eloped after 4 months

ashleybunny8

Ok, so last night, BF and I were invited to his best friend and gf's apartment for dinner. It was kind of odd, because they are pretty distant, we don't hang out much. They don't have FB, so it's hard to keep in touch, too, and they are kind of flaky w/ plans. Anyway, they invited us over, and when we got there, they told us that they got married, but were keeping it a secret from everyone. Then they told us that they eloped in AUGUST. They started dating the same time me and BF did- last APRIL. So, they eloped after 4 months!!! They met in spring 2013, but they didn't talk again until April 2014, when they started dating.

BF and I are in shock! The couple said they weren't planning on anyone at all, because they wanted their marriage to be "their thing" and the only reason they are telling anyone is because the girl's dad found out last weekend. Now the guy's mom and sister are wanting to plan this huge wedding for them.

I had to post because BF is really upset about it. Him and the guy have been friends for almost 15 years. Even though they have drifted apart a little bit lately, they still chat via text or over video games every so often. BF feels like the guy completely shut him out, and he is really, really upset. I told him to just say so, and try to clear the air so his feelings don't get more and more hurt (from him bottling it up). ALSO, BF doesn't like the girl the guy married. She is kind of stuck-up and bossy towards the guy, and she seems to be a mooch (she only works part time, makes barely any money, and refuses to look for a better job). BF thinks the guy doesn't notice because, obviously, they are in love with each other, so he may have blinders on.

Your opinion on this? Should my BF talk to him about it, or just let it go?

KeptInStitches

I would let it go. There's no Hallmark card that covers the disagreement that could arise from raising his concerns now, especially since they're married. If they plan a PPD, you don't have to attend, of course, but right now I wouldn't say anything o him.

[Deleted User]

I agree with @Keptinstitches , I would tell your BF to let it go. If your BF brought up his concerns to his friend right now, that could really cause some disagreement on your BF's friend's part and it could put some strain on their friendship. I wouldn't think that your BF would think that's worth losing their friendship over, at least I hope not. 

Ollie08

I agree with the PP that he shouldn't bring up the objections about his friend's wife. No good can come of it. However, there's nothing wrong with mentioning that he is butthurt the friend didn't tell him they got married. Like "Man, I can't believe you didn't tell me! I would have loved to have been there for you or taken you out to dinner to celebrate or something." But only if your BF can manage to keep his thoughts about his friend's wife to himself.

speakeasy14

Ollie08 said:

I agree with the PP that he shouldn't bring up the objections about his friend's wife. No good can come of it. However, there's nothing wrong with mentioning that he is butthurt the friend didn't tell him they got married. Like "Man, I can't believe you didn't tell me! I would have loved to have been there for you or taken you out to dinner to celebrate or something." But only if your BF can manage to keep his thoughts about his friend's wife to himself.

UGH why do I keep getting SITB!?!?! 

Quoting, because this is exactly what I was typing. 

GoldenPenguin

Yea, he should stay out of it. It's none of his business.

bethsmiles

He needs to let this go. It's reasonable for him to be a little upset that he didn't get to see his best friend get married but it's not okay for him to bring that up with his friend. They chose to elope and your BF needs to respect that choice.

And he absolutely shouldn't bring up that he doesn't like his friend's wife. His friend is an adult, he made his choice. And it's no one's business how they choose to manage their finances. Someone having a part-time job does not automatically make them a moocher.

I do think it's weird they kept the marriage a secret though, usually you do tell people after you elope. And I'd be rolling my eyes at any plans for a PPD.

phira

There's nothing to be gained by saying, "You shouldn't have gotten married so quickly and I don't like your wife." So unless he wants to end the friendship, he shouldn't say anything.

eilis1228

I agree with what everyone else has said. At this point, all you can do is let it go and try to be happy for them. I would totally side eye a PPD though... 

ashleybunny8

What is PPD? If it's having a ceremony and reception w/ registry and everything, yes, they are planning something for August (on the 1-year anniversary of getting married).

 

ETA: thanks all for your input. We wouldn't tell him that we don't care for his wife, because it's his choice who he wants to marry. BF is mostly upset that he wasn't told about it.

[Deleted User]

PPD = Pretty Princess Day.  It's exactly what you describe.  And it's in incredibly poor taste.  You get one wedding day.  For them, that was the day they eloped.  They can have a party to celebrate with their family and friends, but they don't get to have another wedding.

If someone I considered my best friend got married without telling me, I would probably tell them that I wish I could have been there.  But I don't think there's anything to be gained going any further than that.

bethsmiles

@futuremrshistorian is spot on about PPD. Usually people have them when they got married for some sort of financial benefit or want to get married internationally without jumping through the hoops. It's tacky (especially if they are doing showers and a registry) but I don't mind going to one as long as the couple is honest about already being married. It pisses me off when a couple lies about it though.

bride2b71614

I would encourage your BF to feel hurt for a bit, and then let it go. Its not as though the couple specifically excluded you from the fact that they eloped, they did it to multiple people. Heck, her father didn't even find out until a week ago, imagine how he felt! 

At this point, it sucks that they were secretive, and that they are avoiding telling people so that they can have a fancy wedding, but until that happens, there is no way of knowing. If your BF wants to remain friends with this man, it would probably not bode well for the friendship if he talks to his friend negatively about his wife.