daughter doesnt want a wedding

Answers

• thespeshulestsnowflake member

  

  March 2015

  raeraymer said:

  My daughter does not want a "wedding".  She would prefer to go to the courthouse and then have a reception at a later date.  Should we throw her a bridal shower?  and should she have a reception?  Im wondering if we should just tactfully put something on the invitations explaining such.

  Tell her to read the PPD thread at the top of this board. The courthouse ceremony is her wedding.
  
  In terms of the bridal shower, anyone who is invited to the wedding can attend. If she is having a courthouse wedding, she cannot invite anyone not invited to that ceremony to the shower.

  

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• lovegood90 member

  

  March 2015

  raeraymer said:

  My daughter does not want a "wedding".  She would prefer to go to the courthouse and then have a reception at a later date.  Should we throw her a bridal shower?  and should she have a reception?  Im wondering if we should just tactfully put something on the invitations explaining such.

  
  
  If she just wants to go to the courthouse, then that's fine, but she gets no reception. The purpose of the reception is to thank the guests that attended the ceremony.

  If she gets married at the courthouse with no guests, that also means no pre-wedding parties (engagement parties, showers, bachelorette, etc) because the people invited to those also must be invited to the wedding.

  If she wants to have a "celebration of marriage" party at a later date following her courthouse wedding, that's fine, but there should be no "wedding" elements to it other than food, drinks and music. Ie no bridal party, "first dance," etc. She should also be forthcoming on the invites that she is already married.
  

  Formerly martha1818

  

  
  

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  March 2015

  What your daughter is wanting is a marriage celebration.  So that means no vows should be said, no huge wedding dress and veil should be worn, no tosses of any kind should happen, and no wedding parties should be had.

  
  

  For the invitations you need to word it so that people know that they are attending a celebration of a marriage and not a wedding.  Posters on here can help you with that wording, but you can also post on the invites board to help with wording also.

  
  

  What your daughter can do is wear a fabulous gown (more of a formal gown then a wedding gown), have a DJ, send invites, decorate the hell out of a venue, serve some amazing food and drink, hire a photographer, have a cake and basically have a killer party.

  
  

  But if she decides to go this route then that means no showers and no bach parties.  Because anyone invited to those parties should also be invited to the actual wedding.

  
  

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• mikenberger member

  

  March 2015

  raeraymer said:

  My daughter does not want a "wedding".  She would prefer to go to the courthouse and then have a reception at a later date.  Should we throw her a bridal shower?  and should she have a reception?  Im wondering if we should just tactfully put something on the invitations explaining such.

  You should tell your daughter that her wedding at the courthouse is a wedding. And her reception is out of line. If she wants to have a reception, she can take those that come to her courthouse to dinner afterwards. That's a reception. You don't have a huge reception after the fact, for whatever reason. 

  
  

  I would not throw her a bridal shower, unless she's only inviting those that are invited to her courthouse ceremony (not a derogatory term, just saying.) It's poor etiquette and gift grabby to invite people to a shower for the wedding/ceremony that they're never going to see and be thanked for by a reception.

  
  

  
  

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• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  March 2015

  Anyone can have a reception for any reason. It's just not a WEDDING reception, because you did not just have those people at a wedding. Reception itself just means a host is receiving guests.
  
  Ditto all PPs other points.

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• VulgarGirl member

  

  March 2015

  Sounds good to me. I'm assuming she's having just her and her partner at the courthouse? If she's inviting anyone else she should host them for coming afterwards. Nothing fancy, just some lunch or something afterwards.

  
  

  And a reception later on is fine. A reception is literally just a party. I've hosted receptions after art showings. We called them receptions and everything. The important thing is that she's upfront and honest. So the invite, just word it like "Person A and Person B were married on BlahBlah date. Come celebrate their union with us on Date at Place and Time". And then throw an awesome party.

  
  

  I'd forgo any showers, you really only want to invite those coming to the wedding, and if your daughter is keeping the wedding super small...you see where I'm going with this.

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  March 2015

  Getting married at the courthouse IS a wedding.

  
  

  1) No, she should absolutely NOT have a shower. Wedding showers are for guests who are invited to the wedding. She's not inviting anyone to her wedding, so it would be seen as gift grabby and bad etiquette for her to have a shower.

  
  

  2) Whatever kind of party she throws afterwards isn't a "reception". A wedding reception is where the B&G "receive" (hence the name) the guests who attended their wedding ceremony. It immediately follows the wedding ceremony. Again, since she's not inviting guests, no reception. 

  
  

  If she wants to, she could throw a big party to celebrate her recent marriage. An etiquette approved way to go about this would be for her to get married at the courthouse, send wedding announcements telling people she's married, and then invite people to a party to celebrate her recent marriage (wording should be appropriate so no one thinks it's a wedding). 

  
  

  The party would be just that - a party. No big white dress, no bridesmaids, no showers, no ceremony, no first dances, etc. 

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• levioosa member

  

  March 2015

  Ditto PPs.  

  
  

  
  

  

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• larrygaga member

  

  March 2015

  wed·ding

  ˈwediNG/

  noun

  1. a marriage ceremony, especially considered as including the associated celebrations.

     synonyms:

     marriage (service/ceremony/rites), nuptials, union, commitment ceremony;  archaicespousal "a noon wedding at St. Mark's"

  
  

  
  

  
  

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