Babies and stuff

iloveotters2014

Do any of you feel like you are supposed to have babies?

When I was in my teens I always figured I would be a mom, but once i hit my early 20's I was kind of over it. I dont really feel an attachment to children and I never really know what to do when I'm around them. Especially when they are like freshly born babies haha.

I'm a little less than a year into my marriage and H and I are for the most part on the same page. He's pretty much cool either way.

The thing is now all of my friends are basically pregnant or already mothers. It's weird....and it has me thinking about it all more and more. I've always heard that one day a switch flips in you that makes you just want to have kids. But I dont know. I get urges for it every once in awhile but then I'm all "eww poop and throw up" barf.

So I just dont know Did you all always want to become parents? or did a switch flip and you were like oh yeah pregnancy here I come!

chloe97

I've personally always known that I wanted kids, but I have noted that as I get older, that desire become less intense- like I can see a life without kids and be okay with it. 

That being said, we are going to start trying right after our honeymoon. 

Jells2dot0

I have never wanted kids never felt the need to have kids, nor will I ever change my mind. Of course, I can no longer become pregnant because of my chemo treatments, but I will not consider adoption or surrogacy either.

morewineplease

When I was much younger I wanted kids (late teens early 20's). However the longer I go without them the less I think I would be willing to give up the awesome life I have to have a planned child. If I was to get pregnant, ok baby time, and I am sure it would not feel like giving things up but I also don't feel like not having one will be giving something up. Or maybe I am just ok with the tradeoff.

theartistformerlyknownas

I've never not wanted kids.

littlemushroom

I wanted kids when I was a kid (as much as a twelve year old can say they want kids), mainly because that's just what you do when you grow up. You go to college, get a job, get married, and have kids...that is just what you did when you grew up.

Now, and for a while, I do not want kids. It is nice in the hypothetical future way of sharing holidays and whatnot, but not at all for me when I think about the specifics of what having a kid truly entails. DH is on the same page as me. If BC failed, then we would deal with having a kid and I am sure everything would work out and we would be happy. It is not now, nor will it be, something we plan to do though. We are both 34 and we don't see that changing.

I do like kids though. My BFF's baby is fun to play with and hold, I like to play with kids, and babysit. The rest of my friends are currently actively trying for kids now, and I will enjoy holding, feeding, and playing with them too. I just enjoy giving the kids back at the end of the day. Not wanting to have kids does NOT immediately mean the person doesn't like kids.

Maggie0829

I've never wanted kids.  And my Mom and Dad have always been great about not pushing my sister and I to have kids.  They told us that we should have kids if we want but that they would be just as happy to be Grandparents to our fur children.  My sister decided to have kids (she has an almost 5 year old and one on the way).  Me?  Well I still don't really see myself having kids but every once in awhile I feel the urge to have one (maybe it is my age?).  But it quickly goes away after I think about what it means to have a kid (lots of money needed, less "me/us" time, more responsibility, crying, screaming, temper tantrums etc, etc, etc).

**Just a FYI, I know that kids are also wonderful (to some people) and aren't always little screaming, money eating brats

morewineplease

littlemushroom said:

I wanted kids when I was a kid (as much as a twelve year old can say they want kids), mainly because that's just what you do when you grow up. You go to college, get a job, get married, and have kids...that is just what you did when you grew up. Now, and for a while, I do not want kids. It is nice in the hypothetical future way of sharing holidays and whatnot, but not at all for me when I think about the specifics of what having a kid truly entails. DH is on the same page as me. If BC failed, then we would deal with having a kid and I am sure everything would work out and we would be happy. It is not now, nor will it be, something we plan to do though. We are both 34 and we don't see that changing. I do like kids though. My BFF's baby is fun to play with and hold, I like to play with kids, and babysit. The rest of my friends are currently actively trying for kids now, and I will enjoy holding, feeding, and playing with them too. I just enjoy giving the kids back at the end of the day. Not wanting to have kids does NOT immediately mean the person doesn't like kids.

So much this… I love all the kids in my life, but I also love not having one in my house all the time. I like being able to travel for a month anywhere in the world. I like how quite my house is, and how I can go to the bar on the way home without worrying about; daycare, soccer, or any of that. 

Sometimes it feels selfish not wanting to give those things up, but I think not admitting it and having a child that I then resented would be more selfish. 

[Deleted User]

Always knew I never wanted them. I hate that society tries to make you feel like you must have kids if you're a woman. I got so sick of hearing people say, "you'll change your mind."

In December I was at the gyno and the nurse was like, "you need to get off this soon and have a baby; you're approaching 35 (I'm 33 now) and it gets harder and riskier after that." I told her I wasn't having kids, hence the birth control prescription and then I told the doctor that he needed to check his staff.

If you don't want them, don't have them. You are no less a woman than one who has children.

aliwis000

I do not have any kids so I cannot say what it is like to be a parent. However, I have always known I want kids. As I get older I see more and more the sacrifices my parents made for me, from the smaller losing sleep to change newborn self at 2am, to the bigger, helping me through college as best they could.

I know parenthood is going to be a really hard thing, but I also see the bond I have with my parents. As scary as it is to think about being the "grown up with all the answers" to a child I still think it will be one of the most unique and amazing experiences in my life.

Bottom Line: You do what is right for your and your SO. Having kids is a life changing thing that, like marriage, should not be taken lightly. I would never think twice about a person not wanting kids.

MyNameIsNot

littlemushroom said:

I wanted kids when I was a kid (as much as a twelve year old can say they want kids), mainly because that's just what you do when you grow up. You go to college, get a job, get married, and have kids...that is just what you did when you grew up. Now, and for a while, I do not want kids. It is nice in the hypothetical future way of sharing holidays and whatnot, but not at all for me when I think about the specifics of what having a kid truly entails. DH is on the same page as me. If BC failed, then we would deal with having a kid and I am sure everything would work out and we would be happy. It is not now, nor will it be, something we plan to do though. We are both 34 and we don't see that changing. I do like kids though. My BFF's baby is fun to play with and hold, I like to play with kids, and babysit. The rest of my friends are currently actively trying for kids now, and I will enjoy holding, feeding, and playing with them too. I just enjoy giving the kids back at the end of the day. Not wanting to have kids does NOT immediately mean the person doesn't like kids.

This. I've known since I was a teenager that I didn't want kids, and it's never been any secret. Everyone just assumed I hated kids. 

Now that my sister has a baby, and I'm obviously head over heels for him, everyone thinks I must have changed my mind. Nope, I've always loved kids. I just don't need one living in my house.

Anyway, to answer the OP, there were times in my 20's where I felt like I was supposed to want kids and wondered if there was something I was missing or whether people were right and I'd change my mind. There isn't and I didn't. There  are still people who think I should have kids, but I think they should mind their own business. 

ohannabelle

iloveotters2014 said:

Do any of you feel like you are supposed to have babies?

When I was in my teens I always figured I would be a mom, but once i hit my early 20's I was kind of over it. I dont really feel an attachment to children and I never really know what to do when I'm around them. Especially when they are like freshly born babies haha.

I'm a little less than a year into my marriage and H and I are for the most part on the same page. He's pretty much cool either way.

The thing is now all of my friends are basically pregnant or already mothers. It's weird....and it has me thinking about it all more and more. I've always heard that one day a switch flips in you that makes you just want to have kids. But I dont know. I get urges for it every once in awhile but then I'm all "eww poop and throw up" barf.

So I just dont know Did you all always want to become parents? or did a switch flip and you were like oh yeah pregnancy here I come!

Growing up, I never really imagined being a mother or thought about having kids. I was of the "eeeww" variety.

I'm very much "the switch flipped one day" story. And, as typical, I didn't spend a lot of time thinking about it. Just said, yeah! Brilliant idea! I'm doing this thing and this is going to be great! 

Fearless and foolish. (Luckily, a nice person resulted, and then a couple more nice people. I love my people.)

My closest friends are about a 50/50 split of parents and voluntarily childless. I see the good points of both choices. 

FiancB

I've always loved kids and babies and wanted them. Especially after my sister started having kids when I was 13ish. That got me a lot more comfortable with babies since I'm the youngest and hadn't been around them much prior to that. 

I'm also really interested in reproduction though. When I was pre-veterinary I wanted to specialize in theriogenology (breeding). I love helping mama animals have their babies. Now that I'm studying to be a nurse I'd really like to go into reproductive health, labor and delivery, nursery, or school nursing. 

idk. That's the way I've always been. 

lurkergirl

I have always wanted kids, and I feel like I was made to have/take care of kids.  It's part of why I went into education--I love kids and helping them.  However, I have also decided, and discussed with FI, and that invasive fertility treatments are probably not options for me.  We would actually consider fostering, but we would want to wait until we were older, and we would want older kids.  I do really hope I can have kids, and I will be disappointed if we can't, but I also know we would still have active and happy lives if we couldn't.

climbingsingle

When I was younger, I assumed I would have kids. But the older I got, the more I questioned it. Once I was about 32-33, I decided that it's just not what I wanted for my life.

lavenderfields13

chloe97 said:

I've personally always known that I wanted kids, but I have noted that as I get older, that desire become less intense- like I can see a life without kids and be okay with it. 

SITB

Pretty much this. As I've gotten older it gets scarier thinking about having them- I think because it's expected of me but now I really think of what having a kid entails. I love sleeping and being lazy and only having to feed myself, my cat and sometimes FI. Idk, part of me feels like I would regret not having children and the other part loves the idea of freedom. I think after we get married we'll discuss it more. We both wouldn't want to do IVF or adopt if it didn't just happen for us. 

Also, I don't really like children. So people assume I don't want kids when they find that out. My mom doesn't like kids either but she loves her own (and she loves babies, because they don't talk back and she likes to hold and cuddle them) and she's an amazing mother. 

flyingfoxes

I go back and forth.  With FI, I could totally see having a kid. But then his teenagers do something really aggravating, and it seems really nice to think that in as little as 5 years we could have an empty house and be able to do whatever we want.

iloveotters2014

lavenderfields13 said:

chloe97 said:

I've personally always known that I wanted kids, but I have noted that as I get older, that desire become less intense- like I can see a life without kids and be okay with it. 

SITB

Pretty much this. As I've gotten older it gets scarier thinking about having them- I think because it's expected of me but now I really think of what having a kid entails. I love sleeping and being lazy and only having to feed myself, my cat and sometimes FI. Idk, part of me feels like I would regret not having children and the other part loves the idea of freedom. I think after we get married we'll discuss it more. We both wouldn't want to do IVF or adopt if it didn't just happen for us. 

Also, I don't really like children. So people assume I don't want kids when they find that out. My mom doesn't like kids either but she loves her own (and she loves babies, because they don't talk back and she likes to hold and cuddle them) and she's an amazing mother. 

This is kind of my thoughts. I thought I was set on not having kids but then I think about how my MIL doesn't really like kids but was a great mother. Maybe I just don't really like other people's kids? But will be happy about my own? I babysat all growing up, which is probably why I was into being a mom when I was little. But I don't know, I just got into college and was like nah not for me. H and I have plenty of time to decide and I think we will be fine either way. But I've never felt this confused about it before. It's a weird feeling.

CMGragain

My mother told me many times that having children was the worst mistake of her life.  Umm.....yeah.
I wanted to have the loving family that I never experienced in my own childhood.  God is good. 
Raising my two children was the hardest thing I ever did, but I must have done something right, because they are both wonderful adults.  Now I have a grandchild, and I get to watch his mother go through some of the frustration I experienced with HER!  Ha,ha!  I am so blessed to have had my children.  If I had to do it all over again, I would have had three, not two.

lavenderfields13

It is a very weird feeling and I'm glad other people feel the same way I do!

banana468

I've always wanted kids but went through phases of being ready for them. DH and I talk about a possible 3rd but He also knows that were TTA now and if I get a positive pregnancy test in the near future, I'll probably cry and panic.

Couggal12

We are going to TTC in the next few months. I never really wanted kids until I met DH and we were in a serious relationship. Before then the idea just didn't sound like something I wanted. I think something "switched" in me too. 

larrygaga

I flip flop on a daily basis. 

The way I figure it, every couple I know who doesn't have kids gets to have an amazing house and go on awesome trips to Europe or wherever every year. Kids are such a drain on finances, lol. I would be fine with either life, I think. Sometimes the thought of not being able to do whatever I want all the time and getting stretch marks is the worst thought ever. Then the thought of the possibility of FI or I dying and leaving the other one alone with no kids or immediate family also is the worst thought ever. 

In the end, I'll probably end up with kids. I just have to finish skyrim first.

lovesclimbing

We have both always wanted kids. They're still a few years out, but we're both starting to feel a little antsier (is that a word?) about wanting them.

LadyMillil

I've always wanted kids. We are going to start TTC when my BC runs out, which freaks me out a little.

decembergrl2014

I always flip flopped also about it. I found out a few years ago that I can't have kids. (5% chance, tops).

H has 3 kids from his first marriage...2 daughters and a son, and they are awesome kids! The way I see it, it's win-win. If H and I have kids, great. If not then I have my step kids, my dog and my kitten.

bethsmiles

I've always wanted kids but at the same time know I could be happy in life kids just weren't in the cards for me. I don't believe that flip switches for everyone, that mentality is extremely sexist. Not all women have the same wants and desires. Just because someone has a vagina doesn't mean they want a baby coming out of it.

flutteringinfl

I guess there was a time in my childhood when I just figured that was what everyone did, but eventually I matured and figured out that it's not mandatory. I went through a period in college where I was convinced I'd never have kids (partially egged on by an ex), but now I do want to have kids, though I no longer feel like I'm supposed to.

blabla89

I've always known that I want to be a mother someday, and for as long as I've been really thinking about it (when I was 16 or so) I've known that I want adopted children. I have no desire for a biological child and the idea of pregnancy and birth terrifies me, but it wouldn't be the worst thing if it accidentally happened, or if FI decided that was something he really wanted.

Bubblegum5586

I have always wanted to have kids. My family and extended family is so close and I would love to carry that on into my own family. But as we get older I keep waiting to feel ready and it's not happening! We have been married 18 months (together 9 years), own our own home and have great jobs. I know I want to save more, pay down some debt and travel a little more. I really love our life and am not ready for that to change yet. I hope it does soon!

amelisha

In my circle, kids aren't a given at all. My three best female friends and their husbands are all choosing to be child-free. We don't have anyone among our wider group of close friends who've had kids already, although some plan to in the future. All my friends with kids are part of our more extended friend group and not the people I see on a regular basis.

I never really wanted kids or pictured parenting, personally. My mom runs a dayhome and I've worked as a nanny and knowing what it's like day-to-day, I've never wanted a child of my own much. FI is still unsure, though, so if he decides he wants some after all, I'll be okay with that and we'll have a couple. I like kids, it's just never been a strong pull for me or anything.