NWR: Is 42 too old to start TTC for the first time?

classicalandedgy

So long story short.  This will be my second marriage, I have no kids from the first.  FI has an amazing 7 year old son, with whom I have a terrific relationship.  We are considering having one child, we discuss it, we just need the timing to be right.  So, I am fortunate to be able retire in five years, I will be 42.  I'd be able to receive my pension with full benefits and be a stay at home mom, which would be ideal... except well I'd be 42 and just then TTC... 

 

Any women on here who are older moms, just starting out?  Thoughts, is this a crazy idea? 

KatWAG

I think this a question for an OBGYN.

mikenberger

classicalandedgy said:

So long story short.  This will be my second marriage, I have no kids from the first.  FI has an amazing 7 year old son, with whom I have a terrific relationship.  We are considering having one child, we discuss it, we just need the timing to be right.  So, I am fortunate to be able retire in five years, I will be 42.  I'd be able to receive my pension with full benefits and be a stay at home mom, which would be ideal... except well I'd be 42 and just then TTC... 

 

Any women on here who are older moms, just starting out?  Thoughts, is this a crazy idea? 

Plenty of people have had kids past 40, but for you specifically, you should probably talk to your doctor about this. They'll probably want to go in depth with your family history, personal history etc. 

Good luck! That's awesome, getting to retire at 42

classicalandedgy

I have discussed this with my OBGYN, physically there is no reason why I couldn't, I certainly would not be the first woman to have a baby in her 40's.  I'm just wondering if any other women have been in a similar position having their first or maybe subsequent children in their 40's? 

ChemFanatic25

classicalandedgy said:

I have discussed this with my OBGYN, physically there is no reason why I couldn't, I certainly would not be the first woman to have a baby in her 40's.  I'm just wondering if any other women have been in a similar position having their first or maybe subsequent children in their 40's? 

My grandmother had my dad when she was in her 40's but that was after three other kids. My boyfriend's mom had him when she was in her 40's as well. Her first son was born when she was 38 and then she was 40 when my boyfriend was born. I don't know if that helps but it is possible.

KatWAG

classicalandedgy said:

I have discussed this with my OBGYN, physically there is no reason why I couldn't, I certainly would not be the first woman to have a baby in her 40's.  I'm just wondering if any other women have been in a similar position having their first or maybe subsequent children in their 40's? 

If your doctor is okay with it. And you are okay with the risks associated with having a baby past 40, then go for it.

It's a personal preference.

You might want to check out thebump.com. I think they have a board for this.

charlottesmom0626

I can't say "been there, done that"

but here's my two cents anyway- I think there are plenty of career driven women who have children later in life and are really happy with that decision. If you've accomplished all you wanted in your career, your doctor said it's okay, and this will make you happy at home, go for it.

I think statistically more children are born with genetic disorders/down's syndrome/etc, but your OBGYN knows you and your risks better than internet strangers. 

Personally, I don't think I'd want to TTC at 42, but I don't have a solid reason against it.

Maggie0829

My Grandmother had my Uncle when she was in her 40's.  He wasn't planned though, she actually thought she was going through menopause and believed she could no longer get pregnant.  So that was kind of a surprise for her.

My H's Aunt and Uncle have had 2 kids, both in their early to mid 40's.  I don't believe she had any complications, but of course everyone is different.

I guess for me, it isn't so much having the child in my 40's that would concern me, but knowing that I will then have to raise that child and being in my 60's before they even graduate high school. Some people don't care about that, but others do.  Just something to think about.  And if you have a kid like me, I didn't leave the house till I was 25.  So I guess it depends on how you want to spend your retirement years.  Neither way is wrong, it just depends on the couple/person.

AprilH81

KatWAG said:

I have discussed this with my OBGYN, physically there is no reason why I couldn't, I certainly would not be the first woman to have a baby in her 40's.  I'm just wondering if any other women have been in a similar position having their first or maybe subsequent children in their 40's? 

If your doctor is okay with it. And you are okay with the risks associated with having a baby past 40, then go for it.

It's a personal preference.

You might want to check out thebump.com. I think they have a board for this.

That probably won't work.  The Bump is a wasteland these days and you won't find much (if any) helpful information there now.  I know where everyone went if anyone wants the link.

flyingfoxes

I'm not quite at the age that you would be, but my FI is 43 and we've talked about having a kid (I'll be 39 this summer). 

Now I'm leaning towards not having a child.  My reasons are: his kids are teenagers, and if I don't have the patience for them now, what would I be like in 14 years when we'd have a new one in the house?  In around 5 years, we could be empty nesters and be free to travel or do whatever we want, plus I get the added benefit that his kids' kids would also be my grandkids.  Plus our parenting styles are soooo different, I think we'd end up fighting if we had a kid. 

My dr had zero concerns about if I wanted to try for a baby.  She said plenty of women are past 35 and do it now and it's mostly fine as long as your eggs cooperate. 

So like PPs have said, it's completely up to you what you want out of life, especially once your husband retires and what you want to spend those years doing.

NowIamMrsKlein

My uncle and his wife had their first kid last year. she was 47 and he was 49.

They weighed the pro's and cons and decided that they really wanted to try for their own kid first before considering adoption.

Because of their age the doctor referred them to an 'older parents' therapy group. Where they were given lots of information and support.

She had a rough pregnancy and had to be very closely monitored, but I don't think they regret it one bit. They are fully aware of the implications of having kids at that age, but they desperately wanted a child of their own and it was worth it to them

So you basically just have to be aware of all the information out there and make a decision that is right for your family.

southernbelle0915

Obviously talk to a doctor about the medical risks and your health history.

But from a social perspective, people are waiting longer and longer to have kids these days, so I don't think it's totally out of the norm. You just need to get the OK from a physician and then decide if it's right for you.

Personally I wouldn't do it. My personal reasons are the following: 1) more difficult to get pregnant and then carry to term; 2) higher physical risk for mom and baby; 3) greater risk of genetic disorders and birth defects; and 4) having the energy to keep up with little one(s).

And if you retire before TTC, you'd be on a fixed income. Does that jive with raising a kid, paying for all kinds of stuff, sending them to college, etc.? 

classicalandedgy

mobride2015 said:

I'm not quite at the age that you would be, but my FI is 43 and we've talked about having a kid (I'll be 39 this summer). 

Now I'm leaning towards not having a child.  My reasons are: his kids are teenagers, and if I don't have the patience for them now, what would I be like in 14 years when we'd have a new one in the house?  In around 5 years, we could be empty nesters and be free to travel or do whatever we want, plus I get the added benefit that his kids' kids would also be my grandkids.  Plus our parenting styles are soooo different, I think we'd end up fighting if we had a kid. 

My dr had zero concerns about if I wanted to try for a baby.  She said plenty of women are past 35 and do it now and it's mostly fine as long as your eggs cooperate. 

So like PPs have said, it's completely up to you what you want out of life, especially once your husband retires and what you want to spend those years doing.

In general, we have been leaning towards no, but every once in a while it comes back up for us.  I also know in the course of five years, a lot can change, but since it's been on our minds and the general consensus for both of us is timing wise, me being able to stay at home, maybe work part time would be ideal.  But then, the reality that yes we will be in our 60's when they are entering HS/college is kind of daunting.  My FI also get concerned because both of his parents passed in their mid-late 60's so well there's that. 

I don't know I guess I was just wanting to see some other couples experiences, to make sure we are not completely crazy...

classicalandedgy

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

My uncle and his wife had their first kid last year. she was 47 and he was 49.

They weighed the pro's and cons and decided that they really wanted to try for their own kid first before considering adoption.

Because of their age the doctor referred them to an 'older parents' therapy group. Where they were given lots of information and support.

She had a rough pregnancy and had to be very closely monitored, but I don't think they regret it one bit. They are fully aware of the implications of having kids at that age, but they desperately wanted a child of their own and it was worth it to them

So you basically just have to be aware of all the information out there and make a decision that is right for your family.

Thanks, maybe I'll check to see if there is a group like that near me!

classicalandedgy

southernbelle0915 said:

Obviously talk to a doctor about the medical risks and your health history.

But from a social perspective, people are waiting longer and longer to have kids these days, so I don't think it's totally out of the norm. You just need to get the OK from a physician and then decide if it's right for you.

Personally I wouldn't do it. My personal reasons are the following: 1) more difficult to get pregnant and then carry to term; 2) higher physical risk for mom and baby; 3) greater risk of genetic disorders and birth defects; and 4) having the energy to keep up with little one(s).

And if you retire before TTC, you'd be on a fixed income. Does that jive with raising a kid, paying for all kinds of stuff, sending them to college, etc.? 

Definitely, weighing 1-4, money won't really be an issue though and not factoring in the decision.

FiancB

My mom had my sister when she was 40 and me when she was 42. It was much less common then. 

I would definitely prefer not to wait that long but I'd probably go for it. The risks of having a pregnancy when older are somewhat blown out of proportion. Yeah the risk of Down's syndrome doubles but it's something like going from 1% to 2%. Still way more likely that you'll have a healthy baby than not. 

LadyMillil

One of my colleagues was waiting to TTC until he got tenure. His wife went through early menopause (at age 37/38) before they started TTC so now they can't have any biological kids. 

My aunt got pregnant her first cycle off BC at the age of 42 (uncle was 50). She had a lot of complications and was on bedrest for 4 months. Aunt says having a young kid at her age keeps her young and active but I know uncle is having a harder time being in his 50's with a 6 year old.

luckya23

I personally wouldn't risk the 5 years of very likely better fertility to avoid daycare.

If you're like me and got this far without kids, it seems likely that you may enjoy the break from full time child care!

 

classicalandedgy

luckya23 said:

I personally wouldn't risk the 5 years of very likely better fertility to avoid daycare.

If you're like me and got this far without kids, it seems likely that you may enjoy the break from full time child care!

 

I actually had to LOL at this because it is true... Chances are I'd most likely retire from one job, collect my pension and move on to something where, I can be "mostly" home... I imagine a break will be welcome.

beethery

If you want to, and your doctor OK'd it, I'm not really sure why you needed to poll randoms on a wedding website.

KatWAG

classicalandedgy said:

southernbelle0915 said:

Obviously talk to a doctor about the medical risks and your health history.

But from a social perspective, people are waiting longer and longer to have kids these days, so I don't think it's totally out of the norm. You just need to get the OK from a physician and then decide if it's right for you.

Personally I wouldn't do it. My personal reasons are the following: 1) more difficult to get pregnant and then carry to term; 2) higher physical risk for mom and baby; 3) greater risk of genetic disorders and birth defects; and 4) having the energy to keep up with little one(s).

And if you retire before TTC, you'd be on a fixed income. Does that jive with raising a kid, paying for all kinds of stuff, sending them to college, etc.? 

Definitely, weighing 1-4, money won't really be an issue though and not factoring in the decision.

Kids are fucking expensive. You might want to do some research on that.

I didn't plan to have my kid rake up $1 million in medical bills in the first 3 weeks of life. Obviously insurance covered most but no all. Stuff like that can easily wipe out a previous plush saving account.

VulgarGirl

My FILs (FsIL? How is it if you have more then one?), adopted SIL when they were in their late 30s/early 40s.

They seem happy.

classicalandedgy

beethery said:

If you want to, and your doctor OK'd it, I'm not really sure why you needed to poll randoms on a wedding website.

At the moment it is a source of mental conflict for me.  I know quite a few women on here are TTC and have openly talked about it, and many other non wedding related matters.  I was just wondering if anyone was in a similar position and if they had any particular insight into TTC at an older age. 

flutteringinfl

Definitely talk to your doctor. For the sake of adding my own personal thoughts, I would not want to have children after 40. My aunt died of ovarian cancer and though I don't know if her having two kids after 40 contributed to that, I do know there's a possibility I could learn that I am also at risk for it and if so, I might elect to have my ovaries removed. So by then I'd be about 40 and hopefully I'll have my children before that.

VulgarGirl

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

My uncle and his wife had their first kid last year. she was 47 and he was 49.

They weighed the pro's and cons and decided that they really wanted to try for their own kid first before considering adoption.

Yes, I'm nitpicking again. 

An adopted child would still be "their own child". The word you want to use is biological. They wanted to try for a biological child before looking into adopting.

My wife is pregnant with a child that is not biologically connected to me. It's still my own child.

classicalandedgy

MagicInk said:

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

My uncle and his wife had their first kid last year. she was 47 and he was 49.

They weighed the pro's and cons and decided that they really wanted to try for their own kid first before considering adoption.

Yes, I'm nitpicking again. 

An adopted child would still be "their own child". The word you want to use is biological. They wanted to try for a biological child before looking into adopting.

My wife is pregnant with a child that is not biologically connected to me. It's still my own child.

congrats @magicink that's awesome!  I haven't been on here much lately and am just noticing your news and ticker!

flutteringinfl

MagicInk said:

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

My uncle and his wife had their first kid last year. she was 47 and he was 49.

They weighed the pro's and cons and decided that they really wanted to try for their own kid first before considering adoption.

Yes, I'm nitpicking again. 

An adopted child would still be "their own child". The word you want to use is biological. They wanted to try for a biological child before looking into adopting.

My wife is pregnant with a child that is not biologically connected to me. It's still my own child.

That's not nitpicking. I'd argue the word usage makes a huge difference.

VulgarGirl

classicalandedgy said:

MagicInk said:

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

My uncle and his wife had their first kid last year. she was 47 and he was 49.

They weighed the pro's and cons and decided that they really wanted to try for their own kid first before considering adoption.

Yes, I'm nitpicking again. 

An adopted child would still be "their own child". The word you want to use is biological. They wanted to try for a biological child before looking into adopting.

My wife is pregnant with a child that is not biologically connected to me. It's still my own child.

congrats @magicink that's awesome!  I haven't been on here much lately and am just noticing your news and ticker!

Thank you!

classicalandedgy

KatWAG said:

classicalandedgy said:

southernbelle0915 said:

Obviously talk to a doctor about the medical risks and your health history.

But from a social perspective, people are waiting longer and longer to have kids these days, so I don't think it's totally out of the norm. You just need to get the OK from a physician and then decide if it's right for you.

Personally I wouldn't do it. My personal reasons are the following: 1) more difficult to get pregnant and then carry to term; 2) higher physical risk for mom and baby; 3) greater risk of genetic disorders and birth defects; and 4) having the energy to keep up with little one(s).

And if you retire before TTC, you'd be on a fixed income. Does that jive with raising a kid, paying for all kinds of stuff, sending them to college, etc.? 

Definitely, weighing 1-4, money won't really be an issue though and not factoring in the decision.

Kids are fucking expensive. You might want to do some research on that.

I didn't plan to have my kid rake up $1 million in medical bills in the first 3 weeks of life. Obviously insurance covered most but no all. Stuff like that can easily wipe out a previous plush saving account.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, that can be truly devastating.  I am well aware of how expensive kids are and I am currently raising a 7 year-old (five when we met) with my FI. 

I guess when I say money is not a consideration, I am saying that I will still have a fairly substantial salary bi-weekly and medical insurance in addition to my then husband continuing to work.  Also, if really necessary I can always find another perhaps part-time job.

theartistformerlyknownas

Regardless of whether I think others here are in the same position as I am, the decision to have a child is not/was not/will never be something I would open up to the court of public opinion. That is a decision that should be made between you, your partner, and your doctor.

If you have to ask the internet if something is a bad idea, it probably is.

teddygirl9

My mom had me pretty young (22), but my SO was born pretty late (41), and obviously each family is different, but he doesn't like it. Well, he doesn't mind it now. But growing up, his parents were both older, and he was very jealous of the kids with younger parents who would want to go to the park and play soccer, etc. They were both so tired that they would just come home and not do anything. On the flip side, my mom was a single mom who worked 2 jobs while I was young, and would do something similar, so maybe the grass is always greener. Just wanted to give you a perspective from another view.

 

If I were in your situation, I'd start TTC sooner rather than later, but if your dr says its fine, then its your decision.