So long story short. This will be my second marriage, I have no kids from the first. FI has an amazing 7 year old son, with whom I have a terrific relationship. We are considering having one child, we discuss it, we just need the timing to be right. So, I am fortunate to be able retire in five years, I will be 42. I'd be able to receive my pension with full benefits and be a stay at home mom, which would be ideal... except well I'd be 42 and just then TTC...
Any women on here who are older moms, just starting out? Thoughts, is this a crazy idea?
Re: NWR: Is 42 too old to start TTC for the first time?
If your doctor is okay with it. And you are okay with the risks associated with having a baby past 40, then go for it.
It's a personal preference.
You might want to check out thebump.com. I think they have a board for this.
If your doctor is okay with it. And you are okay with the risks associated with having a baby past 40, then go for it.
It's a personal preference.
You might want to check out thebump.com. I think they have a board for this.
That probably won't work. The Bump is a wasteland these days and you won't find much (if any) helpful information there now. I know where everyone went if anyone wants the link.I'm not quite at the age that you would be, but my FI is 43 and we've talked about having a kid (I'll be 39 this summer).
Now I'm leaning towards not having a child. My reasons are: his kids are teenagers, and if I don't have the patience for them now, what would I be like in 14 years when we'd have a new one in the house? In around 5 years, we could be empty nesters and be free to travel or do whatever we want, plus I get the added benefit that his kids' kids would also be my grandkids. Plus our parenting styles are soooo different, I think we'd end up fighting if we had a kid.
My dr had zero concerns about if I wanted to try for a baby. She said plenty of women are past 35 and do it now and it's mostly fine as long as your eggs cooperate.
So like PPs have said, it's completely up to you what you want out of life, especially once your husband retires and what you want to spend those years doing.
In general, we have been leaning towards no, but every once in a while it comes back up for us. I also know in the course of five years, a lot can change, but since it's been on our minds and the general consensus for both of us is timing wise, me being able to stay at home, maybe work part time would be ideal. But then, the reality that yes we will be in our 60's when they are entering HS/college is kind of daunting. My FI also get concerned because both of his parents passed in their mid-late 60's so well there's that.
I don't know I guess I was just wanting to see some other couples experiences, to make sure we are not completely crazy...
Thanks, maybe I'll check to see if there is a group like that near me!
I personally wouldn't risk the 5 years of very likely better fertility to avoid daycare.
If you're like me and got this far without kids, it seems likely that you may enjoy the break from full time child care!
I actually had to LOL at this because it is true... Chances are I'd most likely retire from one job, collect my pension and move on to something where, I can be "mostly" home... I imagine a break will be welcome.
I'm the fuck out.
Kids are fucking expensive. You might want to do some research on that.
I didn't plan to have my kid rake up $1 million in medical bills in the first 3 weeks of life. Obviously insurance covered most but no all. Stuff like that can easily wipe out a previous plush saving account.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation, that can be truly devastating. I am well aware of how expensive kids are and I am currently raising a 7 year-old (five when we met) with my FI.
I guess when I say money is not a consideration, I am saying that I will still have a fairly substantial salary bi-weekly and medical insurance in addition to my then husband continuing to work. Also, if really necessary I can always find another perhaps part-time job.
My mom had me pretty young (22), but my SO was born pretty late (41), and obviously each family is different, but he doesn't like it. Well, he doesn't mind it now. But growing up, his parents were both older, and he was very jealous of the kids with younger parents who would want to go to the park and play soccer, etc. They were both so tired that they would just come home and not do anything. On the flip side, my mom was a single mom who worked 2 jobs while I was young, and would do something similar, so maybe the grass is always greener. Just wanted to give you a perspective from another view.
If I were in your situation, I'd start TTC sooner rather than later, but if your dr says its fine, then its your decision.