"what do you want me to wear?"

JaniV123

I am getting kinda tired with everyone asking me what they should wear! I get people are used to SS bridezilla's that want to micro manage everything but I just want everyone to be happy and comfortable and have an awesome time. 

The only clothing choices I made was the dress for the BM's and Fi asked me what he should choose for a tux and I helped him make a choice. That is it. People can wear whatever color they want and such. I know they aren't doing it to bug me but it makes me feel kinda awkward at times to be so chill. 

theartistformerlyknownas

"Clothes, preferably."

I hear ya. I dealt with this from soooooo many people. My dad. Mom, step-mom, MIL. Best man's wife. Aunts. Dueling piano guy (OK, I do get some say there). Guests. JUST WEAR CLOTHES, PEOPLE!

julieanne912

JaniV123 said:

I am getting kinda tired with everyone asking me what they should wear! I get people are used to SS bridezilla's that want to micro manage everything but I just want everyone to be happy and comfortable and have an awesome time. 

The only clothing choices I made was the dress for the BM's and Fi asked me what he should choose for a tux and I helped him make a choice. That is it. People can wear whatever color they want and such. I know they aren't doing it to bug me but it makes me feel kinda awkward at times to be so chill. 

I'm dreading these questions.  I thought about putting a note on my wedding website for it.  But, I'm hoping people will get the hint when they see it's in a barn.

chloe97

We are still 5 months from the wedding and it's already driving me nuts. 

My mom and FMIL are freaking out about their dresses- b/c of course other people care sooooo much about what the moms wear. I never knew that until I started planning a wedding. I swear I have spent more time hearing about a MOB and MOG dress than I spent researching, trying on, and buying my own wedding dress!

We are asking the GM to wear grey suits and the ushers (my brothers) and my dad can wear whatever suit they want. My dad told me he would prefer to wear a tux. I said "then buy/rent a tux!" I am not asking GM to spend $200 to rent a tux they will only wear once when they can buy a suit for around that price- just so my dad doesn't have to think about what suit/tie he is going to wear.  

hellosweetie1015

"Clothes, preferably."

Seriously, all I told my BMs was get a dress in a blue similar-ish to DB's Horizon and similar-ish to how fancy my dress is (which, I feel like, is not super super fancy). If I'm not giving them any more directions than that, why would I give anybody else any directions at all? So long as you won't get us kicked out of the church, you're good. Hell, I'm trying to convince FI (read: FMIL) that he and his dad/BM won't need tuxes. 

VulgarGirl

My moms all drove me nits. What should I wear? Can I wear this is this ok? Would you mind if I wore this?

You are grown ass people who have been to weddings before why can't you do this?!?! Wear clothes. Nice clothes. Clean clothes. Not a cow costume. There I helped. Now leave me alone.

buttercup1958

I was guilty of this for my cousins wedding. In my defense, I've only been to two weddings! I was the flower girl for one of them and the second one I was the guest book attendee thing for another. So I've never been just a "guest". I wasn't able to go since it was a Friday wedding during my college semester and it was in Florida. But my very first post was about this and me asking for help because my brother wanted to wear a camoeflouge suit and he kept inviting all of his friends to go to my cousin's wedding ha.

lavenderfields13

Yes there seems to a lot of drama about wedding attire!

First FMIL was upset FI wasn't wearing a tux. He's wearing a suit so I don't know WTH the big deal is. It's not a black tie affair and he doesn't want to wear a tux.

I had my BM pick a dress style they liked and then I picked the shade of purple I liked (there's only 2 of them so that wasn't too difficult). Recently FI's GM have been asking me what they should wear since FI isn't much help. I told them pick a blue or gray suit (I'd rather mismatched than them all in the same suit) and get a white shirt and we'll pick out coordinating ties and buy them. I thought this was a good idea so they can do what's in their budget. They seemed to want too much direction.

FMIL bought a dress and it looks similar to my grandmother's and my mom was concerned that my grandmother should get a different dress to not take away from the MOG. They're not going to be together probably at all! Apparently the FOB and FOG sometimes match the groom and GM? I never heard of this but my mom wanted to know what FI was wearing so my dad could match. I said that my dad should wear whatever he wants. She's finally come around and realized matchy matchy is not always best. Other people have been concerned about how our pictures are going to look if everyone's in different suits. OMG I am not decorating my house with just pictures of the GM in their mismatched suits! I don't understand why people care so much.

/end rant

ahyatt87

My mom wanted me to go shopping with her, which was fine, but she was also quite concerned.

Mom: "What do you want me wear?"
Me: "What do you like?"
Mom: "Well, I think I'd like to try this, but only if that's okay with you."
Me: "If you like it, that's all that matters."

Even my MIL was concerned. She went dress shopping with her husband and was constantly emailing me pictures of dresses she liked. She finally found her favourite and actually called me to ask if it was okay. *Bashes head against wall* I know they weren't trying to annoy me, in fact I know they had nothing but good intentions, but seriously you are grown ass women, just buy what you like. Luckily they did and they both looked awesome.

blabla89

Everyone is doing that to me, and I don't care much about what anyone - even the BMs - is wearing. I told my BMs to wear any light pink dress they feel happy in. One of
them (who is super type A and was a micromanaging bridezilla last year)
went to DB on a Saturday and tried on a bunch of dresses and texted me,
"Does this one look okay? Is this length good? It says ballet pink but I
think that's pretty close to blush pink, is it okay if they don't match
exactly?" That's exactly what I was DIDN'T want anyone to have to do.

I helped my Grandma find some dress options because shopping was overwhelming for her, and then she made me ask the MOG if it was okay for them to wear the same color. Like, she was really worried about it. Apparently back in the 70's, her best friend got in a spat with her son's MIL because they wore the same color dress to the son's wedding, and my Grandma still remembers that.

minttobemrsb

Same thing going on here...

"What color do you want me to wear?"- FMIL 

"What is his mom wearing?"-Mom

"What color tie should I wear?"- Dad and FFIL

"Am I allowed to wear jeans?"-assortment of guests

I keep telling them, the only requirement is that you wear clothes! I shopped with my BMs for their dresses. The GMs just said "tell us what to wear and where to get it" so that was easy. Both of our dads are wearing suits they already own. But the moms....

My mom, grandma, and I spent a day out shopping for their dresses. I never understood why it was such a big deal to some people until that day. I had just repeated the words "it doesn't matter" for the 100th time when my mom said, "for a lot of moms, your daughter's wedding day is one of the most special moments. You're watching your little girl take the next huge step in her life...and it's all documented. Those are moments that you want to look your best." After that, my requirement changed from "clothes" to "something mom feels beautiful in." 

It's really annoying, but hopefully our families mean well

charcoalandblush

I've had to deal with this too. Especially from our wedding party/close friends. The bridesmaids keep asking what shoes to wear. When I tell them whatever they want, the ask shouldn't we pick a color? I don't care... if you want to pick a color amongst yourselves, you can. The dress is grey, practically ANY color/style would look fine. 

Although with one friend, I'm very glad she asked... she asked if it would be appropriate for her to wear a fully sequined dress, she didn't show me a picture but from her drescription, something like this:

I know it's super taboo to tell your guests what to wear, but since she specifically asked me, I told her "You can wear that if you really want, but you might feel a bit out of place at a mid-afternoon midwestern wedding. But my bachelorette would be a fun place to wear all-sequins!" At first she said she didn't care what other people thought, but she ultimately decided to go with a really gorgeous green cocktail dress that is WAY more appropriate. 

lovemyrunner

My mom keeps saying she doesn't want to out-dress the bride.  My dress is a strapless a-line with a cathedral length train.  Doubt you're gonna out-dress me, ma.  And my FMIL, is concerned that she should not out-dress the MOB.  I've literally only ever seen FMIL in jeans and t-shirts, no makeup.  There's nothing wrong with that, but I don't see her suddenly getting dressed to the 9s and out-doing my mom.  And even if she did, so what?  I just told them both, wear something you love and feel comfortable in, other than that, I don't care.

FiancB

This drove me nuts too. My sister could not comprehend that I didn't care what the bridal party wore for shoes. I just said, something neutral preferably. Got "white? Off-white? Cream? Beige? Pink? Closed toe? Heels? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?"

flyingfoxes

Haha, my FSS keeps asking what the wedding colors are when he brings a date to weddings - like he asked for my sister's wedding what her colors were so they could find a dress for his date that would match the wedding colors.  Then today he asked FI what our colors are.  lol  

allispain

My BMs wanted me to tell them what kind of shoes to get. I said that it didn't matter - whatever they were comfortable wearing. They decided among themselves they would wear nude shoes and asked if that was okay. I said it was fine. They then wanted to know what type of heel. I again said it didn't matter - whatever they were comfortable wearing. They wanted to know what I was wearing. I said ballet flats. They asked if they could wear heels if I was going to wear flats. I said that it didn't matter - whatever they were comfortable wearing. Sounded like a freaking broken record.

They also all wanted my OK on the jewelry they were going to wear. Le sigh.

lovesclimbing

Honestly, I would tell them if they ask. "You should wear whatever you feel comfortable in. My bridesmaids are wearing floor-length gowns and the groomsmen will be in suits without the jacket."

I find it annoying when I ask what is appropriate for clothing and people just say, "clothes" or "whatever."  As a bride, no, YOU shouldn't care what people are wearing, but I as a guest do care, and I don't want to look over or under dressed. 

Certainly, you shouldn't preemptively say, "All ladies have to wear tie-dye dresses with beaded fringe no longer than knee length and no shorter than mid-thigh.  Everyone has to wear cowboy hats made out of green, blue, purple or yellow feathers with one single tie-dye feather standing up in the exact center of the hat."

However, if people ask, it's generally because they want to know about what the formality is so they won't be over or under dressed.

My best friend who sang at my wedding asked what she should wear.  I told her, "You can wear whatever you want. The wedding party will probably be about semi-formal or a little below that."  Telling her "clothes" would not have answered the question she was asking.

theartistformerlyknownas

Pretty sure we all said that tongue-in-cheek, @lovesclimbing

lovesclimbing

lolo883 said:

Pretty sure we all said that tongue-in-cheek, @lovesclimbing

OK, perhaps "clothes preferably" is sarcastic, however, many of the above posts do not sound sarcastic but sound like people genuinely responded to people asking with "wear whatever you'd like." That's good at first, but if the person presses again, it's nice to tell them the formality or what the wedding party and parents are wearing. Those people in all likelihood do not want to show up over or under dressed and that's why they're asking.

Cookie Pusher

I had a few people ask me what they should wear. Mostly it was guys double-checking because their wives/girlfriends didn't believe that I said I didn't care. But really, I didn't care. I said they could wear shorts and t-shirts if that's what they would feel most comfortable in. They could come naked for all I cared, but they'd better be prepared to run from the cops since the wedding was in a public space. After giving that answer a few times, people stopped asking. And every single guest that came looked fabulous.

JaniV123

@lovesclimbing that was basically my response. I told them "Whatever you want as long as you are comfortable and happy with it" it was family so they know its a formal attire so yeah

But it can get a little annoying because I don't want to impose anything on anybody. 

theartistformerlyknownas

In my case, people insisted upon me prescribing a suit vs tux (FOB), blue dress vs silver dress (MOB), blue dress when MOB is wearing blue (MIL & SMOB), open toe vs closed toe shoe (BMs), whether or not to wear a matching wedding color (guests). Nobody had any issues with figuring out the formality of the wedding. Our invitations, time of day, and venue conveyed that just fine. People just couldn't make grown up clothing decisions on their own. It was maddening.

The best man's wife was upset with me at the reception for not telling her she'd be seated at the head table, because she was worried her red dress clashed with the aqua bridesmaid's dresses. Um, 1) where else should you have been seated than with your husband? 2) aqua and red actually coordinate nicely. 3) there were no pictures taken of the head table. 4) I wouldn't have cared if she was in neon orange zebra print.

labro

I found that people asked because they genuinely just wanted to be courteous and wear something that either a) Didn't match the bridal party or b) suited the venue. So whenever I got the question I told them the bridesmaids are wearing x, and the groomsmen are wearing x, and the moms are wearing x because they just wanted to know. I didn't say "You can't wear this color because..." or give any sort of actual dress code. But the people who called me wanted guidance and I was ok with at least giving them some details if it made them feel better about their choice in attire.

novella1186

My crazy aunt's crazy husband actually put on white patent leather dress shoes and came to my grandma's house while I was visiting to show them to me. This was last summer. He said, "Should I wear these to your wedding?" 

I said, "Sure. If you want to."

He said, "Should I wear my white tux with them?" (He seriously bought a white tux last year for one of his high school reunions.) 

I said, "Yes please." Cuz the image in my head was fucking hilarious. 

Too bad they're now going through a divorce so he isn't even coming to the wedding. But realistically it's like... you honestly think I'm worried about what shoes you wear? What the fuck do I care? I told my BMs to wear whatever shoes in any color. But I need to choose my aunt's husbands shoes? People. Lemme tell ya. 

blabla89

novella1186 said:

My crazy aunt's crazy husband actually put on white patent leather dress shoes and came to my grandma's house while I was visiting to show them to me. This was last summer. He said, "Should I wear these to your wedding?" 

I said, "Sure. If you want to."

He said, "Should I wear my white tux with them?" (He seriously bought a white tux last year for one of his high school reunions.) 

I said, "Yes please." Cuz the image in my head was fucking hilarious. 

Too bad they're now going through a divorce so he isn't even coming to the wedding. But realistically it's like... you honestly think I'm worried about what shoes you wear? What the fuck do I care? I told my BMs to wear whatever shoes in any color. But I need to choose my aunt's husbands shoes? People. Lemme tell ya. 

I'm sure there's a special snowflake somewhere who doesn't want anyone to wear white shoes because IT'S HER DAY.

theartistformerlyknownas

novella1186 said:

My crazy aunt's crazy husband actually put on white patent leather dress shoes and came to my grandma's house while I was visiting to show them to me. This was last summer. He said, "Should I wear these to your wedding?" 

I said, "Sure. If you want to."

He said, "Should I wear my white tux with them?" (He seriously bought a white tux last year for one of his high school reunions.) 

I said, "Yes please." Cuz the image in my head was fucking hilarious. 

Too bad they're now going through a divorce so he isn't even coming to the wedding. But realistically it's like... you honestly think I'm worried about what shoes you wear? What the fuck do I care? I told my BMs to wear whatever shoes in any color. But I need to choose my aunt's husbands shoes? People. Lemme tell ya. 

People might confuse him for the bride.

flyingfoxes

I did have a girlfriend ask me what would be appropriate for our venue, as she's pretty casual and only knows jeans or sundresses.  I told her a sundress would be just fine - nobody's going to be judging what anybody else wears unless it's another bridal gown! 

VulgarGirl

Oh...I should've been nice to my moms when they asked me? So I guess saying "Fucking hell mom wear a dick dress and go fuck yourself!" is why I didn't get any Christmas presents. My bad.

My step-mom was worried her light pink dress was too close to white. I assured her it was gorgeous and not white. My other step-mom was worried I'd be upset if she didn't wear a dress. I assured her that I still understood gender identity and she was welcome to wear pants. My mom actually picked my exact same dress in a different color, I did point out to her it was the same dress and she picked something else that she looked wonderful in.

My dad said "Suit or tux?" and I said "Whatever you already have dad, though no one else is wearing a tux". And Wifey's step-dad ask if he could wear his kilt since my brothers were wearing theirs and we said of course. 

KatieinBkln

People get so anxious I want to put Xanax in the water supply sometimes.

I actually care more about poorly hemmed dress pants on men than anything else, but even I know it's not cool to verbalize that one. If you have to tell someone to do it, they probably are never going to do it, ya know?

I'll happily tell people what the bridal party is wearing, and I told the MILs what color my mom will wear in case they care to be different/coordinate. But I just don't care. They are all adults who have wedding'd before; it'll be okay.

charcoalandblush

mobride2015 said:

Haha, my FSS keeps asking what the wedding colors are when he brings a date to weddings - like he asked for my sister's wedding what her colors were so they could find a dress for his date that would match the wedding colors.  Then today he asked FI what our colors are.  lol  

I've also heard the opposite of this. The last family wedding we went to for DF's family, his sister was super concerned about wearing a mint green dress when turquoise green was one of the wedding colors. She thought it would be too close and that people (and possibly the bride) would think she was trying to match the bridesmaids dresses (despite the fact that pale mint and the bold turquoise they used are not even close). 

chloe97

labro said:

I found that people asked because they genuinely just wanted to be courteous and wear something that either a) Didn't match the bridal party or b) suited the venue. So whenever I got the question I told them the bridesmaids are wearing x, and the groomsmen are wearing x, and the moms are wearing x because they just wanted to know. I didn't say "You can't wear this color because..." or give any sort of actual dress code. But the people who called me wanted guidance and I was ok with at least giving them some details if it made them feel better about their choice in attire.

THis ^^.I came very close to wearing a knee-length navy lace Jcrew dress to my cousins wedding. I changed to a black dress at the very last minute because it occurred to me based on their invitation color scheme the BM dresses could be navy.I am glad I did because the bridesmaids all wore knee-length navy JCrew dresses. EEEK. Narrow miss.

I doubt any guest will be wearing lilac floor length chiffon dresses to my wedding, but I will be sure let people know if they ask for that reason.