Money NWR

katiekessler123

Just recently I was talking with one of my friends about a big vacation my husband and I have planned this summer.  When the friend asked if we were splitting the costs evenly, I was a little surprised, and answered that we have shared accounts so really my money is his money and visa versa.  That got me thinking...just out of curiosity, do you have shared accounts or separate?  My friend IS married btw, and she told me they have all separate accounts, but now they are expecting, so I'm not sure if that will change things for her.

AddieCake

We have his, mine, and ours. We pay our bills, buy things for our house, and pay for activities together out of the joint account. Then we have our individual accounts to do what we want with, and we have an agreement not to buy anything over $100 w/o discussing it with each other.

novella1186

I was actually thinking of asking this question the other day. FI and I are not married yet, and we split all costs like bills, rent, groceries, etc. But then we separately pay our student loans and car loans. 

We almost bought a house last spring and his co-worker recommended that we keep our finances separate but get a joint account JUST to use for paying the mortgage. 

I don't really foresee us combing finances after we're married because it seems much simpler to just leave things the way they are, but I dunno? 

thisismynickname2

We brought our own accounts and financial responsibilities into the marriage, but we established a joint account for true joint expenses.  Since we have yet to unload our respective real estate we don't have many joint expenses yet, but expect the usual in the future- household bills, groceries, probably a child and all that goes with that experience. 

katiekessler123

That's interesting..the reason we combined accounts was because to us it seemed easier to combine.  We lived together for about a month before we got married, and we hadn't yet combined our accounts.  I felt like I had a really hard time tracking money going in and out since we were both paying for different things.  Now, I feel like I have a good grasp of where our money is going and when.  

I will say though, we have very similar spending habits (meaning we're both super thrifty).  It might not work as well if we had different spending habits.

Couggal12

DH and I have separate checking accounts and prefer it this way. We split everything including rent, grocery, cable bill, etc. We do have a joint savings account though and each pay check we both put a certain amount in that account so we both contribute to having savings for whatever is needed. Currently we're saving up for a down payment on a house and once we put an offer in we'll use that money for our home. For bigger purchases we always consult each other but for every day things we spend our money how we want. It works for us and we never fight about money. 

ETF: missed some words

amelisha

We do separate and will continue to do so. We use an app called Splitwise for shared expenses right now (rent, groceries, etc) to keep track of who has paid what.

When we buy a house (hopefully fairly soon now that the market's finally dropping a bit here...) we'll open a joint chequing account for those expenses but it's not necessary right now. We'll also change the beneficiary on our accounts and RSPs and all that to each other. We may also consider a joint credit card to best accumulate points, but our current system (he gets general reward points, I get grocery store specific ones) works so we might not.

I own half an interest in my parents' properties, and those will stay mine. We don't plan to add him to those. 

We just think merging everything is more trouble than it's worth to us personally, and we also value a little independence. We also make somewhat similar salaries and so pay everything equally. It might be different if one of us made way more money than the other but I (the one making less) can easily afford half our expenses so we just don't see a need to pool it.

cupcait927

We're still getting this worked out. Prior to getting married, we split everything 50/50 when it came to joint expenses - rent, utilities, groceries, etc. We did end up setting up a couple of joint accounts - a food account and we each put a defined amount in every pay period and a savings account for house projects - but we have kept everything else separate so far. Mainly because we've been too lazy to try and figure out how to fully combine everything. Our salaries are the same and we have roughly the same amount in personal bills (student loans, cars, etc) so it makes sense for us to split everything 50/50.

 

Going forward, our ultimate goal is to have paychecks go into one account that bills are paid out of and then split out the rest of our money into different buckets - savings, house, fun money, etc. We both want to move to the "our money" and not his or mine but again, it's just laziness that's keeping us from getting there in terms up setting up a budget and switching things around. We also run large purchases by the other one but that hasn't come up too often.

mikenberger

We have completely separate accounts and one joint account - currently for house savings. We do split most things down the middle though, but never really keep track. But if it were a big thing, like a trip, I would give some money towards the trip. No reason for him to solely pay my way. I'm sure this will change somewhat when we get married.

chibiyui

I have my checking and savings account and H added me to his accounts. We use his account for bills, groceries, etc. My account is for my student loans and my fun money. Once I'm fully unemployed, fun money will come from H (our) account. Loans will be paid by then.

[Deleted User]

We aren't married yet, so we have his / hers.  He's not officially on my accounts, but he has my passwords, etc. so in an emergency, he could use my online account to transfer money and then take it out at an ATM.  He would also be able to go in and pay bills online, etc.  I have the same info for his bank accounts in case I need to go in and take care of making his payments.  (Think hospitalization, etc.)  Even w/ access to each other's accounts, we haven't gone in to one another's accounts yet because there is no emergency.

I am the primary earner in our household b/c fiance's job is pretty crappy and part-time.  It's also a money suck in that he has to travel 80 miles per day when he goes to work- that's a lot in gass money.  He literally makes just enough to cover his gas, health insurance costs, student loan, car insurance, credit card payment (not using and trying to pay it down), and medications  I pay the rent, utilities, phone bill, and buy our groceries and other household supplies.  I also pay my own expenses like student loan, health insurance, gas, car insurance etc.  I am also the one who has leftover money for savings.  We have a pretty limited "splurge" budget.

Although it's "my" money being used to pay our joint expenses, I do make sure he knows when I've paid the rent, utilities, phone bill, and he can obviously see when I've purchased groceries (and he comes with to do that chore a lot). 

I'm very transparent about this because I made a stupid decision with my ex where I just trusted him to take care of things with the money I was giving him, and it turns out he wasn't paying our (my) bills on time, got me past due on lots of stuff (I had no phone at the time so didn't know until collectors and court orders were at my door), and I found out I have an eviction on my record b/c of him.  This dude even managed to run off with all of the savings from a 401K account I had to cash out from an old job- long story.  Pretty sure he gave a lot of it to the girl he was cheating on me and had a baby with as hush money.  I had no clue and was too trusting- my fault for letting someone else take responsibility for my finances; I own that. 

As a result though, I am very sensitive about merging money and Fiance understands and doesn't seem upset by it.  He knows it was a big step for me to share all of my passwords when we moved in together.  He also appreciates that I show him receipts from when I've paid the bills that effect us both- especially since the utilities are in his name, and not paying rent fucks us both b/c his name is on the lease too.  I want him to know I would never screw him over or lie to him about where the money is going so I'm very open with what's being done and when.

levioosa

novella1186 said:

I was actually thinking of asking this question the other day. FI and I are not married yet, and we split all costs like bills, rent, groceries, etc. But then we separately pay our student loans and car loans. 

We almost bought a house last spring and his co-worker recommended that we keep our finances separate but get a joint account JUST to use for paying the mortgage. 

I don't really foresee us combing finances after we're married because it seems much simpler to just leave things the way they are, but I dunno? 

I was thinking about that too.  SO and I do pretty much the same thing, but I know he wants to eventually combine some of our finances.  In his case it comes from watching his father take advantage of his mom by holding all of the finances (and therefore power) in the house.  It was definitely unhealthy the way his dad and mom did it, and I think that at the very least, transparency and teamwork are extremely important.  We'll probably eventually have a joint account and two separate accounts. 

flyingfoxes

This subject is sticky - I'd been on my own for half my life, so I'm not used to sharing money.  right now I just write FI a check and he puts it into his savings, which he'll add me to after the wedding.  The rent and partial utilities are paid by his BAH (basic allowance for housing) that the Army gives him, so I don't pay any of those expenses, and I don't really contribute to groceries because frankly I can't afford to feed those eating machine kids of his, lol. 

He doesn't ask for a lot of out me currently because I pay my own expenses otherwise (car, gas, incidentals), but after we move I won't have a job until I find a new one so this is going to be VERY difficult for me - to depend on someone else, even for just a little while.  I'm so nervous about it, I'm thinking of draining my savings to pay off my car so I can be zero-burden on him as far as expenses go, lol. 

Oh - he's MUCH more anal about tracking his spending and receipts, so we may end up doing one of those combo deals where we contribute to a household account, be it savings or whatever, and then have our own accounts for personal spending. 

climbingsingle

We have a shared account, but we both still have our separate accounts. We both contribute to the shared account, and that account is mostly used for household expenses. 

For vacations, we usually trade off or split the costs. We're going to DR next month. I booked the tickets on my account, and H will be paying for everything else. 

anjemon

We aren't married yet and still only have our separate accounts. But we've been talking for awhile about setting up a joint account, mostly for groceries. We both have separate bills, but we eat together most of the time. I used to be a lot more concerned about it because at my old job I worked right next to the grocery store. Which meant I did almost all of our food shopping and I felt like I was the only one spending money on it. Now that I have a new job we mostly make joint trips to the grocery store and take turns paying, so that makes it feel more equal.

We haven't really talked about it yet, but I think once we get married I'd like to have a joint account for bills and a joint account for savings. FI makes more than I do, but not by a ridiculous amount. So we can each put a certain amount of money into these accounts each paycheck and pay for all our mutual stuff that way. But I like the idea of keeping our other account separate. This is definitely something we need to discuss in the next couple of months.

mlg78

We make similar incomes but we keep separate accounts with a shared savings. He pays mostly house expenses and I pay insurance, groceries, fun stuff (entertainment, vacations). I have a car payment, student loans and a long ass commute to work whereas he only drives 4 minutes with no car payment or student loans...so in the end it's pretty equal.

morewineplease

We're not married yet, we each have our own accounts and we have one joint account that was opened to save for big trips. I don't see much changing when we do get married though. We have lived together for almost 5 years now and this works so there is no really need to change it. When we have big purchases one will take it, then the next one the other will. I got the new mattress, and he picked up the new sofa. it all works out in the end. 

amelisha

FeeleyToBe said:

As a result though, I am very sensitive about merging money and Fiance understands and doesn't seem upset by it.  He knows it was a big step for me to share all of my passwords when we moved in together.  He also appreciates that I show him receipts from when I've paid the bills that effect us both- especially since the utilities are in his name, and not paying rent fucks us both b/c his name is on the lease too.  I want him to know I would never screw him over or lie to him about where the money is going so I'm very open with what's being done and when.

You guys should get the Splitwise app too! It lets me put in what I've paid for something and take a photo of the receipt and add notes if I need to. He likes seeing the photos of the grocery receipts because I have a bad habit of telling him "Oh, I dunno, just give me $200," or whatever at the end of the month when he really owes me $400 and he feels like he screws me over because I'm too lazy to count it up. You can also choose "he owes you" "you owe him" or "split this bill" so there's some flexibility. We love it.

dianaeatworld

We have separate accounts but will be opening a joint account at my bank after we're married. When it comes to bills, we split everything down the middle and I go online and pay them all.

lyndausvi

Yours, mine and ours.

How it breaks down is complicated.

It started out with us splitting everything down the middle as far as housing goes.  It was easy to do since he moved into my condo. So the expenses were based on my lower salary. He direct deposited money in my account.  Done.

Then we moved, I didn't have a job so DH paid for everything.  I finally got a job at much lower salary.  I just picked up random stuff.  He lost his job and I paid for more of the expenses.  He got another job at a lower salary.  So he paid for rent, car and insurance.  I took care of utilities.   

Now he has another new job.  Much better salary.   He still takes on the same things plus now Direct TV.   I take care of the rest.

We have always had a joint savings that we both contributed.  Vacations transportation comes from that, DH normally pays for most of everything else.  We really don't keep track like that.

Groceries comes from our individual accounts. Honestly we do not keep track.  Whoever is going pays.  If we go together, DH tends to pick it up, but  not always.      Going out is the same.  DH generally pays, but not always.   

After all that I guess I'm saying that situations change.    Just because you start of one way does not mean it can't or will not change.  Also  what works for one doesn't work for others.   People lose jobs, become SAHPs, medical issues comes up, one will make way more than the other.   

If we were still in the islands and still owned the condo we would still be 50/50.  We are not, so we don't.  I make a 3rd of what DH does.  While we haven't officially looked at the percentages, I would say he ends up paying about 2/3 of the household expenses.  I, the other 3rd.  I think that is fair. 

 

We never have money issues.   We just adjust things when necessary.  

jenna8984

@novella1186 There is no reason to change if what you're doing works. Honestly, it would be a clusterfuck disaster if we shared an account. I pay every single bill (most on auto pay) and we have a set amount that he gives me in cash each month for his half. Done. I don't know or care what's left in his account or what he does with it. We usually ask permission to buy things above $300 but even then the answer is "It's your money I don't care" or "I'm booking the vacation this week, so as long as you have enough to pay for your half".

[Deleted User]

mobride2015 said:

Oh - he's MUCH more anal about tracking his spending and receipts, so we may end up doing one of those combo deals where we contribute to a household account, be it savings or whatever, and then have our own accounts for personal spending. 

This could be a problem for us too.  I track everything, but not in a paper ledger.  I RARELY use cash, and RARELY write checks, so all of my transactions show up immediately in my account.  I don't see the point of doing double work.  I check my account daily (sometimes several times a day) so I always know what's there and what's not. 

He on the other hand still does almost everything by paper and writes a ton of checks.  I'm like, "pay this shit online."  If we had a combined account I KNOW it would get overdrawn because he'd spend money, not record it right away; I'd look online, see $x there and think it's okay to spend and we'd overdraw.

It'll be interesting.

ETA:  Also, because I check my online account to often, I'm also more likely to find out first if my account has been compromised.  Him; not so much.

Jells2dot0

We have separate accounts and a prenup that keeps everything else separate except for our primary residence. We have come to an agreement on who pays what bills and we stick to it.

KatieinBkln

amelisha said:

FeeleyToBe said:

As a result though, I am very sensitive about merging money and Fiance understands and doesn't seem upset by it.  He knows it was a big step for me to share all of my passwords when we moved in together.  He also appreciates that I show him receipts from when I've paid the bills that effect us both- especially since the utilities are in his name, and not paying rent fucks us both b/c his name is on the lease too.  I want him to know I would never screw him over or lie to him about where the money is going so I'm very open with what's being done and when.

You guys should get the Splitwise app too! It lets me put in what I've paid for something and take a photo of the receipt and add notes if I need to. He likes seeing the photos of the grocery receipts because I have a bad habit of telling him "Oh, I dunno, just give me $200," or whatever at the end of the month when he really owes me $400 and he feels like he screws me over because I'm too lazy to count it up. You can also choose "he owes you" "you owe him" or "split this bill" so there's some flexibility. We love it.

This is not the first time this app has been mentioned but it DOES sound really useful. We're splitters, too, but this seems like it would be a good way to make things more flexible down the line. I shall look into it for us.

katiekessler123

This is really interesting..I thought my friend was in the minority for having split accounts, now it seems like we are for having a shared account and only a shared account.

teddygirl9

SO and I have our own accounts and one joint account where our 'joint' bills come out of. So I pay my own phone bill, car insurance, etc out of my account as does he. Then each pay cheque mine auto transfers in $ for mortgage, utilities and home insurance.

 

We only got a joint account to make paying the mortage easier. Otherwise we'd just be giving each other money each month, and would probably forget and whatnot.

littlemushroom

We have his, hers, and ours accounts, and have since he moved in. He makes quite a bit more than I do, so we each contribute a percentage towards our monthly budget in our joint checking account, which covers rent, utilities, groceries, and fun money.

The percentage was determined by looking at our net incomes and factoring in his 2 hour additional commute and gas money as well as the fact I pay our renter's insurance and cover some insurance for us both at my work, etc. It works out to me paying about 40% of the monthly budget and him contributing about 60%. Anything leftover goes in our separate accounts.

We also are saving for a house, so we determined how much we wanted to save each month for that and used the same percentage as the budget to determine how much we each put in. We have a joint savings account for the house and big joint purchases and another savings account for vacations. Anything that isn't used out of our monthly budget is transferred to savings at the end of the month.

We each have our own checking and savings for individual things as well. Any purchases out of our joint account are discussed and agreed upon first. We do not need to check with each other when spending from our individual accounts. We worked really hard to make the split fair to us both, and never fight about money as a result.

onefootinthebayou

katiekessler123 said:

This is really interesting..I thought my friend was in the minority for having split accounts, now it seems like we are for having a shared account and only a shared account.

This IS an interesting conversation.  We aren't married yet either but freely pay for things for one and other (and not small things, either - he just paid to have central AC installed in a rental property that I solely own) yet I (for now) pay our rent in NYC and routinely buy him plane tickets.  We very, very loosely keep track of it, if at all.  To date, we have no shared account and I think we will wait until we are married to open one.

I have a feeling that when we do open a joint account is when we will establish our budget and start to track things a little more rigorously.  Right now, we are doing a decent job of socking rental income and bonuses away but are certainly spending a bit more freely while we're living between New Orleans and NYC.  Eating out a ton, fun shopping sprees, gifts for each other and our families, etc.  It seems like we are really disorganized about it but it somehow feels fair so far. 

This brings me to a question I've been pondering lately - in y'alls opinions, when is the right time to hire a financial adviser?  We were just discussing this recently.     

abl13

We have completely joint accounts. We both work in the financial industry and like to know how much money we have in total at all times. It helps a lot more with getting to our savings goals. I'm a spender and it keeps me in check. We budget monthly for "fun" expenses but once that money is gone our spending is done.

charcoalandblush

Right now DF and I split everything. He keeps a running ledger on his bulletin board of who paid for what and we settle up every 2 or 3 months if it hasn't evened out.

When we got engaged, both sets of parents wrote us a check for the wedding. We opened a joint checking account and deposited both checks. For now, that's our "wedding" account.

Shortly before we're married/once most of the dust has settled for final wedding payments, the "wedding" account will become our joint account. We'll each contribute $X a month, $X being approximately half of our monthly expenses (groceries, rent, etc.).

We'll also open a joint savings account and each contribute Y% of every regular paycheck (different $ amounts because I make more than he does, but the same percentage of our income).

Everything else will stay separate, including our current individual savings and checking.

emmaaa

H and I have had a joint banking account since we moved in together 2 years ago. At that time he was working full time and I was in school. He paid for almost everything. Now, he is in school and I work full time and pay for everything. Having a joint account for us to use for everything is easier for us so it doesn't make one person feel like they are being given an allowance. We each have our own savings though. If we make a purchase over a certain amount, we let the other know.