Rehearsal dinner at our home?

julieanne912

We are getting married in 6 months, and so far FI's family has not offered to host anything.  His mom asked me if we were having a rehearsal dinner, I told her I wasn't sure yet.  We are not having a formal rehearsal since it's just us, our friend who is the officiant, and a MOH and BM for the ceremony, so we can go over the game plan anytime (venue charges to have a rehearsal there).  

But the more I think about it I think I'd like to have something for our guests who are coming from out of town.  Since the budget is already tight, I was thinking of doing just a BBQ at our house the night before the wedding.  Our house is about 30 minutes away from the venue and hotels, so that might be a bit of a drive for people?  We just bought the house a month ago after spending 9 months building it, so this might be the one opportunity for people to see it.

So basically, am I crazy to do a get-together/party at my house the night before my wedding?  I'm sure FI's family, who will be staying at our house (my family is staying at another relatives house) will help pitch in in terms of making food and helping to clean up, that's just how they are, but I'm not expecting them to pay for it.  Also I will not be staying at our house that night, my mom and I are getting a hotel room close to the venue.

southernbelle0915

Aren't you serving BBQ for your wedding? If so, I wouldn't have the same food two nights in a row. What about pizza and/or Italian. That can be very cost efficient and would change things up a bit.

I think there are some questions you need to ask yourself and answer VERY honestly:

1) Can you truly afford this? You've got food, drinks, plates/paper products, tables/chairs you might need to rent (everyone needs a place to sit and eat), invitations, etc. Or would this money be better spent upgrading your bar at the actual wedding, providing a shuttle, getting a photo booth, having a kickass cocktail hour, etc.?

2) Do you really want this many people in your home the night before your wedding? What if people stay late? You're the host, you need to stay and host them until they leave.

3) Do you have time/energy to plan another, separate party? 

It sounds like you're a little bitter that your FILs haven't offered to host anything - and you particularly mention the RD. I understand it's "traditional" in some circles, but you really have to let that go. 

lovegood90

southernbelle0915 said:

Aren't you serving BBQ for your wedding? If so, I wouldn't have the same food two nights in a row. What about pizza and/or Italian. That can be very cost efficient and would change things up a bit.

I think there are some questions you need to ask yourself and answer VERY honestly:

1) Can you truly afford this? You've got food, drinks, plates/paper products, tables/chairs you might need to rent (everyone needs a place to sit and eat), invitations, etc. Or would this money be better spent upgrading your bar at the actual wedding, providing a shuttle, getting a photo booth, having a kickass cocktail hour, etc.?

2) Do you really want this many people in your home the night before your wedding? What if people stay late? You're the host, you need to stay and host them until they leave.

3) Do you have time/energy to plan another, separate party? 

It sounds like you're a little bitter that your FILs haven't offered to host anything - and you particularly mention the RD. I understand it's "traditional" in some circles, but you really have to let that go. 

Agree with all this. It sounds like a lot of work the night before your wedding. Also, since you're not staying at your house that night, who's going to clean up? You mentioned your FILs, but it's not appropriate to expect this of them since you're the one hosting. So if you end up cleaning up, then travelling to your hotel, that sounds like a potentially late night. I dunno, it seems like more trouble than it's worth.

julieanne912

southernbelle0915 said:

Aren't you serving BBQ for your wedding? If so, I wouldn't have the same food two nights in a row. What about pizza and/or Italian. That can be very cost efficient and would change things up a bit.

I think there are some questions you need to ask yourself and answer VERY honestly:

1) Can you truly afford this? You've got food, drinks, plates/paper products, tables/chairs you might need to rent (everyone needs a place to sit and eat), invitations, etc. Or would this money be better spent upgrading your bar at the actual wedding, providing a shuttle, getting a photo booth, having a kickass cocktail hour, etc.?

2) Do you really want this many people in your home the night before your wedding? What if people stay late? You're the host, you need to stay and host them until they leave.

3) Do you have time/energy to plan another, separate party? 

It sounds like you're a little bitter that your FILs haven't offered to host anything - and you particularly mention the RD. I understand it's "traditional" in some circles, but you really have to let that go. 

Oh I really didn't mean to sound bitter about it, I'm sorry it came across that way.  It's totally fine if they don't offer to host it.

Your other points are all very good.  We are doing BBQ at the wedding, brisket and chicken, so by BBQ at our house I was thinking like, hot dogs and burgers.  Italian is a great idea though as that's actually even easier to do for a crowd.  FI's family/friends are all partying types, and some of my family too, so they could very well end up staying way too late.  I didn't think about that either, plus I'd feel awful if they partied too much at our house and then couldn't make their way back to the hotels that are a half hour away.  

Our wedding is also the DIY variety, meaning, we have to go over there in the morning of at 8am to set everything up, so perhaps having a party the night before would be a terrible idea!

I guess this is something else I need to stew on for awhile, and really I have plenty of time to worry about it.  So far my takeaway is, this is a horrible idea haha!

southernbelle0915

What you COULD do as a happy medium would be to have your officiant, BM, MOH and immediate family over for Italian. Honestly, I'd go to Olive Garden or some local Italian place and get a pan of pasta, a pan of meat and then do bagged salad from the grocery store. Get a 24 pack of beer, and a blackbox of red/white. Call it a night.

Less complicated, more low key, easier to clean up... and everyone would be "in the know" (and hopefully respectful) that you need to get up at the crack of dawn to be at the venue. 

bananasplit472001

I would also recommend you go out somewhere instead of hosting something the night before you wedding.  You will be tired.  Many family owned pizzeria type places allow you to bring you own alcohol.  I would find a reasonably priced place and make a reservation for you party and order some pizza.

julieanne912

There's actually a brewery right by the hotels, and their food seems pretty reasonably priced ($10-15 an entree).  That might be an option and it would be closer for all the guests (it's stumbling distance haha).  Breweries usually have larger spaces for bigger groups too.

poodledoodleooo

We had our rehearsal dinner at my parent's house the night before the wedding (which is also where I spent the night)! It honestly wasn't as bad as some PP's are making it out to be, but they have definitely brought up a few thing to consider.

For us, we had about 40 people and all of our food came from a BBQ catering place. I specifically requested that everything was disposable. We used ~fancy~ plastic plates, silverware and cups to make cleanup a breeze. It literally took my mom and I about 20 minutes to put away and leftovers, peel off the table cloths and put them in the laundry room and break down any of the folding chairs and tables.

Our guests arrive at 6 pm and all left around 9 - 9:30 p.m. So if you don't think they'll leave at a reasonable time, I would definitely opt for something else.

The rehearsal was something I really didn't want to drop a lot of money on so for me, it was worth the extra effort.