OFFICIALLY LOSING IT - PLEASE HELP

Knottie05223291

She volunteered for both the invitations and jewelry. And i didnt invoice the bridal party we all paid for the house equally. The cost of the trip was <100 for each person.

Maggie0829

Knottie05223291 said:

after reading everyone's responses, maybe i did jump the gun lol. But im leaving out a lot of history. Everyone is making it seem like we are a really childish bunch but we arent. All the other girls pulled through and had cute surprises planned for me.

This MOH has benn difficult to work with, blowing off whatever responsibilites she has VOLUNATARILY taken. I didn't hear about any of that until this week.

As her MOH a fee months ago, i made sure she had a good time at her shower and that everything was planned just how she wouldve wanted it. The week of her wedding i was her at her side, running last minute errands,

I have been more than patient and understanding but a quick text saying "hey ill be back on friday talk then" would suffice. The majority of the bridal party is my family and im sure she felt like she was being ganged up on which i totally understand. Thats why i wanted to talk to her in person. But her lack of response just concerns me.

I think i need to turn my brain off for the weekend and try to think clearly.

Weddings are not tit for tat.  You voluntarily did all of that for you.  She does not have to return the favor.

Has this friend always been flaky or "difficult?"  If so, then why in the world do you think she was going to change just because you were getting married?  People are who they are and you have to accept that.

If the last bolded concerned you so much then you wouldn't have kicked her out of your wedding but rather asked her if she was okay like a concerned friend would!

KatWAG

It doesnt matter that you were her MOH a few weeks ago. It has no baring on this story.

And stop being the cell phone police. She responded to your text when she had time. Sure, responding immediately would have been nice. But it didnt happen so get over it.

You should not be involved in planning your shower or your bach party. If someone in your bridal party has an issue with when invites are beeing sent out, they canbring it up with her. Again, you need to stay out of it.

You owe your MOH a huge apology. So yes, maybe you should take the weekend to cool down and think about how much you over reacted.

Are you really willing to lose a friend of 10+ years over such childsh bullshit?

 

Knottie05223291

I did! She just got married a few months ago and I know and understand she is going through a lot and I talked to her about it. I said if she needed a break from this, I would more than understand. She has repeatedly said that she WANTS to be there for me and I just don't get what's going on.

Maggie0829

Knottie05223291 said:

I did! She just got married a few months ago and I know and understand she is going through a lot and I talked to her about it. I said if she needed a break from this, I would more than understand. She has repeatedly said that she WANTS to be there for me and I just don't get what's going on.

OH MY GOD STOP MAKING EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUR WEDDING!

If your friend is going through some stuff, talk to her about that.  Don't tell her that she can take a break from your wedding because there is nothing that she needs to do for your fucking wedding except show up in the chosen attire on the day of!

ETA:  And yes, shouty caps were necessary.

KatWAG

I did! She just got married a few months ago and I know and understand she is going through a lot and I talked to her about it. I said if she needed a break from this, I would more than understand. She has repeatedly said that she WANTS to be there for me and I just don't get what's going on.

So why did you kick her out of your bridal party, if you are so understanding?

Knottie05223291

Im not involved in my shower at all. The other girls brought it up with her and she had a myriad of excuses. Her husband has his own printing and design company. I just found out about the invitations this week.

Knottie05223291

Alright everyone, I'm gonna go take a nap lol

Maggie0829

Knottie05223291 said:

Im not involved in my shower at all. The other girls brought it up with her and she had a myriad of excuses. Her husband has his own printing and design company. I just found out about the invitations this week.

But none of this concerns you.  At all.  Stay out of it completely.  If a BM comes to you to bitch say "Look BM, I love you but I do not want to be involved."  Boom, done.

Maggie0829

Knottie05223291 said:

Alright everyone, I'm gonna go take a nap lol

KatWAG

The drama llamas are everywhere.

 

KatieinBkln

Knottie05223291 said:

Im not involved in my shower at all. The other girls brought it up with her and she had a myriad of excuses. Her husband has his own printing and design company. I just found out about the invitations this week.

Gurl, wut? 

Your friend group has a problematic dynamic. The next time someone "tattles" on one of the other BMs for not doing something right, shut that shit down. Tell them, "I'm sure you'll all figure it out; what's important to me is having you by my side at the wedding! Everything else is just gravy."

Oh, and you have to mean it, too.

ashley8918

Knottie05223291 said:

Alright everyone, I'm gonna go take a nap lol

Maggie0829

ashley8918 said:

Knottie05223291 said:

Alright everyone, I'm gonna go take a nap lol

I was this close (imagine me holding my thumb and pointer finger very close together) to using this gif!

ashley8918

Maggie0829 said:

ashley8918 said:

Knottie05223291 said:

Alright everyone, I'm gonna go take a nap lol

I was this close (imagine me holding my thumb and pointer finger very close together) to using this gif!

Hahahaha, no way!

lnixon8

Knottie05223291 said:

She volunteered for both the invitations and jewelry. And i didnt invoice the bridal party we all paid for the house equally. The cost of the trip was <100 for each person.

When people reference "invoicing" on tk we're referring to just telling people how much things costs, or how much they "owe" and expecting them to pay (instead of telling people the cost and not assuming everyone is in).

Whoever planned your party (not you) should have said "I'm thinking X,..X will cost this much , Y will cost this much, Z will cost this much. What does everyone think?" Whoever wants to come, comes, whoever chooses not shouldn't be guilt tripped or anything like that.

Less than $100 might not be a big deal but it can be for others. That's why when picking out dresses it's important to ask WP privately what their budgets are- ignoring what you think their finances look like.

 

 

Knottie05223291

Thats exactly what was done. The girls had agreed on a budget before. And all we had to bring for the weekend was sheets, toilet paper, food, snacks, liquor.

Knottie05223291

And the dresses were paid for by me. And the bridal shower food/alcohol is being paid for by my mom and the girls have to do dessert, invitations, games, favors.

flantastic

Knottie05223291 said:

And the dresses were paid for by me. And the bridal shower food/alcohol is being paid for by my mom and the girls have to do dessert, invitations, games, favors.

Did they volunteer for this, or were they voluntold? Just because they're in your bridal party doesn't mean they have to help with or even come to your shower.

Maggie0829

Knottie05223291 said:

Thats exactly what was done. The girls had agreed on a budget before. And all we had to bring for the weekend was sheets, toilet paper, food, snacks, liquor.

I think it was the excessive amount of emails reminding them exactly what needed to be brought to the scary cabin in the woods that people have the most issues with.  One email would have sufficed.

KatWAG

And the dresses were paid for by me. And the bridal shower food/alcohol is being paid for by my mom and the girls have to do dessert, invitations, games, favors.

Get familiar with the "Quote" button so we know who you are responding to.

Why are the user names not showing up when I quote????

Knottie05223291

Willing volunteeers. All agreed amongst themselves. I had nothing to do with it.

Maggie0829

KatWAG said:

And the dresses were paid for by me. And the bridal shower food/alcohol is being paid for by my mom and the girls have to do dessert, invitations, games, favors.

Get familiar with the "Quote" button so we know who you are responding to.

Why are the user names not showing up when I quote????

Because it is TK...duh!

Knottie05223291

The emails might sound excessive but they really werent. I didnt want anyone to walk into this not knowing what was needed.

theartistformerlyknownas

For someone who claims these girls don't have any responsibilities besides showing up the day of in a dress and a smile, you've certainly used the phrases "supposed to," have to," and "needed" an awful lot.

And please stop saying "lol." I certainly hope you're not laughing about any of this.

ETQ

Knottie05223291 said:

The emails might sound excessive but they really werent. I didnt want anyone to walk into this not knowing what was needed.

Knottie05223291 said:

And the dresses were paid for by me. And the bridal shower food/alcohol is being paid for by my mom and the girls have to do dessert, invitations, games, favors.

Ok let me clarifiy. Im not mad about her not showing up lol. I agree, everyone is an adult and whoever was able to come came. Im upset that she hasnt contacted me to clear the air. And no, we did not sit around and bash her. We all agreed to not discuss this during the whole weekend. Further, she was supposed to print and mail out the bridal shower invites. Not done, she said it was too expensive. This left my bridesmaids running around last minute and paying an extra 70 on shipping so the invites can be here on time She was supposed to order the jewelry but that was never done. I have not demanded anything from any of them. Like a user above commented, there only job is to show up the day of, on time, and smile. The emails sent out regarding the bach party were sent in advance so we didnt have to waste time when we get there shopping and driving around.

ashley8918

Knottie05223291 said:

Willing volunteeers. All agreed amongst themselves. I had nothing to do with it.

redoryx

Knottie05223291 said:

Hello Everyone!

Please read below and tell me what to do. Any input is greatly appreciated.

Background Information:
Maids of Honor
1. My sister
2. Best friend of 10 years, I was her MOH in her wedding a few months ago. We are very close and our families are best friends.

Bridesmaids
1. Another sister
2. Cousin
3. Close friend

I have paid for their dresses, jewelry, hair, and makeup. At our first official bridal party lunch, I gave all the girls an Alex and Ani bracelet with their initial. I have been a very laid-back bride and do not demand anything of my bridesmaids.

My bachelorette party was last weekend. I wanted to do a weekend at a local ski resort. One of my Bridesmaids was able to get us a cabin in the woods for a very decent price. I wanted to keep costs low for everyone and this worked out great.

This idea was solidified in January. In early February, I sent out and email to the entire group detailing the cost of the weekend and included the ski resort information and local nightlife "hotspots". Later that week, I sent out another email breaking down what everyone needed to bring for the 3 days we were away (liquor, food, supplies, misc). Every week from that point on until the bachelorette weekend, I sent an email to everyone including the necessary information. I even included weather information. The forecast called for snow and freezing temps so I advised that everyone dress warm and in layers.

Fast forward to Friday when we are leaving:
My bridesmaid (cousin) and MOH (best friend) are set to leave on Firday at 5:00 PM. MOH is to be at BM house at 5 PM sharp. I paired them together because they live the closest to each other. BM left work early at 4:00 PM so she could be ready to go at 5:00 PM sharp.

MOH is 2.5 hours late in reaching BM house. MOH gets into BM car, doesn't apologize. BM gets angry and frustrated. MOH demands to be dropped off instantly (BM is driving on a highway). BM goes back to her house, drops off MOH.

I get a flurry of angry texts from MOH, saying how my cousin is "rude, disrespectful, etc". My cousin arrives at the cabin and immediately apologizes for the situation and offers to drop out of the bridal party because she was so embarrassed with how things panned out. No word from MOH.

About an hour later, MOH sends me a message saying how she is not comfortable being in a cabin for 3 days with BM. I totally understand and tell her we will talk when I get back home.

I get back home on Monday, send MOH a message asking her to call me. No response
I send another message and ask her to come to my house anytime as I would prefer to speak to her in person rather than over texts and emails.
She responds with how she is "disappointed in my reaction to the situation". Again, I ask her to come over so we can sit down and talk.

No response. I am debating how to deal with the disaster. I am 40 days from the wedding. I paid for her dress, ordered her jewelry, robe, other goodies. The rest of the bridal party is demanding that I kick her out immediately.

Thursday afternoon, I am on FB and see that she is tagged in Florida. I have had it at this point. I message her immediately and remove her from the bridal party. She fires back at how I need to "grow up" and stop making people feel like they "owe" me things.
She claims she "would have" texted me on Friday when she got back to NY.

There is a lot more to this story but I don't want to bore you.
Is what I did wrong? How would you have reacted?

Thanks for reading!

Pretty sure that doesn't mean what you think it means.

Maggie0829

Knottie05223291 said:

The emails might sound excessive but they really werent. I didnt want anyone to walk into this not knowing what was needed.

But the thing about emails is that they can be saved and reread at a later date if someone needs a refresher on what was needed.

If I received weekly emails from you (lets say 4-6 emails) telling me over and over and over again what I needed to bring to your bach party I would have told my H that you must think that I am a fucking idiot.

theartistformerlyknownas

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie05223291 said:

The emails might sound excessive but they really werent. I didnt want anyone to walk into this not knowing what was needed.

But the thing about emails is that they can be saved and reread at a later date if someone needs a refresher on what was needed.

If I received weekly emails from you (lets say 4-6 emails) telling me over and over and over again what I needed to bring to your bach party I would have told my H that you must think that I am a fucking idiot.

Plus, the only people responsible for providing NEEDED items for a party are the HOSTS. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN A HOST. If this was really a laid back bach weekend, the hosts would have coordinated with each other on how to stock the house. The guests would show up with their own clothes and toiletries. That is not at all what happened. You decided what YOU wanted at YOUR party and ordered everyone around in order to obtain it. That is fucking RUDE.

Knottie05223291

ok, i demanded food, toilet paper, and bedsheets.