what's wrong with a honeymoon registry?

[Deleted User]

Didn't we have a knottie a while back say that she was so stressed to 'Get Everything Done' on her honeymoon that all her friends and family paid for that she barely enjoyed her honeymoon?  She was always rushing around to the next dinner or excursion because they were gifted and she didn't feel like she could just spend the day at the swim-up bar getting drunk because Aunt Mabel paid for her and her new hubby to go ziplining and she still needed to fit in a waterside candlelit dinner for two.

thisismynickname2

ink365 please don't be offended. Stick around, get to know people on these boards. You're doing the right thing by collecting information in advance and learning to avoid something, rather than doing something and suffering the backlash. 

This is just a hot topic because it's literally been addressed on multiple boards and even stickies, and been explained six ways from Sunday. 

lovegood90

ink365 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

ink365 said:

mikenberger said:

ink365 said:

lolo883 said:

Sorry to come off as defensive. I was not prepared for backlash when I posted. First time and all...

No it's not. You've posted before..

I meant on this particular board. First time asking a legit question, wasn't counting my one other ooey-gooey OMG we bought a ring post on the NEY board.

I was not expecting such a harsh response on the manners board. Oh the irony...

Who was harsh? Just because we didn't tell you what you wanted to hear? I know it's hard to believe, but you're not the first one to live with your BF before getting engaged, and you're not the first one to ask this question.

ink365

lovegood90 said:

ink365 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

ink365 said:

mikenberger said:

ink365 said:

lolo883 said:

Sorry to come off as defensive. I was not prepared for backlash when I posted. First time and all...

No it's not. You've posted before..

I meant on this particular board. First time asking a legit question, wasn't counting my one other ooey-gooey OMG we bought a ring post on the NEY board.

I was not expecting such a harsh response on the manners board. Oh the irony...

Who was harsh? Just because we didn't tell you what you wanted to hear? I know it's hard to believe, but you're not the first one to live with your BF before getting engaged, and you're not the first one to ask this question.

I do not object to what was said. I object to how it was said. I am not living under a rock. I realize it is common place nowadays to live with someone before you marry them.

Some posters gave genuinely helpful advice, and managed to do it in a way that was not condescending or judgemental. Thank you guys for that.

I understand that I should have looked around more thoroughly before posting this question. Chalk that up to a Newby mistake. It won't happen again.

VulgarGirl

lovegood90 said:

ink365 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

ink365 said:

mikenberger said:

ink365 said:

lolo883 said:

Sorry to come off as defensive. I was not prepared for backlash when I posted. First time and all...

No it's not. You've posted before..

I meant on this particular board. First time asking a legit question, wasn't counting my one other ooey-gooey OMG we bought a ring post on the NEY board.

I was not expecting such a harsh response on the manners board. Oh the irony...

Who was harsh? Just because we didn't tell you what you wanted to hear? I know it's hard to believe, but you're not the first one to live with your BF before getting engaged, and you're not the first one to ask this question.

I was a fucking sarcastic as shit bitch. I can own that. OP can't figure out how to ovary up and call me out on it but whatever. Check the new sig gif out. I don't pat grown ups on the head and talk softly to them to keep their feels intact. You grown, you can handle some sarcasm. And if you ain't grown, you don't need to be getting married. 

southernbelle0915

ink365 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

ink365 said:

mikenberger said:

ink365 said:

lolo883 said:

Sorry to come off as defensive. I was not prepared for backlash when I posted. First time and all...

No it's not. You've posted before..

I meant on this particular board. First time asking a legit question, wasn't counting my one other ooey-gooey OMG we bought a ring post on the NEY board.

I was not expecting such a harsh response on the manners board. Oh the irony...

I wasn't rude to you at all. Not even remotely.

But your irony comment about my post being rude on the etiquette board (when it's not), IS rude. 

southernbelle0915

You don't need a honeymoon or a cruise excursion to swim with dolphins any more than you need a new blender or bath towels. Asking for these things is flat out insulting to people who've never taken a lavish vacation and really just want to help get your new life off to a good start. Especially when you use the guise of "but I just absolutely don't need any more household goods!" to tell your great Aunt Myrtle that she can take her monogrammed tea cozies and shove them. Don't need that stuff? Super; don't register. Let people contribute as they choose to.

Really want to go on a vacation you can't afford? Put it on a credit card and hope to pay it back with cash gifts, but don't come crying here when you didn't get enough money to do so.

But what you do need is a ring that's up to your standards of prettiness.

No, what she NEEDS is an unrelated comment calling out people from a thread on another board.

ink365

southernbelle0915 said:

ink365 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

ink365 said:

mikenberger said:

ink365 said:

lolo883 said:

Sorry to come off as defensive. I was not prepared for backlash when I posted. First time and all...

No it's not. You've posted before..

I meant on this particular board. First time asking a legit question, wasn't counting my one other ooey-gooey OMG we bought a ring post on the NEY board.

I was not expecting such a harsh response on the manners board. Oh the irony...

I wasn't rude to you at all. Not even remotely.

But your irony comment about my post being rude on the etiquette board (when it's not), IS rude. 

I did not mean you specifically l. Sorry if that wasn't clear.

drunkenwitch

ink365 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

ink365 said:

mikenberger said:

ink365 said:

lolo883 said:

Sorry to come off as defensive. I was not prepared for backlash when I posted. First time and all...

No it's not. You've posted before..

I meant on this particular board. First time asking a legit question, wasn't counting my one other ooey-gooey OMG we bought a ring post on the NEY board.

I was not expecting such a harsh response on the manners board. Oh the irony...

ashley8918

southernbelle0915 said:

You don't need a honeymoon or a cruise excursion to swim with dolphins any more than you need a new blender or bath towels. Asking for these things is flat out insulting to people who've never taken a lavish vacation and really just want to help get your new life off to a good start. Especially when you use the guise of "but I just absolutely don't need any more household goods!" to tell your great Aunt Myrtle that she can take her monogrammed tea cozies and shove them. Don't need that stuff? Super; don't register. Let people contribute as they choose to.

Really want to go on a vacation you can't afford? Put it on a credit card and hope to pay it back with cash gifts, but don't come crying here when you didn't get enough money to do so.

But what you do need is a ring that's up to your standards of prettiness.

No, what she NEEDS is an unrelated comment calling out people from a thread on another board.

Lol, ain't no calling out going on, sugar.

I hope you have this volatile a reaction next time someone mentions check cashing places or legitimate proposals.

NO JOKING ALLOWED. THE INTERNET IS SRS BSNS.

VulgarGirl

ink365 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

ink365 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

ink365 said:

mikenberger said:

ink365 said:

lolo883 said:

Sorry to come off as defensive. I was not prepared for backlash when I posted. First time and all...

No it's not. You've posted before..

I meant on this particular board. First time asking a legit question, wasn't counting my one other ooey-gooey OMG we bought a ring post on the NEY board.

I was not expecting such a harsh response on the manners board. Oh the irony...

I wasn't rude to you at all. Not even remotely.

But your irony comment about my post being rude on the etiquette board (when it's not), IS rude. 

I did not mean you specifically l. Sorry if that wasn't clear.

Baby girl. You gonna throw shade ya name names. Stop pussy footing around. Not this vague, no not you, or you, or you, but SOME people, bullshit. 

Fuck either own it and call people out or keep your mouth shut.

artbyallie

ink365 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

ink365 said:

mikenberger said:

ink365 said:

lolo883 said:

Sorry to come off as defensive. I was not prepared for backlash when I posted. First time and all...

No it's not. You've posted before..

I meant on this particular board. First time asking a legit question, wasn't counting my one other ooey-gooey OMG we bought a ring post on the NEY board.

I was not expecting such a harsh response on the manners board. Oh the irony...

For the record (though it has already been said many times), asking people to give you money for your vacation shows very poor manners.

TrixieJess

Let me just leave this anecdote: a friend of mine recently got married. We received our invitation and on the back is "Only your Presence is required, but if you would like to get us a present, contribute to our Honeyfund". I was not impressed and really took a hard look at not going to the wedding. 

Keep in mind that I normally give money to my friends for their wedding gifts (it's easier than lugging a gift). 

It's distasteful and leaves a bad taste in people's mouths. People will talk and think you are cheap. We heard some interesting things from all of our friends regarding this wedding and the several breaches of etiquette that she had, Honeyfund at the top of the list. 

Maggie0829

OP, would you typically ask you friends and family to fund any other vacation you go on?  If not, then why is your HM any different?

[Deleted User]

aurianna

Just a note on cruise excursions:

While some you do need to book ahead of time, at least on Royal Caribbean, a lot of excursions you can book from the TV in your stateroom or at the front desk on the boat.

If you were you book a cruise, book the excursions you can afford ahead of time, and after the money rolls in from the wedding, once you get on the boat, you can use it for additional excursions that are still available, cruise photo packages, drinks (or drink packages), cruise wifi, souvenirs, etc etc etc. You can totally use wedding gift money for the honeymoon, even if guests didn't fund a specific excursion beforehand.


ETA:
The last cruise I went on, we had all the excursions pre-booked, but we had extra Christmas money so we ended up buying a photo package and I got a pina colada with dinner every night.
Also, when we hit Cozumel, since none of the excursions floated our boat, we took a cab to Mr. Sanchos and hung out on their beach. So wedding present money could also fund something like that.

It's also always good for tips.


Way better to not register for anything, then people just give you money, all of which you get to keep and do whatever you want with.

ink365

Maggie0829 said:

OP, would you typically ask you friends and family to fund any other vacation you go on?  If not, then why is your HM any different?

No. But I have both given and received "experiences" as gifts, i.e. spa treatments, kyaking outing, etc. I was working under the impression that the honeymoon registry would go towards little extras like that. I did not expect it to cover the whole vacation. I'm really not trying to argue here, just trying to clarify my reason for asking.

pinkrevenge said:

OP, I don't know where your head was at. You knew enough to find multiple threads about honeymoon funds, but you either didn't read them at all because ... I don't know, or you thought "That doesn't apply to me!"

And why wouldn't it? Because you have stuff? Okay.....

The couple of mentions I saw just said it was tacky. I was looking for more details as to why. Obviously I did not do enough digging on my own. We've covered that in about 6 other posts. Can we please move on?

There is nothing wrong with getting outright cash, but for the people who prefer something a little more personal, I thought it was an interesting alternative to the traditinal registry. I honestly thought if someone buys you a bottle of wine for dinner that's what their money went toward. End of story. Clearly I was wrong.

lolo883 said:

Asking for these things is flat out insulting to people who've never taken a lavish vacation and really just want to help get your new life off to a good start.

This is probably the best explanation I got about why these things are considered rude. Thank you to the others for explaining that they are also misleading and kind of a rip off.

I was vaguely aware that it is customary for people to give gifts at weddings, and that it is customary for the bride and groom to register so they can give their guests an idea of what they need/want. As I said in my OP, I'm just trying to figure out what the rules are before I have to try to put anything into action.

For the record, a honeymoon registry is not something I think I will use afterall. Thank you all for the good advice.

Maggie0829

ink365 said:

Maggie0829 said:

OP, would you typically ask you friends and family to fund any other vacation you go on?  If not, then why is your HM any different?

No. But I have both given and received "experiences" as gifts, i.e. spa treatments, kyaking outing, etc. I was working under the impression that the honeymoon registry would go towards little extras like that. I did not expect it to cover the whole vacation. I'm really not trying to argue here, just trying to clarify my reason for asking.

But I am guessing you didn't make a registry to ask for those experiences did you?  Someone just voluntarily thought "oh it would be nice to gift this to ink."  Which is exactly what will happen for your HM.  If someone wants to gift you an experience they can do so without you saying "hey I want to scuba dive with sea turtles so please "buy" this from a third party website so that they can mail me a check, minus their fee."

And before you say "then why are their traditional registries?"  Those are really to show those invited to a shower or a wedding what your color scheme or styles are for your home.  In no way do people need to buy the gifts off those registries but to just use them as a guiding point.  And yes, you could say the same about the HM registry, but there is a big difference.  A HM registry is you asking for cash and when someone purchases an excursion you aren't actually getting that excursion, instead you get a check.  While if someone buys you that aqua stand mixer you actually get the aqua stand mixer.