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Snarky Brides
Knottie05223291
member
OFFICIALLY LOSING IT - PLEASE HELP
Hello Everyone!
Please read below and tell me what to do. Any input is greatly appreciated.
Background Information:
Maids of Honor
1. My sister
2. Best friend of 10 years, I was her MOH in her wedding a few months ago. We are very close and our families are best friends.
Bridesmaids
1. Another sister
2. Cousin
3. Close friend
I have paid for their dresses, jewelry, hair, and makeup. At our first official bridal party lunch, I gave all the girls an Alex and Ani bracelet with their initial. I have been a very laid-back bride and do not demand anything of my bridesmaids.
My bachelorette party was last weekend. I wanted to do a weekend at a local ski resort. One of my Bridesmaids was able to get us a cabin in the woods for a very decent price. I wanted to keep costs low for everyone and this worked out great.
This idea was solidified in January. In early February, I sent out and email to the entire group detailing the cost of the weekend and included the ski resort information and local nightlife "hotspots". Later that week, I sent out another email breaking down what everyone needed to bring for the 3 days we were away (liquor, food, supplies, misc). Every week from that point on until the bachelorette weekend, I sent an email to everyone including the necessary information. I even included weather information. The forecast called for snow and freezing temps so I advised that everyone dress warm and in layers.
Fast forward to Friday when we are leaving:
My bridesmaid (cousin) and MOH (best friend) are set to leave on Firday at 5:00 PM. MOH is to be at BM house at 5 PM sharp. I paired them together because they live the closest to each other. BM left work early at 4:00 PM so she could be ready to go at 5:00 PM sharp.
MOH is 2.5 hours late in reaching BM house. MOH gets into BM car, doesn't apologize. BM gets angry and frustrated. MOH demands to be dropped off instantly (BM is driving on a highway). BM goes back to her house, drops off MOH.
I get a flurry of angry texts from MOH, saying how my cousin is "rude, disrespectful, etc". My cousin arrives at the cabin and immediately apologizes for the situation and offers to drop out of the bridal party because she was so embarrassed with how things panned out. No word from MOH.
About an hour later, MOH sends me a message saying how she is not comfortable being in a cabin for 3 days with BM. I totally understand and tell her we will talk when I get back home.
I get back home on Monday, send MOH a message asking her to call me. No response
I send another message and ask her to come to my house anytime as I would prefer to speak to her in person rather than over texts and emails.
She responds with how she is "disappointed in my reaction to the situation". Again, I ask her to come over so we can sit down and talk.
No response. I am debating how to deal with the disaster. I am 40 days from the wedding. I paid for her dress, ordered her jewelry, robe, other goodies. The rest of the bridal party is demanding that I kick her out immediately.
Thursday afternoon, I am on FB and see that she is tagged in Florida. I have had it at this point. I message her immediately and remove her from the bridal party. She fires back at how I need to "grow up" and stop making people feel like they "owe" me things.
She claims she "would have" texted me on Friday when she got back to NY.
There is a lot more to this story but I don't want to bore you.
Is what I did wrong? How would you have reacted?
Thanks for reading!
Please read below and tell me what to do. Any input is greatly appreciated.
Background Information:
Maids of Honor
1. My sister
2. Best friend of 10 years, I was her MOH in her wedding a few months ago. We are very close and our families are best friends.
Bridesmaids
1. Another sister
2. Cousin
3. Close friend
I have paid for their dresses, jewelry, hair, and makeup. At our first official bridal party lunch, I gave all the girls an Alex and Ani bracelet with their initial. I have been a very laid-back bride and do not demand anything of my bridesmaids.
My bachelorette party was last weekend. I wanted to do a weekend at a local ski resort. One of my Bridesmaids was able to get us a cabin in the woods for a very decent price. I wanted to keep costs low for everyone and this worked out great.
This idea was solidified in January. In early February, I sent out and email to the entire group detailing the cost of the weekend and included the ski resort information and local nightlife "hotspots". Later that week, I sent out another email breaking down what everyone needed to bring for the 3 days we were away (liquor, food, supplies, misc). Every week from that point on until the bachelorette weekend, I sent an email to everyone including the necessary information. I even included weather information. The forecast called for snow and freezing temps so I advised that everyone dress warm and in layers.
Fast forward to Friday when we are leaving:
My bridesmaid (cousin) and MOH (best friend) are set to leave on Firday at 5:00 PM. MOH is to be at BM house at 5 PM sharp. I paired them together because they live the closest to each other. BM left work early at 4:00 PM so she could be ready to go at 5:00 PM sharp.
MOH is 2.5 hours late in reaching BM house. MOH gets into BM car, doesn't apologize. BM gets angry and frustrated. MOH demands to be dropped off instantly (BM is driving on a highway). BM goes back to her house, drops off MOH.
I get a flurry of angry texts from MOH, saying how my cousin is "rude, disrespectful, etc". My cousin arrives at the cabin and immediately apologizes for the situation and offers to drop out of the bridal party because she was so embarrassed with how things panned out. No word from MOH.
About an hour later, MOH sends me a message saying how she is not comfortable being in a cabin for 3 days with BM. I totally understand and tell her we will talk when I get back home.
I get back home on Monday, send MOH a message asking her to call me. No response
I send another message and ask her to come to my house anytime as I would prefer to speak to her in person rather than over texts and emails.
She responds with how she is "disappointed in my reaction to the situation". Again, I ask her to come over so we can sit down and talk.
No response. I am debating how to deal with the disaster. I am 40 days from the wedding. I paid for her dress, ordered her jewelry, robe, other goodies. The rest of the bridal party is demanding that I kick her out immediately.
Thursday afternoon, I am on FB and see that she is tagged in Florida. I have had it at this point. I message her immediately and remove her from the bridal party. She fires back at how I need to "grow up" and stop making people feel like they "owe" me things.
She claims she "would have" texted me on Friday when she got back to NY.
There is a lot more to this story but I don't want to bore you.
Is what I did wrong? How would you have reacted?
Thanks for reading!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: OFFICIALLY LOSING IT - PLEASE HELP
You are acting like a child.
What happened between you cousin and your MOH doesnt involve you. Stay out of it. Your wedding party isnt like Survivor, they dont get to demand you kick someone off the island.
Your MOH can go to Florida when whenever she pleases and there are not deadlines for responding to texts.
You are in the wrong and need to apologize to your MOH for kicking her out of your wedding party and for your gross over reaction.
I am praying that this is MUD, but i fear its not.
Why were you planning your own bachelorette party? Why were you micromanaging rides and times? Did you even ask for their budgets first, or did you just invoice them for the trip and send them a list of things to buy? Because that's pretty shitty.
Why did you get involved in things that weren't your place to get involved in?
Kicking someone out of the WP is a friendship ending move. Your MOH can go to Florida and spend her money however she pleases. Her extra spending money is not automatically designated to your wedding just because you're getting married.
All a BM is required to do is to show up, on time, in the dress, in good spirits and sober. That's literally it. The drama between the BMs is not your problem. If they can't show up and stand next to you, that's their problem. Was it shitty of your MOH to show up late without texting or calling, yeah. But how the fuck did it escalate like that? Does no one here know how to adult?
Its coming...
Holy toledo! My head has just wrapped around itself trying to understand what happened. First off, how old are all of you? You all sound like you're in high school! Like the behavior is completely asenine. Goodnesss gracious!
How would I have reacted? Umm not like that. Mostly because I assume my friends and sister can hopefully act like adults and if they can't I cannot control it and I'm not going to try. We all have bad days and act like crazy people once and a while but goodness this is insane.
Holy hell, why are you planning your own bachelorette party? You should have absolutely nothing to do with any of the planning or coordinating at all. Also, e-mailing people the costs and stuff they need to bring? That is absolutely NOT how you plan an event OR treat your friends.
The hosts of the event (not you, because you can't plan a party in your own honor) need to get everyone's budgets first and not just invoice people like that.
I won't even comment on the other asinine high school drivel, other than you owe everybody an apology.
Formerly martha1818
Im not mad about her not showing up lol. I agree, everyone is an adult and whoever was able to come came. Im upset that she hasnt contacted me to clear the air.
And no, we did not sit around and bash her. We all agreed to not discuss this during the whole weekend.
Further, she was supposed to print and mail out the bridal shower invites. Not done, she said it was too expensive. This left my bridesmaids running around last minute and paying an extra 70 on shipping so the invites can be here on time
She was supposed to order the jewelry but that was never done. I have not demanded anything from any of them. Like a user above commented, there only job is to show up the day of, on time, and smile.
The emails sent out regarding the bach party were sent in advance so we didnt have to waste time when we get there shopping and driving around.
To the bolded- You keep saying this, but you don't seem to know what it means. It seems ALL you're doing is continually involving yourself in places you have no business and being incredibly demanding:
- Invoicing the bridal party and planning your own bachelorette- demanding
- Kicking someone out of your bridal party because they didn't respond to a text right away- demanding
- Getting mad that she didn't mailing bridal shower invites- demanding. Did she even offer to host this or was she voluntold?
- Getting her to order jewellery- demanding. What the hell? Why is she doing this in the first place? Get your own jewellery!
Seriously you need to step back and apologize to your friends for your behavior.
Formerly martha1818
You say you're "laid back" and aren't demanding anything from them, but your actions that you indicated in your posts say the exact opposite.
I'm guessing from your posts (again, the info you provided) that your BMs are sick and tired of hearing about your wedding. Weekly e-mails to them about your bachelorette party, "repeatedly" asking her about the jewellery, kicking her out when she doesn't respond to a text- does that sound "laid back", let alone an appropriate way to treat your friends?
For the love of [insert deity here], knock it off already. Your wedding is not the center of their universe. Stop talking about your wedding at all and just be a freaking friend to your bridal party again!
Formerly martha1818
This MOH has benn difficult to work with, blowing off whatever responsibilites she has VOLUNATARILY taken. I didn't hear about any of that until this week.
As her MOH a fee months ago, i made sure she had a good time at her shower and that everything was planned just how she wouldve wanted it. The week of her wedding i was her at her side, running last minute errands,
I have been more than patient and understanding but a quick text saying "hey ill be back on friday talk then" would suffice. The majority of the bridal party is my family and im sure she felt like she was being ganged up on which i totally understand. Thats why i wanted to talk to her in person. But her lack of response just concerns me.
I think i need to turn my brain off for the weekend and try to think clearly.