Pre-wedding Parties

Couples Shower Theme

Hello! I am planning my friends couple shower for her in June.  She wants the guys to "stock the bar" and the gals to do whatever they normally do for showers (so I guess you could say "stock the house" or something).  Have you ever heard of a couples shower set up like this?  I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to word and set up the invitation.  Any input would be appreciated! 
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Re: Couples Shower Theme

  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Hello! I am planning my friends couple shower for her in June.  She wants the guys to "stock the bar" and the gals to do whatever they normally do for showers (so I guess you could say "stock the house" or something).  Have you ever heard of a couples shower set up like this?  I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to word and set up the invitation.  Any input would be appreciated! 
    Stock the house or bar is pretty tacky. My understanding of these parties are guests bring bottled booze for the couple to use for the reception. I would think if you're "stocking the house" that would be more of a housewarming party -- not a couples shower. 

    Showers are for choosing gifts from a preset registry of stuff for the couple. And at that point, you would just invite girls and guys and let them know where the couple of registered.

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  • Why can't they just have a shower with couples? Why do they need to separate by gender ("she keeps the home, he drinks!!! wink!!"?

    Plus, a couple attending a couples' shower brings ONE gift. This shower is basically asking for two presents - one from a female guest to the bride with home items, and one from a male guest to the groom with alcohol. It's inappropriate and extremely gift grabby. That's probably why you're having trouble finding wording that isn't tacky. 

    My suggestion would be for the couple add "bar" items to their registry - like wine glasses, craft beer glass sets, whiskey stones, coasters, martini glasses, margarita glasses, shakers, stirrers, ice buckets, etc. That way, if a couple wants to buy a "stock the bar" type item instead of towels or something, they have a choice.
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    Dreamergirl8812Kahlyla

  • Plus, a couple attending a couples' shower brings ONE gift. This shower is basically asking for two presents - one from a female guest to the bride with home items, and one from a male guest to the groom with alcohol. It's inappropriate and extremely gift grabby. That's probably why you're having trouble finding wording that isn't tacky. 
    THIS.  Seriously, each gender needs to bring a different gift?  Gross, tacky, and gift grabby.  Gifts should be one gift per social unit.

     I would be sending a big fat DECLINE response to this invite.
    LondonLisa
  • I would just have a bar themed couples bridal shower.  The bride and groom can register for bar gifts and people would just know that they should bring wine or liquor as it fits the theme.  However, no one should be bringing alcohol to stock the bar at the wedding reception.  If someone cannot afford an open bar or alcohol for their wedding they should not have a bar.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would not be bringing two gender specific gifts. One shower= one gift.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Southernbelle thank you so much for providing your thoughtful answer and suggestions.  MGP I'm flipping the bird, two of 'em, right at the computer screen to you for your gross and tacky response.  So anyways, after carefully considering everybody's comments (except MGP because it's useless to me), here's another question… We'll nix the whole gender gift split thing, but have a stock the bar add on item that people can bring if they choose… like people do at baby showers for diapers & books etc.  Do you know what I mean? And what do you think of that?  
  • Southernbelle thank you so much for providing your thoughtful answer and suggestions.  MGP I'm flipping the bird, two of 'em, right at the computer screen to you for your gross and tacky response.  So anyways, after carefully considering everybody's comments (except MGP because it's useless to me), here's another question… We'll nix the whole gender gift split thing, but have a stock the bar add on item that people can bring if they choose… like people do at baby showers for diapers & books etc.  Do you know what I mean? And what do you think of that?  
    JIC

    I don't think anyone is going to bother giving you any more advice after you so rudely rejected a piece of advice you were given. A blunt piece of advice, yes. But still good advice. Is that really worthy of flipping the bird at your screen? Seriously? 
    --

    levioosalnixon8[Deleted User]MyNameIsNot
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    If you're going to act like a snotty teenager you can figure this shit out on your own.



    Anniversary
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    [Deleted User]ShesSoCold
  • To be honest, I would rather no advice at all than advice from someone acting like a snotty teenager. And just to clarify, when I refer to stock the bar I don't mean for the reception I mean just for the couple to have and share together on their own, and I don't mean some extravagant ice bucket just maybe like a club soda or something lol sheesh.
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Southernbelle thank you so much for providing your thoughtful answer and suggestions.  MGP I'm flipping the bird, two of 'em, right at the computer screen to you for your gross and tacky response.  So anyways, after carefully considering everybody's comments (except MGP because it's useless to me), here's another question… We'll nix the whole gender gift split thing, but have a stock the bar add on item that people can bring if they choose like people do at baby showers for diapers & books etc.  Do you know what I mean? And what do you think of that?  

    Nope. The reason this idea will get no support is because the shower should not be funding the wedding, whereas the diapers/books thing is still for the baby. Framing the alcohol as an "add-on" gift still doesn't make it appropriate. The couple may receive gifts for their married life, but they still need to pay themselves for whatever's being provided at their own wedding. The reception is a thank you to the guests for coming to the ceremony, and you can't ask the wedding/shower guests to pay for their own thank you.

    I'm sorry you find MGP's good advice, bluntly delivered, to be useless.

  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    To be honest, I would rather no advice at all than advice from someone acting like a snotty teenager. And just to clarify, when I refer to stock the bar I don't mean for the reception I mean just for the couple to have and share together on their own, and I don't mean some extravagant ice bucket just maybe like a club soda or something lol sheesh.

    Well then why didn't you say that? Instead of throwing a tantrum and flipping off your computer screen? Seriously. How old are you?

    If that's what you mean by a stock the bar, just encourage the purchase of stuff for a bar through a registry or word of mouth. Where I'm from, stock the bar parties are for the reception and invitees bring bottles of booze for the bar at the reception- which would be tacky as Hell. But there's nothing wrong with a themed couples shower. Sounds like fun to me, especially if they have a wet bar or something in their house.

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  • To be honest, I would rather no advice at all than advice from someone acting like a snotty teenager. And just to clarify, when I refer to stock the bar I don't mean for the reception I mean just for the couple to have and share together on their own, and I don't mean some extravagant ice bucket just maybe like a club soda or something lol sheesh.

    ********premptive box fix********* Have them register somewhere like Crate and Barrell for this stuff - tons of options. Then they only really have bar options on the registry provided for the shower. I'd host it in the evening and have a picture of a cocktail on the invite. Mention you'll be serving apps and cocktails. People will probably get it when they receive an invite like that with a registry full of bar items.
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    [Deleted User]
  • daisy28426daisy28426 member
    Seventh Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments
    edited February 2015
    I don't expect to only hear things I want to hear. But I do expect to be treated with some respect, and I feel that your post was rude and unhelpful which is why I responded the way I did. Isnt it ironic how nice and well articulated you're being now, thanks so much. Please note that I've already said I'm nixing the idea so you can stop losing sleep. Also I gotta tell ya, you got alot to learn about life if u think you should reconsider something just because one person disagrees with u.. Good luck with that. I don't need anymore advice on this subject thanks everybody. If anybody knows how to shut'r down please do so with this post I won't be coming back. Cheers!
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I don't expect to only hear things I want to hear. But I do expect to be treated with some respect, and I feel that your post was rude and unhelpful which is why I responded the way I did. Isnt it ironic how nice and well articulated you're being now, thanks so much. Please note that I've already said I'm nixing the idea so you can stop losing sleep. Also I gotta tell ya, you got alot to learn about life if u think you should reconsider something just because one person disagrees with u.. Good luck with that. I don't need anymore advice on this subject thanks everybody. If anybody knows how to shut'r down please do so with this post I won't be coming back. Cheers!
    Respect is earned. And you have earned none by acting like a toddler
    BabyFruit Ticker
    [Deleted User]MyNameIsNot
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I don't expect to only hear things I want to hear. But I do expect to be treated with some respect, and I feel that your post was rude and unhelpful which is why I responded the way I did. Isnt it ironic how nice and well articulated you're being now, thanks so much. Please note that I've already said I'm nixing the idea so you can stop losing sleep. Also I gotta tell ya, you got alot to learn about life if u think you should reconsider something just because one person disagrees with u.. Good luck with that. I don't need anymore advice on this subject thanks everybody. If anybody knows how to shut'r down please do so with this post I won't be coming back. Cheers!
    You've got a lot to learn in life if this is how you react to people attempting to help you. Life must be very tough for you.

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    saric83[Deleted User]
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You know, I was going to come in here and give helpful advice. But damn, does your attitude suck. 

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  • MGPMGP member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited February 2015
    I don't expect to only hear things I want to hear. But I do expect to be treated with some respect, and I feel that your post was rude and unhelpful which is why I responded the way I did. Isnt it ironic how nice and well articulated you're being now, thanks so much. Please note that I've already said I'm nixing the idea so you can stop losing sleep. Also I gotta tell ya, you got alot to learn about life if u think you should reconsider something just because one person disagrees with u.. Good luck with that. I don't need anymore advice on this subject thanks everybody. If anybody knows how to shut'r down please do so with this post I won't be coming back. Cheers!
    Believe me I am about the furthest thing away from a people pleaser but I do it in a very respectful, diplomatic way.

    And if I can give you some respectful, articulate advice on your Plan B of asking for "add on" items: you are STILL asking for two gifts so I honestly do not see how this is a better option. If someone wants to give two gifts that is for them to decide, not you (or the bride). Make the theme "stock the bar" if you want, or just share the couple's registry and let guests gift as they see fit. I guarantee they will be more generous this way. This is supposed to be a fun, social way to celebrate something. Don't turn it into a daunting task list or wallet shakedown. That's not fun or respectful and if you want respect you need to give it as well.
    southernbelle0915LondonLisa
  • I don't expect to only hear things I want to hear. But I do expect to be treated with some respect, and I feel that your post was rude and unhelpful which is why I responded the way I did. Isnt it ironic how nice and well articulated you're being now, thanks so much. Please note that I've already said I'm nixing the idea so you can stop losing sleep. Also I gotta tell ya, you got alot to learn about life if u think you should reconsider something just because one person disagrees with u.. Good luck with that. I don't need anymore advice on this subject thanks everybody. If anybody knows how to shut'r down please do so with this post I won't be coming back. Cheers!
    Seems a little hypocritical, considering you just "flipped the bird" at @MGP because you didn't like her advice. Being blunt =/= being rude and unhelpful.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    levioosathespeshulestsnowflakesaric83[Deleted User]
  • Hello! I am planning my friends couple shower for her in June.  She wants the guys to "stock the bar" and the gals to do whatever they normally do for showers (so I guess you could say "stock the house" or something).  Have you ever heard of a couples shower set up like this?  I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to word and set up the invitation.  Any input would be appreciated! 

    No man i know would ever want to attend a couples shower.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Hello! I am planning my friends couple shower for her in June.  She wants the guys to "stock the bar" and the gals to do whatever they normally do for showers (so I guess you could say "stock the house" or something).  Have you ever heard of a couples shower set up like this?  I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to word and set up the invitation.  Any input would be appreciated! 

    No man i know would ever want to attend a couples shower.
    Sexist much? 
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    [Deleted User]VulgarGirlMyNameIsNot
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited March 2015

    Southernbelle thank you so much for providing your thoughtful answer and suggestions.  MGP I'm flipping the bird, two of 'em, right at the computer screen to you for your gross and tacky response.  So anyways, after carefully considering everybody's comments (except MGP because it's useless to me), here's another question… We'll nix the whole gender gift split thing, but have a stock the bar add on item that people can bring if they choose… like people do at baby showers for diapers & books etc.  Do you know what I mean? And what do you think of that?  
    making rude gestures at someone who said they would (as would a lot of people) decline a party that required not one, but two very specific gifts?
    image

    Themed showers are tacky


  • Hello! I am planning my friends couple shower for her in June.  She wants the guys to "stock the bar" and the gals to do whatever they normally do for showers (so I guess you could say "stock the house" or something).  Have you ever heard of a couples shower set up like this?  I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to word and set up the invitation.  Any input would be appreciated! 

    No man i know would ever want to attend a couples shower.
    Sexist much? 
    No. I'm a realist. Most men would probably go out of respect but would not be the slightest bit interested.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Southernbelle thank you so much for providing your thoughtful answer and suggestions.  MGP I'm flipping the bird, two of 'em, right at the computer screen to you for your gross and tacky response.  So anyways, after carefully considering everybody's comments (except MGP because it's useless to me), here's another question… We'll nix the whole gender gift split thing, but have a stock the bar add on item that people can bring if they choose… like people do at baby showers for diapers & books etc.  Do you know what I mean? And what do you think of that?  
    making rude gestures at someone who said they would (as would a lot of people) decline a party that required not one, but two very specific gifts?
    image

    Themed showers are tacky


    Anything themed IMO is tacky. I am going to a "royalty" themed wedding. ::::shudder:::::
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Hello! I am planning my friends couple shower for her in June.  She wants the guys to "stock the bar" and the gals to do whatever they normally do for showers (so I guess you could say "stock the house" or something).  Have you ever heard of a couples shower set up like this?  I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to word and set up the invitation.  Any input would be appreciated! 

    No man i know would ever want to attend a couples shower.
    Sexist much? 
    No. I'm a realist. Most men would probably go out of respect but would not be the slightest bit interested.
    Not in my circle. Couples showers are typical. It's just a party with food and drinks. Then there's about 20 minutes where gifts are opened. 

    So no, you're stereotyping since showers are traditionally all women. 
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    [Deleted User]justsie
  • Men dont want to watch people ooh & ahh @ blenders.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Men dont want to watch people ooh & ahh @ blenders.

    My fiance is a cook. He'd be the one ooh & ahhing. Please stop gender stereotyping. It costs you $0.00 to not perpetuate gender sterotypes. 
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    southernbelle0915[Deleted User][Deleted User]princessofgenovia
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    ____ dont want to watch people ooh & ahh @ blenders.



    I will fill in the blank with my name.

    I'm sure some men's names would not fill that blank.

    Dreamergirl8812
  • Men dont want to watch people ooh & ahh @ blenders.

    Another sexist comment... Well done.
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    VulgarGirl[Deleted User][Deleted User]
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    Men dont want to watch people ooh & ahh @ blenders.

    For fuck's sake, knock off the gross, sexist generalizations. 



    JCbride2015[Deleted User]
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