"what do you want me to wear?"

Inkdancer

I did tell my MIL not to wear beige, because she looks awful in beige. But I said it nicely. 

Also told my mom to wear the blue dress she was going to wear to her own wedding. She loved it but thought it would be "weird". I told her it wouldn't be weird and she should wear whatever made her feel pretty. 

Otherwise, no fucks given. 

VulgarGirl

My bridesmaids wore knee length black dresses.

So did many of my wedding guests.

Hell a few wedding guests wore knee length red dresses. Like I did.

The world did not end. I don't see the big deal about matching the bridesmaids...

lovemyrunner

Before she got engaged, my cousin mentioned to her FMIL, that a friend of hers, frustrated with HER FMIL had vented to my cousin about her saying, "She's the MOG, all she has to do on the day is wear taupe and shut the fuck up!"  This became a running joke.  So, when my cousin and her DH got engaged, his mom was so excited she said, "Angie, I promise to wear taupe and shut the fuck up!"

ShesSoCold

lovemyrunner said:

Before she got engaged, my cousin mentioned to her FMIL, that a friend of hers, frustrated with HER FMIL had vented to my cousin about her saying, "She's the MOG, all she has to do on the day is wear taupe and shut the fuck up!"  This became a running joke.  So, when my cousin and her DH got engaged, his mom was so excited she said, "Angie, I promise to wear taupe and shut the fuck up!"

My MIL kept saying that she was told to wear beige and shut the fuck up! Then she'd say that she "might as well wear beige because she'll have a hard time shutting up". 

She didn't wear beige, but to the surprise of everyone else, she did shut the fuck up. 

FiancB

KatieinBkln said:

People get so anxious I want to put Xanax in the water supply sometimes.

Thiiis. It never occurred to me to worry about what the bridesmaids are wearing. Even if I did accidentally match, everyone would know it wasn't intentional. Nobody is sent a PSA letting them know what the bridesmaids are wearing. 

I mean, the groom and groomsmen and many of the guests typically wear a dark suit or tux. Nobody frets about mixing them up.

If you show up in a white gown and a veil, that would be a little different...

madamerwin

My mom, step-mom, FMIL and step-FMIL have all asked some variation of this question, but I think it's because they all want to match each other/not clash with the wedding colors (I actually appreciate step-FMIL asking what our wedding colors are - she tends to wear very loud colors and patterns).

My dad asked what WE are wearing, since he is officiating and he wants to match FI somewhat. I think he's disappointed FI isn't wearing a tux, because my dad owns a tux and I'm pretty sure he wants an excuse to wear it. If he asks, he totally can, but I'm not encouraging it.

But the only people I dictated anything to were the BMs, who just need to show up in a black knee-length dress and neutral colored shoes. I do not care what you wear, as long as you are not naked. Hell, even shoes are optional as far as I care...

VulgarGirl

tfmrserwin said:

My mom, step-mom, FMIL and step-FMIL have all asked some variation of this question, but I think it's because they all want to match each other/not clash with the wedding colors (I actually appreciate step-FMIL asking what our wedding colors are - she tends to wear very loud colors and patterns).

Um...so the fuck what? I wear loud colors and patterns too. Sometimes to weddings even. My god its a celebration! Not a fucking funeral. 

theartistformerlyknownas

A friend of mine wore a DB dress in the same color and length as the mismatched bridesmaids. Nobody cared and the world didn't end. Friend is still married, friend and other friends are still friends.

FiancB

MagicInk said:

tfmrserwin said:

My mom, step-mom, FMIL and step-FMIL have all asked some variation of this question, but I think it's because they all want to match each other/not clash with the wedding colors (I actually appreciate step-FMIL asking what our wedding colors are - she tends to wear very loud colors and patterns).

Um...so the fuck what? I wear loud colors and patterns too. Sometimes to weddings even. My god its a celebration! Not a fucking funeral. 

MagicInk said:

tfmrserwin said:

My mom, step-mom, FMIL and step-FMIL have all asked some variation of this question, but I think it's because they all want to match each other/not clash with the wedding colors (I actually appreciate step-FMIL asking what our wedding colors are - she tends to wear very loud colors and patterns).

Um...so the fuck what? I wear loud colors and patterns too. Sometimes to weddings even. My god its a celebration! Not a fucking funeral. 

I've worn fuschia to one wedding and emerald to another *hangs head in shame*

it's generally frowned upon to wear white, and to be safe close colors like off white and pale pink should also be avoided.  Wearing black is also not recommended, since it's funeral-like. Red's out too, since it's provocative. 

Now I've got to worry about bridesmaid colors and bright colors? Shit. Guess I'll go naked. 

Fuck. That goes against lolo's totally unreasonable requirement...

madamerwin

MagicInk said: tfmrserwin said:My mom, step-mom, FMIL and step-FMIL have all asked some variation of this question, but I think it's because they all want to match each other/not clash with the wedding colors (I actually appreciate step-FMIL asking what our wedding colors are - she tends to wear very loud colors and patterns).

Um...so the fuck what? I wear loud colors and patterns too. Sometimes to weddings even. My god its a celebration! Not a fucking funeral. 
----ETF BOXES---

Yep, never said it was a funeral, not sure how you got that impression. Nor did I mention to her in any capacity what to wear, at any point since we got engaged. Nor had it even occurred to me before she asked about our colors. She could wear a floral print mu mu for all I care, but at the same time if she wants to match for pictures (which is why she was asking), cool. I told her our colors, she's a grown up and can decide what to wear. Doesn't mean I can't appreciate that she asked.

charcoalandblush

tfmrserwin said:

My mom, step-mom, FMIL and step-FMIL have all asked some variation of this question, but I think it's because they all want to match each other/not clash with the wedding colors (I actually appreciate step-FMIL asking what our wedding colors are - she tends to wear very loud colors and patterns).

Um...so the fuck what? I wear loud colors and patterns too. Sometimes to weddings even. My god its a celebration! Not a fucking funeral. 

tfmrserwin said:

My mom, step-mom, FMIL and step-FMIL have all asked some variation of this question, but I think it's because they all want to match each other/not clash with the wedding colors (I actually appreciate step-FMIL asking what our wedding colors are - she tends to wear very loud colors and patterns).

Um...so the fuck what? I wear loud colors and patterns too. Sometimes to weddings even. My god its a celebration! Not a fucking funeral. 

I've worn fuschia to one wedding and emerald to another *hangs head in shame*

it's generally frowned upon to wear white, and to be safe close colors like off white and pale pink should also be avoided.  Wearing black is also not recommended, since it's funeral-like. Red's out too, since it's provocative. 

Now I've got to worry about bridesmaid colors and bright colors? Shit. Guess I'll go naked. 

Fuck. That goes against lolo's totally unreasonable requirement...

I'm glad I'm not the only one that's heard this before. I generally avoid black at weddings because I've been told by friends and family that black is for funerals and wearing black to a wedding is like a passive aggressive protest of the wedding. I showed up to DF's cousin's wedding and I was the only woman in his extended family not wearing a LBD (2 female cousins, his sister, his mom, and his 2 aunts). When I told DF why I didn't wear black, he looked at me like I had three heads.

Not saying it's reasonable/it's something people should think or do. Just saying I had been told that like a thousand times before and believed it until recently.

plainjane0415

FiancB said:

MagicInk said:

tfmrserwin said:

My mom, step-mom, FMIL and step-FMIL have all asked some variation of this question, but I think it's because they all want to match each other/not clash with the wedding colors (I actually appreciate step-FMIL asking what our wedding colors are - she tends to wear very loud colors and patterns).

Um...so the fuck what? I wear loud colors and patterns too. Sometimes to weddings even. My god its a celebration! Not a fucking funeral. 

MagicInk said:

tfmrserwin said:

My mom, step-mom, FMIL and step-FMIL have all asked some variation of this question, but I think it's because they all want to match each other/not clash with the wedding colors (I actually appreciate step-FMIL asking what our wedding colors are - she tends to wear very loud colors and patterns).

Um...so the fuck what? I wear loud colors and patterns too. Sometimes to weddings even. My god its a celebration! Not a fucking funeral. 

I've worn fuschia to one wedding and emerald to another *hangs head in shame*

it's generally frowned upon to wear white, and to be safe close colors like off white and pale pink should also be avoided.  Wearing black is also not recommended, since it's funeral-like. Red's out too, since it's provocative. 

Now I've got to worry about bridesmaid colors and bright colors? Shit. Guess I'll go naked. 

Fuck. That goes against lolo's totally unreasonable requirement...

I've worn black to two weddings now.  I didn't know it wasn't recommended or symbolized protest.  I thought it was ok for an evening wedding. Oh well.

ShesSoCold

plainjane0415 said:

FiancB said:

MagicInk said:

tfmrserwin said:

My mom, step-mom, FMIL and step-FMIL have all asked some variation of this question, but I think it's because they all want to match each other/not clash with the wedding colors (I actually appreciate step-FMIL asking what our wedding colors are - she tends to wear very loud colors and patterns).

Um...so the fuck what? I wear loud colors and patterns too. Sometimes to weddings even. My god its a celebration! Not a fucking funeral. 

MagicInk said:

tfmrserwin said:

My mom, step-mom, FMIL and step-FMIL have all asked some variation of this question, but I think it's because they all want to match each other/not clash with the wedding colors (I actually appreciate step-FMIL asking what our wedding colors are - she tends to wear very loud colors and patterns).

Um...so the fuck what? I wear loud colors and patterns too. Sometimes to weddings even. My god its a celebration! Not a fucking funeral. 

I've worn fuschia to one wedding and emerald to another *hangs head in shame*

it's generally frowned upon to wear white, and to be safe close colors like off white and pale pink should also be avoided.  Wearing black is also not recommended, since it's funeral-like. Red's out too, since it's provocative. 

Now I've got to worry about bridesmaid colors and bright colors? Shit. Guess I'll go naked. 

Fuck. That goes against lolo's totally unreasonable requirement...

I've worn black to two weddings now.  I didn't know it wasn't recommended or symbolized protest.  I thought it was ok for an evening wedding. Oh well.

Me too. And I wore a white sweater to a funeral service the other week. 

I think this is one of those outdated rules. I've seen a ton of people wear black to weddings.

novella1186

lolo883 said:

A friend of mine wore a DB dress in the same color and length as the mismatched bridesmaids. Nobody cared and the world didn't end. Friend is still married, friend and other friends are still friends.

When I was a BM, I showed up to the rehearsal in a dark purple sweater dress because it was October and I wanted to look nice (since we were all going to a nice restaurant for the RD afterwards). 

It didn't even occur to me that dark purple happened to be the same color as the BM dresses we were going to wear the next day. I mean, a color is a color. So what? But the MOH-- who was a total bitch-- snarked on me for it. And made fun of me to all the other BMs and to some of the groomsmen. But it's ok because she also made fun of me to my face like three different times for it. She thought I was "trying to practice wearing the BM color" which she thought was so lame and hilarious.

But her shitty attitude is probably why the bride has since cut her out of her life, so.... 

madamerwin

plainjane0415 said:

FiancB said:

MagicInk said:

tfmrserwin said:

My mom, step-mom, FMIL and step-FMIL have all asked some variation of this question, but I think it's because they all want to match each other/not clash with the wedding colors (I actually appreciate step-FMIL asking what our wedding colors are - she tends to wear very loud colors and patterns).

Um...so the fuck what? I wear loud colors and patterns too. Sometimes to weddings even. My god its a celebration! Not a fucking funeral. 

MagicInk said:

tfmrserwin said:

My mom, step-mom, FMIL and step-FMIL have all asked some variation of this question, but I think it's because they all want to match each other/not clash with the wedding colors (I actually appreciate step-FMIL asking what our wedding colors are - she tends to wear very loud colors and patterns).

Um...so the fuck what? I wear loud colors and patterns too. Sometimes to weddings even. My god its a celebration! Not a fucking funeral. 

I've worn fuschia to one wedding and emerald to another *hangs head in shame*

it's generally frowned upon to wear white, and to be safe close colors like off white and pale pink should also be avoided.  Wearing black is also not recommended, since it's funeral-like. Red's out too, since it's provocative. 

Now I've got to worry about bridesmaid colors and bright colors? Shit. Guess I'll go naked. 

Fuck. That goes against lolo's totally unreasonable requirement...

I've worn black to two weddings now.  I didn't know it wasn't recommended or symbolized protest.  I thought it was ok for an evening wedding. Oh well.

Uh oh, my BMs are wearing black dresses. Does that mean they're protesting?

To my original comment though, bright colors and patterns are totally fine. And if step-FMIL wants to "match in pictures" (her words not mine), then she can choose a loud pattern that somewhat matches our wedding colors. Or whatever else she wants to wear. I wasn't trying to rag on bright colors or loud patterns.

VulgarGirl

My point was I don't understand why you're "greatful" she asked because she wears bold colors and patterns. If she didn't ask, you would be considered? Horrified? Making TK posts about how to tell girlfriend hot pink leporade print was not gonna fly at your wedding?

tfmrserwin said:

(I actually appreciate step-FMIL asking what our wedding colors are - she tends to wear very loud colors and patterns).

You said you appreciate her asking because she tends to wear very loud colors and patterns. ^^Direct quote^^

Whats so bad about loud colors and patterns that it's a relief to you (or that you appreciate) her asking about wedding colors? I mean fuck, I ask everyone what their colors are. Just as conversation. I like colors. I'm gonna wear whatever fucking color I want. Your colors might be gray and yellow, I'm probably gonna wear my jewel tone green dress cause it's pretty. Even if I clash with the colors. 

madamerwin

MagicInk said:My point was I don't understand why you're "greatful" she asked because she wears bold colors and patterns. If she didn't ask, you would be considered? Horrified? Making TK posts about how to tell girlfriend hot pink leporade print was not gonna fly at your wedding? tfmrserwin said:(I actually appreciate step-FMIL asking what our wedding colors are - she tends to wear very loud colors and patterns).

You said you appreciate her asking because she tends to wear very loud colors and patterns. ^^Direct quote^^
Whats so bad about loud colors and patterns that it's a relief to you (or that you appreciate) her asking about wedding colors? I mean fuck, I ask everyone what their colors are. Just as conversation. I like colors. I'm gonna wear whatever fucking color I want. Your colors might be gray and yellow, I'm probably gonna wear my jewel tone green dress cause it's pretty. Even if I clash with the colors. 
-----ETF BOXES--------------

Appreciating her asking, because she wants to match, does not mean I am dictating anything or hate colors in general, or would even have put any thought into her clothing choices had she not brought it up, because she wants to match. And as I just said, there is nothing wrong with bright colors and patterns, but if she wants to choose a bright color and pattern that does not clash, more power to her. I think you misunderstood my original statement, or something. Had I known that my casual comment would have caused such offense, I most definitely would have chosen my words more carefully. 

Sorry if I offended you, not my intention.

theartistformerlyknownas

tfmrserwin said:

MagicInk said:

My point was I don't understand why you're "greatful" she asked because she wears bold colors and patterns. If she didn't ask, you would be considered? Horrified? Making TK posts about how to tell girlfriend hot pink leporade print was not gonna fly at your wedding?

tfmrserwin said:

(I actually appreciate step-FMIL asking what our wedding colors are - she tends to wear very loud colors and patterns).

You said you appreciate her asking because she tends to wear very loud colors and patterns. ^^Direct quote^^

Whats so bad about loud colors and patterns that it's a relief to you (or that you appreciate) her asking about wedding colors? I mean fuck, I ask everyone what their colors are. Just as conversation. I like colors. I'm gonna wear whatever fucking color I want. Your colors might be gray and yellow, I'm probably gonna wear my jewel tone green dress cause it's pretty. Even if I clash with the colors. 

-----ETF BOXES--------------

Appreciating her asking, because she wants to match, does not mean I am dictating anything or hate colors in general, or would even have put any thought into her clothing choices had she not brought it up, because she wants to match. And as I just said, there is nothing wrong with bright colors and patterns, but if she wants to choose a bright color and pattern that does not clash, more power to her. I think you misunderstood my original statement, or something. Had I known that my casual comment would have caused such offense, I most definitely would have chosen my words more carefully. 

Sorry if I offended you, not my intention.

Eh, still not really buying it. Nobody ever really says "I appreciate this person doing a thing that doesn't impact me at all but makes them happier." Yeah we like people to do the things that make them happier... but it's not something I'd go out of my way to say I appreciate. I might say something like "I'm glad I could let my guest know the ceremony was outside so she didn't ruin any stilettos walking in the grass!" but it's not something I would say I appreciate when it only truly affects her. 

Just own that you're glad she didn't wear zebra print in your pictures.

KatieinBkln

A friend of mine wore a DB dress in the same color and length as the mismatched bridesmaids. Nobody cared and the world didn't end. Friend is still married, friend and other friends are still friends.

When I was a BM, I showed up to the rehearsal in a dark purple sweater dress because it was October and I wanted to look nice (since we were all going to a nice restaurant for the RD afterwards). 

It didn't even occur to me that dark purple happened to be the same color as the BM dresses we were going to wear the next day. I mean, a color is a color. So what? But the MOH-- who was a total bitch-- snarked on me for it. And made fun of me to all the other BMs and to some of the groomsmen. But it's ok because she also made fun of me to my face like three different times for it. She thought I was "trying to practice wearing the BM color" which she thought was so lame and hilarious.

But her shitty attitude is probably why the bride has since cut her out of her life, so.... 

Do I just not speak Mean Girl? I genuinely don't understand how a person's brain could go from "BM is wearing the same color tonight that she'll wear tomorrow at the wedding" to "WHAT A LOSER OMG ARE YOU TRYING TO 'PRACTICE' OR SOMETHING LOLOLOLOL."

At most, I might say something like, "So you really like our color, huh?" But I would only mention it to a friend, laughingly, because it's a cute coincidence. 

Tl;dr, bitches be cray.

madamerwin

lolo883 said:

MagicInk said:

My point was I don't understand why you're "greatful" she asked because she wears bold colors and patterns. If she didn't ask, you would be considered? Horrified? Making TK posts about how to tell girlfriend hot pink leporade print was not gonna fly at your wedding?

tfmrserwin said:

(I actually appreciate step-FMIL asking what our wedding colors are - she tends to wear very loud colors and patterns).

You said you appreciate her asking because she tends to wear very loud colors and patterns. ^^Direct quote^^

Whats so bad about loud colors and patterns that it's a relief to you (or that you appreciate) her asking about wedding colors? I mean fuck, I ask everyone what their colors are. Just as conversation. I like colors. I'm gonna wear whatever fucking color I want. Your colors might be gray and yellow, I'm probably gonna wear my jewel tone green dress cause it's pretty. Even if I clash with the colors. 

-----ETF BOXES--------------

Appreciating her asking, because she wants to match, does not mean I am dictating anything or hate colors in general, or would even have put any thought into her clothing choices had she not brought it up, because she wants to match. And as I just said, there is nothing wrong with bright colors and patterns, but if she wants to choose a bright color and pattern that does not clash, more power to her. I think you misunderstood my original statement, or something. Had I known that my casual comment would have caused such offense, I most definitely would have chosen my words more carefully. 

Sorry if I offended you, not my intention.

Eh, still not really buying it. Nobody ever really says "I appreciate this person doing a thing that doesn't impact me at all but makes them happier." Yeah we like people to do the things that make them happier... but it's not something I'd go out of my way to say I appreciate. I might say something like "I'm glad I could let my guest know the ceremony was outside so she didn't ruin any stilettos walking in the grass!" but it's not something I would say I appreciate when it only truly affects her. 

Just own that you're glad she didn't wear zebra print in your pictures.

-----ETF GODDAMN BOXES-----

Hey, I won't deny that, though it's not something I have/will give any thought to. I still maintain that we're mincing words here. The sentiment behind my original statement is that it's cool that she wants to match, that's all I was trying (clearly unsuccessfully) to say. Maybe "appreciate" was not the right word choice. Either way, I feel like we're talking in circles here.

novella1186

KatieinBkln said:

A friend of mine wore a DB dress in the same color and length as the mismatched bridesmaids. Nobody cared and the world didn't end. Friend is still married, friend and other friends are still friends.

When I was a BM, I showed up to the rehearsal in a dark purple sweater dress because it was October and I wanted to look nice (since we were all going to a nice restaurant for the RD afterwards). 

It didn't even occur to me that dark purple happened to be the same color as the BM dresses we were going to wear the next day. I mean, a color is a color. So what? But the MOH-- who was a total bitch-- snarked on me for it. And made fun of me to all the other BMs and to some of the groomsmen. But it's ok because she also made fun of me to my face like three different times for it. She thought I was "trying to practice wearing the BM color" which she thought was so lame and hilarious.

But her shitty attitude is probably why the bride has since cut her out of her life, so.... 

Do I just not speak Mean Girl? I genuinely don't understand how a person's brain could go from "BM is wearing the same color tonight that she'll wear tomorrow at the wedding" to "WHAT A LOSER OMG ARE YOU TRYING TO 'PRACTICE' OR SOMETHING LOLOLOLOL."

At most, I might say something like, "So you really like our color, huh?" But I would only mention it to a friend, laughingly, because it's a cute coincidence. 

Tl;dr, bitches be cray.

-------makeshift box---------------------------------------------

Yeah if I remember correctly, I wasn't even offended that she kept making fun of me cuz I was too busy being confused as to why she even cared. 

FiancB

Eh I get the sentiment. My sister and her daughter were two of my bridesmaids.  My sister picked out these really hideous matching scarves for them to wear, and at the last minute asked if I thought she should wear them or not. I casually said "oh, off, I guess" *internal sigh of relief*

I wouldn't have said anything or complained about it later otherwise.  And no hate of the color or whatever, it just looked really weird. This is also the same sister that had her little boy in the weird 90s boy band poncho thing, so... (which I also did not say anything about, but H and I still chuckle about it a little).