a new, kick-ass family with the in-laws.  Maybe a little distance from your parents/sister wouldn't be a bad thing after the wedding is over.
    novella1186
  • I'm sorry about your BSC dad, but I'm glad your aunt and your mom are standing up to him. I would start to ignore his calls and do whatever I could to pay for the wedding food yourself.

    Anniversary
    novella1186
  • I'm so glad you have a supportive aunt!!!!! I'm sorry you have to deal with this nonsense. I think that KatieInBkln has a great point about extricating yourself now before he digs a deeper hole. Sending hugs!


    Then happy I, that love and am beloved 
    Where I may not remove nor be removed.

     --William Shakespeare (Sonnet 25)

    novella1186
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    *Hugs*

    I'm glad you have your Aunt in your court.  I think you guys should really consider turning down his money.  This is physically, mentally, and emotionally wrecking you.  Are those costs worth the money? 


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    novella1186
  • Funny thing is, my aunt can relate because she spent most of her 20s in therapy, because of the way my dad treated her. So I think she's pretty pissed to see the whole thing repeat with me. 

    My dad has said a million times how his controlling, psycho-bitch mom ruined his wedding (over 30 years ago) so maybe this is his revenge? Maybe he's enjoying taking it all out on me to make up for what she did to him? 

    I'm looking into personal loans right now. They have way lower interest rates than my CC so I'd rather go that route if possible. I just have to run it past FI, because he really didn't want to go into debt for a party, but he's so fed up with my dad's BS that he may be open to re-thinking that. 
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  • **HUGS** Your dad and my mom are the same person. It made planning the wedding so hard and awful! I got calls like that all the time and it was so hard to stay calm and not engage. I know first hand what it is like to deal with parents who constantly accuse you of using them or not appreciating them, when you do everything you can think of to make things go smoothly. At the end of the day, I wish I declined their offer. I seriously, honestly wish I had. It was so not worth the drama. 

    The good news is that since the wedding, things have been much better between my parents and myself. We had one final blow out about costs in fall, and I came this close to closing off all contact with  my parents. But before I could do that, my mom called me an apologized. We had a really good heart to heart about how they use money to control me and a bunch of other stuff. She mentioned that she felt like she was losing me to my husband's family and I was honest with her. I told her she was, because they didn't emotionally abuse me or hold things over my head. I started to go to Al-anon and urged her to get help too, which I know she didn't do. But I think just knowing that her actions drove me to therapy really changed the way she acts around me. 

    It's only been about six months since then, so I highly doubt that's the last of the abuse I'll face. I know there will be more, but I'll just have to handle it when it comes. Getting therapy is a great idea. It will help you out a lot. I know your wedding is coming up quick, so it may be too late to plan something else or deny your parents money, but if they continue to hold it over your head, you may want to pay them back. It won't solve all your problems, hell, it may not even solve that one! But it can help. 

    Good luck hun, stay strong and don't get sucked into their petty bullshit and instigation. 
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    novella1186IrishPirate60
  • SBmini, thank you. I'm sorry you had to deal with all of that, but thanks for sharing your story. 
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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    Funny thing is, my aunt can relate because she spent most of her 20s in therapy, because of the way my dad treated her. So I think she's pretty pissed to see the whole thing repeat with me. 

    My dad has said a million times how his controlling, psycho-bitch mom ruined his wedding (over 30 years ago) so maybe this is his revenge? Maybe he's enjoying taking it all out on me to make up for what she did to him? 

    I'm looking into personal loans right now. They have way lower interest rates than my CC so I'd rather go that route if possible. I just have to run it past FI, because he really didn't want to go into debt for a party, but he's so fed up with my dad's BS that he may be open to re-thinking that. 
    I mean, it sucks that you're even in this position to begin with. But I think if you make a plan to pay it back and stick with it, you'll be in good shape.

    I hate to even ask, but...any word from your company about the fate of your department? That may affect your decision here, too. :/
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
  • Funny thing is, my aunt can relate because she spent most of her 20s in therapy, because of the way my dad treated her. So I think she's pretty pissed to see the whole thing repeat with me. 

    My dad has said a million times how his controlling, psycho-bitch mom ruined his wedding (over 30 years ago) so maybe this is his revenge? Maybe he's enjoying taking it all out on me to make up for what she did to him? 

    I'm looking into personal loans right now. They have way lower interest rates than my CC so I'd rather go that route if possible. I just have to run it past FI, because he really didn't want to go into debt for a party, but he's so fed up with my dad's BS that he may be open to re-thinking that. 
    I mean, it sucks that you're even in this position to begin with. But I think if you make a plan to pay it back and stick with it, you'll be in good shape.

    I hate to even ask, but...any word from your company about the fate of your department? That may affect your decision here, too. :/
    We're still in limbo, so yeah, this is a little bit complicated :S 
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  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2015
    Oh, girl. I'm sorry he's such a dickface. You know where I stand on this -- he's toxic and doesn't deserve to be a part of your life. 

    Also, everything Katie said. I know your options aren't all that attractive, but as long as he can hold over your head the fact that he's paying for food, he has ammo to continue to abuse you, which you and I both know he will continue to do at any opportunity. 
    novella1186
  • esstee33 said:
    Oh, girl. I'm sorry he's such a dickface. You know where I stand on this -- he's toxic and doesn't deserve to be a part of your life. 

    Also, everything Katie said. I know your options aren't all that attractive, but as long as he can hold over your head the fact that he's paying for food, he has ammo to continue to abuse you, which you and I both know he will continue to do at any opportunity. 
    Yeah I had an interesting conversation with my mom earlier. Apparently my dad started bitching to her about me, and she had to leave for work but she explicitly told him to leave me alone, and she'd talk to him when she got home (because something else had happened that he was super crabby about so she knew he was just looking for a punching bag at that point). She was really shocked, and really mad, to find out that he waited till she left to call and yell at me behind her back, and he did that because she never would have let him get away with it if she was there. 

    So the fact that he was sneaky about it just makes the whole thing even more annoying to me. And shows how dumb he is, that he thought my mom wouldn't find out and give him hell. 

    I feel so bad for her. Seriously I have no idea how she lives with that man. He's just as much of an asshole to her, but she just ignores him somehow. 

    She was really shocked to find out the things he had said to me, because he lied about it to her too and pretended like everything was fine. 
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  • Ugh, I'm so sorry you have to deal with that shit. I really think you would be better off declining the money from your dad. And honestly? Just don't invite his friends. The only reason they were on the guest list was because of him, and once you cut him and his money out, they have no reason to be invited, etiquette be damned in this situation. That will help cut some costs. And, someone mentioned using guest gift money to pay off as much of the loan/CC debt as quickly as possible - that would help a bit. Sorry your dad is BSC. *hugs*

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    novella1186
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 2015
    MagicInk said:
    CMGragain said:
    When solicitors telephone my daughter, she just hands the phone to her delighted 19-month-old toddler, who gurgles and laughs into the phone.
    Um...I used to be one of those people who called. Not because I wanted to or it was my dream job but rent needed to get paid and it was a temp job. People who handed their phone to their kid were annoying. 

    I get it, no one wants to talk to a telemarketer. Screen your calls, or just say "I'm not interested, please place on your do not call list, thank you". Cause you know, it's another human on the end of that phone line who is just trying to pay their bills. 

    I don't find what your daughter is doing cute or funny at all.
    Like, this works?  I have received more than 30 calls from telemarketers - all from the same company - and I have tried this.  It doesn't work.  They don't care.

    We are on the federal "Do Not Call" list.  This means that it is illegal to solicit someone who is on this list.  I have explained this to many telemarketers.  They don't care.

    Many telemarketers are from overseas, so they are not subject to our laws.  They are often hawking scams.  "Our computer has detected that your computer has a virus.  For $$$ we will fix it."  Sound familiar?

    When my mother lay dying in the hospice, the phone rang.  It was a telemarketer trying to sell her a new hearing aid!

    I am home during the day, and I am the one who has to go to the phone and answer these incessant calls.  I make no apologies.  If you are rude enough to bother me, even after I have repeatedly told you to put me on your do not call list, then my patience is at an end.  FUCK OFF, TELEMARKETERS!!
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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Novella, I'm so sorry your family is putting you through so much grief. I wish I could give you a big hug, and then a giant margarita the size of your head. 

    novella1186
  • Thank you, ladies. You're all so awesome 
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  • kmmssg said:

    Well, I guess it clear where your bat shit crazy sister gets her bat shit crazy.  I am so sorry he is such a jerk and your family is so toxic.  No one deserves that.

    All I can offer is some hugs, chocolate, wine, margaritas, cookies, chocolate cake, champaign, strawberries, apple pie, a big plate of pasta, and some more hugs.  Oh, and kitties too.  He's a jerk face.

     

    i thought about saying the same thing. hang in there, if you have to pay for it your self. before you know it the wedding will be over and you will enjoy married life.
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    novella1186
  • dolewhipperdolewhipper [wh]orlando member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I don't have anything that I can say that will make it feel better, but I hope you continue to vent away so you don't have to hold all this insanity in. Your aunt seems like a good person; she should join you in wine

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    novella1186
  • I don't have anything that I can say that will make it feel better, but I hope you continue to vent away so you don't have to hold all this insanity in. Your aunt seems like a good person; she should join you in wine

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    I love that gif! 

    Since I was working from home yesterday anyway, I took a break to do a really intense workout, so I felt really good afterward. And venting here has definitely helped a ton. 

    Thank you! 
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  • anjemonanjemon Minnie and Paul (MN) member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    I don't have anything that I can say that will make it feel better, but I hope you continue to vent away so you don't have to hold all this insanity in. Your aunt seems like a good person; she should join you in wine

    image
    I love that gif! 

    Since I was working from home yesterday anyway, I took a break to do a really intense workout, so I felt really good afterward. And venting here has definitely helped a ton. 

    Thank you! 
    I have to applaud you on your stress response. As someone who tends to go to sweet things when stressed, working out was much better for you and probably more effective. 
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    novella1186
  • anjemon said:
    I don't have anything that I can say that will make it feel better, but I hope you continue to vent away so you don't have to hold all this insanity in. Your aunt seems like a good person; she should join you in wine

    image
    I love that gif! 

    Since I was working from home yesterday anyway, I took a break to do a really intense workout, so I felt really good afterward. And venting here has definitely helped a ton. 

    Thank you! 
    I have to applaud you on your stress response. As someone who tends to go to sweet things when stressed, working out was much better for you and probably more effective. 
    To be fair, I had a big glass of vodka after that lol. Probably completely counter-intuitive. 
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    bumbletiger88
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