Changing your appearance for your SO?

wandajune6

I'm with the PPs on this.

I won't change my appearance to please DH. However, I will make little tweaks for him. For instance, I know that DH hates that I wear black for most dressy occasions. To him (and his entire family, it seems), black is only for funerals. So now I wear colorful dresses for his family events. I don't feel quite as natural but he loves it so I suck it up. I wear my black for my family.

I have a denim dress that I adore. DH believes that denim should be reserved strictly for jeans. I still wear the dress, I just won't wear it on a date night.

DH is the same way. I don't mind that he frequently grows a beardmustache combo but he knows that it bugs me when he doesn't keep it tidy (he never trims the mustache so it sticks out oddly). If we're going out or meeting people, he trims it up for me. Working from home is his excuse for being sloppy more often than not.

I pretty much always have shades of red or pink on my toes because I know he loves it.

flbride2015

SmileDamnit said:

People can (and should) have personal opinions on what they find aesthetically pleasing and I've got no problem with them, my DH included, sharing them. 

"I really like that dress" or "your hair looks great today" or even "those aren't my favorite shoes". 

When I would have a problem is when someone attempts to switch from opinion sharing to directive giving.

"Wear that dress tonight" or "You need to keep your hair short" or "never wear those shoes again".

Yup. There's a cetain hairstyle on my fiance I find super attractive. He disagrees. I still love him, but I have to admit, the one time he humored me I thought he looked super sexy. And I told him so.

Do I wish he'd style his hair that way more often for me? Sure, but doesn't mean I love him any less or don't find him attractive as he is.

FiancB

Eh. I don't think it's a terrible thing to take into consideration. H likes my hair down so that's how I have it when we go out.  H doesn't like arm tattoos so he's asked me not to get one- plenty of space on other parts of my body, so nbd. 

We had a night when H painstakingly admitted that he hated a favorite dress of mine. I admitted I hated one of his favorite shirts. We laugh about it and still wear them, though maybe not quite as much. 

Now, demanding any of these things or demanding that I lose weight or get plastic surgery, that's a whole different story. 

novella1186

I honestly get annoyed sometimes because FI has such a spot-on opinion that I genuinely want him to critique me in some cases, but he won't.  And since he does web design and he's super creative, he has a keen eye for color and detail and whatnot.

So I'll ask, "Did I look better with blonde [or lighter or whatever] hair, or should I keep it dark?" And he does the whole "You look beautiful no matter what" routine. And I say, "But what's a better color for my skin tone and stuff?" And he says, "You look good with every hair color."

Ugh no I don't! Just pick one cuz I'm indecisive and I want a real opinion! And my friends are usually split down the middle. Whatever. I guess I'll just ask you ladies next time I'm having a color crisis lol. At least I know you'll be honest

minttobemrsb

No way would I change anything for someone else. I agree with taking things into consideration. I usually wear my hair down and curly. He always mentions how much he likes it on the days it has a little more volume and curl, so if we are going out, I don't mind to add some mousse. 

Or if I'm trying to decide what to wear I'll hold up a few things and make him pick. Then I wear that. I've started to learn his favorites and least favorites. FI is colorblind though, so sometimes he picks things that don't match. Haha. Bless his heart... 

Kahlyla

Nope. I don't think my husband has ever expressed anything other than adoration for whatever I've chosen to do, lol. He does get excited when I talk about adding hot pink highlights or doing a short chop because he knows it makes me excited and that I would probably always do funky things to my hair if I could only be arsed. But that's kind of the same thing as him getting excited when I paint or play music because it's something I'm doing for me.

Now my ex? Sweet merciful balls. He preferred long hair, he preferred tall women (I heard the word "Amazon" come out of that boy's mouth on several occasions), he preferred big breasts, he liked red hair... I shouldn't have even known those things! Oh and the first month we were dating, he said, "You know, if you were by any chance thinking about getting a tongue stud..." What the fuck was I thinking?

LadyMillil

wandajune6 said:

I'm with the PPs on this.

I won't change my appearance to please DH. However, I will make little tweaks for him. For instance, I know that DH hates that I wear black for most dressy occasions. To him (and his entire family, it seems), black is only for funerals. So now I wear colorful dresses for his family events. I don't feel quite as natural but he loves it so I suck it up. I wear my black for my family.

I have a denim dress that I adore. DH believes that denim should be reserved strictly for jeans. I still wear the dress, I just won't wear it on a date night.

DH is the same way. I don't mind that he frequently grows a beardmustache combo but he knows that it bugs me when he doesn't keep it tidy (he never trims the mustache so it sticks out oddly). If we're going out or meeting people, he trims it up for me. Working from home is his excuse for being sloppy more often than not.

I pretty much always have shades of red or pink on my toes because I know he loves it.

I do this too. DH hates that I wear so much neutral clothing so I try to add in colour. He also likes it when I do fancy updos, so when we are going somewhere special I'll style my hair. He does the same kind of things for me, like being clean shaven or keeping his beard neat. 

julieanne912

I think probably the only thing I don't do because of FI is cut my hair.  He really likes it long.  I don't mind it either, although sometimes I'd like to cut it because it's a pain to deal with sometimes.  But I think if I did that I'd regret it.  I also had darker hair when we met because I had a dirt cheap hairstylist where I used to live ($40 for cut and color anybody?)  It's at least double that here so I quit coloring it.  He's mentioned that it looks nice darker (and I agree) but he doesn't really care.  

If I wear an outfit that he compliments me on, I try to wear it more often too.  

VulgarGirl

My wife and I give each other input on our looks. She looks super bangable in pencil skirts. She loves when I show off my legs. We ask each other if a hairstyle or make up work or don't work. Cause ya know, that'd what you do with someone whose opinion you trust.

But no. She gets no say in my personal style and I get no say in her personal style.

doeydo

Not for me.  

larrygaga

There is a big difference between 

SO: I love the way X looks on you

Then you do X more

and

SO: I want you to only ever wear your X like Y.

Then you wear X like Y

I respect what attracts him, which is usually just natural me. He respects my need to express myself and that doesn't always include sexy things that he likes. We try to strike a good balance between the two, on both sides.

lovesclimbing

I agree with most everyone else.  I know certain things he likes and I do tend to try to buy clothes that he likes, although I still buy striped shirts even though he does not like stripes.  People have preferences for things they like and there's nothing wrong with that. I like the way his eyes light up and the way he looks at me and the way he gives more comments and can't keep his eyes off me in certain things, so I tend to try to wear more clothes like that because I like that.

He would prefer if I wore lighter makeup, but I like my makeup how I do it and really, I don't think anybody expect him considers it heavy.  But he was raised in a family where his mom and sisters never wore makeup and they still don't.

He also prefers if I have longer hair, but I like to keep it around my shoulders. 

So I respect that he prefers some things, and he does the same, but some things I'm not going to change that I do.

I also would never change my physical appearance for anyone. Wearing clothes someone likes once in awhile even though you may not be as keen on it is not a big deal.  You can change in or out of them whenever.  Getting any sort of plastic surgery, dying my hair, getting a tattoo, getting something pierced (I had a co-worker who got her nipples pierced because her boyfriend wanted it.  Fortunately she's not with him anymore and she stopped doing things like that for guys).  Anything like that I would never do for anyone.

flutteringinfl

NOOOOOPE. My ex thought my boobs weren't big enough and tried to convince me to get implants. That is one of the reasons we are no longer together.

I don't have a problem with my FI telling me, "I like it when you wear your hair down," or, "You look really nice in that color," because he's not pressuring me to change my appearance. I don't choose my outfits or styles based on what I think he would like.

MadHops21

FI likes my hair down because he thinks it relieves my headaches I get often. And I think he just likes it down. But when I ask what color to dye my hair next, he says I shouldn't anymore because I'm hurting it. He's too sweet sometimes. 

princessgracekelly

FI doesn't like me in clothes he thinks I'm uncomfortable in, so that rules out heels and constricting stuff, which makes me breathe a sigh of relief because my exes lived for that stuff. This flip side is that he tries to convince me that certain clothes of mine he doesn't like are "uncomfortable," like this awesome pair of Simba leggings that I wear around the house. Seriously, dude? They're leggings. Tough titties, I'm wearing them.

He is also the rare breed of dude that knows that makeup and hair color are forms of self-expression and doesn't try to encourage me to be "natural" all the time. He genuinely thought it was so cool when one of my bridesmaids dyed her hair emerald green, and then even more cool when she dyed it orange, his favorite color. I can't do that because office job and stuff, but this attitude is refreshing.

pinkcow13

I think probably the only thing I don't do because of FI is cut my hair.  He really likes it long.  I don't mind it either, although sometimes I'd like to cut it because it's a pain to deal with sometimes.  But I think if I did that I'd regret it.  I also had darker hair when we met because I had a dirt cheap hairstylist where I used to live ($40 for cut and color anybody?)  It's at least double that here so I quit coloring it.  He's mentioned that it looks nice darker (and I agree) but he doesn't really care.  

If I wear an outfit that he compliments me on, I try to wear it more often too.  

This is me! FI loves my hair long and dark, which is fine because my hair is naturally dark, and I love it long myself. But he doesn't tell me that my hair looks "better" long or straight, or dark. I take it into consideration, but when I'm ready for a change, I make it, and FI doesn't complain. In fact, he does love it. When I went blonde at one point he loved the look. And I know he likes that I switch between  straight hair to wild curls.

I am actually planning on cutting off my hair after the wedding, but I'm kinda scared to because chances are I will regret it. I've always hated cutting my hair but my hair is getting to be a pain to handle, and I want a new look.

I would never change my appearance, though, if someone wanted me to. If you need me to change my appearance, then you don't need to be with me.

sophhabobopha

Fi prefers me with my natural hair color, but he knows having it pink makes me happy, so he likes it. I dress/look the way I do for myself, not anybody else.

beethery

I found something on tumblr about a million years ago, and I'm going to paraphrase it because I don't remember what it was verbatim:

The day I dress for someone else is the day my ass is in a coffin gettin' ready to meet Jesus.

All of y'all know I am not so much into Jesus but that usually gets the message across. My appearance is not made to please anybody but me.

ashley8918

Absolutely not fucking ever.

themuffinman16

I feel like my appearance, like my hair or my makeup are my business. H prefers my hair straight, but I rocked beach waves, because it is the only different way I could style my hair (limp dick hair), and I wanted to switch it up.

   My older sister got breast implants, initially,  because she wanted them. Then she met and, later, married her H, who told her they weren't big enough.  She went up from a C cup, to a D cup, then to a DD.  He, now, wants her to get E cups.

  Hell to the no! 

 Her husband, also, likes blondes. While she is blonde, she isn't "blonde enough."  She has to dye her hair platinum blonde, and he does it for her, because she has to lie to everyone and tell them that her hair is naturally that color. I grew up with you all of my life, I am pretty sure you never were part canary and this yellow/white hair is not yours.  I think it makes her feel like she is this person if she lies to everyone and tells them she does not dye her hair, and it's natural. Then, she doesn't have to see the signs on the wall that she is married to a controlling cocklord.