Asking Bridesmaid to be Photographer

LoveMeKenna

So there is a small back story to this. My fiance and I were suppose to get married at the end of May 2014, but problems arose and we had to cancel, so we've set the date again for September 2015. I asked 5 friends to be bridesmaids for the May wedding, but we're trying to keep things smaller for the September wedding as having a smaller budget, I want to ask one of the bridesmaids who is very good at photography and whom I haven't been able to see in awhile to be a photographer for the bridal party at the September wedding. (Note: I did not ask her to be a bridesmaid at the September wedding) I don't want to upset her, but she is a very talented photographer and I don't have the budget to hire two professional photographers (I need two because the bridal party and the grooms party will take separate party pics before the wedding, to save on time for the guests waiting to eat after the ceremony). The one bridesmaid whom I've confided this information in has assured me that the other bridesmaid would surly understand and take pictures for the wedding, but I really really don't want to hurt my friends feelings. It's not like she wouldn't be apart of the bridal party, she would be there with us every step of the way. If she wants to wear a bridesmaids dress I wouldn't be against it because she is still apart of my bridal party, she just wouldn't be walking down the aisle before me, she would be taking pictures of me walking down the aisle. How do I go about talking to her about this? I'm so scared I'm going to upset her (I've also been told I am over thinking this because I live with high anxiety). Any advice/thoughts?

banana468

Honestly, I wouldn't ask. It's not really an honor to have to work your wedding and I think telling hEr she could wear a BM dress while photographing the bridal party could be taken as a slap to the face. I'd hire a pro instead.

Maggie0829

Makenna+Nick said:

So there is a small back story to this. My fiance and I were suppose to get married at the end of May 2014, but problems arose and we had to cancel, so we've set the date again for September 2015. I asked 5 friends to be bridesmaids for the May wedding, but we're trying to keep things smaller for the September wedding as having a smaller budget, I want to ask one of the bridesmaids who is very good at photography and whom I haven't been able to see in awhile to be a photographer for the bridal party at the September wedding. (Note: I did not ask her to be a bridesmaid at the September wedding) I don't want to upset her, but she is a very talented photographer and I don't have the budget to hire two professional photographers (I need two because the bridal party and the grooms party will take separate party pics before the wedding, to save on time for the guests waiting to eat after the ceremony). The one bridesmaid whom I've confided this information in has assured me that the other bridesmaid would surly understand and take pictures for the wedding, but I really really don't want to hurt my friends feelings. It's not like she wouldn't be apart of the bridal party, she would be there with us every step of the way. If she wants to wear a bridesmaids dress I wouldn't be against it because she is still apart of my bridal party, she just wouldn't be walking down the aisle before me, she would be taking pictures of me walking down the aisle. How do I go about talking to her about this? I'm so scared I'm going to upset her (I've also been told I am over thinking this because I live with high anxiety). Any advice/thoughts?

If I were previously a BM in your wedding then asked to be a vendor and work your wedding, I am not sure how I would feel about that.  I know this isn't the same wedding, but this person is still your friend.  Would you rather your friend work your wedding or just attend as a guest and enjoy the day.  And I know you said that you are trying to keep things smaller, but how much has your bridal party changed?  Are you having the same individuals except this girl?  That could definitely be hurtful to her.

As to the bolded.  No you don't need to hire two photographers to do this.  You just need to plan you timeline out better to allow your photographer time to take the necessary pictures.  Talk to a photographer about this and they will be able to help you figure out the best path forward.

So IMO, unless this person comes to you and asks about being your wedding photographer, then I would not ask her to work your wedding.  Also, having friends as vendors can get really awkward.  It is generally not a good idea to mix business with pleasure.

mikenberger

I would be very unhappy if I were good enough to be a bridesmaid on the first wedding date but then you ask me to work on the second wedding date and no longer be a bridesmaid. ESPECIALLY if I've purchased a dress. 

I understand wanting to keep things small and I think she would be more understanding if you would rather just have her as a guest if you're trying to downsize your party. Not downsize your wedding party so she could be a photographer. (I know you're not "demoting" her just so she could be a photographer, but it could come across that way.) 

And as @maggie0829 commented, friends as vendors can be awkward. 

OliveOilsMom

I think you are trying to give her a consolation prize since she didn't make the BM cut for your second wedding date.  Maggie asked a good question, how many BMs are you down to for this wedding?  If you are down to 4, it will really be a slap in the face to her.  I wouldn't do this.

Also, I planned my day so that all of our WP pictures and family pictures were done prior to the ceremony, without us having a first look.  Our ceremony started at 5, so from 2-2:45 my H and his party and immediate family had pics, then from 3:00 to about 4:30 my party and immediate family had pics.  My photo package already came with a 2nd shooter, so my photog changed up the schedule a little bit.  She suggested that the 2nd shooter start with my H at 2, then stayed with that group for all the pictures while the main photog came to me.  The 2nd shooter rode in the limo to the ceremony site with the guys so she could meet back up with the main photog since they just had 1 car.  Even if my photog didn't suggest the timeline change, we would have had all of our photos done on time.

arrrghmatey

Photographers are very busy during a wedding. If I were your friend, I would feel pretty awful if I were asked to work at your wedding as a vendor running all over the place rather than enjoy your special day. Makes me feel like you were valuing your ability to save some $$$ over my friendship and participation in your big day. Don't do it. If you have to downsize your bridal party, give her the honor of being a guest, not hired help.

And no, you don't need two photographers. I've been to many weddings where one photographer got the job done. If it is that big of a deal, ask about adding an additional hour for one photographer before the wedding to get extra shots rather than having two photographers.

hashtag43016

I wouldn't ask. I feel like if I were asked to be a bridesmaid and then later asked to be a photographer I would be a little upset. When you're in a wedding you want to be able to enjoy the wedding too, that's a little hard to do when you're working. I would ask if she knows any other amateur photographers. I've noticed that photographers usually hang out with or know other people who are photographers.

MairePoppy

Don't do it. It's not an honor to work at your wedding. And saying she could wear a bm dress if she really wants is condescending. How many bms did you cut?

The only way to ask a friend to photograph your wedding is by asking how much they charge and signing a contract.

 @jenna8984 would you like to weigh in on this topic?

Blue_Bird

Per your wedding website, you've already asked her to do this apparently. I certainly hope it works out and doesn't blow up in your face.

levioosa

Ditto PPs on how she is probably going to feel. 

Also....I'll just leave this here for you to read.  Asking friends to be vendors is never a good idea.

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1052285/photographer-disaster-update-pics-gone-forever/p1

ChemFanatic25

Blue_Bird said:

Per your wedding website, you've already asked her to do this apparently. I certainly hope it works out and doesn't blow up in your face.

Ouch. How to kill a friendship 101. Today's topic: demoting your bridesmaid and asking her to work at you wedding.

bizzy592

Perhaps I'm mistaken, but I wasn't aware that delaying a wedding called for an automatic re-set of the wedding party.

KatWAG

So is she a guest or a vendor? There isn't really any middle ground.

Would you be paying her for her services?

MairePoppy

Blue_Bird said:

Per your wedding website, you've already asked her to do this apparently. I certainly hope it works out and doesn't blow up in your face.

Wait, you asked her on your wedding website? That was bad form for two reasons:

1. You've demoted her publicly.

2. You've put her on the spot for her services, publicly.

OliveOilsMom

Perhaps I'm mistaken, but I wasn't aware that delaying a wedding called for an automatic re-set of the wedding party.

It doesn't, but you have a very slippery slope to walk through.  I also think there is a difference from when a wedding is postponed a few months or a year.  It can also greatly depend on how the BP is restructured and if attire was already purchased by the BP. 

Blue_Bird

MairePoppy said:

Blue_Bird said:

Per your wedding website, you've already asked her to do this apparently. I certainly hope it works out and doesn't blow up in your face.

Wait, you asked her on your wedding website? That was bad form for two reasons:

1. You've demoted her publicly.

2. You've put her on the spot for her services, publicly.

Well, it's not clear that she did that, but what is sad is that it looks like she's just a vendor from the site. She's listed at the bottom as "bridesmaid/photographer" and there is no profile describing their relationship like there is for the other women.

kmmssg

Wow - demoted her publicly AND listed everyone's full names on the web.  You don't do EITHER of those things!

redoryx

Blue_Bird said:

MairePoppy said:

Blue_Bird said:

Per your wedding website, you've already asked her to do this apparently. I certainly hope it works out and doesn't blow up in your face.

Wait, you asked her on your wedding website? That was bad form for two reasons:

1. You've demoted her publicly.

2. You've put her on the spot for her services, publicly.

Well, it's not clear that she did that, but what is sad is that it looks like she's just a vendor from the site. She's listed at the bottom as "bridesmaid/photographer" and there is no profile describing their relationship like there is for the other women.

Yeah, OP, I'd consider changing your username. Your first name is unusual enough that it was REALLY easy to find your wedding website with a very simple Google search. Internet safety and all. 

justsie

Please tell me this isn't the same one that has, multiple times, what guests should wear and is asking guests to BYOB. 

Dreamergirl8812

sierra2016 said:

Please tell me this isn't the same one that has, multiple times, what guests should wear and is asking guests to BYOB. 

I couldn't get through the Our Story section. And how are guests "maximizing their time" by BYOB? And the poor little consolation prize bridesmaid/photographer just puts it over the top.

The pictures are cute though.

As for the original post:

klk111415

Wow, you are such a good friend to her.  Demoted her to a vendor- making her work during your entire wedding.  Looks like she won't be comfortable like you want all your friends and family to feel... then again, doesn't sound like you consider her a friend since she wasn't good enough to be a bridesmaid let alone a GUEST at your wedding.  This is the biggest no no.  A photographer doesn't just take photos during your wedding and then everything is all said and done.  They then go and edit everything.  They don't socialize with guests, they don't get to enjoy the day because they are working.  And do you even know that she has professional equipment?  Just because you have a DSLR doesn't make you a wedding photographer.  If you in the end don't like the "wedding photos" that your friend took, you are going to have the rest of your life to regret that.  And I hope she is still willing to be a friend after this.  And if you don't pay her for her services, that's just wrong on so many levels.  

randomslove

I've worked in photography for six years and I'll tell you this-- REAL photography work is a lot of running around trying to get the best shots. If you ask her to do your photos, you will ensure that she won't be enjoying herself in the same way. She won't be sitting and laughing and making happy memories, enveloped in the glow of friendship and love and whatnot.

She will not want to dress up like a BM in heels and the dress-- that's difficult to run around in, crouching, stretching, etc. Photography requires an amount of free moment.

And she's expected to look at something she either does as a hobby or as a job as making her "part of the wedding party"? Photographer is not part of the wedding party.

If she's done professional photography before, you're asking her to do hundreds to thousands of dollars of work (and at least 5 hours on her feet running around with potentially a full work week or more of photo-processing-- and yes, it is that intensive) not just for free, but in a way she's supposed to feel honored to do it?

If she hasn't, you're expecting her to know what it entails. Trust me, taking photos at an event is not as easy as you think. You could end up hating her photos of the event and wishing you'd gone pro.

Jen4948

Not only is it not a good idea to ask a guest to "work" your wedding, she already has a role as bridesmaid.  She can't photograph you walking down the aisle if she's walking herself.