HELP!!! Bridesmaidzilla!!!

thefanciestbeckler

I am in need of some advice. One of my bridesmaids has turned into an
emotional wreck. She was very excited when I got engaged. She
was thrilled when I asked her to be in my bridal party. However, as time
has gone on she has become very dramatic. She finds a way to make every
wedding-related event about her and how sad she is that she's single.
She has started posting man-hating statuses on Facebook almost daily. My mom made a
sweet, encouraging comment on her most recent post and she nearly bit my
mom's head off.

When we went wedding dress shopping, she ended up
getting all emotional because she found a dress (wedding dress, mind
you! she doesn't have a boyfriend, and why was she shopping for herself during my appointment?) that she wanted to try on. My consultant had already mentioned
that they don't let people who are not engaged try on wedding dresses as
it is a waste of their time. She spent the whole ride back to her car
in silence and informed me the next day that she cried all night long.


I have tried my very best to be supportive of her and encouraging to her. I understand how hard it can be to watch your friends get married when you are single. I have been there many times! We have girls' nights pretty regularly where we don't even talk about wedding stuff. Not to be selfish, but her negativity is really taking some of the fun out of the planning process. I really need my bridal party to be supporting me and helping me; not turning every wedding-related event into a drama fest. What should I do??

mrsconn23

becklertobe said:

I am in need of some advice. One of my bridesmaids has turned into an
emotional wreck. She was very excited when I got engaged. She
was thrilled when I asked her to be in my bridal party. However, as time
has gone on she has become very dramatic. She finds a way to make every
wedding-related event about her and how sad she is that she's single.
She has started posting man-hating statuses on Facebook almost daily. My mom made a
sweet, encouraging comment on her most recent post and she nearly bit my
mom's head off.

When we went wedding dress shopping, she ended up
getting all emotional because she found a dress (wedding dress, mind
you! she doesn't have a boyfriend, and why was she shopping for herself during my appointment?) that she wanted to try on. My consultant had already mentioned
that they don't let people who are not engaged try on wedding dresses as
it is a waste of their time. She spent the whole ride back to her car
in silence and informed me the next day that she cried all night long.


I have tried my very best to be supportive of her and encouraging to her. I understand how hard it can be to watch your friends get married when you are single. I have been there many times! We have girls' nights pretty regularly where we don't even talk about wedding stuff. Not to be selfish, but her negativity is really taking some of the fun out of the planning process. I really need my bridal party to be supporting me and helping me; not turning every wedding-related event into a drama fest. What should I do??

1. How old are y'all?

2. When was the last non-wedding related conversation you had with her?

3. There had to have been better ways to handle the bridal store thing.  One dress was not going to make or break the day.  (Did you point out *in front of everyone* that she 'doesn't even have a boyfriend'?)

4. Also, I'm sure this is *not* new behavior.  Has she been this way about other things in the past?  How did you deal with it then?  

5. All BMs *have* to do is buy a dress and show up.  Put no other expectation on her than that. 

6. ASK HER what is wrong.  Meet for lunch/drinks, have her over and tell her that it seems like she's stressed and ask what's going on. 

Heffalump

Honestly, I'm not sure it was a good idea to invite her dress shopping if she was already in a...delicate place.  But that ship has sailed.

You do not need your bridal party to support and help you.  That is your FI's job, because you and FI are the ones getting married.  You need her to show up sober on your wedding day in the appropriate dress, and ideally not burst into tears during your vows.  So you can cross that one off your list.

Frankly, she sounds a little off kilter.  I mean, it's one thing to see a dress while you're shopping and think "Oh, that's beautiful, I'd like something like that."  It's quite another to cry about it all night.  If it were me, I would approach it like any other friend who seems to be behaving strangely:  I'd be worried about her.  Take her out for coffee, or drinks, or whatever, tell her that you're concerned that she seems unhappy, and ask her if she wants to talk about it.  Definitely leave the wedding out of this conversation--no mention of "I really need your help and support with the wedding" etc.

thefanciestbeckler

mrs.conn23 said:

becklertobe said:

I am in need of some advice. One of my bridesmaids has turned into an
emotional wreck. She was very excited when I got engaged. She
was thrilled when I asked her to be in my bridal party. However, as time
has gone on she has become very dramatic. She finds a way to make every
wedding-related event about her and how sad she is that she's single.
She has started posting man-hating statuses on Facebook almost daily. My mom made a
sweet, encouraging comment on her most recent post and she nearly bit my
mom's head off.

When we went wedding dress shopping, she ended up
getting all emotional because she found a dress (wedding dress, mind
you! she doesn't have a boyfriend, and why was she shopping for herself during my appointment?) that she wanted to try on. My consultant had already mentioned
that they don't let people who are not engaged try on wedding dresses as
it is a waste of their time. She spent the whole ride back to her car
in silence and informed me the next day that she cried all night long.


I have tried my very best to be supportive of her and encouraging to her. I understand how hard it can be to watch your friends get married when you are single. I have been there many times! We have girls' nights pretty regularly where we don't even talk about wedding stuff. Not to be selfish, but her negativity is really taking some of the fun out of the planning process. I really need my bridal party to be supporting me and helping me; not turning every wedding-related event into a drama fest. What should I do??

1. How old are y'all?

2. When was the last non-wedding related conversation you had with her?

3. There had to have been better ways to handle the bridal store thing.  One dress was not going to make or break the day.  (Did you point out *in front of everyone* that she 'doesn't even have a boyfriend'?)

4. Also, I'm sure this is *not* new behavior.  Has she been this way about other things in the past?  How did you deal with it then?  

5. All BMs *have* to do is buy a dress and show up.  Put no other expectation on her than that. 

6. ASK HER what is wrong.  Meet for lunch/drinks, have her over and tell her that it seems like she's stressed and ask what's going on. 

1. We are 26
2. I have non-wedding related conversations with her nearly every day
3. I didn't have a clue she had been wanting to try on a dress while we were at the bridal store. She told me about it the next day.
4. Anything like this that I have known of in the past was family-related. Because I am her friend, all I ever got was her side of the story and in turn assumed that her family was keeping drama stirred up.
5. Anything she has helped with she has specifically asked if she could do, like dress shopping with me. I have tried to get as much done by myself as possible so I don't add more to my BM's already busy lives
6. We've had multiple conversations about what is going on in her life. I don't know how to offer her any more support or encouragement than I already have

VarunaTT

Then you're just going to have to deal with this and not let it affect you.  Just like when a friend is going through any really rough process.  It's alright to be tired sometimes of dealing with it and give yourself a day or two away when you need it.  Take your wedding out of the equation...what would you do then?  Hopefully you'd remind yourself that not everyone heals/processes at the same speed and still be there for her.

Y'know, like friends are supposed to do.

southernbelle0915

- Stop talking wedding with her and engaging her in wedding related stuff.

- Un-follow her on facebook. Tell your mom to do the same.

mrsconn23

How long have you been friends?  Have you ever met her family (siblings, parents)?

How does she act when it comes to *other* events for other people (birthdays, promotions, if a friend has a new BF)?  Has she always been a little attention whore-ish?  

There had to be hints of these historonics *before* this.  If she's seriously acting like this out of nowhere, I *really* think you should reach out to her, but also other people who are close to her.  This is a cause for concern.  

thefanciestbeckler

mrs.conn23 said:

How long have you been friends?  Have you ever met her family (siblings, parents)?

How does she act when it comes to *other* events for other people (birthdays, promotions, if a friend has a new BF)?  Has she always been a little attention whore-ish?  

There had to be hints of these historonics *before* this.  If she's seriously acting like this out of nowhere, I *really* think you should reach out to her, but also other people who are close to her.  This is a cause for concern.  

We have been friends for over 10 years now. I've met her whole family. Her brothers have both moved away and have little contact with her or her mom anymore. Now that you mention it, it does seem like she reacts badly to pretty much any good thing that happens to another person. She always acts really happy at first, but later she ends up being very emotional. Unfortunately, most of her other friends have stopped talking to her for one reason another.. I will just try to be supportive of her in any way possible.

jacques27

becklertobe said:

mrs.conn23 said:

How long have you been friends?  Have you ever met her family (siblings, parents)?

How does she act when it comes to *other* events for other people (birthdays, promotions, if a friend has a new BF)?  Has she always been a little attention whore-ish?  

There had to be hints of these historonics *before* this.  If she's seriously acting like this out of nowhere, I *really* think you should reach out to her, but also other people who are close to her.  This is a cause for concern.  

We have been friends for over 10 years now. I've met her whole family. Her brothers have both moved away and have little contact with her or her mom anymore. Now that you mention it, it does seem like she reacts badly to pretty much any good thing that happens to another person. She always acts really happy at first, but later she ends up being very emotional. Unfortunately, most of her other friends have stopped talking to her for one reason another.. I will just try to be supportive of her in any way possible.

So, your real issue is that she didn't magically change her behavior for YOUR good thing despite 10 years of evidence that she's either not capable or not interested in doing so?

How have you handled all the other times she's gotten like this?  Employ those methods now.

It sucks that you have a drama llama for a friend who is unhappy with her own life, but you had 10 years of evidence of this and picked her to be a bridesmaid anyway.  As others have pointed out, your FI is the one you have for support and help.  It's your wedding, not hers.  There's nothing for her to "help" with - being a bridesmaid isn't about what the bridal party can do for you in your party planning, it's about you honoring your friend(s) and your friendship by having them stand up for you at your ceremony.  Period.  The required elements of that are showing up on the wedding day in the appropriate attire and being sober enough to walk a straight line down the aisle.  So, involve her to the extent that is required and leave it be for the rest of it since it is not required of her and clearly too emotional for her.  Tend to your friendship the way you would if there weren't a wedding involved.