"How many months have you been married...."

FutureMrsN3312

I'm almost 21 weeks and I get weird looks like "is she pregnant or still holding on to all the Christmas cookies" but so far no one has said anything.   I was 12 weeks at Christmas time so as my parents spoke to extended family and friends they told them the good news.

Soooooo many people asked if I was pregnant at our wedding or alluding to me being pregnant and why we got married.  Do the math people.  I got married in May 2014 and engaged March 2012.  The numbers don't add up.  And if I was pregnant at our wedding so what?  

vmj23

So rude!   Immediately after I got married I started getting the baby questions, which annoyed me SO much.  We did start trying immediately and I did get preggo on first attempt but it wasn't anyone's business.   I only told a couple close friends.   When I went for my first ultra-sound (@8 weeks) i found out i had a "missed miscarriage" The baby had no heartbeat and stopped developing.  Between the doc appts for the pregnancy and then dealing with the miscarriage (a couple days of home sobbing on my couch, then dealing with the fact that i hadn't physically miscarried yet) i was out of work a bunch of days within a couple week period.  One very annoying co-worker, who constantly asked if i was pregnant yet, assumed the missed days were due to me being preggo and actually told me "i bet your pregnant!"  Only a couple people at work know what happened (bosses and those I'm closest too, i have many nosy people in my office and didn't need them talking to me about it).  I was so fuming that she had the nerve to say that, as i'm dealing with a MC that i pretty much avoiding her for weeks after (she works off site, so this was over the phone).  I was very tempting to make her feel like the worst person every but saying nope, actually i had a miscarriage but it just wasn't even worth it.   Since then we have been unsuccessfully trying.   You NEVER know what someone is going through and it is NEVER okay to ask!  

mikenberger

It's quite apparent that there are plenty of people on this planet with a death wish.

KatieinBkln

jv523 said:

So rude!   Immediately after I got married I started getting the baby questions, which annoyed me SO much.  We did start trying immediately and I did get preggo on first attempt but it wasn't anyone's business.   I only told a couple close friends.   When I went for my first ultra-sound (@8 weeks) i found out i had a "missed miscarriage" The baby had no heartbeat and stopped developing.  Between the doc appts for the pregnancy and then dealing with the miscarriage (a couple days of home sobbing on my couch, then dealing with the fact that i hadn't physically miscarried yet) i was out of work a bunch of days within a couple week period.  One very annoying co-worker, who constantly asked if i was pregnant yet, assumed the missed days were due to me being preggo and actually told me "i bet your pregnant!"  Only a couple people at work know what happened (bosses and those I'm closest too, i have many nosy people in my office and didn't need them talking to me about it).  I was so fuming that she had the nerve to say that, as i'm dealing with a MC that i pretty much avoiding her for weeks after (she works off site, so this was over the phone).  I was very tempting to make her feel like the worst person every but saying nope, actually i had a miscarriage but it just wasn't even worth it.   Since then we have been unsuccessfully trying.   You NEVER know what someone is going through and it is NEVER okay to ask!  

I'm sorry that happened to you.

And THIS, humans. THIS is the reason why you don't make comments!

PrettyGirlLost

LakeR2014 said:

katiekessler123 said:

Yep! Apparently when you turn a certain age and are married your ovaries become everyone's business.  It's obnoxious and drives me crazy!  I'm so sick of saying, "We're just enjoying our marriage right now." 

THIS.  So much this.   In response to the glowing comment, I've started to respond, "Thanks it must be all that lack of sleep I'm getting with the new puppy!"

Must be from all those nights shifts at the nuclear power plant.

[Deleted User]

AuroraRose41

This is so rude. I love my FIL's, but the night that FI proposed at a party with all of my family and FI's family there, FFIL (very drunkenly) said that they would have a grand child by next year to my father. My dad told me this later and I was just like "WTF!". I'm 23 and FI is 24, and FI and I do not plan to have kids until our late 20's at the very least because we both want to go back to school for advanced degrees, get to better places in our careers, and hopefully buy a house prior to having kids. I am trying not to think about it, but I have a feeling more comments will be made at the wedding. 

We are friends with a couple who is married, and the girl told me that one of her husband's friends asked them when they were planning to have kids. She was so offended, especially since they are having relationship issues right now and things may not work out for the best (she feels she rushed into marriage), and the last thing they need right now is a kid (her words, paraphrased). The audacity of some people is astounding. 

ETF: typo

sarahufl

jv523 said:

So rude!   Immediately after I got married I started getting the baby questions, which annoyed me SO much.  We did start trying immediately and I did get preggo on first attempt but it wasn't anyone's business.   I only told a couple close friends.   When I went for my first ultra-sound (@8 weeks) i found out i had a "missed miscarriage" The baby had no heartbeat and stopped developing.  Between the doc appts for the pregnancy and then dealing with the miscarriage (a couple days of home sobbing on my couch, then dealing with the fact that i hadn't physically miscarried yet) i was out of work a bunch of days within a couple week period.  One very annoying co-worker, who constantly asked if i was pregnant yet, assumed the missed days were due to me being preggo and actually told me "i bet your pregnant!"  Only a couple people at work know what happened (bosses and those I'm closest too, i have many nosy people in my office and didn't need them talking to me about it).  I was so fuming that she had the nerve to say that, as i'm dealing with a MC that i pretty much avoiding her for weeks after (she works off site, so this was over the phone).  I was very tempting to make her feel like the worst person every but saying nope, actually i had a miscarriage but it just wasn't even worth it.   Since then we have been unsuccessfully trying.   You NEVER know what someone is going through and it is NEVER okay to ask!  

Sorry for your loss.

But I would ABSOLUTELY told her I had a miscarriage and to STFU and mind her own damn business. Rude people deserve to get called out.

vmj23

@sarahufl - Thank you!

I was tempted but knew i wouldn't be able to hold my emotions in and didn't want to start sobbing in the middle of the office and then having to deal with all my other co-workers around me hearing what was going on.   If she said anything again, I would have said something but I have a feeling she heard what happened because she never mentioned a word about it or asked me about pregnant again since that day.   

sarahufl

jv523 said:

@sarahufl - Thank you!

I was tempted but knew i wouldn't be able to hold my emotions in and didn't want to start sobbing in the middle of the office and then having to deal with all my other co-workers around me hearing what was going on.   If she said anything again, I would have said something but I have a feeling she heard what happened because she never mentioned a word about it or asked me about pregnant again since that day.   

Yeah, I feel ya on that one. It is much easier to be a snarky bitch on an anonymous internet forum than IRL. I doubt I would have been able to keep myself together either.

But I saw this happen with my sister and I was just seething all the time. She had 2 losses in a row and had to deal with so much insensitivity. She wasn't in an emotional place to confront people about it and I kept wanting to do it on her behalf.

LakeR2014

@jv523 My condolences to you and your husband on your loss.   I imagine it being a 'missed miscarriage' just made it that much harder and I'm sorry your coworker had to make it worse.   I do commend you though for holding your tongue, because as @sarahufl said, I don't think I would've been strong enough to do that.

thisismynickname2

OP--- how fucking rude, I'm sorry. 

There's also an opposite phenomenon that fellow public-transportation riders may identify with. Priority seats are for the disabled and for the pregnant and for the elderly. 

Look, during rush hour, I'm taking any seat. I'm also not going to look around for women who look pregnant and offer them my seat because I don't know who's actually pregnant. Unless a woman specifically asks for someone to give her their seat, I'm certainly not going to risk offending someone. And then, of course, I see pregnant acquaintances on FB saying things like, "What happened to common courtesy of offering a pregnant woman your seat on the train/bus?"  Can't win this one. 

princessleia22

KatieinBkln said:

jv523 said:

So rude!   Immediately after I got married I started getting the baby questions, which annoyed me SO much.  We did start trying immediately and I did get preggo on first attempt but it wasn't anyone's business.   I only told a couple close friends.   When I went for my first ultra-sound (@8 weeks) i found out i had a "missed miscarriage" The baby had no heartbeat and stopped developing.  Between the doc appts for the pregnancy and then dealing with the miscarriage (a couple days of home sobbing on my couch, then dealing with the fact that i hadn't physically miscarried yet) i was out of work a bunch of days within a couple week period.  One very annoying co-worker, who constantly asked if i was pregnant yet, assumed the missed days were due to me being preggo and actually told me "i bet your pregnant!"  Only a couple people at work know what happened (bosses and those I'm closest too, i have many nosy people in my office and didn't need them talking to me about it).  I was so fuming that she had the nerve to say that, as i'm dealing with a MC that i pretty much avoiding her for weeks after (she works off site, so this was over the phone).  I was very tempting to make her feel like the worst person every but saying nope, actually i had a miscarriage but it just wasn't even worth it.   Since then we have been unsuccessfully trying.   You NEVER know what someone is going through and it is NEVER okay to ask!  

I'm sorry that happened to you.

And THIS, humans. THIS is the reason why you don't make comments!

Agreed.  There are SO many things that can go wrong with asking about pregnancy.  It can be a highly emotional subject for many people.  It can be absolutely horrible for people who have lost babies or desperately want them and can't have them. It's too sensitive of an area to chance hurting someone like that.

   

KatieinBkln

thisismynickname said:

OP--- how fucking rude, I'm sorry. 

There's also an opposite phenomenon that fellow public-transportation riders may identify with. Priority seats are for the disabled and for the pregnant and for the elderly. 

Look, during rush hour, I'm taking any seat. I'm also not going to look around for women who look pregnant and offer them my seat because I don't know who's actually pregnant. Unless a woman specifically asks for someone to give her their seat, I'm certainly not going to risk offending someone. And then, of course, I see pregnant acquaintances on FB saying things like, "What happened to common courtesy of offering a pregnant woman your seat on the train/bus?"  Can't win this one. 

I offer for really obvious cases--like, clearly 8.5 months along and struggling to stand upright while gripping the pole with two hands? That lady gets my seat. But I agree I can't always be sure, and I'm definitely not going to make a fuss and offer the seat if it would offend someone. I might just casually stand up as if my stop is coming up soon if they look uncomfortable, though.

AuroraRose41

@jv523 I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that the coworker learned a lesson about asking questions like that if she did in fact hear what happened. 

VulgarGirl

I have a friend who got engaged in Feburary and they married in October (several years ago). People kept asking if they "had to" get married that quickly. And she was like "Yes, we have to because the date works really well with our work schedules and the weather is nice". 

They were married for 3 years before she got knocked up. And every single year she spent fielding "when are you gonna make babies!" questions. She accounces her pregnancy and everyone goes "Oh well you guys are still young, you haven't bought a bigger house, you've only been married 3 years", she told me "Fuck everyone. Just fuck them all. Because if you get pregnant, or don't get pregnant, or wait, or don't wait, you're doing it fucking wrong. So just fuck them all!"

Which is my personal life motto. Fuck 'em all. Also her son is almost 2 now and people are now bugging her about when they're gonna have a second and I actually witnessed her telling someone "Fuck off, that's when". 

[Deleted User]

redheadbride15

katiekessler123 said:

Yep! Apparently when you turn a certain age and are married your ovaries become everyone's business.  It's obnoxious and drives me crazy!  I'm so sick of saying, "We're just enjoying our marriage right now." 

THIS. I'm 37 and I've heard all of the following from people with whom I have not shared my hopes/plans for starting a family:

"Well I hope you'll have a short engagement because pregnancy gets really risky after 40. You should try soon because you may need IVF"

"Oh, a May wedding? Wonderful, that means a winter baby!"

"Oh I'm so happy you're getting married because [insert niece's name] is getting way too spoiled being the only grandchild and I don't think [insert brothers' names] will be having babies anytime soon."

While these comments are not related to my body size (which is waaaaaaay over the line, by the way!), I really don't know why people always think it's okay to be so suggestive about people's reproductive choices and/or abilities.

KatieinBkln

pinkrevenge said:

I keep waiting for someone to touch my fat so I can go "That's a food baby *whisper* You're rubbing my poop".

My god. If someone decided to touch my gut (which I am working on, not that it's anyone's business!) as if it were a baby, I'd straight up inform them, "Welp, now I have to kill myself because you think I'm fat. THIS FOOD BABY WILL BE AN ORPHAN."

Eta: this is definitely hyperbole. No one should ever feel bad because someone thinks they're fat. Being fat is actually not the end of the world. BODY LOVE FOR EVERYONE.

beethery

IT'S GAS, MOTHERFUCKER.

GoldenPenguin

This was several years ago, but I took my car in for an oil change. I was wearing an empire waist shirt, which, at the time, I thought was cute. I went to pay the guy at the counter & he asked when I was due. I said "excuse me?" He goes "Well, you are... aren't you?" while glancing down at my stomach. And I said "NO. CAN I HAVE MY KEYS NOW?"

I was on my way to get my hair done after that, sat down in the chair and immediately burst into tears. Luckily, I was friends with my stylist at the time, and she talked me off the ledge, but I never wore that shirt again.

charcoalandblush

FiancB said:

Nothing too pointed, but when I call my parents they seem really bored about anything else I tell them and then ask "so is anything ELSE new?" and then are like oh ok bye when I say no. And other hints about how waiting too long is a bad idea and how great it is I'll be a nurse because then I can care for my kids that much better. 'Cause I didn't intend to use that degree for a job or anything. 

My mom did this when I called to tell her we were engaged. "Oh... anything else to tell us....?"

NOPE

APDSS22

I admit thinking one of my coworkers who already has one child might've been preggers again when she was dizzy one day and called in sick the next day.  I would never actually say anything though.

Tami87

GoldenPenguin said:

This was several years ago, but I took my car in for an oil change. I was wearing an empire waist shirt, which, at the time, I thought was cute. I went to pay the guy at the counter & he asked when I was due. I said "excuse me?" He goes "Well, you are... aren't you?" while glancing down at my stomach. And I said "NO. CAN I HAVE MY KEYS NOW?"

I was on my way to get my hair done after that, sat down in the chair and immediately burst into tears. Luckily, I was friends with my stylist at the time, and she talked me off the ledge, but I never wore that shirt again.

Something similar happened to me in an empire waist dress that I thought was cute. I was at a craft fair fundraiser at our church just trying to buy some crafts from the quilting group and rude elderly church lady says something about me being pregnant. And my DH and I just look at her and coldly respond no I'm not pregnant. She then fucking touches my stomach and goes oh I guess not I thought that was a maternity dress. And other elderly church lady is all no that's just the style now.

I immediately left the church and cried in the car and DH had to talk me off the ledge. But I was also so mad at how rude people can be and I haven't worn that dress since either

vmj23

APDSS22 said:

I admit thinking one of my coworkers who already has one child might've been preggers again when she was dizzy one day and called in sick the next day.  I would never actually say anything though.

Yup, I had a coworker i was SURE was preggo...she was. But i waited til she hit the 3 month mark and announced it to the world before saying anything.  When someone is ready they will tell.    She was very obvious about it...talking non stop about wanting to get pregnant and then suddenly the talk stopped, along with her excessive coffee drinking!  

huskypuppy14

mikenberger said:

beethery said:

I would be on the news from a damn jail cell if anyone asked me that kind of shit.

Yup. Someone actually came up to me and TOUCHED MY 100% NOT PREGNANT STOMACH. I grabbed their hand and gave it a crippling squeeze and told them "Don't ever fucking touch a woman's stomach without asking and don't ever fucking assume a woman is pregnant unless you see a crowning head from their vagina. You dipshit." And walked away. Some people are fucking thick. People like that make me wanna:

Who in their right mind thinks it's ok to touch a stranger's stomach, pregnant or not? 

What did this person say @mikenberger ?

huskypuppy14

Tami87 said:

GoldenPenguin said:

This was several years ago, but I took my car in for an oil change. I was wearing an empire waist shirt, which, at the time, I thought was cute. I went to pay the guy at the counter & he asked when I was due. I said "excuse me?" He goes "Well, you are... aren't you?" while glancing down at my stomach. And I said "NO. CAN I HAVE MY KEYS NOW?"

I was on my way to get my hair done after that, sat down in the chair and immediately burst into tears. Luckily, I was friends with my stylist at the time, and she talked me off the ledge, but I never wore that shirt again.

Something similar happened to me in an empire waist dress that I thought was cute. I was at a craft fair fundraiser at our church just trying to buy some crafts from the quilting group and rude elderly church lady says something about me being pregnant. And my DH and I just look at her and coldly respond no I'm not pregnant. She then fucking touches my stomach and goes oh I guess not I thought that was a maternity dress. And other elderly church lady is all no that's just the style now.

I immediately left the church and cried in the car and DH had to talk me off the ledge. But I was also so mad at how rude people can be and I haven't worn that dress since either

Sometimes old people have no filter. My dad's uncle one time said, 'wow you look a lot skinnier than last time I saw you'. Gee, thanks for saying I was fat before.

No one has ever touched my stomach or asked if I was pregnant. But I have been asked when we're going to have kids.

kaitlynmichelle

Today I had a bad headache at work. My coworker immediately asked if I'm pregnant. Any time I've felt ill at all, she asks. I pointed that out to her today and she laughed, saying but wouldn't it be great if you were?!

Yeah, we'd make it work, and honestly we would probably be excited even though we aren't there yet. But come on...

We've been married five months and the baby questions are just getting worse and worse. I get asked a couple times a week lately if we are going to have kids soon. Nope. Not yet. Move along.

I would lose it if someone touched my belly when I wasn't pregnant (well, even if I was).

decembergrl2014

For the past 3 days I've had headaches, nausea and dizzy spells that were coming and going. I told a couple of colleagues and they thought I was pregnant. Nope. I went to the doctor and was told I have a sinus infection and acid reflux. Yippee!!! Lol

YogaSandy

katiekessler123 said:

Yep! Apparently when you turn a certain age and are married your ovaries become everyone's business.  It's obnoxious and drives me crazy!  I'm so sick of saying, "We're just enjoying our marriage right now." 

And when you get past a certain age, and have been married a long time, people quit asking.

I always hated, when are you going to have kids? Or any variation. I was married at 23, working on my second university degree, and people would ask! Um ... I'm finishing school. I told people there are only two possible reasons I'm not pregnant at this moment. One is I'm trying and can't - so none of your business. Two is I don't want to be - again, none of your business.

We waited a long time - on purpose. We were married 9.5 years when DS was born. I was 33. People told me they were shocked, because they thought I wasn't going to have kids. My mom actually thought we were joking when we told her, because she had finally resigned to the idea that we were not going to have children.

But even though I am older, because DS is less than 1.5, I constantly get " when are you having the second one? ". We are not. We are one and done. (And this isn't a stall or let's change the conversation tactic, it's true, but they'll keep trying to convince you to have more)