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Etiquette

daughter doesnt want a wedding

My daughter does not want a "wedding".  She would prefer to go to the courthouse and then have a reception at a later date.  Should we throw her a bridal shower?  and should she have a reception?  Im wondering if we should just tactfully put something on the invitations explaining such.

Re: daughter doesnt want a wedding

  • raeraymer said:

    My daughter does not want a "wedding".  She would prefer to go to the courthouse and then have a reception at a later date.  Should we throw her a bridal shower?  and should she have a reception?  Im wondering if we should just tactfully put something on the invitations explaining such.

    Tell her to read the PPD thread at the top of this board. The courthouse ceremony is her wedding.

    In terms of the bridal shower, anyone who is invited to the wedding can attend. If she is having a courthouse wedding, she cannot invite anyone not invited to that ceremony to the shower.
    [Deleted User]novella1186levioosaAmanderson1290
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    raeraymer said:

    My daughter does not want a "wedding".  She would prefer to go to the courthouse and then have a reception at a later date.  Should we throw her a bridal shower?  and should she have a reception?  Im wondering if we should just tactfully put something on the invitations explaining such.

    You should tell your daughter that her wedding at the courthouse is a wedding. And her reception is out of line. If she wants to have a reception, she can take those that come to her courthouse to dinner afterwards. That's a reception. You don't have a huge reception after the fact, for whatever reason. 

    I would not throw her a bridal shower, unless she's only inviting those that are invited to her courthouse ceremony (not a derogatory term, just saying.) It's poor etiquette and gift grabby to invite people to a shower for the wedding/ceremony that they're never going to see and be thanked for by a reception.

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  • Anyone can have a reception for any reason. It's just not a WEDDING reception, because you did not just have those people at a wedding. Reception itself just means a host is receiving guests.

    Ditto all PPs other points.

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    VulgarGirl
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Sounds good to me. I'm assuming she's having just her and her partner at the courthouse? If she's inviting anyone else she should host them for coming afterwards. Nothing fancy, just some lunch or something afterwards.

    And a reception later on is fine. A reception is literally just a party. I've hosted receptions after art showings. We called them receptions and everything. The important thing is that she's upfront and honest. So the invite, just word it like "Person A and Person B were married on BlahBlah date. Come celebrate their union with us on Date at Place and Time". And then throw an awesome party.

    I'd forgo any showers, you really only want to invite those coming to the wedding, and if your daughter is keeping the wedding super small...you see where I'm going with this.
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  • Getting married at the courthouse IS a wedding.

    1) No, she should absolutely NOT have a shower. Wedding showers are for guests who are invited to the wedding. She's not inviting anyone to her wedding, so it would be seen as gift grabby and bad etiquette for her to have a shower.

    2) Whatever kind of party she throws afterwards isn't a "reception". A wedding reception is where the B&G "receive" (hence the name) the guests who attended their wedding ceremony. It immediately follows the wedding ceremony. Again, since she's not inviting guests, no reception. 

    If she wants to, she could throw a big party to celebrate her recent marriage. An etiquette approved way to go about this would be for her to get married at the courthouse, send wedding announcements telling people she's married, and then invite people to a party to celebrate her recent marriage (wording should be appropriate so no one thinks it's a wedding). 

    The party would be just that - a party. No big white dress, no bridesmaids, no showers, no ceremony, no first dances, etc. 
    *********************************************************************************

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    [Deleted User]Chiwatkins
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ditto PPs.  


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  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    wed·ding
    ˈwediNG/
    noun
    1. a marriage ceremony, especially considered as including the associated celebrations.
      synonyms:marriage (service/ceremony/rites), nuptials, unioncommitment ceremony
      archaicespousal
      "a noon wedding at St. Mark's"
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    lnixon8[Deleted User]huskypuppy14
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